Category Archives: Written By Negev

Negev Defines the Word Camoflauge

camouflage

According to Negev…

Camouflage is when I can’t see anything, which is very sad. Like in the picture above. I cannot see myself. Well, actually I can, but it’s hard to see myself, so I’m going to say that I can’t.

According to the Dictionary

cam•ou•flage

n.

the act, means, or result of obscuring things to deceive an enemy, as by painting or screening objects so that they are lost to view in the background, or by making up objects that from a distance have the appearance of fortifications, guns, roads, etc.
negev's very valuable signature!!!
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Negev Defines the word Codification

According to Negev…

Codification is a bunch of rules, like that book up there. It’s only Volume 237 ofThe Rules of Negevland, so it is codification because it a book of rules. Catch my drift?

According to the Dictionary…

cod•i•fi•ca•tion

n.

the act, process, or result of arranging in a systematic form or code
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Negev Defines the Word Irascible

Stole this off my old website, sorry for being so inactive. I promise I will try to upload more from now on! ^^


IRASCIBLE

According to Negev…

Irascible is a long word that sounds kinda like I rat sibble. And otherwise, I don’t know what it means. But I think it has something to do with rats, if you catch my drift. :)

According to the Dictionary…

i•ras•ci•ble

adj.

easily provoked to anger; very irritable
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WRITTEN BY NEGEV: Happy Birthday, Me (And My Brother, But He Doesn’t Count)!

Food 003

The birthday cake that Negev (and also Mojave, but he doesn’t count) got last year. Don’t worry, it’s not still sitting around. It got eaten last August.

Today is a very special day! It is the day that I, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, would have turned three (if I was still alive). I think my twin brother, Mojave the Annoying, would have also turned three this day. However, he doesn’t not count, so let’s focus on me!!!! I am such an amazingly precocious three year-old, don’t you know*? : DDD

As it is my birthday, today you will learn thirty-three amazing facts about me that you can tell all of your friends and impress them with (unless they read this post haha)!!! I will also acknowledge my useless brother by writing three facts about him that will probably not impress anyone because he is just not a very impressive rat.


 THIRTY-THREE AMAZINGLY IMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE RAT, NEGEV CHEEZIKI!

A sweet and adorable tan and white rat who has a piece of litter on his leg.

Pictured above: The birthday boy himself. How adorable. I know that I am somewhat biased, but… HEISSOCUTEANDIJUSTWANTTOHUGHIMTODEATHOHWAITHEISALREADYDEADSOITECHNICALLYCANTDOTHATOHWELLISTILLAMINLOVEWITHHIM!

  1. Negev’s full name is Negev Cheeziki.
  2. Negev’s favorite color is purple!
  3. Negev’s last name is Cheeziki.
  4. Negev has a desert named after him. (Some people say he was named after the desert, but that’s ridiculous. The desert was named after him.)
  5. Negev hates the color yellow because it is the opposite of purple.
  6. Negev’s name starts with the fourteenth letter of the alphabet.
  7. Negev’s first name ends with the twenty-second letter of the alphabet.
  8. Negev’s last name starts with the third letter of the alphabet.
  9. Negev’s name ends with the ninth letter of the alphabet.
  10. Negev’s initials are N.A.C.
  11. Negev’s middle name is “Amazing”
  12. Negev’s middle name starts with the first letter of the alphabet.
  13. Negev’s middle name ends with the seventh letter of the alphabet.
  14. Negev really hates the Y in ROYGBIV.
  15. Negev’s best friend is Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, also known as Sinai Blight, also known as Sinai the Great, also known as Sinai.
  16. Negev has not been reincarnated as Sinai, despite what several rats think.
  17. Negev has a piece of litter on him in the picture above.
  18. Negev is tan and white.
  19. Negev is not white and tan.
  20. Negev is very cute.
  21. Negev is a big boy.
  22. Negev is very cuddly.
  23. Negev is unfortunate, as he has a most insufficient brother who does absolutely nothing to be a good brother.
  24. Negev’s name is five letters long.
  25. Negev has the letter “E” twice in his first name, and also twice in his last name.
  26. Negev is a genius.
  27. Negev’s IQ is 100! Amazing, right?!
  28. Negev is everyone’s favorite rat!
  29. Negev has his own fan-club with a whooping three members!
  30. Negev has whiskers on his face.
  31. Negev has fur on his face.
  32. Negev likes to eat food.
  33. Negev breathes using his lungs and the rest of his respiratory system.

