Tag Archives: (123) LUV SISI

THE MOST AMAZING INVENTION EVER INVENTED! GET IT NOW FOR A DISCOUNTED PRICE OF ONLY $99.99!!!

Recently, Sinai was experimenting with her chemistry set, and she combined a lot of nitrogen with some oxygen, some water vapor, methane, carbon dioxide, and several other gases. What she made was so amazing that she has decided to share it with you!!! Sinai knows that you will love her fabulous new invention called Aerh™, and because of that, she is offering it for a limited discounted price of $99.99. But hurry up, because quantity is limited, and everybody else will also be scrambling to pick up their phones once they finish reading about the life-changing Aerh™!

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Pictured: Olivia experiencing the amazing new invention, Aerh™!! She really likes it, by the way.

Sinai has found many uses for Aerh™, making it very versatile! For example, Aerh™ helps you be and stay alive, which is totally cool and fun. Sinai discovered that, by using another one of her amazing inventions, LUNNZ™ (buy by calling the number provided at the bottom for only $999.99), you can magically process Aerh™ so that you do not die! She is not sure how, but the process involves sucking in Aerh™ and letting it out again. Another use for Aerh™ is not making you explode! If you are in a room full of Aerh™, you will not explode because the Aerh™ is pushing down on you or something like that. Yeah, Sinai is not really sure how Aerh™ works its magic. However, if you remove all the Aerh™ from the room, you will create a Vaky00m™ (patented by Sinai, so don’t steal), there will be no pressure (no pressure not removing all the Aerh™, haha), and you will burst into many tiny pieces. Lastly, you can walk on Aerh™*. This is called flying, and it is so much fun!

Since Sinai is such a kind-hearted soul, she has kindly allowed all you fortunate people to be able to buy her fantastic invention. From today to next yesterday, Aerh™ will be sold for a special discounted price of $99.99 per one unit of 2mg of Aerh™ (plus shipping and handling)! Yes, I know this may not sound very low to you. However, I would like to remind you that Aerh™ allows you to live and not be blown up into thousands of tiny pieces. Is your life worth so little that you will not spend $99.99 to keep it? Anyhow, I would also like to point out that the normal price of Aerh™ is $999,999,999,999.99 (per unit). You will be able pay for your Aerh™ in nine easy payments of $11.11.

So what are you waiting for? Call (123) LUV SISI today to order your Aerh™!

 * If you are not a bird, bat, or winged insect, we cannot guarantee that you will be able to actually do this. Please do not sue Sinai if you attempt to walk on air and accidentally break your neck.

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Olivia Models The Next Big Fashion Fad: CAT CAPS

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Cat caps are quite fashionable and stylish. They come in multiple sizes. The one above is XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL, in case you were wondering. (In Fuzzie Bawttim Orinjish Pinkish Orinj™)

Watch out, hip hop shirts, there’s a new fashion trend in town.

What is this new, amazing, trendy item? It’s a cap… for your cat!

Cat caps are very comfortable and good for both warm and cool very cold weather. They are knit hats that you just plop onto your cat’s head. Cat caps are kind of hard to keep on the feline’s head, but who cares when your cat can look so cute?

Cat caps are part of Sinai Blight’s SinaiByootie INC. fashion line. You can also buy siPawlisshe™, Tayill Reens™, SinaiSüts™, and fur dye with your cat caps! Cat caps come in many, many colors. Buy all of them in case you find out that your cat hates a certain color!

THE MANY COLORS YOU CAN BUY CAT CAPS IN! Modeled by Oliveeyah Wutevirhernaimiz

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Lait Bloo™

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Stil Lait Butt Nawt Soh Lait Bloo™

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Oliveeyahz Fer™

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Oliveeyahz i’z™

Aren’t they cute? If you want to buy a cat cap, please call (123) LUV SISI and tell the operator the details: what color, what size (all of the caps above are XS, but you can also get XL, and XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL). Depending on what type of cat you order, the price will range from $99 to $999,999. Cash only.

