Tag Archives: friends

SINAI’S NEW BEST FRIEND! *** BREAKING NEWS *** (The Book of Sinai Entry #4)

best friend

Who knew?! Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything (AKA YOUR FAVORITE RAT EVER) has a new best friend!

Sinai has always been a good friend. She was best friends with King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, for a very long time. However, she just recently (as in sixty minutes ago) discovered who she calls “the rat I never noticed until now.” Now that she has found this rat, she is super ecstatic. She can’t wait to hang out with her new bestie and do all the things that bff’s do that she wasn’t able to do with Negev (because he is dead). She is also very surprised at herself for not noticing the wonderful rodent until just an hour ago.

So who is this new best friend of Sinai’s? Is it some fan or hers, or a friend who she just never hung out with? She’s neither. Hold onto your socks (if you have any on), because you’ll never believe who Sinai’s new best friend is. Below is a picture of she who is now Sinai’s best friend.

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Yes, that is right. SOIGNÉ is Sinai’s new best friend. Who would have thought?! As I cannot personally explain Sinai’s change of mind (I still can’t believe it), I will leave it to Sinai’s diary to explain it. (Click to view full size.)

soignebestfriend

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How! To! Annoy! The! Heck! Out! All! Of! Your! Friends!

Ever been really annoyed by what a friend of yours did and want to give them a tate of their own medicine, only to find out that you are incapable of bejng irritating? Well I have. Here are some easy tips to make you the least popular rat in your town.

Tip One: Speak in some exaggerated accent that is obviously not your natural one. This won’t work unless you never close your mouth and keep it up for over a day. You should also try interrupting random rats with your ridiculous and very annoying accent. Not only will people be angry at you for cutting into their conversation, but they will also not like that you can’t at least talk normally, even when they ask you to please stop.

Tip Two: Pretend that any table you sit at is your own personal drum set. A lot of rats like listening to drums, but not when they’re trying to finish a paper for a deadline later that day. They also especially do not like it when the drummer refuses to stop the aggravating act that they are committing even after being asked several times. (Which means that you must act completely indifferent from the world when you use this tip.)

Tip Three: Act like you have the worst memory in the world. After someone has to tell you where the bathroom is twenty-three times, they tend to not be so fond of you. Especially when you then continue to ask if they have sinks in the bathroom, or will you need to walk about with germy hands the rest of dat?

Tip Four: If You Are Texting Someone Or Writing A Paper Capitalize The First Letter Of Each Word And Ditch Punctuation Since No One Actually Needs Punctuation To Read Anything Or Even Understand And Comprehend What Someone Has Written Right Am I Correct Also Sometimes You Might Want To Try Putting Exclamation! Points! Or! Question? Marks? After? Every? Word? Even If They Are Considered To Be Punctuation This Is Very Annoying As You May Have Noticed And It Will Definitely Help You To Lose All Your Friends And Make Several New Enemies Hope This Helps Thanks Bye

Tip Five: Steal all of your friends’ stuff. Take strangers’ stuff, too. This will make you really unpopular real quick.

Tip Six: Creepily walk up to random rodents and stand behind them. If they ask why you’re standing behind them, pretend that you don’t have any idea what they are talking about and continue to stand behind them.

Tip Seven: Find something that no one likes and become obsessed with it. You must live through your new obsession and relate everything anybody says to this and wear only fan apparel for your newfound love. Also, while you’re at it, if you are obsessed with a celebrity or other rat, stalk them. Not physically, since that’s illegal, but you can legally plague their Twitter with disturbing messages about how you want to have their babies or fill your Instagram with photoshopped pictures of you and the rat you are obsessed with and email them the link fifty-seven times.

Tip Eight: Act like a know-it-all. You must make sure everyone has heard about your latest grade multiple times before you feel good about yourself.

Tip Nine: Make some really unfunny jokes (Why did the chicken not cross the road? He didn’t want to) and then start laughing at your own unentertaining jokes. When no one joins you ib chuckling, complain about how everyone is mean to you. When someone starts to laugh, complain about how they’re laughing at you and not your joke. Continue to misinterpret others’ actions and words until they don’t want to even pretend to be nice to you.

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Ask Sinai #4

Dear Sinai,
    I am having a little problem with who I am. I know who I am, but no one believes me when I say that I am my own individual self. They all think that I am another rat pretending to be me, and that I’m not even real. I am a real rat, but everyone says that I’m just a phony making up a rat so she sounds popular. That’s not true, but no one believes me! How can I make them see the truth?

I Am Not Inother Somebody

Dear I.A.N.I.S.,
Of course you aren’t another rat pretending to be someone one else! I believe you. Sadly, however, most rats will never accept that you are your own individual rat, so it is a useless cause to continue fighting. I would find a nice rat who believes you are your own self to be friends with, and I would stay out of the public eye. If you have rats who love and believe you in your life, it won’t matter what other rats think of you. I hope this helps!

Sinai the Great

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The Book of Sinai Entry #1

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I just got home from a photoshoot, and I feel horrible! Apparently my sister, Soigné, sneaked into the pictures, so now those are ruined. (She is the big white blob in the background. I didn’t notice her until it was too late to get a redo.) I can’t show them to all my many friends (like Ianis, Negev, and myself) without them asking why I, the esteemed and distinguished Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, let my shameful, immature, and disrespectful sister get in on the action. Then, when I say that she just snook right in without me noticing and made herself at home, they’ll think of me as weak and pathetic because I let my annoying and irritating (yet usually lovable) sibling get away with the equivalent of bloody murder (a.k.a. dropping in on my photoshoot), and they will no longer desire being my friends. (They are good friends. But everyone knows you can’t be friends with someone who let their sister be part of her photoshoot. It’s just… I can’t even express how distasteful it is to allow your sister to be in a photoshoot. I think I’d rather run around public with my fur shaven off that have to live through this entire experience again.) I can’t be a powerful and beloved leader without having friends. (Which I won’t have after this.) If you don’t have friends, then you look antisocial, and being a world universal leader means you have to interact with other universal leaders (actually, to be honest, I am the only universal leader that I have met, and, I suspect, also the only one in existence), which means you have to be social. And if I don’t look social because my friends abandoned me for a totally acceptable reason, no one’s going to want me to be a universal leader anymore (which is my passion and my calling) because it will appear that I am incapable of socially interacting. If I’m not a universal leader, then the best I will be able to do with everyone knowing that I failed to be the Divine Ruler of Everything because I let my sister intefere will be a homeless rat that can’t even afford a piece of carboard to make a sign with. I don’t even know if I could manage that. I most definitely won’t be able to go into a soup kitchen without some rat shouting out that I am the shamed former Divine Ruler of Everything and causing me extreme humiliation. It will be an awful and pathetic life, all because my sister decided one day to sneak into my photoshoot! Even Soigné, the very reason why I will be demoted to such a lowly position in the social ladder, will be higher up than me, and that is just unthinkable! I tremble thinking about it! In fact, if I do become homeless, then even my astounding beauty will be diluted. I won’t be able to afford getting my fur done even once a year, so even my attractive and stylish fur will look straggly! Just think of that– my sister probably intruded into my photoshoot because she is so jealous of my beauty. You know, that’s probably it. She knows she’ll never be nearly as beautiful as me, but she knows that she can get pretty close if I end up on the streets with unevenly cut fur and dandruff. (And that’s why you should never trust your siblings.) I wouldn’t put it past her. She is pretty cunning and can think of some plans that even I would consider clever. And I am, like, a genius (to be modest). So thanks, a lot, Soigné. You ruined my entire future just because you thought it would be funny to intrude upon my photoshoot.

~ Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything ~

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