THREE VERY UNIMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT THE BORINGEST RAT EVER, MOJAVE

A shining light in the background with this weird thing in the front (jk it's a rat)

The boringest rat ever. He happens to share the birthday of the beloved and highly esteemed King Negev.

  1. Mojave used to work in a traveling circus as a trapeze artist to pay his bills, as his current job (working as the all-purpose rat for his brother, Negev) hardly paid him anything.
  2. Mojave is named after the Mojave Desert because of his tan fur, like sand.
  3. Mojave was chosen by his owner before she decided to get Negev instead of another rat that she might have gotten.

 * Note from Mojave: Negev is only three in human years. In rat years, he is actually ninety, although you might not be able to tell from the way that he acts.

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A Fabulous Story Written By Negev That You Will Most Definitely Love!

Negev has yet to name this story, but he has decided to exclusively release it to the readers of his dear friend, Sinai’s blog! This is the final draft, so if anyone has any good ideas about what to name the story, it would be lovely if he or she could comment them. Negev is really stumped about that and would appreciate any help. By the way, Negev has already got an agent and a private publishing house, so, sadly, he does not need all of you loving fans to help him on getting it published.


Chapter I: The Cute and Funny Rat

Once upon a time, there be a cute and funny rat named Negev. He be cute and very funny, also cute!

Chapter II: How Cute The Cute and Funny Rat Was

He be very cute and quite funny as well. He be bursting at seams from all his cuteness and funniness!

Chapter III: Were Other Rats Jealous of This Extraordinarily Cute and Funny Rat

VERY MUCH.

Chapter IV: What The Jealous Rats Did

They wicked ones sent cute and very funny rat evil letters about how he need his earwax removed and what good a laser hair removal would do for him. Also things about his “bad credit scores.”

Chapter V: What the Cute and Funny Rat Did To Those Evil Jealous Rats.

Them heads got chopped off.

~ THE END ~


Some grass and a tan and white rat sitting on it.

About The Author

Negev is a charming tan and white rat currently living in his magic cloud castle with his brother/servant, Mojave. He does not like his brother, but he finds him quite useful in doing household chores. Negev has a major in English from The Negev School of Grammar. If you liked his story, send lots of money, presents, money, food, bars of gold, money, and money to 1 Desert Rd., Rattus, Cage. (Please no clothing or healthy stuff.)

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$ Me Be Rollin’ in ‘Da Dough $ (A Poem Written By the World Famou$ Poet Negev)

ME BE ROLLIN’ IN ‘DA DOUGH
by Negev Cheeziki

image

Hey people, me be so rich, ya
Yo it’s the truth ya, I’m really rich
I can afford lots of fancy schmancy stuff ’cause of my richness
Like I have eleven boxes of deluxe pre-packed stuff you make cookies with in my pantry
Yup, me pretty well off

Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough
Ya all that dough has me being rollingish in it
Dough dough dough
Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough

Me make all me $$$ from writing great poems
Poems make me very rich ya
I got an income o’ $100 a year!
How wundy-full my life is be, you agree?

Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough
I like to roll all mai fur in ‘dat dough yup
Dough dough dough
Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough

Me have lots of cookie stuff
I got chocolate, lemon, and mostly Negev cookie flavors
When I bake my cookies, all the fur in the dough burns up and makes a nasty smell
However, it do be leaving nice patterns behind
Dough dough
Me like to roll in mai dough
My dough, it be so rollable and I know ’cause I personally roll in it every time I want to make cookies
It be so soft and doughy, yup doughy it be.

Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough
It be so doughy and deep ’cause it rolled in by me
Dough doughy dough
Deep dooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Dough, you be mai rolly buddy
Yup, me be rollin’ in ‘da deep doughy dough

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The Second Best Day of the Year! (Written by Negev)

Well hello there all my loyal fans, obedient subjects, loving citizens, and horrid excuses for brothers *coughcoughMojavecoughcough* !! Today is a most wonderful day. It is the second best day of the year! It is my Early-By-One-Month Birthday Celebration! How exciting, am I right? It’s not every day that your favorite democratic monarch (as I am both the President of All Ratdom and the self-appointed King of the World) has his birthday in one month! (My awful brother also has his birthday in exactly one month, but he doesn’t count.)

image
Mojave is not only a disgrace to the family name; he is also a horrible mattress. He is way too small and bony for me to be comfortable when I sit on him.

As it is not my official birthday, you should not go all out on celebrating, as you must save the best gifts and the largest sums of money for my actual birthday (which, if you have not already guessed, is on August 4th). However, I do very much appreciate getting presents from my loving subjects and donations of money (cash or check, $9999.99 minimum donation), and it makes me quite happy.

image
Please do not send any gifts or money to my brother. He is too small (as you can clearly see above) to be worthy of all your love. By all means, send me what you were going to send to Mojave. I will appreciate it much more than he ever would.*

I have even noticed that the United States has chosen to acknowlege my greatness and have a day of celebration, complete with parades, races, and fireworks! How exciting. I am told (by none other than Mojave) that they are celebrating their “independence”, but obviously they can celebrate that (whatever “independence is. I’ve never heard of it. Perhaps it is a type of food? If so, I am quite interested. I love food.) and celebrate me and my Early-By-One-Month Birthday at the same time.

So far, I have not seen many other countries celebrating me, but I am quite certain everybody has planned a nice surprise party for me and they are going to throw it any time now. (Last year, it was cancelled for some strange reason, but I forget why.)


*If you do choose to disobey me and send gifts to Mojave, I am afraid that I will have no choice but to take all presents and execute you for disobeying the Laws of Negevland #482718009b: Thou shalt not send gifts or presents of any sort to the King’s disgraceful brother, Mojave Annoying Cheeziki, even when a gift appears to be appropiate, or thou shall face a minimum sentence of execution and maximum sentence of execution while being forced to watch home movies of Young Mojave Annoying Cheeziki doing obnoxious and offensive acts.

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A Sinai Tale #8: The Most Delightful and Positively Radiant Tale You Will Ever Read That is Sure to Leave a Good Impression on You (By Guest Author, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe)

“Negev negev negev negev. Negev. Negev… negev, negev negev. Negev negev; negev negev negev negev. Negev negv, negev negev. Negev. Negev– negev. Negev, negev negev.”

Negev Negev Negev, Negev

Negev negev negev. Negev! Negev negev negev negev, negev negev, negev. Negev? Negev negev. Negev (negev negev negev) negev negev, negev. Negev. Negev negev, negev. Negev negev negev, negev! “Negev negev, negev. Negev. Negev. Negev negev negev negev, negev. Negev negev; negev negev negev negev. Negev,” negev negev negev. Negev, negev negev? Negev. Negev negev negev negev negev, negev negev negev! Negev, negev negev $negev.negev. Negev, negev… negev.

Negev! Negev negev negev negev negev negev, negev negev negev… negev negev negev. Negev. Negev? Negev negev. Negev, negev.

I. Negev
II. Negev– negev negev
III. Negev negev
IV. Negev, negev
V. Negev; negev negev negev.

Negev negev negev. Negev. Negev; negev negev.

Negev negev negev negev. Negev negev; negev! Negev. Negev. Negev.

NEGEV! Negev negev negev negev negev, negev. Negev negev negev negev negev negev– negev negev. Negev negev.* Negev? Negev negev negev? Negev… negev negev negev, negev negev negev. “Negev negev negev– negev! Negev negev¢ negev negev negev. Negev, negev. Negev. Negev?” negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev% negev negev, negev negev negev negev negev negev negev. Negev negev negev, negev… negev negev negev.

