Tag Archives: flowers

How To Photoshop Your Images of You So That You Think They Look Amazing and Really Make You Look Quite Nice, When In Reality, They Look Totally Fake and Are Embarrassing Your Parents – BY OLIVIA

Hello, large hairless beings! I, Olivia Mewerly, am here today to teach you how to photoshop your pictures properly– that is, how to make them look totally fake! This is a very important skill to have. With it, you can successfully produce before-and-after pictures of “dramatic transformations” without even having to use two models! You can make all of your online friends secretly laugh at you behind your back. You can even embarrass your parents when you show them the pictures and they realize that your future boss has probably already seen them on the internet. Really, making fake-looking photos is an essential skill in today’s day and age. Luckily, you will know how to do this by the time you finish reading my lovely article. So keep reading, you funny looking creatures!

This is a picture of me. It is very natural looking, which is not good at all! Follow along as I turn this horrible mess of a picture into one I can be “proud” of!

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First, I got rid of the Target bag on the left. It distracted from my beautiful face. That was an easy fix. I simply selected my brush tool, and I picked a color that somewhat resembled the color of the surrounding areas. After that, I drew over the bag, and it magically disappeared!1

Next, my eyes were not nearly green enough, which just cannot happen. It is disgraceful. Using the hue/saturation tool, I changed these dull greyish-green eyes of mine into a lovely, highly saturated (and fake-looking) green-blue color.2

Okay, so I still had a couple problems with my eyes. My pupils were not nearly black enough, and as you may have noticed, my eyelashes were not noticeable, even though I spent hours working on my mascara so that they might have had a chance to show up for once. To fix these problems, I took my brush again and, using black, colored in my pupils and drew in my eyelashes. I also kind of added a little highlight on my eyes so that they looked more shiny, which I like.3

The next problem is obvious: the wall color doesn’t complement my fur nicely enough! Using the hue/saturation tool again, I adjusted the walls so that they were blue, making my fur contrast and stick out (in a good way).4

I didn’t really like how that looked because I looked too indoorsy. I wanted to look like a nature lover, which is a really good trait apparently, so I cut myself out of that background and pasted myself in front of some flowers. (By the way, I only moved my head because the rest of me looked odd.)5

Next, I put a picture of some rat on my head so I could look like I had friends in that picture. (Actually, from what I heard, the rat who I put on my head is actually a crummy friend, but who cares? I only put her up there to look nice.) Also, I wanted this picture to look somewhat realistic, so I drew a fake shadow under the crummy rat friend by using the brush tool on a low opacity. And voila, the picture is finished. 6

I hope I helped you today by teaching you how to fake-ify your photos. None of my friends seem to appreciate my skills in this department, for some strange reason, but they’re totally missing out. Luckily, you won’t be. Now go fake-ify some pictures!

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Stuff You Never Knew You Could Eat (And That Would Taste Good)!

Hi! Me name is Sinai! Me gonna tell you all about all this tastilicious stuff you never knew what you could eat! Yup. From this article, which I made my sister, Swanyay, type (because me has much better things to do with my time than type stuff, you know #yoso #youonlysinaionce) you will learn so much about tasty stuff that you can eat. Now, me is unsure about what nutrition all this stuff has, and also, me not exactly sure if all of this stuff isn’t poisonous, you know. (I kinda made me sister eat much of what I write about here, so me is unsure about side effects, okay?) Anyhow, you want to read this article. Okay go on.


WOOD

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Oh ya, wood is soooo good. It taste just like paper, only kind of less pulpy, if you know what me is talking about. Okey dokey, if you don’t understand, me will now explain to you: wood is made from paper! Isn’t that such an interesting fact? See, what them wood-makers do is that they take a lot of paper, put it all in a giant cauldron full of V8 (that is why trees, which are also made of paper, have leaves), and chant magic spells every day at 6 pm for a week. After that, the paper magically changes into wood.

CLAW POLISH

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Yeah, so me didn’t really eat this. I kinda forced my ugly and otherwise useless sister to eat this kindly gave my dear sister the option to eat the claw polish, which she took. Anyhow, she say, “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… this has… an interesting taste,” which obviously means that it tastes so delishy! Also, as a bonus, it turned her tongue hot pink for a week!

MONEY

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This tasted very good and papery, but me wouldn’t recommend eating it unless you can eat someone else’s money.

CROTCH HAIR

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Just kidding! Don’t eat this, small subordinate citizens.

FLOWERS

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So one day me got a tiny bit hungry after my lazy sister, Swanyay, was late getting me my food. I naturally did not want to starve, because, you know, that is a horrible fate! What I did to not have to face this tragic fate which I would never wish upon meself was I went to the window box and picked a couple flowers. Me not sure exactly what flowers I ate, but they was very good (except for the red one with the nasty prickly things on its long green petal). Later, I even fed Swanyay this weird thing I found in the window box, and I am pretty sure she very much enjoyed it because right after she ate it, she rushed to the bathroom, where she naturally wanted to watch herself chew the funny looking flower. In case you wondering, it was this stubby thing with beige long petal and for the top, it was red with white polka dotties.

NATIO??? GEO??????????

AKA: SOME MAGAZINE WITH A YELLOW BORDER THINGY

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Mojave is pictured here eating his din-din, which is some weird magazine called “Natio Geo.” Actually, I am sure there are more letters in the name, but me can’t tell because stupid Mojave is covering them up. THANKS A LOT, MOJAVE.

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

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Yeah, can you believe this? You can actually eat those weird things. Or at least my ugly sister, Soigné can. She says they taste good (me not sure if you can trust her, though). Also, they apparently are very healthy for you and can cause you to not be very robust like me, which, if me is thinking correctly, IS TERRIBLE! So actually, don’t eat fruits and vegetables. They make you skinny.

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