Tag Archives: interview

Hodge and Podge Interview Each Other

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Hodge: Hello, Podge, I am going to be interviewing you today.
Podge: Um, no I am interviewing you!
Hodge: No, I’m interviewing you.
Podge: Actually, I’m pretty sure I’m interviewing you.
Hodge: The name of the post is “Hodge and Podge Interview Each Other!” My name is first, so it’s me interviewing you!
Podge: No, we’re supposed to interview each other . . . that means that I’m interviewing you!
Hodge: So you admit that I am interviewing you?
Podge: No!
Hodge: Yes you do!
Podge: No, I said I was interviewing you! Not you were interviewing me!
Hodge: But you said we were interviewing each other. That means I’m interviewing you.
Podge: No, I’m interviewing you.
Hodge: I am not being interviewed.
Podge: Yes you are. I’m doing it right now.
Hodge: Stop interviewing me! I’m interviewing you!
Podge: No you’re not!
Hodge: Yes I am!
Podge: No!
Hodge: Yes!
Podge: No!
Hodge: Yes!
Podge: No!
Hodge: Yes!
Anonymous Bystander: Oooooh, a catfight!
Hodge: Shut up!
Podge: Don’t use that word!
Anonymous Bystander: Is it . . . your pet peeve? HAHAHAHA!!!!
Hodge: AGH!
Podge: You make me–
Anonymous Bystander: Make you want to claw your eyes out? Hahaha!
Hodge: Now why would I ever do that? I only want to claw your eyes out!
Podge: No, I get to claw his eyes out!
Hodge: But I claimed it first!
Podge: Well I came up with the idea first!
Hodge: No you didn’t; I did.
Podge: Uh uh.
Hodge: Uh huh.
Podge: Nuh uh.
Hodge: I am not lying!
Podge: Yes you are.
Hodge: No, you are.
Podge: No I’m not. You are.
Hodge: You’re the one who’s lying.
Podge: I did not lie!
Hodge: Yes you did.
Podge: No I didn’t.

Hodge and Podge continued arguing for seven more hours, much to the amusement of the Anonymous Bystander.

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An Interview With She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed

Today, Sinai was feeling quite interview-ish. Following her urges, she decided to do an interview. However, there was no one fun to interview around. Negev was up somewhere disciplining his brother, and Ianis was busy telling rats that she was not Sinai. That left her only one option for who to interview, and that was She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed., who is a terrible rat for interviewing. When you finish reading this, you will completely understand why Sinai would have preferred to not have to interview She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed.


Sinai the Great: Hello… Siognè, I think? Isn’t that how you spell your name?

She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed: No.

STG: Yeah, whatever. Tell me all of your deepest secrets.

SWDNDTBI: Why would I do that?

STG: Because I am only the greatest and most wonderful rat to ever grace this universe! Also, I believe I am remotely related to you, and therefore, we are family. Because we are family, you tell me all of your deepest secrets.

SWDNDTBI: Fine. But first you tell me all of your deepest secrets, sister.

STG: Eww! No way! Just because I’m related to your disgusting filthiness doesn’t mean I have to tell you all of my secrets. However, you do, Siognè.

SWDNDTBI: …Why would that rule apply to me and not you?

STG: Because I say so. Now, tell me your secrets.

SWDNDTBI: No.

STG: Alright, if you’re not going to tell me all of your deepest secrets, you have two options. One, be exiled to a deserted island in the middle of the ocean where you will never be able to contact your friends and family (except for me) again, or, two, be put under the guardianship of my atrocious sister, Soigné, who will make you wish that you were on a deserted island. Which do you choose?

SWDNDTBI: You do realize that I am your “atrocious sister” Soigné?

STG: No you’re not. You’re Siognè, also known as She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed. Although, you do act and look remarkably like that rat whose name I would prefer not to mention.

SWDNDTBI: No, I’m your sister.

STG: How many times do I have to say this? You’re only remotely related to me. That means that you can’t be my sister. You’re either my first cousin, twice removed, or you’re my granduncle.

SWDNDTBI: How could I be your granduncle? I’m a lady, and I’m not even that old!

