Tag Archives: King Negev Boss of You Ruler of the World and Master of the Universe

Negev Defines the Word Irascible

Stole this off my old website, sorry for being so inactive. I promise I will try to upload more from now on! ^^


IRASCIBLE

According to Negev…

Irascible is a long word that sounds kinda like I rat sibble. And otherwise, I don’t know what it means. But I think it has something to do with rats, if you catch my drift. :)

According to the Dictionary…

i•ras•ci•ble

adj.

easily provoked to anger; very irritable
negev's very valuable signature!!!
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The Brand New Extraordinarily New and Fun New Brand New New New Sport That is New Called CLIPH JUMPEEN™!!!! (Written by Negev)

Cliph Jumpeen™ is a very fun and brand new sport that I, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, recently invented. It is a bit hard to understand at first, so follow along very carefully, and you will know how to have fun doing the brand new sport called Cliph Jumpeen™!

negev-falls-off-cliff

Step Wun! Obtain fun cliff! You want a good cliff. It should drop off into a pit where you cannot see the bottom for the BEST results, okay? Now go find a cliff. A really good one, remember.

Step TOO! Ditch safety tools! Who needs safety harness, padding, health insurance? Not you, that’s for sure, O brave one.

Step thrE3! Go to fun cliff. Don’t forget to not put a mattress at the bottom or, like, wear a parachute or something. It’s really not that dangerous. Really. Me guarantee it.

Step PH0AR! Take the leap of faith! Jk, it’s not a leap of faith. You know you will not break your skull open when you land, or maybe drown if you end up in a swiftly flowing river. Why bother worrying when you know you’ll be safe.

Step Fife! Enjoy the rush as you fall through space faster than terminal velocity! You may not ever be able to go back to your old life once you permanently trap yourself in the bottom of a canyon, but who cares? This is so funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.

Note: Negev is not responsible for you injuring yourself if you actually do this.

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A Sinai Tale #9: Why Science Is Evil

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Science is bad because it is interrupting my holy and sacred nap time. THANKS A LOT, EVOLUTION FOR CREATING THIS CREATURE THAT CAN’T EVEN RESPECT ME AND MY BEAUTY SLEEP.

Science is evil. People make it seem all great and stuff, but really, it is terrible. Science is the reason why Sinai cannot just wish for more servant rats and see them magically appear. Science is the reason why Sinai is related to her awful sister, Soigné. Science is the reason why Sinai is related to her terrible sister, Soigné. And science is the reason Sinai is related to her disgusting sister, Soigné.

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Curse you, science. Oh wait, I can’t do that. Science doesn’t let me curse people.

But the worst of all the things that science is responsible is this thing that is so horrifying that even Soigné looks like a cute bunny in comparison.

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Oh science, how could you be so cruel? I can’t believe that you let this atrocity to happen!

Yes, science is the reason that the evil Mojoigné exists. If not for science, this vicious beast may have never been created… but alas, it has.

Mojoigné– a combination of the two worst siblings ever (Soigné and Mojave), is all thanks to a science experiment gone horribly wrong.

You see, one day, the ever so charming Sinai the Great, was feeling a bit peckish. However, her tiny pantry building (a meager 2000 square feet!), did not have the taste she was looking for. As Sinai really was craving a certain taste, she decided to combine what she did have. The very cute Sinai took some doughnuts, fried twinkies, french fries, waffle mix, sugar, whole milk, chocolate syrup, yogurt, and whipped cream, and headed for the kitchen. Halfway there, she remembered that it was being renovated (again, ugh), so she headed towards her sister’s laboratory, which had a hot plate.

When she reached the lab, her ugly sister came out to greet her. Soigné’s greedy eyes immediately saw the doughnuts, which she grabbed in a nanosecond. After grubbing around with her dirty and very unsanitary paws for a minute, she finally stole a glazed doughnut and one with sprinkles on it and handed the box to her annoying and equally gross friend, Mojave (who also happened to be the ungrateful brother of the wonderful King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe).