Negev negev. Negev… Negev negev negev, negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev… negev, negev. Negev. Negev negev; negev negev, negev? Negev negev negev negev negev. Negev. Negev, negev negev negev negev, negev Negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev, negev, negev negev negev negev, negev, negev, negev, negev negev negev negev.

Negev negev.

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King Negev’s Guide to Properly Raising Your Beloved Pet Rat (Especially If Its Name Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev)

Hello lowly subjects who read this blog of my best friend, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! I am King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, but you can just call me “Your Majesty” , “King Negev”, “O Sacred God-like Royal Rodent” for short. I am the guest writer for today, as Sinai has been trapped in her house by Soigné’s rather large rear end (that refuses to move due to the fact that Soigné’s rather dense brain refuses to allow it) and therefore cannot write for this blog. Boo hoo hoo. How sad. It brings tears to my attractive and god-like rodent eyes. Obviously, she made a very wise choice for who her backup would be (how awful it would be if she had chosen her rotten sister!), as I have won quite a few awards for my writing skills (I have won the very prestigious Negev-Loves-Your-Writing Medal for the last four years). Not only are my works very pleasing to read, but they are also about great subjects that everyone wants to read about. Today, I am writing about how to properly raise your beloved pet rat (especially if its name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev), which I know all of you readers will be ecstatic to read about! Not only is this a very educational post, but it also teaches you a lot of smart stuff that will make your beloved pet rat whose name probably starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev very happy. And I know you really want to make your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev very happy (I can’t honestly speak for rats whose names do not start with an N and rhyme with Quegev).

signature

(P.S. This is a bona fide signature that you should probably save because I am pretty sure that it will be worth a ton of money in a couple years after more humans are alerted of my existence. I don’t know why, but a lot of the humans I have spoken to have said that they have never heard of the lovable and delightful King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, and also, they do not understand how a cute little rat like me can even speak English. I don’t know why they’re so confused. It’s not like they’ve never been spoken to by a cute little rat before. Actually, you know what, they probably haven’t, as I am the cutest little rat that ever existed. All of the other ones, except for Sinai, were pretty unattractive, at least compared to my glorious face.)


King Negev’s Amazing Successful Guide to Properly Raising Your Beloved Pet Rat (Especially If Its Name Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev) That You Will Not Regret At All Reading As It Will Very Much Please Your Beloved Pet Rat Whose Name Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev and Therefore Will Cause It To Love You Even More Than It Already Does For Giving It A Lovely and Wonderful Name That Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev That All of Its Rat Friends Are Jealous Of

So you want to properly raise your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev? I totally understand why you want to do that. Fancy rats are just so cute and fun to be around (especially me) that naturally, you want to make sure your own has a very happy life and does not regret a single second of it. However, to make your pet rat 100% happy, you will have to work very hard. It’s not easy pleasing rats, as some can be very finicky. Here are King Negev’s best tips to making your rat’s life the best it can be.

Tip 1: First of all, you should make sure that your rat has a very nice name that is pleasing to the ear. It can be very tough to choose such a name for a rat, as there are several out there that certain owners may like, but then it turns out that their rat hates it. If you are looking for the perfect name, I suggest anything that starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev. A name like that will make your rat feel very special and good inside. (Examples include but are not limited to: Negev, Nnnnnegev, Nnegev, Nhegev, Negev, Nnegev, NegEv, Negevve, Negevh, Nnnnnnnnegev, Neghev, Negefv, Nnnneggev, Negevphv, Negevv. Gnegev and Knegev are also acceptable.)

PSYCHEDELIC

I love my name, and it starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev. Who knew?!

