Tag Archives: beautiful

Sinai’s New Years Resolutions!

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Me know that me is already the most wonderful rat to ever live, but how can me become even better?

Sinai is 99% the perfect rat. She’s attractive, nice, witty, cute, generous, loving, lovable, funny, humorous, intelligent, smart, pretty, kind, likeable, friendly, jiggly, chumpy, chubalicious, splendid, delicious, scrumptious, beautiful, good, great, selfless, wonderful, trustworthy, respectful, fantastic, chubby, interesting, fascinating, sinailicious, choopy, fabulous, fantabulous, incredible, a genius, brave, remarkable, lovely, knowledgeable, well-organized, creative, responsible, internationally beloved, peaceful, hard-working, fat,  confident, honest, and humble. However, she is still not perfect! Sinai thinks that with her resolutions for 2014, she will become 100% perfect.

Sinai’s Resolutions

  1. Me need money. Me make a lot of money (as in a couple trillion dollars) next year! It no matter how the money comes into my possession.
  2. Me should be more rude to Soigné so that she become more obedient and responding to my commands.
  3. Me really no like going to gym. Me will call up a demolition team and get them to demolish the gym! Then me no have to go!
  4. Me will convince all of the doubters that me really is a very humble rat! Me no know why they no believe me!
  5. Me will spray my nasty sister, Soigné, with lots of perfume so that she stops smelling like nasty latex.*
  6. Me not a very happy rat. Me will secretly record videos of Soigné doing embarrassing things and watch these videos in my free time to make me laugh.
  7. Me has wasted a lot of my time this year, so me will wake up one minute earlier than my normal time next year. Then me have lower wasted time to productive time ratio!
  8. Me gained twenty pounds this year . . . that is not enough! Me will gain fifty pounds in 2014!
  9. Yup, otherwise, me pretty much flawless.

* this is a true fact, Soigné actually does smell like latex.

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The Cutest, Charmingest, Delightfulest, Beautifulest, Bestest, Sweetest, Funniest, Wittiest, Loveliest, Fascinatingest, Intelligentest, and Humblest Rat Ever!

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Look at this absolutely adorable little child of rat! She is so cute! Also, her name is Sinai, which means “The Bestest Rat.” (Look it up, it’s true. I’m not lying.) She is very beautiful, as you can clearly see (unless you are blind; in that case, I apologize for being politically incorrect), and she also smells good. (You will have to take my word for that.) Plus, she has a melodious voice that is soothing to the ear. Please ignore the strange white blur in the bottom left corner. I don’t know what happened. There must have been something wrong with the camera. However, I assure you, that is not Sinai’s ugly, disgusting, smelly, nasty, stinky, farting sister, Soigné, running away from her darling sister. Why would she ever do that? Sinai is a very kind and loving rat. She has never been mean or disrespectful to her sister, ever! Really! I she did not write this post, so anything about how “ugly, disgusting, smelly, nasty, stinky” Soigné is is not from her. Really. I am not kidding! Okay, now onto the situation of the white blur which really is not Soigné. I think it might be a ghost. Yeah, that’s probably it. It was training for Halloween. Of course, Soigné is so ugly that she scares little rat children everyday of the year, not just Halloween.

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How to Hashtag Like a Pro!

It’s very easy to hashtag! All you do is pick random words that slightly relate to your subject matter and slap a hashtag in front. Hashtags used to be limited to just Twitter, but now d-bags and Honda dealers around the world stick them in front of every single word they speak just to be more d-bag-ish. Sinai will show you just how easy it is to hashtag by using a picture of her. All you need is your brain, literacy, and creativity. A thesaurus is helpful if you are short on hashtags but can’t find anything else to use.