“Hey! Quit infecting my doughnuts, you filthy parasite!” screeched Sinai, seeing Mojave stick his greasy, dirty paws all over her doughnuts.

Mojave did not reply. He just stuffed a jelly doughnut in his fat, slobbery and needy mouth.

After wrestling with the disgustingly grimy duo, Sinai finally got the doughnuts back. She then went into the laboratory, took all the keys to it, and locked herself inside. She did not want or need the pair to suddenly burst in, grab her chocolate syrup and squirt it all over their already oily and dirty faces.

Sinai took all of her ingredients except for the donuts and shoved them into a test tube. After pondering for a while, Sinai finally decided on a powdered donut and shoved it in the test tube with her delicate and attractive paws. She did not really know how to use a hot plate, so she put the tube on it and waited for her donut to get even more golden brown.

The beautiful Sinai had been hearing scratching noises with her sensitive and acute hearing all this time, so she finally got up to check them out. After looking out a couple windows, the intelligent Sinai found the source: Soigné and Mojave had noticed that they had been locked out of the lab, and they wanted to come back in. Sinai could hear them wailing about how they never meant to take her doughnuts and were really sorry (likely story) even from inside.

Sinai was about to make a really rude gesture quite unlike her normal polite self at the two useless rats, but then she heard a loud explosion from the area that the hot plate was located in.

The lovely rat quickly rushed back to her test tube… only to discover a monster that came to be known as Mojoigné.

Mojoigné was like a nightmare come to life. It had Soigné’s ugly face, greasy black fur, and beady eyes for its head, but for its body, it had Mojave’s disgustingly flabby body with his straw-like and ungroomed fur sticking out in every direction. What was even worse, the Soigné part was completely unsaturated and GREY, while the Mojave part was a disgusting GREEN– the two rats’ favorite colors.

Sinai, despite being quite brave, was scared to her bones. “Aye yai yai,” she squeaked to herself. “Not only do I have to look at this terrifying thing, but I also did not get my food! I wonder how this thing evenhappened. I guess both Soigné and Mojave got their DNA all over my doughnut while they were rifling around the box, and the combination of different settings allowed this to happen. Well remind me to never combine those foods together ever again.”

The evil and angry Mojoigné turned to Sinai and growled, “Do you got any DOUGHNUTS?”

The trembling but courageous Sinai replied, “Try the box right next to the hot plate.”

“Me already eat them all. Now, where more?” Mojoigné angrily inquired.

“Um, there’s a doughnut shop down the road,” said Sinai (even though the doughnut shop was slightly further than that).

Luckily, Mojoigné was very dumb, like both his front and back parts. “Okay,” he grunted before crashing through a laboratory wall and effectively destroying the entire building. On the way to the doughnut shop, he stepped on both Mojave and Soigné (who were both shocked to see him).

To this day, Mojoigné roams across the country searching for doughnut shops that he can raid. So if you ever go to a donut shop and get stepped on by a giany, doughnut lusting monster, you will know whose fault it is for the creation of this terror: SCIENCE.

the end

P.S. In case anyone says anything… I never failed no test in skool! I didint fale no math, no history, no foreign lanuage, no science, no engliSh exam! So don’t believe nobody who say I do (if they say I do). **** $1N@! ****


Mojoigné isn’t real. He is just Sinai’s way of making herself feel better about failing her third grade science class years ago and also her way of making herself feel better than me. Don’t believe a word she said. ~ Soigné

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WRITTEN BY NEGEV: Happy Birthday, Me (And My Brother, But He Doesn’t Count)!

Food 003

The birthday cake that Negev (and also Mojave, but he doesn’t count) got last year. Don’t worry, it’s not still sitting around. It got eaten last August.

