Monthly Archives: September 2013

The Cutest, Charmingest, Delightfulest, Beautifulest, Bestest, Sweetest, Funniest, Wittiest, Loveliest, Fascinatingest, Intelligentest, and Humblest Rat Ever!

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Look at this absolutely adorable little child of rat! She is so cute! Also, her name is Sinai, which means “The Bestest Rat.” (Look it up, it’s true. I’m not lying.) She is very beautiful, as you can clearly see (unless you are blind; in that case, I apologize for being politically incorrect), and she also smells good. (You will have to take my word for that.) Plus, she has a melodious voice that is soothing to the ear. Please ignore the strange white blur in the bottom left corner. I don’t know what happened. There must have been something wrong with the camera. However, I assure you, that is not Sinai’s ugly, disgusting, smelly, nasty, stinky, farting sister, Soigné, running away from her darling sister. Why would she ever do that? Sinai is a very kind and loving rat. She has never been mean or disrespectful to her sister, ever! Really! I she did not write this post, so anything about how “ugly, disgusting, smelly, nasty, stinky” Soigné is is not from her. Really. I am not kidding! Okay, now onto the situation of the white blur which really is not Soigné. I think it might be a ghost. Yeah, that’s probably it. It was training for Halloween. Of course, Soigné is so ugly that she scares little rat children everyday of the year, not just Halloween.

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A Sinai Tale #12: 299 WORD AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF SINAI

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In celebration of this being the 100th post tagged “Sinai,” Sinai has written a short 299 word autobiography so that you can know more about her. #sinai


Me was born on top of cloud which floated down to earth. Me was an adorable baby. Me was black and white with little black spot. However sadly, when me floated down to earth, me ugly sister known as Swanyay suddenly appeared on me cloud. She say, “Sinai, because you be such a darling angle* of a child, you must have me as you sister! It is the only way.” I try to push her off of cloud so she don’t bug me no more, but suddenly me mommy appear and tell me, with tears in her eyes, that it was decreed at me birth that me should have pain-in-the-tail sister to bring me down to earth. Ya, like I need that– me has giant floaty cloud! Anyhow, me accept that ugly Swanyay be my sister and no way to get rid of her. : ( Ya so after that, me reach earth with me ugly sister. Me arrived at huge golden palace, which was obviously meant to be owned by me. Me move in and me was even kind enough to give Swanyay her own room, which was in the room with the horses. Anyhow, week after me arrive, old cranky man come to palace and start yelling me for “trespassing”, wutever that is. Well, me arrested him, and he is still serving his time for insulting the divine ruler of the world. After me got over that incident, me continued to grow and blossom in my shiny castle. The only problems I had was when Swanyay didn’t clean my room, which happened very often actually. But then I threatened to arrest her, and now she always be cleaning me room on time. I continue to be good and kind, and now me is Divine ruler of Everything.

the End!

*Note: Me really was an angle when me was a baby. Me was an acute angle.

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MEOWMEOWILOVETHECAMERA MONDAY

Hey you funny looking hairless, flat-snouted, clawless, tall-legged, tailess creatures! It’s me, your favorite cat, Olivia. Today is MEOWMEOWILOVETHECAMERA MONDAY, so to match the occasion, I decided to share some photos of me loving the camera!

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I am so cute. Am I not? (Hint: Yes, I am very cute.)

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Hey look! It’s Olivia, the cutest cat ever! You love me, right? Wink wink. ; )

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Oh my dear holy feline in the skies! It is that extraordinarily adorable ginger feline again. How lovely she is. I will never get sick of looking at her.

007  I have beautiful eyes. Here, please look at them. Really. I don’t mind.

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Time to roll my head around on this electronic device because, duh, that’s what cute cats do!

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Stuff You Never Knew You Could Eat (And That Would Taste Good)!

Hi! Me name is Sinai! Me gonna tell you all about all this tastilicious stuff you never knew what you could eat! Yup. From this article, which I made my sister, Swanyay, type (because me has much better things to do with my time than type stuff, you know #yoso #youonlysinaionce) you will learn so much about tasty stuff that you can eat. Now, me is unsure about what nutrition all this stuff has, and also, me not exactly sure if all of this stuff isn’t poisonous, you know. (I kinda made me sister eat much of what I write about here, so me is unsure about side effects, okay?) Anyhow, you want to read this article. Okay go on.