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Oh, Sinai!

Sinai is a very nice, charming, cute, funny, sweet, lovable, beautiful, wonderful, remarkable, hilarious, witty, intelligent, smart, kind, friendly, soft, furry, chubby, chuckle-worthy, sinailicious, delightful, fair, lovely, stunning, respectful, responsible, peaceful, likable, fantastic, fabulous, brilliant, fashionable, hard-working, clean, neat, amazing, awesome, cool, generous, graceful, terrific, one-of-a-kind, gracious, thankful, trustworthy, unique, incredible, extraordinary, and humble rat (as described by her). However, for even the rat just short of perfection (AKA SINAI), there are times when you just need to say, “Oh, [insert name of rat here]!”, and not because you think they did an excellent job of completing a task.

 

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“Oh, Sinai! Why do you have to bathe yourself in front of me? Have you no conception of personal space?”

This does not happen very often, as Sinai is pretty much perfect. The only thing that prevents her from being perfect is the fact that she has no thumbs. And without thumbs, she can’t do a lot of things, which includes being perfect. Alas.

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Oh, Sinai! Why can’t you drink your water like a normal rat? Probably because you have no thumbs. Well, then, I don’t blame you. I probably would drink my water abnormally if I had no thumbs.

Pretty much everything Sinai does that is not perfect can be explained with the statement “she has no thumbs”, except for the one time that she accidentally told Soigné that she loved her. That was because Soigné’s evil demon thumbs (yes, Soigné has thumbs) told poor thumbless Sinai that she would receive thumbs (and therefore become perfect) if she only said “I love you” to Soigné just once. Naturally, Sinai really wanted thumbs, and she didn’t care if she only had to say “I love you” to Soigné once. However, Soigné’s thumbs were playing a cruel prank on Sinai, and they taped her telling Soigné that she loved her, which they uploaded online. All of Sinai’s fans thought that she loved Soigné, and it took Sinai nine months to clear up any doubt in her un-love for her sister. (Also, she never did get those thumbs. Of course, if she had gotten any, they probably would have also been evil demon thumbs that taped everything she said and turned her simple phrases into things that made it seem like she actually had feelings for her sister.)

Sinai in a pair of jeans that were clearly never hers to begin with.

Oh, Sinai! Why did you have to get the XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL jeans?! You know that those are even too big for your huge and very portly tummy!

Of course, Sinai does not make very many poor choices, even with her lack of thumbs. Most of the time, in fact, she usually just follows her sister’s awful advice and ends up doing something that she later regrets. Sinai has tried to prevent this by finding other rats to work for her so that she can fire her sister, but so far no one has signed up. So it looks like she’ll just have to wait until somebody wants to be her chef/butler/tailor/maid/lawn service rat/painter/roofer/doctor/stand-in-sister/gardener/mattress/entertainment system/general all-purpose rat. If you are interested, call (123) LUV SISI. Pay is $1 per month. No health benefits. You may have to donate some of your money to Sinai if she asks for it.

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Ask Sinai #9

Dear Sinai,
You are an okay rat. I mean, you are a nice rat, but you are pretty average. I am also a very average rat. I am not exceptionally smart, funny, or talented. I was wondering how you somehow managed to become a very successful rat despite your averageness. I do not think I am destined to be big and famous like you, but I do want to live a successful life. Can you give me tips?

