Tag Archives: fat

Sinai’s New Years Resolutions!

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Me know that me is already the most wonderful rat to ever live, but how can me become even better?

Sinai is 99% the perfect rat. She’s attractive, nice, witty, cute, generous, loving, lovable, funny, humorous, intelligent, smart, pretty, kind, likeable, friendly, jiggly, chumpy, chubalicious, splendid, delicious, scrumptious, beautiful, good, great, selfless, wonderful, trustworthy, respectful, fantastic, chubby, interesting, fascinating, sinailicious, choopy, fabulous, fantabulous, incredible, a genius, brave, remarkable, lovely, knowledgeable, well-organized, creative, responsible, internationally beloved, peaceful, hard-working, fat,  confident, honest, and humble. However, she is still not perfect! Sinai thinks that with her resolutions for 2014, she will become 100% perfect.

Sinai’s Resolutions

  1. Me need money. Me make a lot of money (as in a couple trillion dollars) next year! It no matter how the money comes into my possession.
  2. Me should be more rude to Soigné so that she become more obedient and responding to my commands.
  3. Me really no like going to gym. Me will call up a demolition team and get them to demolish the gym! Then me no have to go!
  4. Me will convince all of the doubters that me really is a very humble rat! Me no know why they no believe me!
  5. Me will spray my nasty sister, Soigné, with lots of perfume so that she stops smelling like nasty latex.*
  6. Me not a very happy rat. Me will secretly record videos of Soigné doing embarrassing things and watch these videos in my free time to make me laugh.
  7. Me has wasted a lot of my time this year, so me will wake up one minute earlier than my normal time next year. Then me have lower wasted time to productive time ratio!
  8. Me gained twenty pounds this year . . . that is not enough! Me will gain fifty pounds in 2014!
  9. Yup, otherwise, me pretty much flawless.

* this is a true fact, Soigné actually does smell like latex.

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The Difference An Angle Makes

Sometimes, Sinai reads magazines. And sometimes, when Sinai reads magazines, she sees pictures of obese model rats who are prime examples of gluttony. Whenever Sinai sees these pictures, she feels ashamed of herself for not being excessively and unhealthily fat like the model rats. Then she goes on a week of binge eating, only to the result of gaining one meagre pound after the seven days pass. After that, Sinai just doesn’t feel motivated to cookies made with pure trans fat into her mouth, so she ends up losing that pound she worked so hard to gain… a tragic loss.

Anyhow, Sinai always felt sad about how skinny she was compared to the delightfully chubby models and celebrities she always sees around. But then she discovered this very odd relation between the camera angle and how jiggly whoever is in the picture looks…

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Look at this cat model shot from a low angle. It looks so fat and roly poly, which makes me jealous of it. And look at that cool expression it is making! AGH! WHY CAN’T I MAKE THAT EXPRESSION?! I HATE YOU MODEL.

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Wow, that’s amazing! Here is a picture of the same cat from an above angle, and it looks so not fat and roly poly anymore! And instead of having a cool expression, it just looks grumpy. Okay model, I like you now.

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