STG: You are not female, and most certainly not a lady. You are unisex. Also, you are actually quite old. You just used a lot of Botox to cover up your saggy wrinkles. You don’t remember because you are suffering from mild Alzheimer’s.

SWDNDTBI: No I am not. I know my body more than you do.

STG: I am all knowing. You are not.

SWDNDTBI: But you are not me.

STG: Why would I want to be you?

SWDNDTBI: I never said that you would want to be me.

STG: Yes you did, O Terrible Liar Named Siognè.

SWDNDTBI: That is not my name! Stop calling me that!

STG: Please stop throwing a hissy fit, or I will be forced to call the police on you.

SWDNDTBI: I am not throwing a hissy fit! I am simply telling the truth!

STG: Alas, it appears that you will not relent. I am calling the police right now. Please do not break any of my furniture. It is quite expensive, and brand-new.

SWDNDTBI: No it isn’t! You got this stuff from Ikea years ago!

STG: La la la, I can’t hear you. Oh, hello officer!

Police Officer (on the phone): Hello, what is your problem, sir?

STG: Um, excuse me! I am a lady! Not a sir!

PO (OTP): Sorry, sir… I mean, ma’am. Can you please tell me what your problem is, sir… ma’am.

STG: Yes, officer. You see, this horrid rodent named Siognè has been throwing a terrible hissy fit for the last hour–

SWDNDTBI: I am not throwing a hissy fit!

STG: Yes you are. Anyhow, officer, this disgusting rat has been causing me to become agitated and is very distracting. I have asked her to stop, but she just insists that she isn’t throwing a hissy fit and continues being distracting. If you could kindly take her to jail, where she can’t distract me, that would greatly please me.

PO (OTP): I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t arrest a rat just for throwing a hissy fit. It’s not in the law books.

STG: Yes you can.

PO (OTP): I can’t just disobey the law… I’m part of the law enforcement force, do you realize that, sir?

STG: Ma’am. Believe me, officer, it is not against the law to arrest a rat for throwing a hissy fit, especially when its name is Siognè.

PO (OTP): …Since when?

STG: Two minutes ago.

PO (OTP): Hold on a second. How do you know what laws are passed within a couple minutes.

STG: I know everything.

SWDNDTBI: No you don’t! I’m not throwing a hissy fit!

PO (OTP): Um, who is that in the background? And you can’t really know everything. That is impossible.

STG: No one. And it is not. I am the smartest rat to ever walk this universe.

PO (OTP): Who do you think you are? Sinai the Great? She’s so conceited and stuck-up; why would you want to be her?!

STG: What is your name, officer?

PO (OTP): …Signe Naivings… why do you ask?

STG: Okay, first of all, your first name is not on The List: Names Citizens of the Sinai Empire May Name Their Children. Neither is your last name. And Sinai is not conceited or stuck-up. She is a very humble and modest rat.

PO (OTP): Who actually obeys those lists? And the only rat who believes that she is humble is Sinai herself.

STG: What is your address, cell phone, home phone, email, Pawbook, Squeaker, Instarat, credit card number, date of birth, and social security?

PO (OTP): Why do you need to know this?

STG: Just tell me it all.

SWDNDTBI: Don’t do it, officer!

PO (OTP): Who are you, anyways.

STG: A very humble rat. Now tell me all of your personal information. Also, fax me your driver’s license.

PO (OTP): Okay, this is just really creepy. I am not arresting whoever that rat who was throwing a hissy fit was, and I am most certainly not telling you all of my sensitive information. [hangs up]

STG: Oh, well, I can still get her arrested. I’ll just arrest all of the Signe Naivings that are living under the Empire!

SWDNDTBI: You don’t have that authority. The real government only lets you get away with thinking that you run the place because they think that you are mentally insane and do not want you to go mad and burn down all of the federal buildings.

STG: Shut up, Siognè.

The next day, eleven rats named Signe Naivings were given life sentences for “disrespecting the boss.” Sadly, the police officer lied about her name on the phone, which meant that she got away, while eleven innocent rats were left to spend the rest of their lives in jail cells. Also, a completely unrelated rat whose true name was kept hidden (but was called Siog publicly) was dragged to a local mental asylum where she was given her own private room padded with pillows that had Sinai the Great’s divine face embroidered on them.

