Tag Archives: birthday

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY SINAI!!!

Today is Sinai’s second birthday! To celebrate, why don’t you admire these attractive pictures of her?

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What Day of the Week Is It Wednesday (?)

Sinai lives in a large plastic tray covered with a hollow box made of bars (aka a cage). Naturally, she does not really keep in touch with the rest of the world. I mean, she probably could if she was able to leave her cage, but she has no opposable thumbs, so that is really not possible. Therefore, she is not always sure what day of the week it is (or what day of the month, what month, what week, what fortnight, what year, what decade, what century, what millenium). It probably does not help that Sinai also does not own a calendar, but that is not her fault. She did ask Soigné for a calendar for her birthday, but Soigné sadly did not deliver. (Now Sinai has a legit excuse to blame her sister for all her time-orientation related problems, so it isn’t all that bad.)

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Hey, Sinai. Please tell me what you would like to get for your birthday so I know exactly what not to get you! Haha!

Anyhow, Sinai has decided today to celebrate her obliviousness of what day it is. She used to be annoyed when she couldn’t remember whether it was Wednesday (not good) or Thursday (also not good). However, she has come to accept her being naïve and unknowing of the days as a way of life. It is actually quite beneficial. For example, when Soigné tries to be a bum and take a day off because “it is the weekend,” Sinai just pretends that she thinks that it is really Tuesday and makes Soigné do more heavy labor. And when Soigné tries to go to her book club because “it is Tuesday, and we always meet on Tuesday,” Sinai just pretends that she thinks that it is really Saturday or Sunday and makes Soigné stay home and work her monochromatic tail off. So, actually, Sinai quite likes not knowing what the day is. Please don’t ruin it for her.

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WRITTEN BY NEGEV: Happy Birthday, Me (And My Brother, But He Doesn’t Count)!

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The birthday cake that Negev (and also Mojave, but he doesn’t count) got last year. Don’t worry, it’s not still sitting around. It got eaten last August.

Today is a very special day! It is the day that I, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, would have turned three (if I was still alive). I think my twin brother, Mojave the Annoying, would have also turned three this day. However, he doesn’t not count, so let’s focus on me!!!! I am such an amazingly precocious three year-old, don’t you know*? : DDD

As it is my birthday, today you will learn thirty-three amazing facts about me that you can tell all of your friends and impress them with (unless they read this post haha)!!! I will also acknowledge my useless brother by writing three facts about him that will probably not impress anyone because he is just not a very impressive rat.


 THIRTY-THREE AMAZINGLY IMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE RAT, NEGEV CHEEZIKI!

A sweet and adorable tan and white rat who has a piece of litter on his leg.

Pictured above: The birthday boy himself. How adorable. I know that I am somewhat biased, but… HEISSOCUTEANDIJUSTWANTTOHUGHIMTODEATHOHWAITHEISALREADYDEADSOITECHNICALLYCANTDOTHATOHWELLISTILLAMINLOVEWITHHIM!

  1. Negev’s full name is Negev Cheeziki.
  2. Negev’s favorite color is purple!
  3. Negev’s last name is Cheeziki.
  4. Negev has a desert named after him. (Some people say he was named after the desert, but that’s ridiculous. The desert was named after him.)
  5. Negev hates the color yellow because it is the opposite of purple.
  6. Negev’s name starts with the fourteenth letter of the alphabet.
  7. Negev’s first name ends with the twenty-second letter of the alphabet.
  8. Negev’s last name starts with the third letter of the alphabet.
  9. Negev’s name ends with the ninth letter of the alphabet.
  10. Negev’s initials are N.A.C.
  11. Negev’s middle name is “Amazing”
  12. Negev’s middle name starts with the first letter of the alphabet.
  13. Negev’s middle name ends with the seventh letter of the alphabet.
  14. Negev really hates the Y in ROYGBIV.
  15. Negev’s best friend is Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, also known as Sinai Blight, also known as Sinai the Great, also known as Sinai.
  16. Negev has not been reincarnated as Sinai, despite what several rats think.
  17. Negev has a piece of litter on him in the picture above.
  18. Negev is tan and white.
  19. Negev is not white and tan.
  20. Negev is very cute.
  21. Negev is a big boy.
  22. Negev is very cuddly.
  23. Negev is unfortunate, as he has a most insufficient brother who does absolutely nothing to be a good brother.
  24. Negev’s name is five letters long.
  25. Negev has the letter “E” twice in his first name, and also twice in his last name.
  26. Negev is a genius.
  27. Negev’s IQ is 100! Amazing, right?!
  28. Negev is everyone’s favorite rat!
  29. Negev has his own fan-club with a whooping three members!
  30. Negev has whiskers on his face.
  31. Negev has fur on his face.
  32. Negev likes to eat food.
  33. Negev breathes using his lungs and the rest of his respiratory system.

