A Sinai Tale #7: The Adventures of Ianis (Who Is Totally Not Sinai Pretending to Be Another Rat So That She Looks More Popular With Others and Is 100% Real)

Once upon a time, there was a cute and friendly rat named Ianis Th’glib. Ianis was a very unique rat with a very happy personality, and yet, no one actually believed her when she said that she was her own individual self (which she prided herself on being). When she said that she was not the equally cute and friendly Divine Ruler of Everything, Sinai, pretending to be another rat just so she could look more popular, everyone rolled their eyes. “Yeah right,” they said, “You’re not Sinai if we aren’t rolling our beady accusing eyes that can’t process the fact that you might actually be your own individual self.” Ianis tried to tell them the truth, but they just brought up fake evidence that proved that she was Sinai. “Your name backwards is Sinai,” said the dimwitted and unbelieving rats after raiding her house for all proof that Ianis was a fake rat. “And your birthday is 9/5/2012, while Sinai’s is 5/9/2012. That is a really big coincidence.” Then they went on to make up a ton of untrue things that just made even more rats fall under the belief that Ianis was not real.

Ianis was very sad because of this. She could no longer go to the grocery store and buy yummy rat treats without some rat telling her to just give it up and go back to ruling the country. “But I’ve never even been in Sinai’s amazingly luxurious palace!” she would exclaim only to have even more beady and unbelieving eyes rolled at her.

After a while, it was just too much for the poor rat to take. She did not blame Sinai because it was not Sinai’s fault that everyone thought that Ianis was her. She also did not blame herself because she knew that she was born the way she was, and she didn’t want to pretend to be another rat to escape the scrutiny of the public eye (especially since everyone already thought that she was pretending to be herself). So, naturally, the last choice was to go on an epic quest to prove her individuality. Ianis decided that if she went to the very large and far away Mountains of Truth (anyone who went there was stripped of all the lies that surrounded them) and made a video diary of her journey (which she would post online), then everyone would believe her when she said that she wasn’t Sinai.

Immediately, Ianis prepared for her long and arduous journey to the very distant Mountains of Truth. “I must pack some food, some clothing, and most importantly, my camcorder so that I can record my video diary,” muttered the rat as she stuffed a backpack with all that she would need for her voyage. After she finished, she discovered that it was way too heavy for her to carry all the way to the mystical Mountains of Truth (which were a full miles away from her house), so she took out most of the food. (She kept all of her candy, though.) It was still too weighty (it didn’t help that her camcorder weighed ten pounds), so she dumped her changes of underwear and extra shirts. After she took out everything from her backpack except for her camcorder, candy, and bathing suit, it was finally light enough to carry all the way to the mountains. Wanting to get moving right away, Ianis locked the door of her house (she had also taken her house key) and embarked on the long and tiring trek to her destination.

After munching candy bars for ten minutes, Ianis noticed that she was dangerously low on food. “Hm, I wonder how that happened,” she wondered. Since she didn’t want to starve, she surveyed her surroundings and discovered that she was right by a bucket of free fruit. Happy to find this amazing discovery, Ianis loaded up her entire backpack with oranges, apples, and a couple pears as well. She did not really like fruit, but she couldn’t turn down this offer. It almost seemed as Fate herself wanted Ianis to survive her journey of truth.

Ianis marched on for another mile when she discovered that she was near a kind farmer’s fields. She was very tired from walking an entire mile that day, so she knocked on the farmer’s door.

It took the farmer a little while to reach the door, but he finally opened it. “Hello?” he said as he opened it. “Who are you?”

Ianis took a deep breath and introduced herself. She knew that if she said something wrong, she might have to sleep outside in the somewhat uncomfortable grass. “I am a poor traveler,” she said. “I have traveled a full one mile from hom home. Will you let me stay the night?”

The farmer stared at the weary rat with disbelief. “Are you kidding me? One ***** mile?! When I was your age, I walked a full ten miles to school each day and ten miles back! What a wimp! I also don’t know your name. The only circumstance in which I would let a rat like you stay under my roof would be if you paid me $500.”

Ianis pondered this. She knew she did not have $500 on her, but she did have her checkbook. Also, she was pretty sure the farmer would accept credit. However, she was unsure if she really wanted to dish up that much money for one night of comfort. It didn’t seem very explorer-like, and when she published her video diary, she wanted rats to focus on the truth of individuality, and not the fact that she paid $500 for a room on the first night of her journey. It did seem to make her seem kind of wimpy. Even if she did show the world that she was Ianis and only Ianis, she knew there was a chance that she would be called weak and picked on if she chose to stay at the not-so-kind farmer’s place. After thinking for a while, she decided to decline the farmer’s offer. It was too late, however. The farmer had already shut the door on Ianis hours ago.

With a sigh, Ianis continued into the night, seeking a place to sleep. She didn’t want to sleep anywhere muddy, but she also didn’t want to sleep on any dry and crinkly grass. She finally found the perfect patch of grass, but by that point, it was noon the next day. It seemed kind of ridiculous to stop for a rest now when she was already halfway through the second day, so she marched onward. She was kind of tired, and her eyelids kept on drooping over, but she didn’t stop until the sun set that evening. With a yawn, the tired rodent fell over and was asleep before she hit the lush grass that she had stopped on. (Before she went to bed, she did record Day 2 of her video diary.)

The next morning, Ianis woke up refreshed and started off. She had already traveled two and a half miles, so she knew that she only had half of her journey to the Mountains of Truth left. Even though she had eaten all of her food except for two pears, she felt that she would be well off to reach the mountains in two to three days. Then she would only have to make the return journey and post her video diary online so everyone could see how much of an individual she was and apologize to her for accusing her of being Sinai (not like Ianis didn’t like Sinai).

With the thought of all the cruel and unbelieving rats finally apologizing to her, Ianis confidently marched forward to the distant mountains. She finally reached the entrance to the mountains on Day 4 (ahead of time by one day). Ianis knew that walking forward would be a very big move that could show the world the truth. Taking a deep breath, she started up her camcorder and pressed “record”. Situating it on a tripod, Ianis waved at the camera and let all of her future viewers know what she was about to do. “I’m about to walk the Mountains of Truth,” she declared. “Now you will all see that I am truly my own rat and not another pretending to be me. The Mountains of Truth do not lie, as you know. I am going to stop talking now so you can watch it all unfold. By the end of this video, I know that you will have seen the truth of who I am– which is my own rat.” She then turned around and unlocked the gate that stopped rats who wanted to keep their lies floating around them from entering. Ianis slowly put one paw forward… then the other. She advanced slowly, knowing that the magical stripping of lies would occur within the next 250 feet.

After walking 500 feet, Ianis still felt nothing. She had passed the point of truth with nothing happening. This meant that she was wearing the truth now, and that she had always been. After standing where she was for a couple seconds, she returned to her camcorder and turned it off (but not without saying goodbye).  Packing it into her bag, Ianis started the return journey home, knowing that now everyone would believe her when she said that she was not Sinai.

Five days later, Ianis posted her video diary online. It got a million and two likes, and everyone apologized to her for saying that she was another rat. Finally, she was able to be just Ianis and not the rat that everyone thought was Sinai.

The End.

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Sometimes, I like to dream about talking to Sinai the Great, and I think that I'll never be able to do that. But then I remember that I can just comment on one of her many fantastic blog posts, and I immediately cheer up.