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#sinai #cute #funny #sweet #adorable #charming #delightful #hilarious #pretty #beautiful #rat #rodent #rattusnorvegicus #attractive #smart #genius #intelligent #witty #punny #fancyrat #chubby #tail #multicoloredtail #prettytail #nice #plump #fatso #fatty #pleasantlyplump #lovable #likeable #snout #fur #hair #blackandwhite #blackandwhitefur #blackandwhitehair #notwhiteandblack #ihatewhiteandblack #whiteandblackisugly #hashtag #thisisahashtag #cuterat #cuteface #cutetail #nose #eye #othereye #eyes #nostril #internationallybeloved #remarkable #excellent #perfect #humble #shelf #cage #door #cagebars #wooddoor #greyshelf, #grayshelf, #ears, #dumborat, #bigears, #pinkears #soulfuleyes #sinaithegreat #sinaiblight #sinainumbersblight #sinainumbersnumbersdontlieblight #sinaithegreatdivinerulerofeverything #divineruler #divinerulerofeverything #stg #stgdroe #sb #snb #torso #furry #kind #fuzzy #fluffy #hairy #whiskers #shadow #amazing #hasalosersister #si #niley #sisi #nainai #smunny #dollarat #sbigcash #zwvasv #notianis #hasneverlied #animal #mammal #organism #alive #awake #darling #female #biggirl #chumpy #chump #chumpychump #chubba #photograph #photo #canbreathe #air #nitrogen #oxygen #o #watervapor #h2ovapor #carbondioxide #co2 #methane #gas #atmosphere #troposphere #earth #solarsystem #milkyway #milkywaygalaxy #theuniverse #doesnotoverusehashtags

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How To Be Like Soigné Blight (Better Known As Sinai’s Pesky Sister)!

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Hi! I’m Soigné, the sister of Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! I am definitely not Sinai pretending to be Soigné! Why would I she ever want to do that? I can’t honestly imagine why you would want to be like me (as in Soigné, not Sinai who, let me repeat, I am not), but, as you are still reading this I assume you actually do. (?!) Anyhow, read on to learn how to be a total schlemiel just like me! Oh, how exciting!

You have probably, at one point in your life, wanted to be someone other than yourself. Examples of rats who you probably have wanted to be would include Sinai the Great, Sinai Blight, or the Divine Ruler of Everything. However, there are many other rats who can want to be, even if you are not exactly sure why you’d want to be them. Soigné Blight is a very good example of such rats. She is annoying, pesky, a pain in the multi-colored tail, annoying, annoying, annoying, greasy, annoying, grimy, disgusting, annoying, dirty, nasty, gross, not soigné, annoying, annoying, annoying, annoying, irritating, annoying, and annoying– but for some reason, rats want to be like her. Who knew?

If you are suddenly wanting to be like Soigné for some strange reason, then you are in luck! Sinai has typed up this lovely and rather helpful guide just for you! Reading it will help you to achieve your crazy goal of being like Soigné (who is a terrible role model, BY THE WAY).

How To Be a Terrible Rat Just Like Soigné!

Before you continue, please ask yourself if you really want to be like Soigné. If you are not 100% sure, then you should not continue. If you are 100% sure that you really do want to be like Soigné, then you should probably go see your doctor.

Step 1. Roll around in a vat full of grease. It is important to be very greasy when you are imitating Soigné because she prides herself in the terrible condition of her straw-like fur.

Step 2. Dye your fur a disgusting shade of white and black (!! NOT BLACK AND WHITE !!). Be very careful not to get black and white, because that is not Soigné’s fur color.

Step 3. Adapt to have a nasally accent (or one that sounds like you have a nose full of boogers).

Step 4. Roll around in some more grease.

Step 5. Get a cute, funny, adorable, likeable, sweet, charming, delightful, soigné, black and white, beautiful, attractive, and kindly rat to be the Sinai to your Soigné. Bonus points if you are related to said rat.

Step 6. Reject baths, showers, cleanliness, and hygiene in general. If you are to be Soigné, you must be absolutely filthy!

