Tag Archives: candy

A Sinai Tale #14: Sinai Shops for Chocolate

Sinai was very excited. She had finally convinced (if you count blackmailing to be “convincing”) her horrid and awful and ugly and stinky sister, Soigné, to give her money, and it was time to shop for chocolates! YAY. Sinai hadn’t eaten chocolate in, like, three days. I know right, how depressing! No one, especially the Divine Ruler of Everything, should have to go three days without eating chocolate.

Sinai would have bought chocolate earlier, but the problem was that all of the chocolate shops had been sold out the day she tried to buy some. She didn’t know why; after all, it’s not like anything special happens on February 14th! Why did rats all need to buy chocolate on that specific day? Couldn’t they respect the fact that the amazing and divine and all-around wonderful Sinai the Great wanted to buy chocolate too, and that she wouldn’t be able too if they bought it all? Some rats are just so rude!

Anyhow, Sinai finally found a store that still had chocolate left. It was called “Amazon Dot Com,” and it literally sold tons of chocolate. There was just one problem: Sinai couldn’t taste or smell any of the chocolate she wanted to buy. Oh well, she would just have to buy all of the chocolate! If Sinai didn’t like some, she could just fatten Soigné up with it and save on the heating bill. Thankfully, for some odd reason, all of the chocolate was priced very cheaply. Sinai did not know why, but she didn’t question anything.

The beautiful and all powerful rat sat down at her desk and turned on her computer. Soigné had told Sinai that she would be able to find Amazon Dot Com by opening “Internet X Floorer,” whatever that is, and then typing “Amazon Dot Com” in the URL bar (??????). Sinai tried to find Internet X Floorer, but she could only find a giant “e” that said “Internet Explorer” underneath it.

“Help me, Soigné!” screeched Sinai. “HELP!!!! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

Soigné, who thought Sinai was going into cardiac arrest, ran into the office. She saw Sinai flailing around the computer and realized what was really going on. “Sinai, click the giant ‘e.’ You can get into Internet Explorer that way.”

“HUh?” asked Sinai. She scratched her lovely black-furred head. “What you talking about?!”

“Um, click the giant ‘e.'” stated Soigné again.

“What, this?” inquired Sinai, with her cursor hovering over the Internet Explorer shortcut. “You told me to open Internet X Floorer, not Internet Explorer.”

“Yes that! Click it,” replied Soigné. “And I said ‘Internet Explorer.'”

“Why? You wrong, too, you very wrong.” squeaked Sinai.

Soigné sighed and explained, “Because I said so, and I’m not wrong. You just have bad hearing.”

“But why? And me no have bad hearing! Me perfect. Me behead you for disrespecting me.”

“Because… and that’s not legal.” (Soigné sometimes wondered if her sister completely posessed sanity.)

“OKAY WOMAN I ASKING WHY, AND WHO CARES IF IT LEGAL, I AM THE GOVERNMENT.”

“Because!! And you know what, if you don’t know how to access the Internet, I don’t think I will help you buy chocolates.”

“Okay,” said Sinai before opening Google Chrome. “Go away, then. I don’t really like you, anyways.”

Sinai shooed Soigné out of the room, and went to Amazon Dot Com. She looked up “chocolates” and found a lot of nice candies which she proceeded to add to her cart. The end.

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This Is Sinai In Her Halloween Costume

Sinai has a multi-functional costume. It is many things in one. Here are all of them.

WHAT SINAI’S COSTUME IS

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Sinai in her costume. Do not mind the ugly thing in the lower left corner.

  1. The Divine Ruler of Everything
  2. Teenage punk who is too lazy to make a legit costume but still wants free candy
  3. Person trying to break the system
  4. Rat disguised as a small child disguised as a rat
  5. Sinai
  6. Cute large mouse (?)
  7. Not Soigné
  8. Black and white rodent
  9. Sweet little child worthy of candy
  10. Person who is effectively taking your week’s paycheck in candy
  11. Chubby rodent
  12. Minimalist
  13. Nudist
  14. Trick or treater
  15. Rat who likes candy
  16. Not a dentist
  17. Not a nutritionalist
  18. Not your doctor
  19. Not your weight loss group leader
  20. A stranger
  21. The reason why you have a ton of moths in your house now
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Pre-Monthly Sï Half Day in TWO DAYS!