– Plain Old Ordinary Priscilla Bucket

Dear P.O.O.P Bucket,
Let me establish one fact before I continue: I AM NOT AN AVERAGE RAT. I am an extraordinarly witty, cute, funny, funny, smart, funny, kind, funny, adorable, attractive, funny, beautiful, exceptional, stellar, outstanding, kind, cute, hilarious, funny, funny, soigné, remarkable, poetic, funny, intelligent, kind, funny, divine, funny, graceful, gracious, funny, lovable, funny, wonderful, magical, wonderful, funny, attractive, charming, delightful, kind, funny, delightful, humble, and non-repetitive rat. I am in no way average. I don’t know what would ever make you think that that awful word could ever describe the Divine Ruler of Everything. Obviously, you are mentally diseased. I recommend you find a qualified doctor to help you find a cure (if any) to your mental illness. I believe Dr. S. I. Naithegreat, my dearest doctor friend, would be very good at helping you. She can be contacted by calling (123) LUV SISI. Now, onto your question. As you are mentally ill, I do not believe you would be able to understand any answers if I wrote them, so therefore I will not bother. Besides, insulting the most important rat alive pretty much ruins any chances you have of a successful life. I have friends in higher places than you (but lower than me).

– Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything

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Stop being naked!

Do you ever sometimes feel like your tail is just a little… naked? Well I know for a fact that you have. Don’t even try denying it, because you know it’s the truth. Tails are so overlooked in fashion these days. I mean, you can get fake tail coverings, but those just make your naked tail look like another naked tail, which is kind of not okay, especially if you are trying to stop being so naked on your tail. Well, lucky for you, SinaiByootie INC. (run by your favorite rat, Sinai) has created an accessory that goes on your tail and makes your tail stop looking so naked. It’s called… The Tayill Reen™!

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What you look like before you get The Tayill Reen™: somewhat happy, but not nearly as happy as you could possibly be, as your tail is suffering the sad fate of being NAKED while the rest of you is obviously fully clothed. (Note: you are probably not this beautiful, nor will you ever be, as you are not Sinai the Great, and no one else in the world is nearly as beautiful as her.)

The Tayill Reen™ is a handy little ring that you slip onto your tail. (DUH!) All you have to do to prevent yourself from losing it is keep your tail sticking up in the air all day long and NEVER LET IT FALL TO THE GROUND, AS YOUR TAYILL REEN™ MIGHT JUST ROLL RIGHT OFF, AND YOU’D NEVER NOTICE UNTIL EVERYONE WAS LAUGHING AT YOU FOR HAVING A NAKED TAIL. That is very easy, though, and it is definitely worth tiring your tail muscles so that you do not have to walk around with a naked tail until you can find yours/buy a new one. (In case you are wondering, Sinai tried to make a no-slip Tayill Reen™, but the spikes that she inserted inside the ring ended up causing the test subject– who was not in any way related to Sinai, even distantly– some minor pain. Sinai did not want to cause her customers pain, no matter how minor, so therefore she pulled the ring. She did, however, let her test subject– who was still not even distantly related to Sinai– keep the ring if she wanted.)

The Tayill Reen™ also comes in a multitude of beautiful colors. For example, you can get it in the signature siPawlisshe color, Püpey™, or you can get it in a cool new color, which is called DharckPüpey™ (which is like Püpey™, only darker). The Tayill Reen™ even comes in some fun and peppy patterns– there’s stripes, dots, plaid, little Sinai heads, camo, gingham, paisley, check, scales, and more! (Patterns are available in both Püpey™ and DharckPüpey™ and in a unique color that is only available in patterns known as PhaydidPüpey™, which is like Püpey™, only faded.) Also, there are different finishes to the different colors (not included PhaydidPüpey™) if you don’t want a pattern, but you don’t want a plain color, either. You can get either of the two colors in sparkle, matte finish, textured, iridescent, or with Sinai’s fur in the ring (note: getting Sinai’s fur will cause the price to increase a little). But that’s not all! If you are the Divine Ruler of Everything, you can get The Tayill Reen™ in pink/purple/maroon/red/coral/orange/yellow/lime/green/turquoise/blue/indigo/24 karat gold/sterling silver (with or without patterns/special finish)! (If you are not, then you are not allowed to have fun somewhat more interesting and less barfy colors.)

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Yes, these look slightly barfy. However, that does not mean that they are not also trendy. Just think of how great they would go with that booger hanging out of your nostril.