Step 7. Read Soigné’s autobiography (I Am Not A Terrible Rat! by S. T. A. Blight) so you can think more like this disgrace to society.

Step 8. Thoroughly coat yourself with even more grease.

Step 9. Give up because no one can ever be as disgusting as Soigné is. And don’t forget to go to your doctor to have your brain checked!

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Is Sinai Humble?

As you all know, Sinai is a (self described) very beautiful, funny, cute, attractive, lovely, likable, charming, witty, smart, nice, great, cute, wonderful, brilliant, remarkable, fine-looking, cute, incredible, stunning, hilarious, chumpy, sinailicious, loving, kind, soft, lovable, beautiful, attractive, excellent, stellar, super, terrific, unique, outstanding, extraordinary, internationally-beloved, pretty, gorgeous, intelligent, cute, cute, beautiful, charming, delightful, cute, cool, and fascinating rat. However, she is also very humble, yet no one seems to believe that of all her amazing personality traits, humble is one of them. Sinai is very sad, as she is proud of how humble and modest she is, and she doesn’t like that no one believes her when she says that she is a humble rat.

Sinai, however, believes that there are rats out there who believe in the humbleness of her. To see just how many there are, she created this poll. Please answer it so that Sinai can see just how many rats really support her and can therefore return to normal life being loved by all who see her precious face.

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Oh, Sinai!

Sinai is a very nice, charming, cute, funny, sweet, lovable, beautiful, wonderful, remarkable, hilarious, witty, intelligent, smart, kind, friendly, soft, furry, chubby, chuckle-worthy, sinailicious, delightful, fair, lovely, stunning, respectful, responsible, peaceful, likable, fantastic, fabulous, brilliant, fashionable, hard-working, clean, neat, amazing, awesome, cool, generous, graceful, terrific, one-of-a-kind, gracious, thankful, trustworthy, unique, incredible, extraordinary, and humble rat (as described by her). However, for even the rat just short of perfection (AKA SINAI), there are times when you just need to say, “Oh, [insert name of rat here]!”, and not because you think they did an excellent job of completing a task.

 

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“Oh, Sinai! Why do you have to bathe yourself in front of me? Have you no conception of personal space?”

This does not happen very often, as Sinai is pretty much perfect. The only thing that prevents her from being perfect is the fact that she has no thumbs. And without thumbs, she can’t do a lot of things, which includes being perfect. Alas.

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Oh, Sinai! Why can’t you drink your water like a normal rat? Probably because you have no thumbs. Well, then, I don’t blame you. I probably would drink my water abnormally if I had no thumbs.

Pretty much everything Sinai does that is not perfect can be explained with the statement “she has no thumbs”, except for the one time that she accidentally told Soigné that she loved her. That was because Soigné’s evil demon thumbs (yes, Soigné has thumbs) told poor thumbless Sinai that she would receive thumbs (and therefore become perfect) if she only said “I love you” to Soigné just once. Naturally, Sinai really wanted thumbs, and she didn’t care if she only had to say “I love you” to Soigné once. However, Soigné’s thumbs were playing a cruel prank on Sinai, and they taped her telling Soigné that she loved her, which they uploaded online. All of Sinai’s fans thought that she loved Soigné, and it took Sinai nine months to clear up any doubt in her un-love for her sister. (Also, she never did get those thumbs. Of course, if she had gotten any, they probably would have also been evil demon thumbs that taped everything she said and turned her simple phrases into things that made it seem like she actually had feelings for her sister.)

Sinai in a pair of jeans that were clearly never hers to begin with.

Oh, Sinai! Why did you have to get the XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL jeans?! You know that those are even too big for your huge and very portly tummy!