Tip 2: Embrace the fact that your rat probably does not want a companion if it will just be a bum and bite your favorite rat’s tail. Not like that’s happened to me ever /sarcasm. If your rat ever shows discomfort around a companion who you bought mainly just to provide company for your original (and also preferred) rat, you should probably take the second rat away to a mental asylum because it is probably mentally harming the other rat (don’t forget to get a replacement rat so that your rat at home is not having to live alone). It could also be physically harming it, but I’m pretty sure that would be more obvious to the human eye. You should, however, try to provide a companion because you do not want your beloved pet fancy rat to be all lonely. If you cannot afford another rat, just tote your rodent around wherever you go, and that should make up for the lack of friendship.

A DRAWING of a rat who does kinda look evil...

When you go looking for a friend for your rat, make sure to carefully analyze any options. If you see a rat that kind of looks like this and has a name that starts with M and is also the name of a desert, you should MOST DEFINITELY NOT GET IT AS IT IS DEFINITELY THE DEVIL TRYING TO RUIN YOUR RAT’S LIFE AND MAKE IT COMPLETELY MISERABLE. I do not care if the rat is supposedly “related” to your rat. You should still not get it. Don’t risk losing your rat’s beautiful tail.

Tip 3: Make your rat’s habitat a nice looking place. Would you like to live in a box with ugly metal bars on every single wall? No? I didn’t think so. If you cannot avoid buying a habitat like the one I previously described, try to at least make it look nice. Like maybe paint the bars your rat’s favorite color.

Negev 002

My owner never did get around to painting my cage bars purple (which is my favorite color, as everyone knows), but she did buy me this beautiful cheetah print hammock. I also had a zebra print one, but I accidentally ate that one. (IT’S NOT MY FAULT. I have a naturally gnawing instinct, and it was the first thing I could find. Besides, it tasted really good. Can’t judge me until you’ve eaten hammock yourself.)

Tip 4: Allow your rat to frolic outside of its normal environment. No rat likes to be confined to one space, no matter how pretty it is, so you should take it out for a walk a couple times an hour. Also provide ample space for it to run around like the wild rodents it was descended from. (I do not recommend letting it play near any landfills because then that could cause your rat to become dirty and who knows how awful an experience that would be for your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev.)

Negev 040

Just think of how much fun it is for your rat when he or she goes out to sniff the ground. Have you ever smelled grass? It is so much fun. I could do it all day long and never get bored. Well, technically, I would still have to rule my very vast and thriving kingdom, but otherwise, I could do nothing else and be entertained.

Tip 5: Make sure you always feed your rat the most delicious (which may or may not also be the most nutritious) rat food you can find. It does not matter how much it costs, as no rat wants to eat some dry and nasty lab pellets. Not only do they add absolutely no color to your rat’s plate (which everyone knows is awful for its health), but they are also very dusty and could cause your rat to become *gasp* dirty! What a horrible experience! I would hate to ever be dirty. If I ever ended up dirty, I would probably have nightmares for weeks, and I most certainly would NOT BE HAPPY. I would not have any fun, and I would really regret being dirty. As you know, these are things that you do not want to happen to your rat. So avoid the chance of your rat becoming dirty completely by not giving it dusty lab pellets. Instead, I suggest, giving it lots of tasty yogurt, fruit, candy, cake, cookies, ice cream, pie, milkshakes, soda, and other tastilicious treats. Your rat will never get dirty from eating these crumb/dust-free options.

yogurt

Yogurt is very good. I suggest topping it off with cookie crumbles, sprinkles, peanut-butter cups, maple syrup, whipped cream, chocolate-covered cherries, and a couple gummy bears. Now that is a healthy and mess-free meal!

Alright, that’s it! I really hope this delightful and very educational guide really helps you to be an amazing owner that constantly pampers your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev. If it doesn’t, obviously you did not read it thoroughly. Make sure you can recite this entirely from memory at any moment when you need to be a better owner so that your pet does not run away to come be a servant in my royal palace (which is a very strong temptation in pet rats nowadays, as I have heard). If you have properly read it all, while thoroughly analyzing it, then you will be able to have a great relationship with your beloved pet for years to come. Don’t forget to credit me when everyone asks how in the world you got your rat to like you.

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