When you get The Tayill Reen™, you will feel suddenly lighter, as if you are no longer held down by the burden that your naked tail has been to your life. You haven’t noticed how heavy it is, since you have never lived without this boulder on your shoulders, or rather, your butt, but when you are suddenly relieved of it, you will be amazed at how great you feel. And who wouldn’t like to healthier and younger? Exactly!

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This is you after you get your Tayill Reen™. Notice how much happier you are. Also, you are positively radiant and crying tears of joy. What a lovely sight. (Note: This is not really you. This is actually Sinai the Great, in case you suddenly thought that you were close to as beautiful as Sinai is. No illusions of grandeur for you.)

Are you convinced yet? Call (123) LUV SISI to order your inexpensive Tayill Reen™ today! You won’t regret your purchase, I guarantee it! (Costs: $999.99 plain, $1999.99 pattern, $2599.99 special finish, $5999.99 Sinai’s fur special finish, $0 if you are the Divine Ruler of Everything.)

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Eight Pictures of Sinai the Great’s Exceptionally Attractive and Very Beautiful Mouth (Complete With Teeth) PLUS An Exclusive Opportunity to Have a Mouth Just Like Sinai’s

Who knew? Sinai has an exceptionally attractive and very beautiful mouth (complete with teeth) that is sure to make you faint the first time you see it! (Note: You will not faint because it is ugly. You will faint because it is so lovely, and you cannot believe that such a delicate and pretty thing could ever exist.)  But what does this beauty of a mouth look like, exactly? Well look no further because below are eight pictures of the very same mouth that probably haunts all of your happiest dreams. (If you do not recall dreaming about Sinai’s dreamy, dreamy mouth, do not fret. A lot of rats have troubles with remember what they dream about. It is very likely that you have dreamed about Sinai’s teeth before, but you just can’t remember the delightful experience, which is a pity because it was probably the best thing that will ever happen to you.)


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In this picture, you can clearly see Sinai’s beautiful teeth that everyone is jealous of and wishes to have. Sadly, they are not for sale. Although, if you are interested in having a mouth like Sinai’s, you should scroll down a little further.

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Here, you can see your favorite Divine Ruler of Everything posing with her mouth open. You can also see a vicious rat whose name we cannot say nor write (due to the curse that is set upon anyone who says it) in the purple plastic rat igloo in the background, but it is easier to ignore it.

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Sinai is very good at climbing cage bars, as you can see. She is also very good at having an attractive rat mouth.

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Here is a close-up on the best thing since Sinai was born. (After her beautiful dumbo ears, of course.)

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Sinai is clearly very good at posing with her mouth open. Either that, or someone is very good at timing pictures to catch Sinai at just the right moments. (It is more likely to be the first option, though.)

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She is also highly skilled in the area of climbing on cage bars and shaking her head back and forth. What a lovely sight. I am so envious of that wonderful rat mouth of hers.

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From this angle, you can also see a close up of Sinai’s mouth, and even her dainty nostrils! What an exciting sight to behold! (Not only that, but you can also gaze upon her delightful dumbo ears and her fantastic and very sensitive whiskers that you often dream about.)

Sinai 072Here is Sinai and her lovely mouth again. Unfortunately, her beautiful mouth that makes rats all around the world faint from the shock of being able to see it happens to be in the same picture as that very same rat whose name we could not mention earlier (or now). It is a tragedy, indeed, but Sinai does not mind it, as you can clearly see that she is fighting the evil nuisance whose name must remain unspoken. We can assume that she won the fight as she is a very skilled warrior who has not lost a single battle yet.


If you would like a mouth just like Sinai’s very own stunning beauty, you are in luck! Call (123) LUV SISI any time from now to the end of eternity to receive an exclusive discount on a new mouth that looks exactly like Sinai’s! (It is made out of a very weak plastic that will probably dissolve from all your saliva in a month, but it is worth dishing out the money because Sinai has a beautiful mouth, and you know you want a beautiful mouth too.) The mouth itself costs $999,999.99, and once you get your mouth, you must find a certified surgeon to install your new body part. (We suggest Dr. S. I. Naithegreat, but you can also use Dr. Ianis Izzadochter, or Dr. Tae R. Gehtianis. They are all approved to perform the procedure.) Depending on which doctor you end up using, the surgery may cost between 1-10 (billion) dollars. As you can see, this is a very cheap procedure to go through to get your new mouth.

taylorswiftratmouth“It feels like a perfect night to get a new mouth/And look so happy/Ah ah, ah ah/It feels like a perfect day for plastic surgery/To love my new mouth/Ah ah, ah ah.”

