Tag Archives: fabulous

Sinai’s New Years Resolutions!

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Me know that me is already the most wonderful rat to ever live, but how can me become even better?

Sinai is 99% the perfect rat. She’s attractive, nice, witty, cute, generous, loving, lovable, funny, humorous, intelligent, smart, pretty, kind, likeable, friendly, jiggly, chumpy, chubalicious, splendid, delicious, scrumptious, beautiful, good, great, selfless, wonderful, trustworthy, respectful, fantastic, chubby, interesting, fascinating, sinailicious, choopy, fabulous, fantabulous, incredible, a genius, brave, remarkable, lovely, knowledgeable, well-organized, creative, responsible, internationally beloved, peaceful, hard-working, fat,  confident, honest, and humble. However, she is still not perfect! Sinai thinks that with her resolutions for 2014, she will become 100% perfect.

Sinai’s Resolutions

  1. Me need money. Me make a lot of money (as in a couple trillion dollars) next year! It no matter how the money comes into my possession.
  2. Me should be more rude to Soigné so that she become more obedient and responding to my commands.
  3. Me really no like going to gym. Me will call up a demolition team and get them to demolish the gym! Then me no have to go!
  4. Me will convince all of the doubters that me really is a very humble rat! Me no know why they no believe me!
  5. Me will spray my nasty sister, Soigné, with lots of perfume so that she stops smelling like nasty latex.*
  6. Me not a very happy rat. Me will secretly record videos of Soigné doing embarrassing things and watch these videos in my free time to make me laugh.
  7. Me has wasted a lot of my time this year, so me will wake up one minute earlier than my normal time next year. Then me have lower wasted time to productive time ratio!
  8. Me gained twenty pounds this year . . . that is not enough! Me will gain fifty pounds in 2014!
  9. Yup, otherwise, me pretty much flawless.

* this is a true fact, Soigné actually does smell like latex.

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Oh, Sinai!

Sinai is a very nice, charming, cute, funny, sweet, lovable, beautiful, wonderful, remarkable, hilarious, witty, intelligent, smart, kind, friendly, soft, furry, chubby, chuckle-worthy, sinailicious, delightful, fair, lovely, stunning, respectful, responsible, peaceful, likable, fantastic, fabulous, brilliant, fashionable, hard-working, clean, neat, amazing, awesome, cool, generous, graceful, terrific, one-of-a-kind, gracious, thankful, trustworthy, unique, incredible, extraordinary, and humble rat (as described by her). However, for even the rat just short of perfection (AKA SINAI), there are times when you just need to say, “Oh, [insert name of rat here]!”, and not because you think they did an excellent job of completing a task.

 

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“Oh, Sinai! Why do you have to bathe yourself in front of me? Have you no conception of personal space?”

This does not happen very often, as Sinai is pretty much perfect. The only thing that prevents her from being perfect is the fact that she has no thumbs. And without thumbs, she can’t do a lot of things, which includes being perfect. Alas.

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Oh, Sinai! Why can’t you drink your water like a normal rat? Probably because you have no thumbs. Well, then, I don’t blame you. I probably would drink my water abnormally if I had no thumbs.

Pretty much everything Sinai does that is not perfect can be explained with the statement “she has no thumbs”, except for the one time that she accidentally told Soigné that she loved her. That was because Soigné’s evil demon thumbs (yes, Soigné has thumbs) told poor thumbless Sinai that she would receive thumbs (and therefore become perfect) if she only said “I love you” to Soigné just once. Naturally, Sinai really wanted thumbs, and she didn’t care if she only had to say “I love you” to Soigné once. However, Soigné’s thumbs were playing a cruel prank on Sinai, and they taped her telling Soigné that she loved her, which they uploaded online. All of Sinai’s fans thought that she loved Soigné, and it took Sinai nine months to clear up any doubt in her un-love for her sister. (Also, she never did get those thumbs. Of course, if she had gotten any, they probably would have also been evil demon thumbs that taped everything she said and turned her simple phrases into things that made it seem like she actually had feelings for her sister.)

Sinai in a pair of jeans that were clearly never hers to begin with.

Oh, Sinai! Why did you have to get the XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL jeans?! You know that those are even too big for your huge and very portly tummy!

Of course, Sinai does not make very many poor choices, even with her lack of thumbs. Most of the time, in fact, she usually just follows her sister’s awful advice and ends up doing something that she later regrets. Sinai has tried to prevent this by finding other rats to work for her so that she can fire her sister, but so far no one has signed up. So it looks like she’ll just have to wait until somebody wants to be her chef/butler/tailor/maid/lawn service rat/painter/roofer/doctor/stand-in-sister/gardener/mattress/entertainment system/general all-purpose rat. If you are interested, call (123) LUV SISI. Pay is $1 per month. No health benefits. You may have to donate some of your money to Sinai if she asks for it.

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A Wonderful Day To Celebrate Your Unending Love for Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything

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Pictured above: Soigné being a pain in the royal face by inserting herself into a picture that has absolutely nothing to do with her and everything to do with Sinai, aka the rat who she is forcing into the background.

What to do on The International Day of Sinai

It’s another day in the year of 2013, but this is no ordinary day. No, it is The International Day of Sinai, which is a fabulous day everybody celebrates because they love Sinai so very, very much. Sinai is not internationally beloved for no reason. So, what should you do for the remainder of this extraordinary day? Did you click that link above? Obviously not if you’re still reading this. Well, what are you doing?! There are temples to build and anonymous gifts of gold bars to deliver!

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How to Be Fabulous & Quote$ #2

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Always make sure you are using a proper fur wash when bathing yourself, as uncertified ones can leave you with gross acne.

Ever feel like you are boring and no fun to be around? Well good for you, because you are not in denial! As a matter of fact, you are boring and no fun to be around! If you wish to be more entertaining, fun, and fabulous in general, read on.


Step 1. Admit that your character is rather bland and quite pitiful when you think about it.
Step 2. Become resolved to become a more interesting indivual.
Step 3. Encourage yourself by thinking of all the friends you will get by being more dynamic.
Step 4. Do ten push-ups to get pumped up.
Step 5. Spend two hours contemplatig the meanimg of this quote.

“Sometimes, I think my sister may be slightly dramatic and over the top about certain things. But I guess that’s just one of the consequences of being ‘fabulous.'”

Soigné the Blight on All Humanity

Step 6. Replace yourself with a clone of Sinai.
Step 7. Feel good that even though you aren’t there to see it, your new self is infinitely more popular than you were ever destined to be.

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