Pre-Monthly Sï Half Day

As you may or may not know, there  is a Sinaiday in two days! (You actually better know this, because if you don’t, you will be executed by the state for not respecting Sinai.) It is the all-amazing Pre-Monthly Sï Half Day. In preparation for this lovely day, Sinai has created a fun poll for you to answer. You better answer good because if you don’t, you will be executed by the state hugged…by Soigné, which is not good! (In fact, it is worse than being execute by the state. And by the way, that is still legal in Sinailand. So it actually could happen. But luckily, it won’t, since you are a Sinai-loving obedient citizen, am I right?)

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King Negev’s Guide to Properly Raising Your Beloved Pet Rat (Especially If Its Name Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev)

Hello lowly subjects who read this blog of my best friend, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! I am King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, but you can just call me “Your Majesty” , “King Negev”, “O Sacred God-like Royal Rodent” for short. I am the guest writer for today, as Sinai has been trapped in her house by Soigné’s rather large rear end (that refuses to move due to the fact that Soigné’s rather dense brain refuses to allow it) and therefore cannot write for this blog. Boo hoo hoo. How sad. It brings tears to my attractive and god-like rodent eyes. Obviously, she made a very wise choice for who her backup would be (how awful it would be if she had chosen her rotten sister!), as I have won quite a few awards for my writing skills (I have won the very prestigious Negev-Loves-Your-Writing Medal for the last four years). Not only are my works very pleasing to read, but they are also about great subjects that everyone wants to read about. Today, I am writing about how to properly raise your beloved pet rat (especially if its name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev), which I know all of you readers will be ecstatic to read about! Not only is this a very educational post, but it also teaches you a lot of smart stuff that will make your beloved pet rat whose name probably starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev very happy. And I know you really want to make your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev very happy (I can’t honestly speak for rats whose names do not start with an N and rhyme with Quegev).

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(P.S. This is a bona fide signature that you should probably save because I am pretty sure that it will be worth a ton of money in a couple years after more humans are alerted of my existence. I don’t know why, but a lot of the humans I have spoken to have said that they have never heard of the lovable and delightful King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, and also, they do not understand how a cute little rat like me can even speak English. I don’t know why they’re so confused. It’s not like they’ve never been spoken to by a cute little rat before. Actually, you know what, they probably haven’t, as I am the cutest little rat that ever existed. All of the other ones, except for Sinai, were pretty unattractive, at least compared to my glorious face.)


King Negev’s Amazing Successful Guide to Properly Raising Your Beloved Pet Rat (Especially If Its Name Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev) That You Will Not Regret At All Reading As It Will Very Much Please Your Beloved Pet Rat Whose Name Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev and Therefore Will Cause It To Love You Even More Than It Already Does For Giving It A Lovely and Wonderful Name That Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev That All of Its Rat Friends Are Jealous Of

So you want to properly raise your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev? I totally understand why you want to do that. Fancy rats are just so cute and fun to be around (especially me) that naturally, you want to make sure your own has a very happy life and does not regret a single second of it. However, to make your pet rat 100% happy, you will have to work very hard. It’s not easy pleasing rats, as some can be very finicky. Here are King Negev’s best tips to making your rat’s life the best it can be.

Tip 1: First of all, you should make sure that your rat has a very nice name that is pleasing to the ear. It can be very tough to choose such a name for a rat, as there are several out there that certain owners may like, but then it turns out that their rat hates it. If you are looking for the perfect name, I suggest anything that starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev. A name like that will make your rat feel very special and good inside. (Examples include but are not limited to: Negev, Nnnnnegev, Nnegev, Nhegev, Negev, Nnegev, NegEv, Negevve, Negevh, Nnnnnnnnegev, Neghev, Negefv, Nnnneggev, Negevphv, Negevv. Gnegev and Knegev are also acceptable.)

PSYCHEDELIC

I love my name, and it starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev. Who knew?!

