Tag Archives: cute cat

Olivia Thinks About The World

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Olivia loves to sit on the floor and think about the world. She does it quite often, in fact. Usually, she contemplates about an hour or so a day, but occasionally, she will just spend an entire day thinking about bigger things, like why her owners never give her dinner on time.

Once upon a time, there was a very beautiful cat named Olivia who liked to think about the world. Sometimes, she thought about pollution, global warming, and politics, but mostly, she wondered why humans decided to name the place “Earth.” Olivia thought that that had to be one of the grossest sounding words she had ever heard (after dog, canine, and barking maniac, of course), and she had always been confused as to why all of the incredibly advanced humans who possessed the magical power of THUMZ chose that disgusting and repulsive sounding word for the name of the very planet they lived on. Why didn’t they name the place something more euphonious like, hmm perhaps… Oliviatopia? Or maybe Cutegingercatland? Even Sweetandadorablefelineplanet would have been a better choice. No matter how many times Olivia tried to ask her humans this very complex and deep-thought-proving question, they never answered/gave her an answer. However, this very smart orange tabby did draw one conclusion from the unexisting responses of her dear human friends, which was that Cat-Jesus obviously had punished them all for giving Earth such a disgusting sounding name by removing their most special ability: their understanding of the melodious and soothing-to-the-ear cat language. What a shame.

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How to Look Very Innocent and Trick Your Owners Into Thinking You Couldn’t Possibly Have Done That Horrible Thing (Even Though You Actually Did)

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Now, it can be quite challenging to pull off the “angelic innocent pet” look, but once you master it, it is quite rewarding. Not only can you fool your owner into believing that whoever made the piddle puddle underneath the sofa, it sure wasn’t the adorable cat child who looks like she was sent from the divine world (aka you) but you also look squeal-worthy cute and could become rich and famous for looking cute.

Step 1. Accept that puppy eyes are no longer acceptable. If you are a puppy, these are just your natural eyes, and nobody cares about your normal facial expression. If you are not a puppy, you look stupid trying to make your face resemble one. Either way, puppy eyes are not effective.

Step 2. Find your inner innocence and channel it. If you have none, then just pretend you do. Humans can’t tell the difference once you are cute enough.

Step 3. Gently tilt your head to the side of your choice and up. Also, be sure to gaze up at the ceiling because, duh, that is what angels do! This effect is even better if you sit on something tall and against a glowing background or at least something lighter than your fur color. If you can spontaneously generate feathery wings, that’s great too.

Congratulations! You now look like an angel. Have fun decieving your humans and making the other cats who are not nearly as talented as you take the blame.

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Don’t Let the Cat Out of the… Box

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