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Ask Sinai #8: An Interview With an Internationally Beloved Rat Who Everyone Loves and Admires

Sinai Blight: Hi there! I’m Sinai Blight, here tonight with an interview with none other than the internationally beloved rat who everyone loves and admires, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! We are very privileged, blessed, grateful, and lucky to have this awesome rat here tonight. So, Sinai, how goes it?

Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything: I’m feeling very sinailicious today, Sinai! I am so pleased to be here. I really like your fur color. What is it?

SB: It’s a classic, black and white. I absolutely love it. It is so much more stylish and attractive than that gruesome white and black that so many rats accidentally wear when they’re really going for black and white.

STGDROE: I agree. My sister, Soigné, has white and black fur. It is atrocious and makes my eyes bleed each time I look at it for more than nine seconds. I can understand why rats mistake it for black and white, though. They think that the order of words doesn’t matter when it comes to color names when, really, it is of the utmost importance.

SB: Quite true. For example, everyone knows that red-orange and orange-red get different crayons, so why shouldn’t black and white and white and black be different?

STGDROE: Exactly! I’ve always thought the same!

SB: it’s almost like we had the same brain! [does a chuck-o] However, we can’t share the same face! Yours is stunning. I wish I had it.

STGDROE: Why, thank you, Sinai! I do enjoy my face. [does a chuck-o as well] Yours is pretty nice for a rat who isn’t me. It looks a lot like that of my dear friend, Ianis Th’glib.

SB: Thank you! Ianis has a lovely face. It kind of looks like yours, only it’s not yours, so it just isn’t the same. You know, some rats think that is Ianis is just you pretending to be another rat to look more popular! What do you think of that, O Noble One?

STGDROE: It’s poppycock, I say. Why would I ever do that? So what if her name backwards happens to be mine? So what if we haven’t ever been seen publicly in the same room? So what if she looks a lot like me? So what if her voice is as soothing as mine is? So what if her birthday is 9/5 and mine is 5/9? She and I are completely different individuals. I really wish rats would stop spreading that rumor around. I love Ianis, but I am not her. As Paula Deen would say, “I is what I is”… and she be what she be.

SB: I completely believe you. The only reason I asked you that is because my cruel indentured servant rodent, Soigné, threatened to stop working for me if I did not mention it. Luckily, she did not force me to fake-believe it.

STGDROE: Yes. If there is anyone out there who has never had a cruel indentured servant rodent blackmail them, why don’t you just pick up that large pebble and throw it so hard so that it causes my evil indentured servant rodent (coincidentally also named Soigné, it must be a common name) to become an amnesiac and forget all about wanting to be a vicious indentured servant rodent? [breaks down in practiced fake tears]

SB: I would, but I am not sure my aim is very good, and besides, I have had a cruel indentured servant rodent blackmail me. Although, I do wish you luck. And, it is strange that both of our indentured servant rodents are named Soigné. We certainly aren’t the same rat, so they couldn’t be the same Soigné… unless she had a second job?

STGDROE: That’s ridiculous. Mine can hardly do her first. I think that Soigné has just become the default name for malicious indentured servant rodents due to the fact that I am very popular, and therefore, rats know about my wicked indentured servant rodent and want to acknowledge their love for me by naming their own rotten indentured servant rodents after me. My name, however, is too precious to waste on a vile indentured servant rodent, so obviously, everyone has chosen to use my lowly sister’s name. I do not blame them.

SB: How interesting. Say, how is your sister doing? Is she warming up to working for you?

STGDROE: Sadly, no. Which is unfortunate, as her twenty-year anniversary of being my indentured servant rodent is approaching. In fact, she has taken to, instead of tidying, ruining my rooms. I appointed some rat off the street to watch her and make sure she doesn’t steal anything while I’m here, but he only would watch her for a little time. Oh! Looks like I’m going to leave now. I don’t want her to start trashing the entertainment wing.

SB: I understand. Well, goodbye for then.

STGDROE: Goodbye. You really are a nice rat. You could almost be me.

SB: Yes, but I’m obviously not! [does a litt-o chuck-o] Goodbye, Sinai Blight.

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