 See?! Even Taylor Swift wants a new mouth by Sinai.* And doesn’t she look so happy to have her brand new mouth? I think she does. If you want to be fashionable, believe me, a rat mouth is exactly what you want. Call (123) LUV SISI right now to get a mouth that looks just like your favorite Divine Ruler of Everything’s!

* Taylor Swift did not really get a rat mouth. But that does not mean that you shouldn’t get one! In fact, buy a couple so that all of your friends can have them too! They will really thank you.

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Happy Dearest NaiNai Day!

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Ever wonder what to do on the best holiday in June to honor the rat for which it was created? If you have, a really good idea would be to paint your nails/claws a beautiful color like, say… PÜPEY!! It is an amazing color, and believe me, all of your will love it. At first, you mighg not be immediately attracted to this timeless color, but as you wear it, you will realize why this shade is such a classic. Call (123) LUV SISI now to buy up to 100 bottles of Püpey (sadly, we cannot ship more than a hundred bottles of siPawlisshe at once). Believe me, the dearest NaiNai would definitely support your decision to purchase this amazing polish.

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Meet Sinai’s Armadillo Friend

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Sinai does not really know what its name is (or its gender), but she is pretty sure that she and this armadillo are now best friends. (Actually, Sinai already has a best friend and a second-best friend, so technically they are best-on-one-side-third-best-on-the-other friends.) Because they are best-on-one-side-third-best-on-the-other friends, Sinai needed a name for her best-on-one-side-third-best-on-the-other friend, so (because she didn’t know its real name) she decided to temporarily call it Sinai’s Armadillo Friend (or S.A.F.). If anyone has its birth certificate or personal identification papers, please notify Soigné right away so she can read them and tell Sinai this very important information. In case you don’t already have Sinai’s public phone number memorized, it is (123) LUV SISI.

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Sinai’s Greatest Fear and What You Can Do to Help Her

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Sometimes Sinai thinks about how much she wishes that she wasn’t so scared of the dark so that she could gaze upon her delicate and attractive face for longer than she does now. She also wishes that her sister wasn’t so lazy.

You may not have known this, but Sinai is scared of the dark. And when I say that, I don’t just mean dimly lit areas and things that go bump in the night. I mean anything that is dark in color (although I wouldn’t put the previously mentioned fears out of the picture). She finds it even scarier than the thought of Soigné one day becoming more powerful than her.

Naturally, this is a very challenging fear for a dark colored rat to face. In the morning, Sinai must be careful to not look in the bathroom mirror for too long, as gazing upon her otherwise very beautiful face for too long (as in over four seconds) can result in a stressful beginning to the day. And, being the Divine Ruler of Everything, Sinai already has a very stressful life. To try to reduce this, she leads a very calm and relaxing personal life that usually includes four to five hours of meditation a day. However, she can’t fully accomplish this without overcoming her fear of the dark, which has proven to be quite a challenge.

