Tag Archives: healthy

Stuff You Never Knew You Could Eat (And That Would Taste Good)!

Hi! Me name is Sinai! Me gonna tell you all about all this tastilicious stuff you never knew what you could eat! Yup. From this article, which I made my sister, Swanyay, type (because me has much better things to do with my time than type stuff, you know #yoso #youonlysinaionce) you will learn so much about tasty stuff that you can eat. Now, me is unsure about what nutrition all this stuff has, and also, me not exactly sure if all of this stuff isn’t poisonous, you know. (I kinda made me sister eat much of what I write about here, so me is unsure about side effects, okay?) Anyhow, you want to read this article. Okay go on.


WOOD

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Oh ya, wood is soooo good. It taste just like paper, only kind of less pulpy, if you know what me is talking about. Okey dokey, if you don’t understand, me will now explain to you: wood is made from paper! Isn’t that such an interesting fact? See, what them wood-makers do is that they take a lot of paper, put it all in a giant cauldron full of V8 (that is why trees, which are also made of paper, have leaves), and chant magic spells every day at 6 pm for a week. After that, the paper magically changes into wood.

CLAW POLISH

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Yeah, so me didn’t really eat this. I kinda forced my ugly and otherwise useless sister to eat this kindly gave my dear sister the option to eat the claw polish, which she took. Anyhow, she say, “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… this has… an interesting taste,” which obviously means that it tastes so delishy! Also, as a bonus, it turned her tongue hot pink for a week!

MONEY

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This tasted very good and papery, but me wouldn’t recommend eating it unless you can eat someone else’s money.

CROTCH HAIR

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Just kidding! Don’t eat this, small subordinate citizens.

FLOWERS

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So one day me got a tiny bit hungry after my lazy sister, Swanyay, was late getting me my food. I naturally did not want to starve, because, you know, that is a horrible fate! What I did to not have to face this tragic fate which I would never wish upon meself was I went to the window box and picked a couple flowers. Me not sure exactly what flowers I ate, but they was very good (except for the red one with the nasty prickly things on its long green petal). Later, I even fed Swanyay this weird thing I found in the window box, and I am pretty sure she very much enjoyed it because right after she ate it, she rushed to the bathroom, where she naturally wanted to watch herself chew the funny looking flower. In case you wondering, it was this stubby thing with beige long petal and for the top, it was red with white polka dotties.

NATIO??? GEO??????????

AKA: SOME MAGAZINE WITH A YELLOW BORDER THINGY

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Mojave is pictured here eating his din-din, which is some weird magazine called “Natio Geo.” Actually, I am sure there are more letters in the name, but me can’t tell because stupid Mojave is covering them up. THANKS A LOT, MOJAVE.

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

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Yeah, can you believe this? You can actually eat those weird things. Or at least my ugly sister, Soigné can. She says they taste good (me not sure if you can trust her, though). Also, they apparently are very healthy for you and can cause you to not be very robust like me, which, if me is thinking correctly, IS TERRIBLE! So actually, don’t eat fruits and vegetables. They make you skinny.

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Join $-MUNNY F!tne$$ TODAY!

DO YOU WANNA GET FIT?

If you wanna get fit, then you would really benefit from joining $-MUNNY F!tne$$ today!

$-MUNNY F!tne$$ is a gym club that you join that is run by everybody’s favorite rat, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, aka Sinai the Great, aka Sinai Blight, aka Sinai. By taking advantage of this amazing opportunity, not only will you waste tons of money on getting a “healthy” body (everyone knows that overweight is the way to go), but you also will be able to spend some quality time interacting with Sinai, if, by “interacting”, you mean watching an old video of her yelling rubbish into your ears for two full hours. Don’t worry, everyone who has gone through $-MUNNY F!tne$$ has had some really positive thoughts about it.

“I thought $-MUNNY F!tne$$ was going to suck from the description that was written in the brochure. But, me being a daredevil, I decided to try it. And you’d never believe it, but the so-called old video was in HD with surround sound audio! I was so stunned that I completely neglected to even do my workout, and you know what? I don’t even have a healthy body now! You really should join $-MUNNY F!tne$$. It is really nothing at all like what it sounds like on paper.”

Franny Bigfannie

If you are, for some strange reason, considering joining, you might want to see what the participants do. Here are a few pictures of what you will be doing for two full hours while watching Sinai’s fitness video. If you do not like climbing cage bars, stretching, or stretching, it is not recommended to view the following pictures.


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This is part of the educational video Sinai the Great has provided for $-MUNNY F!tne$$ members to watch. You, too, will learn how to climb cage bars while showing off your amazingly attractive little black spot. (Not recommended for rats who do not have little black spots or who are self conscious about their tummies.)

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Soigné Blight, also known as Sinai the Great’s unruly sister, tries out some stretching poses while a cardboard cut out of the one and only Sinai the Great stands in the background giving her some encouraging default phrases. Soigné later said that instead of being stiff, her arm now aches like crazy, but it definitely is a lot more flexible.

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Olivia the Cat also tries out some stretching poses. While doing so, she grooms the base of her tail, which is now very sanitized and hygienic. She is thankful to $-MUNNY F!tne$$ for providing her the opportunity to clean her tail and other appendages.


Now that you have seen the types of activities that members of $-MUNNY F!tne$$ do while participating, you are most likely better informed, and as you are better informed, you will probably be able to make a wiser decision. So now would you kindly please answer the quick and easy poll below? You must choose on of the provided answers. If you are torn between two, pick the one that comes earlier in the alphabet. If you are torn between two that come at the same time in the alphabet, you probably need to see a doctor because that means that you can’t decide between one answer and the same answer. And that’s a problem.

Now that you have made an informed decision, you may either continue (if you chose “yes”, “yeah”, “uh-huh”, “ya”, “sure”, “ok”, “k”, “yea”, “yay”, “okay”, “why not”, or “yup”) or not continue (if you did not do the poll, which means you actually should go back and do it) to sign up for $-MUNNY F!tne$$. Even though it is very expensive, you should still do it because Sinai has a soothing voice, and signing up will allow you to listen to her very soothing voice for two straight hours. And who wouldn’t want to listen to such a soothing voice for such a long period of time?

TO SIGN UP FOR $-MUNNY F!tne$$ CALL (123) LUV SISI RIGHT NOW!

The first nine callers get a .01% discount on their total price for membership, plus they get a free sticker at their first $-MUNNY F!tne$$ meeting.

COSTS ONLY $999.99 A MONTH FOR MEMBERSHIP! JOIN NOW! YOU WILL NOT REGRET IT LATER!

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A Healthy Alternative to Traditional Food

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A mixture between a fried twinkie and a big mac, Sinai Health Fude™ is just the thing for all you nutrition freaks! Not only does it taste great, but it signifigantly increases your cholesterol level along with your risk of type II diabetes! Here’s some reviews from happy customers!


“Sinai Health Fude™ is a lie saver! I feed it to my toddler three times a day, and she’s so overweight now that I’ve had to buy eleven new high chairs in the past week. Thanks, Sinai Health Fude™!”

~ Mildred Oollu from Arkansas

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“I love Sinai Health Fude™. It gave me the circular shape I have desired since forever.”

~ Zuzu Tewtsie from Antarctica

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“I like to maintain a steady body fat percentage of 99%, and Sinai Health Fude helps me achieve this goal.”

~ Günter Chumpylamp from Death Valley


BUY SINAI HEALTH FOOD™! CALL (123) LUV SISI TODAY! ONLY $999, 999, 876.99 WITHOUT SHIPPING OR HANDLING!

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