WOOD

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Oh ya, wood is soooo good. It taste just like paper, only kind of less pulpy, if you know what me is talking about. Okey dokey, if you don’t understand, me will now explain to you: wood is made from paper! Isn’t that such an interesting fact? See, what them wood-makers do is that they take a lot of paper, put it all in a giant cauldron full of V8 (that is why trees, which are also made of paper, have leaves), and chant magic spells every day at 6 pm for a week. After that, the paper magically changes into wood.

CLAW POLISH

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Yeah, so me didn’t really eat this. I kinda forced my ugly and otherwise useless sister to eat this kindly gave my dear sister the option to eat the claw polish, which she took. Anyhow, she say, “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… this has… an interesting taste,” which obviously means that it tastes so delishy! Also, as a bonus, it turned her tongue hot pink for a week!

MONEY

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This tasted very good and papery, but me wouldn’t recommend eating it unless you can eat someone else’s money.

CROTCH HAIR

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Just kidding! Don’t eat this, small subordinate citizens.

FLOWERS

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So one day me got a tiny bit hungry after my lazy sister, Swanyay, was late getting me my food. I naturally did not want to starve, because, you know, that is a horrible fate! What I did to not have to face this tragic fate which I would never wish upon meself was I went to the window box and picked a couple flowers. Me not sure exactly what flowers I ate, but they was very good (except for the red one with the nasty prickly things on its long green petal). Later, I even fed Swanyay this weird thing I found in the window box, and I am pretty sure she very much enjoyed it because right after she ate it, she rushed to the bathroom, where she naturally wanted to watch herself chew the funny looking flower. In case you wondering, it was this stubby thing with beige long petal and for the top, it was red with white polka dotties.

NATIO??? GEO??????????

AKA: SOME MAGAZINE WITH A YELLOW BORDER THINGY

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Mojave is pictured here eating his din-din, which is some weird magazine called “Natio Geo.” Actually, I am sure there are more letters in the name, but me can’t tell because stupid Mojave is covering them up. THANKS A LOT, MOJAVE.

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

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Yeah, can you believe this? You can actually eat those weird things. Or at least my ugly sister, Soigné can. She says they taste good (me not sure if you can trust her, though). Also, they apparently are very healthy for you and can cause you to not be very robust like me, which, if me is thinking correctly, IS TERRIBLE! So actually, don’t eat fruits and vegetables. They make you skinny.

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Olivia Thinks About The World

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Olivia loves to sit on the floor and think about the world. She does it quite often, in fact. Usually, she contemplates about an hour or so a day, but occasionally, she will just spend an entire day thinking about bigger things, like why her owners never give her dinner on time.

Once upon a time, there was a very beautiful cat named Olivia who liked to think about the world. Sometimes, she thought about pollution, global warming, and politics, but mostly, she wondered why humans decided to name the place “Earth.” Olivia thought that that had to be one of the grossest sounding words she had ever heard (after dog, canine, and barking maniac, of course), and she had always been confused as to why all of the incredibly advanced humans who possessed the magical power of THUMZ chose that disgusting and repulsive sounding word for the name of the very planet they lived on. Why didn’t they name the place something more euphonious like, hmm perhaps… Oliviatopia? Or maybe Cutegingercatland? Even Sweetandadorablefelineplanet would have been a better choice. No matter how many times Olivia tried to ask her humans this very complex and deep-thought-proving question, they never answered/gave her an answer. However, this very smart orange tabby did draw one conclusion from the unexisting responses of her dear human friends, which was that Cat-Jesus obviously had punished them all for giving Earth such a disgusting sounding name by removing their most special ability: their understanding of the melodious and soothing-to-the-ear cat language. What a shame.

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How to Look Very Innocent and Trick Your Owners Into Thinking You Couldn’t Possibly Have Done That Horrible Thing (Even Though You Actually Did)

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Now, it can be quite challenging to pull off the “angelic innocent pet” look, but once you master it, it is quite rewarding. Not only can you fool your owner into believing that whoever made the piddle puddle underneath the sofa, it sure wasn’t the adorable cat child who looks like she was sent from the divine world (aka you) but you also look squeal-worthy cute and could become rich and famous for looking cute.

