Dear Book of Me,
Sometimes I feel like my sister does not want to bond with me. I do not understand why, as I am the most attractive, smart, funny, lovable, soft, hilarious, amicable, likable, intelligent, kindly, cute, adorable, friendly, silky, charming, elegant, distinguished, brainy, great, divine, athletic, easy-going and humble rat to ever live. I mean, who wouldn’t want to bond with me? It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, you know. A lot of young rodents want nothing more than to be my friend, and here she is, refusing my kind offer!
But anyhow, I have been trying to be more friendly towards my sister, Soigné, after getting a couple complaints from some lady rat named “5w@nY_ay2881927463” on http://www.reviewsinai5starsordie.com about how I “mistreat my sister.” (Complete lies, obviously, but I don’t need some little kid spreading false rumors about the relationship I have with my sister.)
Some of the ways I have tried to be more kind than I already have been to Soigné include reducing her work day from sixteen hours to fifteen hours and fifty-nine minutes, helping her try on SinaiSüts (see Ask Sinai #2 for details), and forcing her to eat one square meal a day (instead of her old diet of choice, bread and water). I think I have been a very generous and loving sister, and yet she tells me that she wants to move out and no longer work for me. What a thankless snob! I’ve spent minutes thinking up ways to improve her already-privileged life. Believe me, not all rats can sleep in the cellars of the Divine Ruler of Everything! She should consider herself lucky. Shame on her for being so ungrateful.
Your favorite and very underappreciated rat,
Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything