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Oh, Sinai!

Sinai is a very nice, charming, cute, funny, sweet, lovable, beautiful, wonderful, remarkable, hilarious, witty, intelligent, smart, kind, friendly, soft, furry, chubby, chuckle-worthy, sinailicious, delightful, fair, lovely, stunning, respectful, responsible, peaceful, likable, fantastic, fabulous, brilliant, fashionable, hard-working, clean, neat, amazing, awesome, cool, generous, graceful, terrific, one-of-a-kind, gracious, thankful, trustworthy, unique, incredible, extraordinary, and humble rat (as described by her). However, for even the rat just short of perfection (AKA SINAI), there are times when you just need to say, “Oh, [insert name of rat here]!”, and not because you think they did an excellent job of completing a task.

 

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“Oh, Sinai! Why do you have to bathe yourself in front of me? Have you no conception of personal space?”

This does not happen very often, as Sinai is pretty much perfect. The only thing that prevents her from being perfect is the fact that she has no thumbs. And without thumbs, she can’t do a lot of things, which includes being perfect. Alas.

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Oh, Sinai! Why can’t you drink your water like a normal rat? Probably because you have no thumbs. Well, then, I don’t blame you. I probably would drink my water abnormally if I had no thumbs.

Pretty much everything Sinai does that is not perfect can be explained with the statement “she has no thumbs”, except for the one time that she accidentally told Soigné that she loved her. That was because Soigné’s evil demon thumbs (yes, Soigné has thumbs) told poor thumbless Sinai that she would receive thumbs (and therefore become perfect) if she only said “I love you” to Soigné just once. Naturally, Sinai really wanted thumbs, and she didn’t care if she only had to say “I love you” to Soigné once. However, Soigné’s thumbs were playing a cruel prank on Sinai, and they taped her telling Soigné that she loved her, which they uploaded online. All of Sinai’s fans thought that she loved Soigné, and it took Sinai nine months to clear up any doubt in her un-love for her sister. (Also, she never did get those thumbs. Of course, if she had gotten any, they probably would have also been evil demon thumbs that taped everything she said and turned her simple phrases into things that made it seem like she actually had feelings for her sister.)

Sinai in a pair of jeans that were clearly never hers to begin with.

Oh, Sinai! Why did you have to get the XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL jeans?! You know that those are even too big for your huge and very portly tummy!

Of course, Sinai does not make very many poor choices, even with her lack of thumbs. Most of the time, in fact, she usually just follows her sister’s awful advice and ends up doing something that she later regrets. Sinai has tried to prevent this by finding other rats to work for her so that she can fire her sister, but so far no one has signed up. So it looks like she’ll just have to wait until somebody wants to be her chef/butler/tailor/maid/lawn service rat/painter/roofer/doctor/stand-in-sister/gardener/mattress/entertainment system/general all-purpose rat. If you are interested, call (123) LUV SISI. Pay is $1 per month. No health benefits. You may have to donate some of your money to Sinai if she asks for it.

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Ask Sinai #7 – Special Edition: Ask Soigné

Ask Sinai a question in the comments section below. She might even be gracious enough to use some of her extremely precious celestial time to type an answer out to your question!


Dear Soigné,

I am writing to you because I hear you are an expert on being an annoying sister, and I want to benefit from your vast knowledge and experience on this subject. Here is the problem: I have annoying sister somewhat like you. She is very ugly, what with her pale butt/torso complexion and over-tanned head (it is so tanned that it is literally black). I am a very powerful rat who has no time for doing house chores, so I have employed her to take care of my business and basically be my maid/butler/cook/all-purpose servant. I even pay her quite a large amount of money for her work (much more than she would get from other employers), but she either wastes much of it on frivolous things (like toothpaste, toilet paper, and electricity) or she donates it to a charity for charming and attractive rats with names beginning with S and rhyming with NaiNai who need a little help with the necessities, like power, dental hygiene, and having something to wipe themselves with. The truth is, even though she has quite a substancial income (thanks to me), she squanders it all (although it is nice that she donates to a charity organization) and is left with a little over minimum wage, and she blames me for it. Not only this, but she is not very good at her job. Her toast is too crispy, she left a streak mark on my bottom-of-first-floor-to-ceilling-of-fifth-floor window wall, and she takes up too much space in my tiny five story sophisticated hut with a mere square footage of twenty thousand feet. As she has not responded to my kindness, I have decided that the only way to get rid of her bad habits but keep her (because I am a loving sister) is to be annoying back to her. Have you any ideas on how to be the most irritating sibling ever (second only to you, naturally)?

Soigné, I Need An Insighfulthoughtonthis

Dear S. I. N. A. I.,

You sound very much like my sister. If you could kindly write back with proof that you are not her, then I would be quite pleased to help you. Until then, if you are my sister, I just want you to know that I am not helping you to be more annoying especially since I’d have to deal with it.

Soigné

Dear Soigné,

What ever makes you think I am your sister? I am too humble to be that lovely and very attractive, kind, charming, witty, intelligent, smart, lovable, pretty, beautiful, funny, remarkable, grand, and humble rat. Here is a picture of me for proof.

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As you can see, I am not Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything (also known as your sister), but I would not mind if I was.

Sinai Is Not the Author (Iakamyself)

Dear S. I. N. A. (I.),

That’s a picture of me. Sorry, but I am definitely not helping you, even if you are not Sinai.

Soigné

Dear Soigné,

Young lady, answer me now, or I shall lower your salary that you already complain so much about.

Still I’m Not An Innocentrat(akanotsinai)inyoureyes

Dear S. I. N. A. I.,

You can’t do that. It’s already minimum wage. Any lower is against the law.

Soigné

Dear Soigné,

I AM THE DIVINE RULER OF EVERYTHING! I WILL LOWER MINIMUM WAGE IF I MUST TO TRAIN YOU INTO OBEDIENCE!

I am not Sinai you doubting and untrusting rodent unworthy of my letters

Dear Sinai,

Just gave yourself away. #jokesonyou

Soigné

Undear Soigné,

I just passed a law making minimum wage 50¢ a year. #whosgotthelastlaughnow

I am not your sister!

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