Step 1. Accept that puppy eyes are no longer acceptable. If you are a puppy, these are just your natural eyes, and nobody cares about your normal facial expression. If you are not a puppy, you look stupid trying to make your face resemble one. Either way, puppy eyes are not effective.

Step 2. Find your inner innocence and channel it. If you have none, then just pretend you do. Humans can’t tell the difference once you are cute enough.

Step 3. Gently tilt your head to the side of your choice and up. Also, be sure to gaze up at the ceiling because, duh, that is what angels do! This effect is even better if you sit on something tall and against a glowing background or at least something lighter than your fur color. If you can spontaneously generate feathery wings, that’s great too.

Congratulations! You now look like an angel. Have fun decieving your humans and making the other cats who are not nearly as talented as you take the blame.

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Ianis- Proof That She Is Real and Is NOT Sinai Pretending to be Another Rat So That She Looks Popular With the Rats

Sinai and her friend, Ianis (who is totally not another picture of Sinai photoshopped into this)Sinai and her friend Ianis hanging out. As you can see, they are both in this picture, and therefore they both exist. P.S. This picture was not photoshopped or edited or anything like that, okay?

Rats seem to have a problem with accepting that Sinai is not Ianis, and that Ianis is a real rat. They all think that Ianis is just Sinai pretending to be another rat so that it looks like rats actually care about her, but that is untrue. Yes, Sinai and Ianis are both black and white with little black dots on their bellies. Yes, their names are made of the same letters, and I know that their heights and weights are exactly the same. Not only that, but Ianis’ full title, Ianis the Amazing, Supreme Monarch of All Things, sounds like a cheap rip-off of Sinai’s, which is Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, but, okay, maybe it is it isn’t. Even though you probably are on the bandwagon and believing that Sinai=Ianis and Ianis=Sinai, that doesn’t mean that they are the same rats. They are just… really similar. Okay, yes, Ianis’ birthday is 9/5, while Sinai’s is 5/9. But that is just a coincidence! They are both unique rats, and these photos will prove that to you. None of them are edited, so you know you can trust them.

This image was not photoshopped or altered in any way, shape or form. It may seem strange, but yes, Ianis and Sinai were playing in a completely purple world with their names floating above their precious little heads. Maybe you've never seen that before. It doesn't mean it doesn't exist. With Sinai

Ianis and Sinai, obviously. They’re not so similar that you can’t tell them apart, obviously. (Hint: Ianis is the one who was not pasted into the original picture with only one cute and fuzzy rat in it. Oh wait, that’s both of them. Nevermind.) #nofilter

This photo was not edited in any way. Ianis and Sinai just happen to look very alike. With Sinai

Here are the two hanging out on the windowsill. I know that Ianis’ shadow looks like a cheap photoshop job, but that was just the light acting funny. And, okay, her edges look sharp, but she grooms her fur a lot.

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Sure, this photo doesn’t have Sinai in it, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be Ianis. I mean, seriously. Ianis looks just like Sinai! I don’t know why that is, but, anyways, this is Ianis. I have never lied, so you can totally trust me.

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The Brand New Extraordinarily New and Fun New Brand New New New Sport That is New Called CLIPH JUMPEEN™!!!! (Written by Negev)

Cliph Jumpeen™ is a very fun and brand new sport that I, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, recently invented. It is a bit hard to understand at first, so follow along very carefully, and you will know how to have fun doing the brand new sport called Cliph Jumpeen™!

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Step Wun! Obtain fun cliff! You want a good cliff. It should drop off into a pit where you cannot see the bottom for the BEST results, okay? Now go find a cliff. A really good one, remember.

Step TOO! Ditch safety tools! Who needs safety harness, padding, health insurance? Not you, that’s for sure, O brave one.

Step thrE3! Go to fun cliff. Don’t forget to not put a mattress at the bottom or, like, wear a parachute or something. It’s really not that dangerous. Really. Me guarantee it.

Step PH0AR! Take the leap of faith! Jk, it’s not a leap of faith. You know you will not break your skull open when you land, or maybe drown if you end up in a swiftly flowing river. Why bother worrying when you know you’ll be safe.

Step Fife! Enjoy the rush as you fall through space faster than terminal velocity! You may not ever be able to go back to your old life once you permanently trap yourself in the bottom of a canyon, but who cares? This is so funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Note: Negev is not responsible for you injuring yourself if you actually do this.

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