Of course, Sinai does not make very many poor choices, even with her lack of thumbs. Most of the time, in fact, she usually just follows her sister’s awful advice and ends up doing something that she later regrets. Sinai has tried to prevent this by finding other rats to work for her so that she can fire her sister, but so far no one has signed up. So it looks like she’ll just have to wait until somebody wants to be her chef/butler/tailor/maid/lawn service rat/painter/roofer/doctor/stand-in-sister/gardener/mattress/entertainment system/general all-purpose rat. If you are interested, call (123) LUV SISI. Pay is $1 per month. No health benefits. You may have to donate some of your money to Sinai if she asks for it.

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Ask Sinai #9

Dear Sinai,
You are an okay rat. I mean, you are a nice rat, but you are pretty average. I am also a very average rat. I am not exceptionally smart, funny, or talented. I was wondering how you somehow managed to become a very successful rat despite your averageness. I do not think I am destined to be big and famous like you, but I do want to live a successful life. Can you give me tips?

– Plain Old Ordinary Priscilla Bucket

Dear P.O.O.P Bucket,
Let me establish one fact before I continue: I AM NOT AN AVERAGE RAT. I am an extraordinarly witty, cute, funny, funny, smart, funny, kind, funny, adorable, attractive, funny, beautiful, exceptional, stellar, outstanding, kind, cute, hilarious, funny, funny, soigné, remarkable, poetic, funny, intelligent, kind, funny, divine, funny, graceful, gracious, funny, lovable, funny, wonderful, magical, wonderful, funny, attractive, charming, delightful, kind, funny, delightful, humble, and non-repetitive rat. I am in no way average. I don’t know what would ever make you think that that awful word could ever describe the Divine Ruler of Everything. Obviously, you are mentally diseased. I recommend you find a qualified doctor to help you find a cure (if any) to your mental illness. I believe Dr. S. I. Naithegreat, my dearest doctor friend, would be very good at helping you. She can be contacted by calling (123) LUV SISI. Now, onto your question. As you are mentally ill, I do not believe you would be able to understand any answers if I wrote them, so therefore I will not bother. Besides, insulting the most important rat alive pretty much ruins any chances you have of a successful life. I have friends in higher places than you (but lower than me).

– Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything

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Eight Pictures of Sinai the Great’s Exceptionally Attractive and Very Beautiful Mouth (Complete With Teeth) PLUS An Exclusive Opportunity to Have a Mouth Just Like Sinai’s

Who knew? Sinai has an exceptionally attractive and very beautiful mouth (complete with teeth) that is sure to make you faint the first time you see it! (Note: You will not faint because it is ugly. You will faint because it is so lovely, and you cannot believe that such a delicate and pretty thing could ever exist.)  But what does this beauty of a mouth look like, exactly? Well look no further because below are eight pictures of the very same mouth that probably haunts all of your happiest dreams. (If you do not recall dreaming about Sinai’s dreamy, dreamy mouth, do not fret. A lot of rats have troubles with remember what they dream about. It is very likely that you have dreamed about Sinai’s teeth before, but you just can’t remember the delightful experience, which is a pity because it was probably the best thing that will ever happen to you.)


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In this picture, you can clearly see Sinai’s beautiful teeth that everyone is jealous of and wishes to have. Sadly, they are not for sale. Although, if you are interested in having a mouth like Sinai’s, you should scroll down a little further.

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Here, you can see your favorite Divine Ruler of Everything posing with her mouth open. You can also see a vicious rat whose name we cannot say nor write (due to the curse that is set upon anyone who says it) in the purple plastic rat igloo in the background, but it is easier to ignore it.

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Sinai is very good at climbing cage bars, as you can see. She is also very good at having an attractive rat mouth.

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Here is a close-up on the best thing since Sinai was born. (After her beautiful dumbo ears, of course.)

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Sinai is clearly very good at posing with her mouth open. Either that, or someone is very good at timing pictures to catch Sinai at just the right moments. (It is more likely to be the first option, though.)

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She is also highly skilled in the area of climbing on cage bars and shaking her head back and forth. What a lovely sight. I am so envious of that wonderful rat mouth of hers.

