How To Photoshop Your Images of You So That You Think They Look Amazing and Really Make You Look Quite Nice, When In Reality, They Look Totally Fake and Are Embarrassing Your Parents – BY OLIVIA

Hello, large hairless beings! I, Olivia Mewerly, am here today to teach you how to photoshop your pictures properly– that is, how to make them look totally fake! This is a very important skill to have. With it, you can successfully produce before-and-after pictures of “dramatic transformations” without even having to use two models! You can make all of your online friends secretly laugh at you behind your back. You can even embarrass your parents when you show them the pictures and they realize that your future boss has probably already seen them on the internet. Really, making fake-looking photos is an essential skill in today’s day and age. Luckily, you will know how to do this by the time you finish reading my lovely article. So keep reading, you funny looking creatures!

This is a picture of me. It is very natural looking, which is not good at all! Follow along as I turn this horrible mess of a picture into one I can be “proud” of!

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First, I got rid of the Target bag on the left. It distracted from my beautiful face. That was an easy fix. I simply selected my brush tool, and I picked a color that somewhat resembled the color of the surrounding areas. After that, I drew over the bag, and it magically disappeared!1

Next, my eyes were not nearly green enough, which just cannot happen. It is disgraceful. Using the hue/saturation tool, I changed these dull greyish-green eyes of mine into a lovely, highly saturated (and fake-looking) green-blue color.2

Okay, so I still had a couple problems with my eyes. My pupils were not nearly black enough, and as you may have noticed, my eyelashes were not noticeable, even though I spent hours working on my mascara so that they might have had a chance to show up for once. To fix these problems, I took my brush again and, using black, colored in my pupils and drew in my eyelashes. I also kind of added a little highlight on my eyes so that they looked more shiny, which I like.3

The next problem is obvious: the wall color doesn’t complement my fur nicely enough! Using the hue/saturation tool again, I adjusted the walls so that they were blue, making my fur contrast and stick out (in a good way).4

I didn’t really like how that looked because I looked too indoorsy. I wanted to look like a nature lover, which is a really good trait apparently, so I cut myself out of that background and pasted myself in front of some flowers. (By the way, I only moved my head because the rest of me looked odd.)5

Next, I put a picture of some rat on my head so I could look like I had friends in that picture. (Actually, from what I heard, the rat who I put on my head is actually a crummy friend, but who cares? I only put her up there to look nice.) Also, I wanted this picture to look somewhat realistic, so I drew a fake shadow under the crummy rat friend by using the brush tool on a low opacity. And voila, the picture is finished. 6

I hope I helped you today by teaching you how to fake-ify your photos. None of my friends seem to appreciate my skills in this department, for some strange reason, but they’re totally missing out. Luckily, you won’t be. Now go fake-ify some pictures!

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Sometimes, I like to dream about talking to Sinai the Great, and I think that I'll never be able to do that. But then I remember that I can just comment on one of her many fantastic blog posts, and I immediately cheer up.

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