Today is Sinai’s second birthday! To celebrate, why don’t you admire these attractive pictures of her?
Sinai lives in a large plastic tray covered with a hollow box made of bars (aka a cage). Naturally, she does not really keep in touch with the rest of the world. I mean, she probably could if she was able to leave her cage, but she has no opposable thumbs, so that is really not possible. Therefore, she is not always sure what day of the week it is (or what day of the month, what month, what week, what fortnight, what year, what decade, what century, what millenium). It probably does not help that Sinai also does not own a calendar, but that is not her fault. She did ask Soigné for a calendar for her birthday, but Soigné sadly did not deliver. (Now Sinai has a legit excuse to blame her sister for all her time-orientation related problems, so it isn’t all that bad.)
Hey, Sinai. Please tell me what you would like to get for your birthday so I know exactly what not to get you! Haha!
Anyhow, Sinai has decided today to celebrate her obliviousness of what day it is. She used to be annoyed when she couldn’t remember whether it was Wednesday (not good) or Thursday (also not good). However, she has come to accept her being naïve and unknowing of the days as a way of life. It is actually quite beneficial. For example, when Soigné tries to be a bum and take a day off because “it is the weekend,” Sinai just pretends that she thinks that it is really Tuesday and makes Soigné do more heavy labor. And when Soigné tries to go to her book club because “it is Tuesday, and we always meet on Tuesday,” Sinai just pretends that she thinks that it is really Saturday or Sunday and makes Soigné stay home and work her monochromatic tail off. So, actually, Sinai quite likes not knowing what the day is. Please don’t ruin it for her.
The birthday cake that Negev (and also Mojave, but he doesn’t count) got last year. Don’t worry, it’s not still sitting around. It got eaten last August.
Today is a very special day! It is the day that I, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, would have turned three (if I was still alive). I think my twin brother, Mojave the Annoying, would have also turned three this day. However, he doesn’t not count, so let’s focus on me!!!! I am such an amazingly precocious three year-old, don’t you know*? : DDD
As it is my birthday, today you will learn thirty-three amazing facts about me that you can tell all of your friends and impress them with (unless they read this post haha)!!! I will also acknowledge my useless brother by writing three facts about him that will probably not impress anyone because he is just not a very impressive rat.
THIRTY-THREE AMAZINGLY IMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE RAT, NEGEV CHEEZIKI!
Pictured above: The birthday boy himself. How adorable. I know that I am somewhat biased, but… HEISSOCUTEANDIJUSTWANTTOHUGHIMTODEATHOHWAITHEISALREADYDEADSOITECHNICALLYCANTDOTHATOHWELLISTILLAMINLOVEWITHHIM!
THREE VERY UNIMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT THE BORINGEST RAT EVER, MOJAVE
The boringest rat ever. He happens to share the birthday of the beloved and highly esteemed King Negev.
* Note from Mojave: Negev is only three in human years. In rat years, he is actually ninety, although you might not be able to tell from the way that he acts.
It’s the big day! Sinai, everyone’s favorite rat, is now one (in human years) or thirty (in rat years). You should congratulate her for reaching this milestone in her life by sending her a gift. As in a very large and expensive gift. Twenty-four karat gold is preferred, but cash, checks, sterling-silver, jewelry, collectables, antiques, food, candy, coupons, gift certificates, businesses, towns, imported goods, cars, airplanes, treats, yachts, coins, and small children who would like to be her servants when they grow up are also accepted. (Mail to 5912 Seinhe Eye Rd.)
After sending your present to the world’s funniest, cutest, most lovable, sweetest, most charming, softest, furriest, and most soigné ball of happiness (aka Sinai), why don’t you head on down to one of the new Sinai $hops that recently opened. Every cent made from purchases goes to a charity that helps rats who are very nice but who are also burdened by their rotten sister(s). And don’t just buy because of charity; buy because you want everything that a Sinai $hop has– and there’s a lot of stuff in a Sinai $hop. From old sisters to feather dusters, you’ll want it all! Buy from a Sinai $hop today! (Locations not yet able to be disclosed.)
Finally, end your day by painting your claws using siPawlisshe™. It comes in 125, 373, 282 great colors.
MARK YOUR GIFT TO SINAI WITH THE CODE “51N@1R0X5912” TO GET PREMIUM ONE-DAY SHIPPING ON YOUR PACKAGE*. CALL (123) LUV SISI IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS
* you will still be required to pay the $99 fee for premium shipping
Answer Key to A Quick Quiz By Sinai
b, c, c, e, d, c, b, f, a
Nine is a magical number. It rhymes with the the first three letters in Sinai’s name, and if you say her nickname “NaiNai” really fast, it sounds just like nine. Also, Sinai was born on the ninth. Of May. (Which is why all Sinaidays occur on the ninth of the month.) So if you love Sinai, don’t forget to vote for her later this year to become the goddess of the number nine!