Monthly Archives: May 2013

The Book of Sinai Entry #3

Dear Book of Me,

Today I sat on Soigné. Then I sat on Soigné. After that, I sat on Soigné. I sat on her for a very long period of time. Then she sat on me! Just kidding, I sat on her. Ha ha. While I was sitting on Soigné, I ate my food. It was very good, but not as good as sitting on Soigné. I find it to be very enjoyable and relaxing to sit on Soigné. Do you know what is also very fun to do? Sitting on my sister. It is soothing and relaxes me after a long day of sitting on Soigné.

Yours sitting on Soigné,
SINAI THE GREAT, DIVINE RULER OF EVERYTHING (WHICH INCLUDES SITTING ON SOIGNÉ)

image

I also sat on this lamp. Sitting on Soigné was funner, though.

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A Very Brief Quiz With Answers That Shall Be Passed Along to You On Saturday

This is a very brief quiz. Do not doubt my judgement, as it is indeed very brief. It is but one question long, which means that it is not at all time-consuming. I ask you, is that brief? I believe it is, but I am not you. However, if that seems like an exceptionally long quiz, then I am puzzled. What would be a short test? Half a question? A quarter of a question? I am unsure. If you do take the perhaps 2 seconds to complete this itty-bitty examination and submit your answer in the comments section below (a, b, c, or d) you will win absolutely nothing. I know, it is not a very good prize. (You can still feel good when you see if you are right on Saturday and discover that you are. Maybe you could purchase for yourself a lovely little sticker or a lollipop.) Despite a tempting award being offered on our part, you should still do this because it makes you look wonderfully diverse on a résumé and end up getting you great jobs for your entire existence. (Not guaranteed.) And who would not desire a well paying job like those that you would get because all possible employers like to know that their future employees take very brief quizzes. It is a smiled-upon thing to take tiny tests. All the bosses I have had (Sinai, Sinai,and a lady named Sinai) loved that I had a bitty quiz on my résumé. Yes, it is not really somewhere you worked, but you do work hard on all exams, and this is no exception. No one will question you anyways, as employees who do one question quizzes are very sought after. They tend to get very good paying jobs.If you are wondering where the single inquiry of this entire very brief quiz is, do not fret. It will most certainly appear soon enough. In fact, I do believe that it is immediately below this very sentence.

Did you actually read that?
    a. No
    b. Not at all
    c. No I did not
    d. All of the above

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A Story in Limericks

There once was a rat named Soigné
She was born the month before May
She was Sinai’s sister,
But nobody missed her
When she got lost in the forest astray.

One day someone noticed (Sinai)
When she didn’t see her, she said, “My!
“My sister’s not here–
“She was always a bit queer…
“…I think I’ll just leave her behind.”

Soigné was sitting in the forest
Suddenly she saw a huge sparkly horse
It had one horn
(It was a unicorn)
She lost her voice, so she said in Morse:

“Oh Please, great equine
“Would you be so kind
“As to carry me away
“I promise I’ll pay–
“Here, take some fur of mine*”

The unicorn looked at her and said,
“I’d really rather be dead
“Than touch this fur
“That makes me think ‘brrr’
“Also why are you tapping with that lead?”

Soigné tried to explain,
But the unicorn had made it plain
When he galloped into the sky
Screaming “I LOVE SINAI!”
That he didn’t care where she remained.

* pretend it’s in Morse Code

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Why Negev Hates Penguins (Video)

Negev wants to make ice cream, but obviously the penguins are out to get him. [unfinished]

Cast

Anna as All the Voices

King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe as Negev

Mojave the Annoying as Annoying Servant Named Mojave

Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything as Happy Sun, Sad Sun, Really Sad Sun

Soigné the Blight on All Humanity as The Ugly Rat On the Wall

Some Random Guy We Pulled Off the Street as Penguin

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The Sinai Theme Song

The Sinai Theme Song

to the theme of “I Love You” by Barney and Friends

I love me,

You love me,

Everybody loves me

So now kiss me on the snout, or you are gonna die!