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From this angle, you can also see a close up of Sinai’s mouth, and even her dainty nostrils! What an exciting sight to behold! (Not only that, but you can also gaze upon her delightful dumbo ears and her fantastic and very sensitive whiskers that you often dream about.)

Sinai 072Here is Sinai and her lovely mouth again. Unfortunately, her beautiful mouth that makes rats all around the world faint from the shock of being able to see it happens to be in the same picture as that very same rat whose name we could not mention earlier (or now). It is a tragedy, indeed, but Sinai does not mind it, as you can clearly see that she is fighting the evil nuisance whose name must remain unspoken. We can assume that she won the fight as she is a very skilled warrior who has not lost a single battle yet.


If you would like a mouth just like Sinai’s very own stunning beauty, you are in luck! Call (123) LUV SISI any time from now to the end of eternity to receive an exclusive discount on a new mouth that looks exactly like Sinai’s! (It is made out of a very weak plastic that will probably dissolve from all your saliva in a month, but it is worth dishing out the money because Sinai has a beautiful mouth, and you know you want a beautiful mouth too.) The mouth itself costs $999,999.99, and once you get your mouth, you must find a certified surgeon to install your new body part. (We suggest Dr. S. I. Naithegreat, but you can also use Dr. Ianis Izzadochter, or Dr. Tae R. Gehtianis. They are all approved to perform the procedure.) Depending on which doctor you end up using, the surgery may cost between 1-10 (billion) dollars. As you can see, this is a very cheap procedure to go through to get your new mouth.

taylorswiftratmouth“It feels like a perfect night to get a new mouth/And look so happy/Ah ah, ah ah/It feels like a perfect day for plastic surgery/To love my new mouth/Ah ah, ah ah.”

 See?! Even Taylor Swift wants a new mouth by Sinai.* And doesn’t she look so happy to have her brand new mouth? I think she does. If you want to be fashionable, believe me, a rat mouth is exactly what you want. Call (123) LUV SISI right now to get a mouth that looks just like your favorite Divine Ruler of Everything’s!

* Taylor Swift did not really get a rat mouth. But that does not mean that you shouldn’t get one! In fact, buy a couple so that all of your friends can have them too! They will really thank you.

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Sinai’s Greatest Fear and What You Can Do to Help Her

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Sometimes Sinai thinks about how much she wishes that she wasn’t so scared of the dark so that she could gaze upon her delicate and attractive face for longer than she does now. She also wishes that her sister wasn’t so lazy.

You may not have known this, but Sinai is scared of the dark. And when I say that, I don’t just mean dimly lit areas and things that go bump in the night. I mean anything that is dark in color (although I wouldn’t put the previously mentioned fears out of the picture). She finds it even scarier than the thought of Soigné one day becoming more powerful than her.

Naturally, this is a very challenging fear for a dark colored rat to face. In the morning, Sinai must be careful to not look in the bathroom mirror for too long, as gazing upon her otherwise very beautiful face for too long (as in over four seconds) can result in a stressful beginning to the day. And, being the Divine Ruler of Everything, Sinai already has a very stressful life. To try to reduce this, she leads a very calm and relaxing personal life that usually includes four to five hours of meditation a day. However, she can’t fully accomplish this without overcoming her fear of the dark, which has proven to be quite a challenge.