Sinai has gone to many Achluophobics Anonymous meetings (wearing a mask, naturally, as without one, she wouldn’t actually be anonymous), and she has had a personal counselor attempt to help her with her fear, but alas… neither of them have succeeded. Even though Sinai can now look at her face for four seconds instead of one second (as she used to), she is still very frightened of darkness. Whenever she stares at her face, back, thighs, legs, tail, or pretty much any part of her body except for her belly, ears, nose, or tip of tail, she breaks out in a cold sweat that drenches her fur and gives her a bad hair day. She also starts nibbling on her claws, which totally ruins her weekly manicure (causing her to have to go back and have her claws redone, which inconveniently interrupts her busy work schedule as Divine Ruler of Everything). And lastly, if she looks too long, her eyes lock, and she has to be dragged to the Emergency Room (with a light colored blindfold over her eyes to reduce the terror going on in her mind), which is even worse than getting her claws done when it comes to interrupting her work schedule. It really is a pain in the multi-colored tail for Sinai to be scared of the dark, and yet, not even the most prestigious doctors can cure her of this disabling fear. If, at one point, Sinai’s eyes lock onto her dark hindquarters, and Soigné is off somewhere being a procrastinating loser who doesn’t care about her sister’s welfare, there will most likely be no other rats to take her to the Emergency Room. At that point…well, the prospects don’t look very promising.

No one wants a Divine Ruler of Everything who remains in a vegetative state for the rest of her life just because some lazy bum (a.k.a. her sister) couldn’t bother to take care of her and rush her to the E.R. It would be really awful if the universe was left with some horrid democratic ruler that only wore business suits and ties who also actually cared about the people. No longer would there be any fun gossip to catch up on, and you wouldn’t be able to make fun of Soigné anymore because I am pretty sure that democratic leaders don’t have servants who work for free (not out of their own free will), and that would totally eliminate Soigné from being part of a future ruling of the universe.

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Sinai needs you to help her from sitting in a coma for many years due to the fact that her sister can’t be bothered to do her job properly. Call (123) LUV SISI if you are interested.

Because that is an awful scenario to even think about (let us pray that it never occurs), Sinai is asking that you help her with her greatest fear (which is the dark, in case you have not actually read this entire article). She doesn’t want you to try and cure her because she is pretty sure that if Dr. S. I. Naithegreat, the most skilled doctor in all of the universe, can’t do it, neither can an amateur doctor wannabe like you. Also, she doesn’t want to end up horribly deformed because part of your procedure went just a little bit wrong and screwed up her entire beautiful body and future. So please don’t even consider offering to treat her. If you are thinking of such a thing, why don’t you just close this webpage right now and zap yourself until you forget why you are zapping yourself in the first place? (After you finish, you can come back here. If you feel an urge to help Sinai overcome her fear, repeat the process. You may be able to mentally train yourself to not think a thought if you continuously do this.)  Okay, now that we have eliminated everyone with ill intentions in mind, we shall continue.

Sinai  needs help not in curing her phobia, but in having rats around to help her if her eyes lock up and she is left helpless to think of nothing but how scary black fur looks. (She also does not like white fur in large amounts, but darker colored fur is definitely more scary, as it reminds her of Soigné’s very frightening face.) Soigné is technically supposed to wear a pendant that Sinai also wears that vibrates whenever it detects Sinai’s eyes locking on any dark colored patch of fur. (It cost quite a lot of money to develop the technology, but the Divine Ruler of Everything’s life is worth it. I will not disclose the amount that was spent because then you will not feel like helping Sinai anymore.) However, Sinai is pretty sure that Soigné threw it away or forgot to charge the battery. Either that, or Soigné forgot that it existed and just doesn’t wear it because she doesn’t know that it exists. Either way, Soigné is still a horrible slacker who procrastinates all the time and constantly forgets to check on Sinai every couple of minutes. (She says that she cannot camp outside of Sinai’s room even though Sinai offered to buy her a tent so that she could.) Sinai needs a couple of rats who are willing to do Soigné’s job and help out the best rat ever. The rats will operate on shifts so that they will not have to worry about working at the same time as Soigné (who is awful at working with other rats, by the way). Soigné will get the 10pm-6am shift, and the rats who volunteer will be able to choose when they can work. If you are interested in helping out your favorite rodent leader, call (123) LUV SISI right now to tell Sinai about your interest in a vital position that will earn you a ton of respect from other rats and also earn you a ton of money (Sinai pays $1 a month, which is very high compared to similar employers, as you may know).

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