Just kidding; my name’s Sinai.

sinai-and-friends

Sinai does not in any way own Barney and Friends. She also does not own the “I Love You” song. It just so happens that her theme song ended up with the same melody, and she didn’t want to be sued for copyright infringement. You can stop reading here. Bye.
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Join $-MUNNY F!tne$$ TODAY!

DO YOU WANNA GET FIT?

If you wanna get fit, then you would really benefit from joining $-MUNNY F!tne$$ today!

$-MUNNY F!tne$$ is a gym club that you join that is run by everybody’s favorite rat, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, aka Sinai the Great, aka Sinai Blight, aka Sinai. By taking advantage of this amazing opportunity, not only will you waste tons of money on getting a “healthy” body (everyone knows that overweight is the way to go), but you also will be able to spend some quality time interacting with Sinai, if, by “interacting”, you mean watching an old video of her yelling rubbish into your ears for two full hours. Don’t worry, everyone who has gone through $-MUNNY F!tne$$ has had some really positive thoughts about it.

“I thought $-MUNNY F!tne$$ was going to suck from the description that was written in the brochure. But, me being a daredevil, I decided to try it. And you’d never believe it, but the so-called old video was in HD with surround sound audio! I was so stunned that I completely neglected to even do my workout, and you know what? I don’t even have a healthy body now! You really should join $-MUNNY F!tne$$. It is really nothing at all like what it sounds like on paper.”

Franny Bigfannie

If you are, for some strange reason, considering joining, you might want to see what the participants do. Here are a few pictures of what you will be doing for two full hours while watching Sinai’s fitness video. If you do not like climbing cage bars, stretching, or stretching, it is not recommended to view the following pictures.


Sinai stretches

This is part of the educational video Sinai the Great has provided for $-MUNNY F!tne$$ members to watch. You, too, will learn how to climb cage bars while showing off your amazingly attractive little black spot. (Not recommended for rats who do not have little black spots or who are self conscious about their tummies.)

065

Soigné Blight, also known as Sinai the Great’s unruly sister, tries out some stretching poses while a cardboard cut out of the one and only Sinai the Great stands in the background giving her some encouraging default phrases. Soigné later said that instead of being stiff, her arm now aches like crazy, but it definitely is a lot more flexible.

Olivia 023

Olivia the Cat also tries out some stretching poses. While doing so, she grooms the base of her tail, which is now very sanitized and hygienic. She is thankful to $-MUNNY F!tne$$ for providing her the opportunity to clean her tail and other appendages.


Now that you have seen the types of activities that members of $-MUNNY F!tne$$ do while participating, you are most likely better informed, and as you are better informed, you will probably be able to make a wiser decision. So now would you kindly please answer the quick and easy poll below? You must choose on of the provided answers. If you are torn between two, pick the one that comes earlier in the alphabet. If you are torn between two that come at the same time in the alphabet, you probably need to see a doctor because that means that you can’t decide between one answer and the same answer. And that’s a problem.

Now that you have made an informed decision, you may either continue (if you chose “yes”, “yeah”, “uh-huh”, “ya”, “sure”, “ok”, “k”, “yea”, “yay”, “okay”, “why not”, or “yup”) or not continue (if you did not do the poll, which means you actually should go back and do it) to sign up for $-MUNNY F!tne$$. Even though it is very expensive, you should still do it because Sinai has a soothing voice, and signing up will allow you to listen to her very soothing voice for two straight hours. And who wouldn’t want to listen to such a soothing voice for such a long period of time?

TO SIGN UP FOR $-MUNNY F!tne$$ CALL (123) LUV SISI RIGHT NOW!

The first nine callers get a .01% discount on their total price for membership, plus they get a free sticker at their first $-MUNNY F!tne$$ meeting.

COSTS ONLY $999.99 A MONTH FOR MEMBERSHIP! JOIN NOW! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT LATER!

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