Sinai has gone to many Achluophobics Anonymous meetings (wearing a mask, naturally, as without one, she wouldn’t actually be anonymous), and she has had a personal counselor attempt to help her with her fear, but alas… neither of them have succeeded. Even though Sinai can now look at her face for four seconds instead of one second (as she used to), she is still very frightened of darkness. Whenever she stares at her face, back, thighs, legs, tail, or pretty much any part of her body except for her belly, ears, nose, or tip of tail, she breaks out in a cold sweat that drenches her fur and gives her a bad hair day. She also starts nibbling on her claws, which totally ruins her weekly manicure (causing her to have to go back and have her claws redone, which inconveniently interrupts her busy work schedule as Divine Ruler of Everything). And lastly, if she looks too long, her eyes lock, and she has to be dragged to the Emergency Room (with a light colored blindfold over her eyes to reduce the terror going on in her mind), which is even worse than getting her claws done when it comes to interrupting her work schedule. It really is a pain in the multi-colored tail for Sinai to be scared of the dark, and yet, not even the most prestigious doctors can cure her of this disabling fear. If, at one point, Sinai’s eyes lock onto her dark hindquarters, and Soigné is off somewhere being a procrastinating loser who doesn’t care about her sister’s welfare, there will most likely be no other rats to take her to the Emergency Room. At that point…well, the prospects don’t look very promising.

No one wants a Divine Ruler of Everything who remains in a vegetative state for the rest of her life just because some lazy bum (a.k.a. her sister) couldn’t bother to take care of her and rush her to the E.R. It would be really awful if the universe was left with some horrid democratic ruler that only wore business suits and ties who also actually cared about the people. No longer would there be any fun gossip to catch up on, and you wouldn’t be able to make fun of Soigné anymore because I am pretty sure that democratic leaders don’t have servants who work for free (not out of their own free will), and that would totally eliminate Soigné from being part of a future ruling of the universe.

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Sinai needs you to help her from sitting in a coma for many years due to the fact that her sister can’t be bothered to do her job properly. Call (123) LUV SISI if you are interested.

Because that is an awful scenario to even think about (let us pray that it never occurs), Sinai is asking that you help her with her greatest fear (which is the dark, in case you have not actually read this entire article). She doesn’t want you to try and cure her because she is pretty sure that if Dr. S. I. Naithegreat, the most skilled doctor in all of the universe, can’t do it, neither can an amateur doctor wannabe like you. Also, she doesn’t want to end up horribly deformed because part of your procedure went just a little bit wrong and screwed up her entire beautiful body and future. So please don’t even consider offering to treat her. If you are thinking of such a thing, why don’t you just close this webpage right now and zap yourself until you forget why you are zapping yourself in the first place? (After you finish, you can come back here. If you feel an urge to help Sinai overcome her fear, repeat the process. You may be able to mentally train yourself to not think a thought if you continuously do this.)  Okay, now that we have eliminated everyone with ill intentions in mind, we shall continue.

Sinai  needs help not in curing her phobia, but in having rats around to help her if her eyes lock up and she is left helpless to think of nothing but how scary black fur looks. (She also does not like white fur in large amounts, but darker colored fur is definitely more scary, as it reminds her of Soigné’s very frightening face.) Soigné is technically supposed to wear a pendant that Sinai also wears that vibrates whenever it detects Sinai’s eyes locking on any dark colored patch of fur. (It cost quite a lot of money to develop the technology, but the Divine Ruler of Everything’s life is worth it. I will not disclose the amount that was spent because then you will not feel like helping Sinai anymore.) However, Sinai is pretty sure that Soigné threw it away or forgot to charge the battery. Either that, or Soigné forgot that it existed and just doesn’t wear it because she doesn’t know that it exists. Either way, Soigné is still a horrible slacker who procrastinates all the time and constantly forgets to check on Sinai every couple of minutes. (She says that she cannot camp outside of Sinai’s room even though Sinai offered to buy her a tent so that she could.) Sinai needs a couple of rats who are willing to do Soigné’s job and help out the best rat ever. The rats will operate on shifts so that they will not have to worry about working at the same time as Soigné (who is awful at working with other rats, by the way). Soigné will get the 10pm-6am shift, and the rats who volunteer will be able to choose when they can work. If you are interested in helping out your favorite rodent leader, call (123) LUV SISI right now to tell Sinai about your interest in a vital position that will earn you a ton of respect from other rats and also earn you a ton of money (Sinai pays $1 a month, which is very high compared to similar employers, as you may know).

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