Tip 2: Embrace the fact that your rat probably does not want a companion if it will just be a bum and bite your favorite rat’s tail. Not like that’s happened to me ever /sarcasm. If your rat ever shows discomfort around a companion who you bought mainly just to provide company for your original (and also preferred) rat, you should probably take the second rat away to a mental asylum because it is probably mentally harming the other rat (don’t forget to get a replacement rat so that your rat at home is not having to live alone). It could also be physically harming it, but I’m pretty sure that would be more obvious to the human eye. You should, however, try to provide a companion because you do not want your beloved pet fancy rat to be all lonely. If you cannot afford another rat, just tote your rodent around wherever you go, and that should make up for the lack of friendship.

A DRAWING of a rat who does kinda look evil...

When you go looking for a friend for your rat, make sure to carefully analyze any options. If you see a rat that kind of looks like this and has a name that starts with M and is also the name of a desert, you should MOST DEFINITELY NOT GET IT AS IT IS DEFINITELY THE DEVIL TRYING TO RUIN YOUR RAT’S LIFE AND MAKE IT COMPLETELY MISERABLE. I do not care if the rat is supposedly “related” to your rat. You should still not get it. Don’t risk losing your rat’s beautiful tail.

Tip 3: Make your rat’s habitat a nice looking place. Would you like to live in a box with ugly metal bars on every single wall? No? I didn’t think so. If you cannot avoid buying a habitat like the one I previously described, try to at least make it look nice. Like maybe paint the bars your rat’s favorite color.

Negev 002

My owner never did get around to painting my cage bars purple (which is my favorite color, as everyone knows), but she did buy me this beautiful cheetah print hammock. I also had a zebra print one, but I accidentally ate that one. (IT’S NOT MY FAULT. I have a naturally gnawing instinct, and it was the first thing I could find. Besides, it tasted really good. Can’t judge me until you’ve eaten hammock yourself.)

Tip 4: Allow your rat to frolic outside of its normal environment. No rat likes to be confined to one space, no matter how pretty it is, so you should take it out for a walk a couple times an hour. Also provide ample space for it to run around like the wild rodents it was descended from. (I do not recommend letting it play near any landfills because then that could cause your rat to become dirty and who knows how awful an experience that would be for your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev.)

Negev 040

Just think of how much fun it is for your rat when he or she goes out to sniff the ground. Have you ever smelled grass? It is so much fun. I could do it all day long and never get bored. Well, technically, I would still have to rule my very vast and thriving kingdom, but otherwise, I could do nothing else and be entertained.

Tip 5: Make sure you always feed your rat the most delicious (which may or may not also be the most nutritious) rat food you can find. It does not matter how much it costs, as no rat wants to eat some dry and nasty lab pellets. Not only do they add absolutely no color to your rat’s plate (which everyone knows is awful for its health), but they are also very dusty and could cause your rat to become *gasp* dirty! What a horrible experience! I would hate to ever be dirty. If I ever ended up dirty, I would probably have nightmares for weeks, and I most certainly would NOT BE HAPPY. I would not have any fun, and I would really regret being dirty. As you know, these are things that you do not want to happen to your rat. So avoid the chance of your rat becoming dirty completely by not giving it dusty lab pellets. Instead, I suggest, giving it lots of tasty yogurt, fruit, candy, cake, cookies, ice cream, pie, milkshakes, soda, and other tastilicious treats. Your rat will never get dirty from eating these crumb/dust-free options.

yogurt

Yogurt is very good. I suggest topping it off with cookie crumbles, sprinkles, peanut-butter cups, maple syrup, whipped cream, chocolate-covered cherries, and a couple gummy bears. Now that is a healthy and mess-free meal!

Alright, that’s it! I really hope this delightful and very educational guide really helps you to be an amazing owner that constantly pampers your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev. If it doesn’t, obviously you did not read it thoroughly. Make sure you can recite this entirely from memory at any moment when you need to be a better owner so that your pet does not run away to come be a servant in my royal palace (which is a very strong temptation in pet rats nowadays, as I have heard). If you have properly read it all, while thoroughly analyzing it, then you will be able to have a great relationship with your beloved pet for years to come. Don’t forget to credit me when everyone asks how in the world you got your rat to like you.

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CANDY (A Poem by Sinai)

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I like candy
Candy is very good
My mommy won’t let me have candy
Because apparently rats can’t have candy
I like candy but I can’t eat it, and I am very sad because I want to eat it
Sometimes I wonder why I like candy when I have never eaten it
I still like candy
Candy is very good

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