Monthly Archives: October 2013

This Is Sinai In Her Halloween Costume

Sinai has a multi-functional costume. It is many things in one. Here are all of them.

WHAT SINAI’S COSTUME IS

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Sinai in her costume. Do not mind the ugly thing in the lower left corner.

  1. The Divine Ruler of Everything
  2. Teenage punk who is too lazy to make a legit costume but still wants free candy
  3. Person trying to break the system
  4. Rat disguised as a small child disguised as a rat
  5. Sinai
  6. Cute large mouse (?)
  7. Not Soigné
  8. Black and white rodent
  9. Sweet little child worthy of candy
  10. Person who is effectively taking your week’s paycheck in candy
  11. Chubby rodent
  12. Minimalist
  13. Nudist
  14. Trick or treater
  15. Rat who likes candy
  16. Not a dentist
  17. Not a nutritionalist
  18. Not your doctor
  19. Not your weight loss group leader
  20. A stranger
  21. The reason why you have a ton of moths in your house now
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What Day of the Week Is It Wednesday (?)

Sinai lives in a large plastic tray covered with a hollow box made of bars (aka a cage). Naturally, she does not really keep in touch with the rest of the world. I mean, she probably could if she was able to leave her cage, but she has no opposable thumbs, so that is really not possible. Therefore, she is not always sure what day of the week it is (or what day of the month, what month, what week, what fortnight, what year, what decade, what century, what millenium). It probably does not help that Sinai also does not own a calendar, but that is not her fault. She did ask Soigné for a calendar for her birthday, but Soigné sadly did not deliver. (Now Sinai has a legit excuse to blame her sister for all her time-orientation related problems, so it isn’t all that bad.)

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Hey, Sinai. Please tell me what you would like to get for your birthday so I know exactly what not to get you! Haha!

Anyhow, Sinai has decided today to celebrate her obliviousness of what day it is. She used to be annoyed when she couldn’t remember whether it was Wednesday (not good) or Thursday (also not good). However, she has come to accept her being naïve and unknowing of the days as a way of life. It is actually quite beneficial. For example, when Soigné tries to be a bum and take a day off because “it is the weekend,” Sinai just pretends that she thinks that it is really Tuesday and makes Soigné do more heavy labor. And when Soigné tries to go to her book club because “it is Tuesday, and we always meet on Tuesday,” Sinai just pretends that she thinks that it is really Saturday or Sunday and makes Soigné stay home and work her monochromatic tail off. So, actually, Sinai quite likes not knowing what the day is. Please don’t ruin it for her.

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A Sinai Tale #13: The Rat Who Thought She Was More Important Than Her Sister (Even Though She Wasn’t) and What Happened to This Horribly Stuck-up Rodent

Soigné was a very ugly rodent child. She was white and black (ugh!) with normal-sized ears (ew!), buckteeth (nasty!), and a booger problem (disgusting!). She also smelled like the town dump.

Everyone acknowledged that Soigné was ugly. Well, not everyone really. Soigné didn’t think she was that ugly. In fact, she thought she was quite nice looking, even though she was obviously not.

Soigné had a rat sister whose name was Sinai. Sinai was the exact opposite of her sister. While Soigné could only speak in grunts, Sinai eloquently strung words together into beautiful examples of perfect English. Soigné’s belly was very small; Sinai’s was quite large and jiggly. And last of all, Sinai was internationally beloved by the masses, while Soigné couldn’t walk to the grocery store without getting tomatoes thrown at her head.

The horrible Soigné also had some behavioral problems. For example, she sometimes bit the paper-rat when he was too late delivering the paper (thus causing the paper-rat to not ever want to deliver it). She also occasionally stole clothing out of department stores and then blamed Sinai for her crimes. Sometimes, she even attempted to be in the same area of her more dignified sister, Sinai!

After a while, Sinai got sick of her sister acting like a crazy psycho, so she sat on her face, and all her Soigné-related troubles ended right there and then.

The end.

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How To Photoshop Your Images of You So That You Think They Look Amazing and Really Make You Look Quite Nice, When In Reality, They Look Totally Fake and Are Embarrassing Your Parents – BY OLIVIA

Hello, large hairless beings! I, Olivia Mewerly, am here today to teach you how to photoshop your pictures properly– that is, how to make them look totally fake! This is a very important skill to have. With it, you can successfully produce before-and-after pictures of “dramatic transformations” without even having to use two models! You can make all of your online friends secretly laugh at you behind your back. You can even embarrass your parents when you show them the pictures and they realize that your future boss has probably already seen them on the internet. Really, making fake-looking photos is an essential skill in today’s day and age. Luckily, you will know how to do this by the time you finish reading my lovely article. So keep reading, you funny looking creatures!

This is a picture of me. It is very natural looking, which is not good at all! Follow along as I turn this horrible mess of a picture into one I can be “proud” of!

