Monthly Archives: December 2013

Sinai’s New Years Resolutions!

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Me know that me is already the most wonderful rat to ever live, but how can me become even better?

Sinai is 99% the perfect rat. She’s attractive, nice, witty, cute, generous, loving, lovable, funny, humorous, intelligent, smart, pretty, kind, likeable, friendly, jiggly, chumpy, chubalicious, splendid, delicious, scrumptious, beautiful, good, great, selfless, wonderful, trustworthy, respectful, fantastic, chubby, interesting, fascinating, sinailicious, choopy, fabulous, fantabulous, incredible, a genius, brave, remarkable, lovely, knowledgeable, well-organized, creative, responsible, internationally beloved, peaceful, hard-working, fat,  confident, honest, and humble. However, she is still not perfect! Sinai thinks that with her resolutions for 2014, she will become 100% perfect.

Sinai’s Resolutions

  1. Me need money. Me make a lot of money (as in a couple trillion dollars) next year! It no matter how the money comes into my possession.
  2. Me should be more rude to Soigné so that she become more obedient and responding to my commands.
  3. Me really no like going to gym. Me will call up a demolition team and get them to demolish the gym! Then me no have to go!
  4. Me will convince all of the doubters that me really is a very humble rat! Me no know why they no believe me!
  5. Me will spray my nasty sister, Soigné, with lots of perfume so that she stops smelling like nasty latex.*
  6. Me not a very happy rat. Me will secretly record videos of Soigné doing embarrassing things and watch these videos in my free time to make me laugh.
  7. Me has wasted a lot of my time this year, so me will wake up one minute earlier than my normal time next year. Then me have lower wasted time to productive time ratio!
  8. Me gained twenty pounds this year . . . that is not enough! Me will gain fifty pounds in 2014!
  9. Yup, otherwise, me pretty much flawless.

* this is a true fact, Soigné actually does smell like latex.

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Hodge and Podge Interview Each Other

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Hodge: Hello, Podge, I am going to be interviewing you today.
Podge: Um, no I am interviewing you!
Hodge: No, I’m interviewing you.
Podge: Actually, I’m pretty sure I’m interviewing you.
Hodge: The name of the post is “Hodge and Podge Interview Each Other!” My name is first, so it’s me interviewing you!
Podge: No, we’re supposed to interview each other . . . that means that I’m interviewing you!
Hodge: So you admit that I am interviewing you?
Podge: No!
Hodge: Yes you do!
Podge: No, I said I was interviewing you! Not you were interviewing me!
Hodge: But you said we were interviewing each other. That means I’m interviewing you.
Podge: No, I’m interviewing you.
Hodge: I am not being interviewed.
Podge: Yes you are. I’m doing it right now.
Hodge: Stop interviewing me! I’m interviewing you!
Podge: No you’re not!
Hodge: Yes I am!
Podge: No!
Hodge: Yes!
Podge: No!
Hodge: Yes!
Podge: No!
Hodge: Yes!
Anonymous Bystander: Oooooh, a catfight!
Hodge: Shut up!
Podge: Don’t use that word!
Anonymous Bystander: Is it . . . your pet peeve? HAHAHAHA!!!!
Hodge: AGH!
Podge: You make me–
Anonymous Bystander: Make you want to claw your eyes out? Hahaha!
Hodge: Now why would I ever do that? I only want to claw your eyes out!
Podge: No, I get to claw his eyes out!
Hodge: But I claimed it first!
Podge: Well I came up with the idea first!
Hodge: No you didn’t; I did.
Podge: Uh uh.
Hodge: Uh huh.
Podge: Nuh uh.
Hodge: I am not lying!
Podge: Yes you are.
Hodge: No, you are.
Podge: No I’m not. You are.
Hodge: You’re the one who’s lying.
Podge: I did not lie!
Hodge: Yes you did.
Podge: No I didn’t.

Hodge and Podge continued arguing for seven more hours, much to the amusement of the Anonymous Bystander.

