Me know that me is already the most wonderful rat to ever live, but how can me become even better?
Sinai is 99% the perfect rat. She’s attractive, nice, witty, cute, generous, loving, lovable, funny, humorous, intelligent, smart, pretty, kind, likeable, friendly, jiggly, chumpy, chubalicious, splendid, delicious, scrumptious, beautiful, good, great, selfless, wonderful, trustworthy, respectful, fantastic, chubby, interesting, fascinating, sinailicious, choopy, fabulous, fantabulous, incredible, a genius, brave, remarkable, lovely, knowledgeable, well-organized, creative, responsible, internationally beloved, peaceful, hard-working, fat, confident, honest, and humble. However, she is still not perfect! Sinai thinks that with her resolutions for 2014, she will become 100% perfect.
Me need money. Me make a lot of money (as in a couple trillion dollars) next year! It no matter how the money comes into my possession.
Me should be more rude to Soigné so that she become more obedient and responding to my commands.
Me really no like going to gym. Me will call up a demolition team and get them to demolish the gym! Then me no have to go!
Me will convince all of the doubters that me really is a very humble rat! Me no know why they no believe me!
Me will spray my nasty sister, Soigné, with lots of perfume so that she stops smelling like nasty latex.*
Me not a very happy rat. Me will secretly record videos of Soigné doing embarrassing things and watch these videos in my free time to make me laugh.
Me has wasted a lot of my time this year, so me will wake up one minute earlier than my normal time next year. Then me have lower wasted time to productive time ratio!
Me gained twenty pounds this year . . . that is not enough! Me will gain fifty pounds in 2014!
Yup, otherwise, me pretty much flawless.
* this is a true fact, Soigné actually does smell like latex.
All of the pictures in this post were not edited in any way. You have Sinai’s word for it, none of them were tweaked even slightly. Although some look like they have filters on them, they don’t– the lighting was just really off. Really. Sinai does not lie. All of these pictures are unedited. You may doubt it, but it is the truth.
[Links to original articles with images in them are provided]
UNEDITED PHOTOS OF SINAI!!!!
This is Sinai (in the front) with her good friend, Ianis. Ianis is not Sinai pretending to be another rat, in case you were thinking that. So what if Ianis’ name backwards just so happens to spell “SINAI?” Sinai and Ianis are their own rats, and that is proven by this completely unedited picture of them hanging out. [link]
Here is Sinai with her friend, Olivia. Olivia is sitting on her paw oddly, which is why you can’t see the rest of her body. And yes, Sinai is bigger than Olivia… and tinted pink. [link] [link]
Just Ianis and Sinai hanging out again. Ianis is the one in the front. You may have noticed that she looks an awful lot like Sinai, but that is just the way things are. Also, I would like to confirm that Ianis and Sinai were in a completely purple world, and their names were hovering above their heads. [link]
What a cute rat! I wonder why that red blob is there… well, I know it’s definitely not because the picture was EDITED, right? As for the radiating lines, the light was funny. Don’t blame Sinai. She didn’t alter this picture at all. [link] (Please ignore the name of the article which this link links to.)
Hahaha! It’s Sinai and her friends wearing their Barney suits! Sinai is the one the purple one (whatever its name is), while Ianis is wearing the green one (whatever her name is). Lastly, Sinai’s sister (whatever her name is) is in the yellow guy’s suit (I forget what his name is). Yes, Sinai’s sister doesn’t have a white blaze on it like whatever her name is normally does, but she had her fur dyed that day. [link]
Sinai working out at the gym. Nothing phony here. [link]
Ianis (right) and Sinai (left) again. Nothing phony here, either. It’s just a coincidence that the two happened to be in the exact same position at the exact same time. [link] [link]
If you wanna get fit, then you would really benefit from joining $-MUNNY F!tne$$ today!
$-MUNNY F!tne$$ is a gym club that you join that is run by everybody’s favorite rat, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, aka Sinai the Great, aka Sinai Blight, aka Sinai. By taking advantage of this amazing opportunity, not only will you waste tons of money on getting a “healthy” body (everyone knows that overweight is the way to go), but you also will be able to spend some quality time interacting with Sinai, if, by “interacting”, you mean watching an old video of her yelling rubbish into your ears for two full hours. Don’t worry, everyone who has gone through $-MUNNY F!tne$$ has had some really positive thoughts about it.
“I thought $-MUNNY F!tne$$ was going to suck from the description that was written in the brochure. But, me being a daredevil, I decided to try it. And you’d never believe it, but the so-called old video was in HD with surround sound audio! I was so stunned that I completely neglected to even do my workout, and you know what? I don’t even have a healthy body now! You really should join $-MUNNY F!tne$$. It is really nothing at all like what it sounds like on paper.”