THREE VERY UNIMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT THE BORINGEST RAT EVER, MOJAVE

A shining light in the background with this weird thing in the front (jk it's a rat)

The boringest rat ever. He happens to share the birthday of the beloved and highly esteemed King Negev.

  1. Mojave used to work in a traveling circus as a trapeze artist to pay his bills, as his current job (working as the all-purpose rat for his brother, Negev) hardly paid him anything.
  2. Mojave is named after the Mojave Desert because of his tan fur, like sand.
  3. Mojave was chosen by his owner before she decided to get Negev instead of another rat that she might have gotten.

 * Note from Mojave: Negev is only three in human years. In rat years, he is actually ninety, although you might not be able to tell from the way that he acts.

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The Second Best Day of the Year! (Written by Negev)

Well hello there all my loyal fans, obedient subjects, loving citizens, and horrid excuses for brothers *coughcoughMojavecoughcough* !! Today is a most wonderful day. It is the second best day of the year! It is my Early-By-One-Month Birthday Celebration! How exciting, am I right? It’s not every day that your favorite democratic monarch (as I am both the President of All Ratdom and the self-appointed King of the World) has his birthday in one month! (My awful brother also has his birthday in exactly one month, but he doesn’t count.)

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Mojave is not only a disgrace to the family name; he is also a horrible mattress. He is way too small and bony for me to be comfortable when I sit on him.

As it is not my official birthday, you should not go all out on celebrating, as you must save the best gifts and the largest sums of money for my actual birthday (which, if you have not already guessed, is on August 4th). However, I do very much appreciate getting presents from my loving subjects and donations of money (cash or check, $9999.99 minimum donation), and it makes me quite happy.

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Please do not send any gifts or money to my brother. He is too small (as you can clearly see above) to be worthy of all your love. By all means, send me what you were going to send to Mojave. I will appreciate it much more than he ever would.*

I have even noticed that the United States has chosen to acknowlege my greatness and have a day of celebration, complete with parades, races, and fireworks! How exciting. I am told (by none other than Mojave) that they are celebrating their “independence”, but obviously they can celebrate that (whatever “independence is. I’ve never heard of it. Perhaps it is a type of food? If so, I am quite interested. I love food.) and celebrate me and my Early-By-One-Month Birthday at the same time.

So far, I have not seen many other countries celebrating me, but I am quite certain everybody has planned a nice surprise party for me and they are going to throw it any time now. (Last year, it was cancelled for some strange reason, but I forget why.)


*If you do choose to disobey me and send gifts to Mojave, I am afraid that I will have no choice but to take all presents and execute you for disobeying the Laws of Negevland #482718009b: Thou shalt not send gifts or presents of any sort to the King’s disgraceful brother, Mojave Annoying Cheeziki, even when a gift appears to be appropiate, or thou shall face a minimum sentence of execution and maximum sentence of execution while being forced to watch home movies of Young Mojave Annoying Cheeziki doing obnoxious and offensive acts.

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Happy Birthday, Sinai!

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It’s the big day! Sinai, everyone’s favorite rat, is now one (in human years) or thirty (in rat years). You should congratulate her for reaching this milestone in her life by sending her a gift. As in a very large and expensive gift. Twenty-four karat gold is preferred, but cash, checks, sterling-silver, jewelry, collectables, antiques, food, candy, coupons, gift certificates, businesses, towns, imported goods, cars, airplanes, treats, yachts, coins, and small children who would like to be her servants when they grow up are also accepted. (Mail to 5912 Seinhe Eye Rd.)

After sending your present to the world’s funniest, cutest, most lovable, sweetest, most charming, softest, furriest, and most soigné ball of happiness (aka Sinai), why don’t you head on down to one of the new Sinai $hops that recently opened. Every cent made from purchases goes to a charity that helps rats who are very nice but who are also burdened by their rotten sister(s). And don’t just buy because of charity; buy because you want everything that a Sinai $hop has– and there’s a lot of stuff in a Sinai $hop. From old sisters to feather dusters, you’ll want it all! Buy from a Sinai $hop today! (Locations not yet able to be disclosed.)

Finally, end your day by painting your claws using siPawlisshe™. It comes in 125, 373, 282 great colors.

MARK YOUR GIFT TO SINAI WITH THE CODE “51N@1R0X5912” TO GET PREMIUM ONE-DAY SHIPPING ON YOUR PACKAGE*. CALL (123) LUV SISI IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS

* you will still be required to pay the $99 fee for premium shipping


Answer Key to A Quick Quiz By Sinai
b, c, c, e, d, c, b, f, a

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Only Nine More Days!

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Nine is a magical number. It rhymes with the the first three letters in Sinai’s name, and if you say her nickname “NaiNai” really fast, it sounds just like nine. Also, Sinai was born on the ninth. Of May. (Which is why all Sinaidays occur on the ninth of the month.) So if you love Sinai, don’t forget to vote for her later this year to become the goddess of the number nine!

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