Category Archives: The Book of Sinai

SINAI’S NEW BEST FRIEND! *** BREAKING NEWS *** (The Book of Sinai Entry #4)

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Who knew?! Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything (AKA YOUR FAVORITE RAT EVER) has a new best friend!

Sinai has always been a good friend. She was best friends with King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, for a very long time. However, she just recently (as in sixty minutes ago) discovered who she calls “the rat I never noticed until now.” Now that she has found this rat, she is super ecstatic. She can’t wait to hang out with her new bestie and do all the things that bff’s do that she wasn’t able to do with Negev (because he is dead). She is also very surprised at herself for not noticing the wonderful rodent until just an hour ago.

So who is this new best friend of Sinai’s? Is it some fan or hers, or a friend who she just never hung out with? She’s neither. Hold onto your socks (if you have any on), because you’ll never believe who Sinai’s new best friend is. Below is a picture of she who is now Sinai’s best friend.

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Yes, that is right. SOIGNÉ is Sinai’s new best friend. Who would have thought?! As I cannot personally explain Sinai’s change of mind (I still can’t believe it), I will leave it to Sinai’s diary to explain it. (Click to view full size.)

soignebestfriend

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The Book of Sinai Entry #3

Dear Book of Me,

Today I sat on Soigné. Then I sat on Soigné. After that, I sat on Soigné. I sat on her for a very long period of time. Then she sat on me! Just kidding, I sat on her. Ha ha. While I was sitting on Soigné, I ate my food. It was very good, but not as good as sitting on Soigné. I find it to be very enjoyable and relaxing to sit on Soigné. Do you know what is also very fun to do? Sitting on my sister. It is soothing and relaxes me after a long day of sitting on Soigné.

Yours sitting on Soigné,
SINAI THE GREAT, DIVINE RULER OF EVERYTHING (WHICH INCLUDES SITTING ON SOIGNÉ)

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I also sat on this lamp. Sitting on Soigné was funner, though.

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The Book of Sinai Entry #2

Dear Book of Me,

Sometimes I feel like my sister does not want to bond with me. I do not understand why, as I am the most attractive, smart, funny, lovable, soft, hilarious, amicable, likable, intelligent, kindly, cute, adorable, friendly, silky, charming, elegant, distinguished, brainy, great, divine, athletic, easy-going and humble rat to ever live. I mean, who wouldn’t want to bond with me? It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, you know. A lot of young rodents want nothing more than to be my friend, and here she is, refusing my kind offer!

But anyhow, I have been trying to be more friendly towards my sister, Soigné, after getting a couple complaints from some lady rat named “5w@nY_ay2881927463” on http://www.reviewsinai5starsordie.com about how I “mistreat my sister.” (Complete lies, obviously, but I don’t need some little kid spreading false rumors about the relationship I have with my sister.)

Some of the ways I have tried to be more kind than I already have been to Soigné include reducing her work day from sixteen hours to fifteen hours and fifty-nine minutes, helping her try on SinaiSüts (see Ask Sinai #2 for details), and forcing her to eat one square meal a day (instead of her old diet of choice, bread and water). I think I have been a very generous and loving sister, and yet she tells me that she wants to move out and no longer work for me. What a thankless snob! I’ve spent minutes thinking up ways to improve her already-privileged life. Believe me, not all rats can sleep in the cellars of the Divine Ruler of Everything! She should consider herself lucky. Shame on her for being so ungrateful.

Your favorite and very underappreciated rat,
Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything

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The Book of Sinai Entry #1

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I just got home from a photoshoot, and I feel horrible! Apparently my sister, Soigné, sneaked into the pictures, so now those are ruined. (She is the big white blob in the background. I didn’t notice her until it was too late to get a redo.) I can’t show them to all my many friends (like Ianis, Negev, and myself) without them asking why I, the esteemed and distinguished Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, let my shameful, immature, and disrespectful sister get in on the action. Then, when I say that she just snook right in without me noticing and made herself at home, they’ll think of me as weak and pathetic because I let my annoying and irritating (yet usually lovable) sibling get away with the equivalent of bloody murder (a.k.a. dropping in on my photoshoot), and they will no longer desire being my friends. (They are good friends. But everyone knows you can’t be friends with someone who let their sister be part of her photoshoot. It’s just… I can’t even express how distasteful it is to allow your sister to be in a photoshoot. I think I’d rather run around public with my fur shaven off that have to live through this entire experience again.) I can’t be a powerful and beloved leader without having friends. (Which I won’t have after this.) If you don’t have friends, then you look antisocial, and being a world universal leader means you have to interact with other universal leaders (actually, to be honest, I am the only universal leader that I have met, and, I suspect, also the only one in existence), which means you have to be social. And if I don’t look social because my friends abandoned me for a totally acceptable reason, no one’s going to want me to be a universal leader anymore (which is my passion and my calling) because it will appear that I am incapable of socially interacting. If I’m not a universal leader, then the best I will be able to do with everyone knowing that I failed to be the Divine Ruler of Everything because I let my sister intefere will be a homeless rat that can’t even afford a piece of carboard to make a sign with. I don’t even know if I could manage that. I most definitely won’t be able to go into a soup kitchen without some rat shouting out that I am the shamed former Divine Ruler of Everything and causing me extreme humiliation. It will be an awful and pathetic life, all because my sister decided one day to sneak into my photoshoot! Even Soigné, the very reason why I will be demoted to such a lowly position in the social ladder, will be higher up than me, and that is just unthinkable! I tremble thinking about it! In fact, if I do become homeless, then even my astounding beauty will be diluted. I won’t be able to afford getting my fur done even once a year, so even my attractive and stylish fur will look straggly! Just think of that– my sister probably intruded into my photoshoot because she is so jealous of my beauty. You know, that’s probably it. She knows she’ll never be nearly as beautiful as me, but she knows that she can get pretty close if I end up on the streets with unevenly cut fur and dandruff. (And that’s why you should never trust your siblings.) I wouldn’t put it past her. She is pretty cunning and can think of some plans that even I would consider clever. And I am, like, a genius (to be modest). So thanks, a lot, Soigné. You ruined my entire future just because you thought it would be funny to intrude upon my photoshoot.

~ Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything ~

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