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WRITTEN BY NEGEV: Happy Birthday, Me (And My Brother, But He Doesn’t Count)!

Food 003

The birthday cake that Negev (and also Mojave, but he doesn’t count) got last year. Don’t worry, it’s not still sitting around. It got eaten last August.

Today is a very special day! It is the day that I, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, would have turned three (if I was still alive). I think my twin brother, Mojave the Annoying, would have also turned three this day. However, he doesn’t not count, so let’s focus on me!!!! I am such an amazingly precocious three year-old, don’t you know*? : DDD

As it is my birthday, today you will learn thirty-three amazing facts about me that you can tell all of your friends and impress them with (unless they read this post haha)!!! I will also acknowledge my useless brother by writing three facts about him that will probably not impress anyone because he is just not a very impressive rat.


 THIRTY-THREE AMAZINGLY IMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE RAT, NEGEV CHEEZIKI!

A sweet and adorable tan and white rat who has a piece of litter on his leg.

Pictured above: The birthday boy himself. How adorable. I know that I am somewhat biased, but… HEISSOCUTEANDIJUSTWANTTOHUGHIMTODEATHOHWAITHEISALREADYDEADSOITECHNICALLYCANTDOTHATOHWELLISTILLAMINLOVEWITHHIM!

  1. Negev’s full name is Negev Cheeziki.
  2. Negev’s favorite color is purple!
  3. Negev’s last name is Cheeziki.
  4. Negev has a desert named after him. (Some people say he was named after the desert, but that’s ridiculous. The desert was named after him.)
  5. Negev hates the color yellow because it is the opposite of purple.
  6. Negev’s name starts with the fourteenth letter of the alphabet.
  7. Negev’s first name ends with the twenty-second letter of the alphabet.
  8. Negev’s last name starts with the third letter of the alphabet.
  9. Negev’s name ends with the ninth letter of the alphabet.
  10. Negev’s initials are N.A.C.
  11. Negev’s middle name is “Amazing”
  12. Negev’s middle name starts with the first letter of the alphabet.
  13. Negev’s middle name ends with the seventh letter of the alphabet.
  14. Negev really hates the Y in ROYGBIV.
  15. Negev’s best friend is Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, also known as Sinai Blight, also known as Sinai the Great, also known as Sinai.
  16. Negev has not been reincarnated as Sinai, despite what several rats think.
  17. Negev has a piece of litter on him in the picture above.
  18. Negev is tan and white.
  19. Negev is not white and tan.
  20. Negev is very cute.
  21. Negev is a big boy.
  22. Negev is very cuddly.
  23. Negev is unfortunate, as he has a most insufficient brother who does absolutely nothing to be a good brother.
  24. Negev’s name is five letters long.
  25. Negev has the letter “E” twice in his first name, and also twice in his last name.
  26. Negev is a genius.
  27. Negev’s IQ is 100! Amazing, right?!
  28. Negev is everyone’s favorite rat!
  29. Negev has his own fan-club with a whooping three members!
  30. Negev has whiskers on his face.
  31. Negev has fur on his face.
  32. Negev likes to eat food.
  33. Negev breathes using his lungs and the rest of his respiratory system.

THREE VERY UNIMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT THE BORINGEST RAT EVER, MOJAVE

A shining light in the background with this weird thing in the front (jk it's a rat)

The boringest rat ever. He happens to share the birthday of the beloved and highly esteemed King Negev.

  1. Mojave used to work in a traveling circus as a trapeze artist to pay his bills, as his current job (working as the all-purpose rat for his brother, Negev) hardly paid him anything.
  2. Mojave is named after the Mojave Desert because of his tan fur, like sand.
  3. Mojave was chosen by his owner before she decided to get Negev instead of another rat that she might have gotten.

 * Note from Mojave: Negev is only three in human years. In rat years, he is actually ninety, although you might not be able to tell from the way that he acts.

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