Tag Archives: irritating

How To Be Like Soigné Blight (Better Known As Sinai’s Pesky Sister)!

Soigne 053

Hi! I’m Soigné, the sister of Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! I am definitely not Sinai pretending to be Soigné! Why would I she ever want to do that? I can’t honestly imagine why you would want to be like me (as in Soigné, not Sinai who, let me repeat, I am not), but, as you are still reading this I assume you actually do. (?!) Anyhow, read on to learn how to be a total schlemiel just like me! Oh, how exciting!

You have probably, at one point in your life, wanted to be someone other than yourself. Examples of rats who you probably have wanted to be would include Sinai the Great, Sinai Blight, or the Divine Ruler of Everything. However, there are many other rats who can want to be, even if you are not exactly sure why you’d want to be them. Soigné Blight is a very good example of such rats. She is annoying, pesky, a pain in the multi-colored tail, annoying, annoying, annoying, greasy, annoying, grimy, disgusting, annoying, dirty, nasty, gross, not soigné, annoying, annoying, annoying, annoying, irritating, annoying, and annoying– but for some reason, rats want to be like her. Who knew?

If you are suddenly wanting to be like Soigné for some strange reason, then you are in luck! Sinai has typed up this lovely and rather helpful guide just for you! Reading it will help you to achieve your crazy goal of being like Soigné (who is a terrible role model, BY THE WAY).

How To Be a Terrible Rat Just Like Soigné!

Before you continue, please ask yourself if you really want to be like Soigné. If you are not 100% sure, then you should not continue. If you are 100% sure that you really do want to be like Soigné, then you should probably go see your doctor.

Step 1. Roll around in a vat full of grease. It is important to be very greasy when you are imitating Soigné because she prides herself in the terrible condition of her straw-like fur.

Step 2. Dye your fur a disgusting shade of white and black (!! NOT BLACK AND WHITE !!). Be very careful not to get black and white, because that is not Soigné’s fur color.

Step 3. Adapt to have a nasally accent (or one that sounds like you have a nose full of boogers).

Step 4. Roll around in some more grease.

Step 5. Get a cute, funny, adorable, likeable, sweet, charming, delightful, soigné, black and white, beautiful, attractive, and kindly rat to be the Sinai to your Soigné. Bonus points if you are related to said rat.

Step 6. Reject baths, showers, cleanliness, and hygiene in general. If you are to be Soigné, you must be absolutely filthy!

Step 7. Read Soigné’s autobiography (I Am Not A Terrible Rat! by S. T. A. Blight) so you can think more like this disgrace to society.

Step 8. Thoroughly coat yourself with even more grease.

Step 9. Give up because no one can ever be as disgusting as Soigné is. And don’t forget to go to your doctor to have your brain checked!

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How! To! Annoy! The! Heck! Out! All! Of! Your! Friends!

Ever been really annoyed by what a friend of yours did and want to give them a tate of their own medicine, only to find out that you are incapable of bejng irritating? Well I have. Here are some easy tips to make you the least popular rat in your town.

Tip One: Speak in some exaggerated accent that is obviously not your natural one. This won’t work unless you never close your mouth and keep it up for over a day. You should also try interrupting random rats with your ridiculous and very annoying accent. Not only will people be angry at you for cutting into their conversation, but they will also not like that you can’t at least talk normally, even when they ask you to please stop.

Tip Two: Pretend that any table you sit at is your own personal drum set. A lot of rats like listening to drums, but not when they’re trying to finish a paper for a deadline later that day. They also especially do not like it when the drummer refuses to stop the aggravating act that they are committing even after being asked several times. (Which means that you must act completely indifferent from the world when you use this tip.)

Tip Three: Act like you have the worst memory in the world. After someone has to tell you where the bathroom is twenty-three times, they tend to not be so fond of you. Especially when you then continue to ask if they have sinks in the bathroom, or will you need to walk about with germy hands the rest of dat?

Tip Four: If You Are Texting Someone Or Writing A Paper Capitalize The First Letter Of Each Word And Ditch Punctuation Since No One Actually Needs Punctuation To Read Anything Or Even Understand And Comprehend What Someone Has Written Right Am I Correct Also Sometimes You Might Want To Try Putting Exclamation! Points! Or! Question? Marks? After? Every? Word? Even If They Are Considered To Be Punctuation This Is Very Annoying As You May Have Noticed And It Will Definitely Help You To Lose All Your Friends And Make Several New Enemies Hope This Helps Thanks Bye

Tip Five: Steal all of your friends’ stuff. Take strangers’ stuff, too. This will make you really unpopular real quick.

Tip Six: Creepily walk up to random rodents and stand behind them. If they ask why you’re standing behind them, pretend that you don’t have any idea what they are talking about and continue to stand behind them.

Tip Seven: Find something that no one likes and become obsessed with it. You must live through your new obsession and relate everything anybody says to this and wear only fan apparel for your newfound love. Also, while you’re at it, if you are obsessed with a celebrity or other rat, stalk them. Not physically, since that’s illegal, but you can legally plague their Twitter with disturbing messages about how you want to have their babies or fill your Instagram with photoshopped pictures of you and the rat you are obsessed with and email them the link fifty-seven times.

Tip Eight: Act like a know-it-all. You must make sure everyone has heard about your latest grade multiple times before you feel good about yourself.

Tip Nine: Make some really unfunny jokes (Why did the chicken not cross the road? He didn’t want to) and then start laughing at your own unentertaining jokes. When no one joins you ib chuckling, complain about how everyone is mean to you. When someone starts to laugh, complain about how they’re laughing at you and not your joke. Continue to misinterpret others’ actions and words until they don’t want to even pretend to be nice to you.

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