– Franny Bigfannie
If you are, for some strange reason, considering joining, you might want to see what the participants do. Here are a few pictures of what you will be doing for two full hours while watching Sinai’s fitness video. If you do not like climbing cage bars, stretching, or stretching, it is not recommended to view the following pictures.
This is part of the educational video Sinai the Great has provided for $-MUNNY F!tne$$ members to watch. You, too, will learn how to climb cage bars while showing off your amazingly attractive little black spot. (Not recommended for rats who do not have little black spots or who are self conscious about their tummies.)
Soigné Blight, also known as Sinai the Great’s unruly sister, tries out some stretching poses while a cardboard cut out of the one and only Sinai the Great stands in the background giving her some encouraging default phrases. Soigné later said that instead of being stiff, her arm now aches like crazy, but it definitely is a lot more flexible.
Olivia the Cat also tries out some stretching poses. While doing so, she grooms the base of her tail, which is now very sanitized and hygienic. She is thankful to $-MUNNY F!tne$$ for providing her the opportunity to clean her tail and other appendages.
Now that you have seen the types of activities that members of $-MUNNY F!tne$$ do while participating, you are most likely better informed, and as you are better informed, you will probably be able to make a wiser decision. So now would you kindly please answer the quick and easy poll below? You must choose on of the provided answers. If you are torn between two, pick the one that comes earlier in the alphabet. If you are torn between two that come at the same time in the alphabet, you probably need to see a doctor because that means that you can’t decide between one answer and the same answer. And that’s a problem.
Now that you have made an informed decision, you may either continue (if you chose “yes”, “yeah”, “uh-huh”, “ya”, “sure”, “ok”, “k”, “yea”, “yay”, “okay”, “why not”, or “yup”) or not continue (if you did not do the poll, which means you actually should go back and do it) to sign up for $-MUNNY F!tne$$. Even though it is very expensive, you should still do it because Sinai has a soothing voice, and signing up will allow you to listen to her very soothing voice for two straight hours. And who wouldn’t want to listen to such a soothing voice for such a long period of time?
TO SIGN UP FOR $-MUNNY F!tne$$ CALL (123) LUV SISI RIGHT NOW!
The first nine callers get a .01% discount on their total price for membership, plus they get a free sticker at their first $-MUNNY F!tne$$ meeting.
COSTS ONLY $999.99 A MONTH FOR MEMBERSHIP! JOIN NOW! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT LATER!
Once upon a time, there was a lovely rat named Sinai. She was extraordinarily beautiful, but alas, her evil sister, Soigné, would have none of it. Indeed, Soigné even wanted Sinai to change her perfect ways.
“Oh my divine Sinai, Sinai! You are so chubby and not at all in shape! I think you should go to the gym and shed a few pounds,” said the cruel and plotting Soigné.
Sinai did not feel the need to go to the gym. She was pleasantly plump, after all, and she had always found skinny rats rather unattractive. Especially those grey, ungroomed ones that lived in the streets and always hissed at her for not “helping the poor”, whatdver that meant. Plus, she didn’t like Soigné, so even if she did want to go to the gym, the fact that her sister had suggested it would have turned her away.
“I am not going to the gym,” said Sinai forcefully.
“Uh, yes you are,” replied the violent and forceful Soigné. “I don’t care if I die trying; you are going to the gym. You can protest all you want, but it will be good for your health if you go, and I want you to live a long, healthy life. Despite what you may think, I actually care about you.”
“No you don’t! You just want to get rid of me so that you can assume my position as the Divine Ruler of Everything!” shouted Sinai, who really did not want to go to the gym now. “I knew I should have sent you to that nunnery! You could have learned some important lessons from that!”
Soigné glared at her uncooperative sister and, without warning, grabbed Sinai and stuffed her into a dirty potato sack.
“Ahh! HELP ME!” screamed Sinai, who could only see the rough and earthy inside of the sack. “Where are you taking me?! HELP! I’m too young to die, and I haven’t even named a successor yet!”
“I’m taking you to the gym,” said the vicious and evil Soigné. “You are going to do some hardcore working out, whether you want to or not. And you are going to live a long life so that you will not need to name a successor for a long time.”
And so, despite her immediate dislike for working out, Sinai ended up spending a full four hours at the gym (which she was locked into) having absolutely no fun at all, thanks to her cruel sister
Screw this, Sinai would never go to the gym, whether out of her own free will or dragged in a potato sack. She would have just ordered Soigné to be taken to the nunnery.