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First, I got rid of the Target bag on the left. It distracted from my beautiful face. That was an easy fix. I simply selected my brush tool, and I picked a color that somewhat resembled the color of the surrounding areas. After that, I drew over the bag, and it magically disappeared!1

Next, my eyes were not nearly green enough, which just cannot happen. It is disgraceful. Using the hue/saturation tool, I changed these dull greyish-green eyes of mine into a lovely, highly saturated (and fake-looking) green-blue color.2

Okay, so I still had a couple problems with my eyes. My pupils were not nearly black enough, and as you may have noticed, my eyelashes were not noticeable, even though I spent hours working on my mascara so that they might have had a chance to show up for once. To fix these problems, I took my brush again and, using black, colored in my pupils and drew in my eyelashes. I also kind of added a little highlight on my eyes so that they looked more shiny, which I like.3

The next problem is obvious: the wall color doesn’t complement my fur nicely enough! Using the hue/saturation tool again, I adjusted the walls so that they were blue, making my fur contrast and stick out (in a good way).4

I didn’t really like how that looked because I looked too indoorsy. I wanted to look like a nature lover, which is a really good trait apparently, so I cut myself out of that background and pasted myself in front of some flowers. (By the way, I only moved my head because the rest of me looked odd.)5

Next, I put a picture of some rat on my head so I could look like I had friends in that picture. (Actually, from what I heard, the rat who I put on my head is actually a crummy friend, but who cares? I only put her up there to look nice.) Also, I wanted this picture to look somewhat realistic, so I drew a fake shadow under the crummy rat friend by using the brush tool on a low opacity. And voila, the picture is finished. 6

I hope I helped you today by teaching you how to fake-ify your photos. None of my friends seem to appreciate my skills in this department, for some strange reason, but they’re totally missing out. Luckily, you won’t be. Now go fake-ify some pictures!

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Sinai: The True or False Quiz (That You Better Pass!)

Ever wonder if you really knew that much about Sinai? Well, I’m sure you think you know very much about her, but how can you be sure? I mean, wouldn’t it be horrid if you really didn’t know much at all about Sinai, and you had gone around telling everyone that you did (which is technically lying, since you don’t know that much about her), and you had to face the consequences of saying untrue words? Luckily you will not have to do that (unless you have already told your friends all about your knowledge of Sinai; in that case, we cannot help you). Just take this simple true or false quiz, and then wait, oh, I’d say, a couple weeks, give or take a few, for the answer key to be posted. Once it is posted, you can check your answers and get a score to see how much you know about the one and only Sinai. You can even “learn” from your mistakes and discover more about the world’s best rat ever! (P.S. If you fail, you may or may not have a very unfortunate fate bestowed upon you by the powers that be.)

SINAI: THE TRUE OR FALSE QUIZ

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Oh what a sad picture. In case you are unsure as to what is happening here, it is Soigné smushing the dear and beloved O Wonderful One, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything. Boo hoo.

1.) Sinai is an adorable little child rat. She has a big, cute tummy with a little black dot on it, and she smells super delicious (not in the edible way). Her fur is a lovely shade of SinaiBlaak™, which nicely complements her darling jumbo-sized ears. Her voice is very soothing to the ears, and her tail is a charming multi-colored shade. Her whiskers are long and fluffy, and her nose is adorable and light pink. Everyone wants to look like Sinai. How many durians does Bobby-Hector have in his school satchel?

a.) True
b.) False

2.) Soigné = oiaudfoiadsufoicn

a.) True
b.) False

3.) Does Bobby-Hector’s school satchel smell very bad from holding all those durians?

a.) True
b.) False

4.) Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai Sinai

a.) True
b.) False

5.) Soigné farted on Sinai’s face? How much money should Sinai sue Soigné for?

a.) True
b.) False

6.) Soigné is being a huge p.i.t.m.t (pain in the monochromatic tail). Sinai doesn’t want to get involved with court. How can she effectively get rid of Soigné for at least one day without doing anything super violent?

a.) True
b.) False

7.) You are going to pass this test.

a.) True
b.) False

8.) The idea that Sinai hates Soigné is just a show-act. In reality, Sinai quite likes her dear sister. She only pretends to hate her for publicity and attention. Also, Soigné does not act like the p.i.t.m.t. that Sinai portrays her to  be.

a.) True
b.) False

9.) Sinai ate all of the durian that Bobby-Hector had stored in his school satchel, and now her breath smells absolutely horrid. No one wants to be within ten miles of her.

a.) True
b.) False

10.) I love Sinai, you love Sinai, he/she/it loves Sinai, we love Sinai, you love Sinai, they love Sinai. EVERYONE LOVES SINAI!

a.) True
b.) False

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How to Be Like Mojave As Taught By The Notoriously Annoying Rat Himself

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Me. I am not annoying at all, despite what Negev says about me.

Hello, there. It is Mojave. I know that my brother and his best friend, Sinai the Whatever Something-something Blight, have probably spread rumors about me and my good friend, Soigné being extremely annoying pains-in-the-tails. However, that is not true. If anyone is an annoying pain-in-the-tail, it has to be either Negev or Sinai. Their extremely distorted perspectives on life (example: Negev believing he is the king of the world) have caused them to act like crazy psychos, which they are, actually. Sometimes, Negev will steal my money because he believes it to be “me chucka-chucka right yo uggy brother.” And occasionally, Sinai will try to blackmail me into joining her fan club, which she believes is quite large, when in reality, the only members are her, Negev, her mother, and rats who she blackmails into joining.

Anyhow, I came here to write about how to be like me. It is really easy, actually.

Step 1.) Acquire a crazy psycho for a sibling.

Step 2.) Act like you normally do.

Step 3.) Wait for said crazy psycho to begin seeing you as the crazy psycho.

And that’s all there is to it! Yeah, so, if you really do want to lead a life like mine (you don’t), there it was.

p.s. I didn’t make up the title for this post.

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