Tag Archives: all-purpose servant

Ask Sinai #7 – Special Edition: Ask Soigné

Ask Sinai a question in the comments section below. She might even be gracious enough to use some of her extremely precious celestial time to type an answer out to your question!


Dear Soigné,

I am writing to you because I hear you are an expert on being an annoying sister, and I want to benefit from your vast knowledge and experience on this subject. Here is the problem: I have annoying sister somewhat like you. She is very ugly, what with her pale butt/torso complexion and over-tanned head (it is so tanned that it is literally black). I am a very powerful rat who has no time for doing house chores, so I have employed her to take care of my business and basically be my maid/butler/cook/all-purpose servant. I even pay her quite a large amount of money for her work (much more than she would get from other employers), but she either wastes much of it on frivolous things (like toothpaste, toilet paper, and electricity) or she donates it to a charity for charming and attractive rats with names beginning with S and rhyming with NaiNai who need a little help with the necessities, like power, dental hygiene, and having something to wipe themselves with. The truth is, even though she has quite a substancial income (thanks to me), she squanders it all (although it is nice that she donates to a charity organization) and is left with a little over minimum wage, and she blames me for it. Not only this, but she is not very good at her job. Her toast is too crispy, she left a streak mark on my bottom-of-first-floor-to-ceilling-of-fifth-floor window wall, and she takes up too much space in my tiny five story sophisticated hut with a mere square footage of twenty thousand feet. As she has not responded to my kindness, I have decided that the only way to get rid of her bad habits but keep her (because I am a loving sister) is to be annoying back to her. Have you any ideas on how to be the most irritating sibling ever (second only to you, naturally)?

Soigné, I Need An Insighfulthoughtonthis

Dear S. I. N. A. I.,

You sound very much like my sister. If you could kindly write back with proof that you are not her, then I would be quite pleased to help you. Until then, if you are my sister, I just want you to know that I am not helping you to be more annoying especially since I’d have to deal with it.

Soigné

Dear Soigné,

What ever makes you think I am your sister? I am too humble to be that lovely and very attractive, kind, charming, witty, intelligent, smart, lovable, pretty, beautiful, funny, remarkable, grand, and humble rat. Here is a picture of me for proof.

image

As you can see, I am not Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything (also known as your sister), but I would not mind if I was.

Sinai Is Not the Author (Iakamyself)

Dear S. I. N. A. (I.),

That’s a picture of me. Sorry, but I am definitely not helping you, even if you are not Sinai.

Soigné

Dear Soigné,

Young lady, answer me now, or I shall lower your salary that you already complain so much about.

Still I’m Not An Innocentrat(akanotsinai)inyoureyes

Dear S. I. N. A. I.,

You can’t do that. It’s already minimum wage. Any lower is against the law.

Soigné

Dear Soigné,

I AM THE DIVINE RULER OF EVERYTHING! I WILL LOWER MINIMUM WAGE IF I MUST TO TRAIN YOU INTO OBEDIENCE!

I am not Sinai you doubting and untrusting rodent unworthy of my letters

Dear Sinai,

Just gave yourself away. #jokesonyou

Soigné

Undear Soigné,

I just passed a law making minimum wage 50¢ a year. #whosgotthelastlaughnow

I am not your sister!

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