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A Beautiful Haiku About Sinai

Sinai is pretty
She is so pretty, attractive, interesting, nice, kindly, funny, sweet, likeable, loveable, adorable, chumpy, delightful, sinailicious, good, great, wonderful, admirable, internationally-beloved, cute, fuzzy, fluffy, delicious, chucka-y, skilled, talented, smart, witty, intelligent, knowledgable, exciting, and friendly.
That five syllables

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Chain Reaction

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Hodge (top)  wonders who is grabbing his tail under the shelf, so he looks down and bats at the cat who he sees underneath him. Podge wonders who who is batting at him from above the large black wooden board, so he grabs the tail that is sticking out from above the board.

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Hodge Podge

Note: Sorry about not posting. Last week was production week for the play I was in, so I didn’t have time to update the website. : ( I will try to be more consistent now.


Recently, Olivia discovered something extraordinarily amazing and life changing: she is not the only cat in the world!

Up until that moment, Olivia had thought herself the last of her species. But that is apparently not so, as two very large grey tabby kittens walked into her life only yesterday.

At first, Olivia was confused. How can it be that I am not the only pointy-eared, pointy-toothed, furry-tailed, purring being in this world? she asked herself. Also, why are my look-a-likes printed in black and white and not in full colour?

But then the very large grey tabby kittens introduced themselves, and Olivia understood: she was not the only cat, she had just been stolen away from the other cats when she was a young kitten! Either that, or she had simply forgotten all the other cats she had once known. Probably the latter.

And now let us meet Olivia’s newest cat acquaintances…

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Hodge is half of the pair of very large grey tabby kittens that Olivia met yesterday. He likes to purr loudly twenty-three hours of the day and sits on his tail the other hour. During his free-time, he sings soprano for his local community cat singers group. His favorite toy is anything that dangles from the air, including his brother’s tail.

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Podge is the other half of the pair of very large grey tabby kittens. He likes sitting underneath beds and ambush unsuspecting passerby and using pieces of kitty litter as toys. Sometimes he even checks himself out in the mirror, that is how attractive he thinks he is!

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Ask Sinai #11: Sinai’s Fan Mail!!!

As you may know, Sinai is an internationally beloved rat. Being so internationally beloved, Sinai naturally receives much fan mail. Reading so much fan mail can get quite tiring. (Sometimes, Sinai has to stay up until six to read her fan mail… and she wakes up at 6:30!)

However, there are some fan letters that wake Sinai up when she reads them. Of the millions of letters she has received, these are the ones she has remembered… and here they are!

P.S. These are genuine. The rats who wrote these letters are real, not, oh, you know, fake ones that Sinai has made up.


Dear Sinai

I love you very much! You are my most favorite rat! I love you so very much! I send to you lots of kisses and hugs and love in general. I love you very much! You are a wonderful rat. You are so great! I love you! Your ugly sister is not deserving of you! I love you!

Love,
Siney Sisi XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

P.S. I love you


Hi Sinai!

You are the best! I feel so lucky to have you as my divine ruler of everything. You are a wonderful rat. I named my children after you so that they can have a positive role model in life. I even got my husband to change his name to Sinaio because it is such a lovely name, especially compared to his old one (Swanyayo). I tried to change my name to Sinaia, but my mother won’t let me. Won’t you please write my mother and try to convince her to let me change my name?

Your #1 Fan,

Sinaiaa Dagreatus


Dearest Sinai,

I wrote a poem for you, that is how much I love you.

There once was a rat named Sinai
She was wonderful and perfect and great-ai
I love her
Everyone loves her
She is the bestest rat ever-ai!!!!!

Love from,

Lalalalalailovesinailalalalala Dadadadadadadireallyloveherdadadada


Hello Sinai,

It is I, your horrid and unworthy sister. Yes, I know you do not like me. Believe me, I understand you for feeling that way. I just want to say that I apologise for being such an awful sibling and a disappointment to the family name. I would really like to say I’m sorry for that time last week I breathed in your presence. It was disrespectful of me to do so. I have been practicing feeling emotions so that I will not do that again. I am not very good at feeling, though, so I hope that you will accept my efforts. Also, I have sent you one million gold bars, ten billion bags of yogies, three small continents, $5,000,000,000 in cash, and a giftcard to the local bakery to try and make up for all the times I have been a bad sister.

Yours,

Siognè, yoor sister

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