Tag Archives: embarrassing

How to Be a Great Ledge-Balancer!

Right now, standing on a 3″ wide ledge half a foot off the ground might sound kind of scary to most sensible rats. Luckily, you do not have to be very scared at all! All you have to do is learn how to be a great ledge-balancer, and there will be nothing to fear ever again. (Note: “Nothing” does not include any of the following: Soigné, rats with white and black fur, Sinai’s sister, white and blackness, ugly rats, greasy white and black fur, Swanyay.)

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Soigné can balance on a ledge… why can’t you?! Come on, don’t let a loser like Soigné look better than you at something as simple as balancing on a ledge. LEARN TO BE A GREAT LEDGE-BALANCER TODAY.


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1. First, you must find a ledge to practice on. You can’t balance on a ledge without a ledge, duh! That’s like being alive without adoring and loving and worshiping and wanting to be Sinai! (Note: It may be a problem to get this ledge if your human does not understand rat language and therefore can’t carry it for you to your cage.)

2. Now that you have found a ledge, get someone to install it. You should probably get your human to do it because all humans, as you know, possess a special magic known as “THUMZ.” This allows them to use their paws in ways that you, sadly… can not.

3. Okay, now you are ready to begin! Just kidding, you are not. If you want to be safe and not kill yourself while practicing, you should buy a SINAI Mattress with SINAIFOME, a unique new material that will make sure that if you fall on it, you only suffer minor injuries (i.e. breaking your tail-bone) rather than the major ones (i.e. bruising your tail). You should get king size just in case you have a wide fall.

4. Now you really are ready to begin. Get someone to help you up onto the ledge/hold the camcorder so they record you falling and post it online, causing you embarrassment for the rest of your life.

5. If you are on the ledge, you have to act fast. Stick your tail out to steady yourself, and make sure to dig your claws in so you don’t fall off. (Note: Sinai will not pay for damages if you get stuck on the ledge because you stuck your claws in way too far.)

6. Continue to practice every day, and see how long you can last on the ledge. If you improve, congratulations, you will soon become a great ledge-balancer! Maybe you will even be able to sleep on your ledge, like certain adorable, lovable, worship-able, and want-to-be-able rats can.

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I’m not suggesting any adorable, lovable, worship-able, and want-to-be-able rat in particular. Just saying.

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Stop being naked!

Do you ever sometimes feel like your tail is just a little… naked? Well I know for a fact that you have. Don’t even try denying it, because you know it’s the truth. Tails are so overlooked in fashion these days. I mean, you can get fake tail coverings, but those just make your naked tail look like another naked tail, which is kind of not okay, especially if you are trying to stop being so naked on your tail. Well, lucky for you, SinaiByootie INC. (run by your favorite rat, Sinai) has created an accessory that goes on your tail and makes your tail stop looking so naked. It’s called… The Tayill Reen™!

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What you look like before you get The Tayill Reen™: somewhat happy, but not nearly as happy as you could possibly be, as your tail is suffering the sad fate of being NAKED while the rest of you is obviously fully clothed. (Note: you are probably not this beautiful, nor will you ever be, as you are not Sinai the Great, and no one else in the world is nearly as beautiful as her.)

The Tayill Reen™ is a handy little ring that you slip onto your tail. (DUH!) All you have to do to prevent yourself from losing it is keep your tail sticking up in the air all day long and NEVER LET IT FALL TO THE GROUND, AS YOUR TAYILL REEN™ MIGHT JUST ROLL RIGHT OFF, AND YOU’D NEVER NOTICE UNTIL EVERYONE WAS LAUGHING AT YOU FOR HAVING A NAKED TAIL. That is very easy, though, and it is definitely worth tiring your tail muscles so that you do not have to walk around with a naked tail until you can find yours/buy a new one. (In case you are wondering, Sinai tried to make a no-slip Tayill Reen™, but the spikes that she inserted inside the ring ended up causing the test subject– who was not in any way related to Sinai, even distantly– some minor pain. Sinai did not want to cause her customers pain, no matter how minor, so therefore she pulled the ring. She did, however, let her test subject– who was still not even distantly related to Sinai– keep the ring if she wanted.)

The Tayill Reen™ also comes in a multitude of beautiful colors. For example, you can get it in the signature siPawlisshe color, Püpey™, or you can get it in a cool new color, which is called DharckPüpey™ (which is like Püpey™, only darker). The Tayill Reen™ even comes in some fun and peppy patterns– there’s stripes, dots, plaid, little Sinai heads, camo, gingham, paisley, check, scales, and more! (Patterns are available in both Püpey™ and DharckPüpey™ and in a unique color that is only available in patterns known as PhaydidPüpey™, which is like Püpey™, only faded.) Also, there are different finishes to the different colors (not included PhaydidPüpey™) if you don’t want a pattern, but you don’t want a plain color, either. You can get either of the two colors in sparkle, matte finish, textured, iridescent, or with Sinai’s fur in the ring (note: getting Sinai’s fur will cause the price to increase a little). But that’s not all! If you are the Divine Ruler of Everything, you can get The Tayill Reen™ in pink/purple/maroon/red/coral/orange/yellow/lime/green/turquoise/blue/indigo/24 karat gold/sterling silver (with or without patterns/special finish)! (If you are not, then you are not allowed to have fun somewhat more interesting and less barfy colors.)

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Yes, these look slightly barfy. However, that does not mean that they are not also trendy. Just think of how great they would go with that booger hanging out of your nostril.

When you get The Tayill Reen™, you will feel suddenly lighter, as if you are no longer held down by the burden that your naked tail has been to your life. You haven’t noticed how heavy it is, since you have never lived without this boulder on your shoulders, or rather, your butt, but when you are suddenly relieved of it, you will be amazed at how great you feel. And who wouldn’t like to healthier and younger? Exactly!

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This is you after you get your Tayill Reen™. Notice how much happier you are. Also, you are positively radiant and crying tears of joy. What a lovely sight. (Note: This is not really you. This is actually Sinai the Great, in case you suddenly thought that you were close to as beautiful as Sinai is. No illusions of grandeur for you.)

Are you convinced yet? Call (123) LUV SISI to order your inexpensive Tayill Reen™ today! You won’t regret your purchase, I guarantee it! (Costs: $999.99 plain, $1999.99 pattern, $2599.99 special finish, $5999.99 Sinai’s fur special finish, $0 if you are the Divine Ruler of Everything.)

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