Tag Archives: accent

Why I Hate Soigné – An Explanation by Sinai on Her Feelings For Her Sister (Quote$ #11)

007 (4)Sinai is very squished in the picture above. I wonder how that might have happened. Might her sister, Soigné, shoved her against the cage bars? It’s a possibility.

“Me don’t know why no one can understand why I hate my sister, Soigné. I mean, first of all, her name is impossible to spell. I only managed to spell it after checking her birth certificate nine times. I can never get whether the o is supposed to go before the i, or the i before the o. And then there’s that e. It is so annoying. I can never get which accent to put on it. I wish that she would just change her name to something more friend (like Iluvsinai), or even get a nickname so I don’t have to write that horrible name out whenever I refer to her without using pronouns or indirect references. Then she goes and shoves me against the cage bars when she wants to sit somewhere, which is very rude, because I am always there first. Me also don’t like her ugliness. She is, like, white and black. That is so ugly. Doesn’t she know that black and white have been the hot colors ever since May 9, 2012? (Coincidentally, that day is also my birthday.) Then she smells funny. She smells like my poop. (Just so you know, me don’t poop on her. I know it seems like I do, but I don’t. Really. I don’t lie.) Eww, right? And… yup, that’s all.”

Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything

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How! To! Annoy! The! Heck! Out! All! Of! Your! Friends!

Ever been really annoyed by what a friend of yours did and want to give them a tate of their own medicine, only to find out that you are incapable of bejng irritating? Well I have. Here are some easy tips to make you the least popular rat in your town.

Tip One: Speak in some exaggerated accent that is obviously not your natural one. This won’t work unless you never close your mouth and keep it up for over a day. You should also try interrupting random rats with your ridiculous and very annoying accent. Not only will people be angry at you for cutting into their conversation, but they will also not like that you can’t at least talk normally, even when they ask you to please stop.

Tip Two: Pretend that any table you sit at is your own personal drum set. A lot of rats like listening to drums, but not when they’re trying to finish a paper for a deadline later that day. They also especially do not like it when the drummer refuses to stop the aggravating act that they are committing even after being asked several times. (Which means that you must act completely indifferent from the world when you use this tip.)

Tip Three: Act like you have the worst memory in the world. After someone has to tell you where the bathroom is twenty-three times, they tend to not be so fond of you. Especially when you then continue to ask if they have sinks in the bathroom, or will you need to walk about with germy hands the rest of dat?

Tip Four: If You Are Texting Someone Or Writing A Paper Capitalize The First Letter Of Each Word And Ditch Punctuation Since No One Actually Needs Punctuation To Read Anything Or Even Understand And Comprehend What Someone Has Written Right Am I Correct Also Sometimes You Might Want To Try Putting Exclamation! Points! Or! Question? Marks? After? Every? Word? Even If They Are Considered To Be Punctuation This Is Very Annoying As You May Have Noticed And It Will Definitely Help You To Lose All Your Friends And Make Several New Enemies Hope This Helps Thanks Bye

Tip Five: Steal all of your friends’ stuff. Take strangers’ stuff, too. This will make you really unpopular real quick.

Tip Six: Creepily walk up to random rodents and stand behind them. If they ask why you’re standing behind them, pretend that you don’t have any idea what they are talking about and continue to stand behind them.

Tip Seven: Find something that no one likes and become obsessed with it. You must live through your new obsession and relate everything anybody says to this and wear only fan apparel for your newfound love. Also, while you’re at it, if you are obsessed with a celebrity or other rat, stalk them. Not physically, since that’s illegal, but you can legally plague their Twitter with disturbing messages about how you want to have their babies or fill your Instagram with photoshopped pictures of you and the rat you are obsessed with and email them the link fifty-seven times.

Tip Eight: Act like a know-it-all. You must make sure everyone has heard about your latest grade multiple times before you feel good about yourself.

Tip Nine: Make some really unfunny jokes (Why did the chicken not cross the road? He didn’t want to) and then start laughing at your own unentertaining jokes. When no one joins you ib chuckling, complain about how everyone is mean to you. When someone starts to laugh, complain about how they’re laughing at you and not your joke. Continue to misinterpret others’ actions and words until they don’t want to even pretend to be nice to you.

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