Today is a very special day! It is the day that I, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, would have turned three (if I was still alive). I think my twin brother, Mojave the Annoying, would have also turned three this day. However, he doesn’t not count, so let’s focus on me!!!! I am such an amazingly precocious three year-old, don’t you know*? : DDD

As it is my birthday, today you will learn thirty-three amazing facts about me that you can tell all of your friends and impress them with (unless they read this post haha)!!! I will also acknowledge my useless brother by writing three facts about him that will probably not impress anyone because he is just not a very impressive rat.


 THIRTY-THREE AMAZINGLY IMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE RAT, NEGEV CHEEZIKI!

A sweet and adorable tan and white rat who has a piece of litter on his leg.

Pictured above: The birthday boy himself. How adorable. I know that I am somewhat biased, but… HEISSOCUTEANDIJUSTWANTTOHUGHIMTODEATHOHWAITHEISALREADYDEADSOITECHNICALLYCANTDOTHATOHWELLISTILLAMINLOVEWITHHIM!

  1. Negev’s full name is Negev Cheeziki.
  2. Negev’s favorite color is purple!
  3. Negev’s last name is Cheeziki.
  4. Negev has a desert named after him. (Some people say he was named after the desert, but that’s ridiculous. The desert was named after him.)
  5. Negev hates the color yellow because it is the opposite of purple.
  6. Negev’s name starts with the fourteenth letter of the alphabet.
  7. Negev’s first name ends with the twenty-second letter of the alphabet.
  8. Negev’s last name starts with the third letter of the alphabet.
  9. Negev’s name ends with the ninth letter of the alphabet.
  10. Negev’s initials are N.A.C.
  11. Negev’s middle name is “Amazing”
  12. Negev’s middle name starts with the first letter of the alphabet.
  13. Negev’s middle name ends with the seventh letter of the alphabet.
  14. Negev really hates the Y in ROYGBIV.
  15. Negev’s best friend is Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, also known as Sinai Blight, also known as Sinai the Great, also known as Sinai.
  16. Negev has not been reincarnated as Sinai, despite what several rats think.
  17. Negev has a piece of litter on him in the picture above.
  18. Negev is tan and white.
  19. Negev is not white and tan.
  20. Negev is very cute.
  21. Negev is a big boy.
  22. Negev is very cuddly.
  23. Negev is unfortunate, as he has a most insufficient brother who does absolutely nothing to be a good brother.
  24. Negev’s name is five letters long.
  25. Negev has the letter “E” twice in his first name, and also twice in his last name.
  26. Negev is a genius.
  27. Negev’s IQ is 100! Amazing, right?!
  28. Negev is everyone’s favorite rat!
  29. Negev has his own fan-club with a whooping three members!
  30. Negev has whiskers on his face.
  31. Negev has fur on his face.
  32. Negev likes to eat food.
  33. Negev breathes using his lungs and the rest of his respiratory system.

THREE VERY UNIMPRESSIVE FACTS ABOUT THE BORINGEST RAT EVER, MOJAVE

A shining light in the background with this weird thing in the front (jk it's a rat)

The boringest rat ever. He happens to share the birthday of the beloved and highly esteemed King Negev.

  1. Mojave used to work in a traveling circus as a trapeze artist to pay his bills, as his current job (working as the all-purpose rat for his brother, Negev) hardly paid him anything.
  2. Mojave is named after the Mojave Desert because of his tan fur, like sand.
  3. Mojave was chosen by his owner before she decided to get Negev instead of another rat that she might have gotten.

 * Note from Mojave: Negev is only three in human years. In rat years, he is actually ninety, although you might not be able to tell from the way that he acts.

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SINAI’S NEW BEST FRIEND! *** BREAKING NEWS *** (The Book of Sinai Entry #4)

best friend

Who knew?! Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything (AKA YOUR FAVORITE RAT EVER) has a new best friend!

Sinai has always been a good friend. She was best friends with King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, for a very long time. However, she just recently (as in sixty minutes ago) discovered who she calls “the rat I never noticed until now.” Now that she has found this rat, she is super ecstatic. She can’t wait to hang out with her new bestie and do all the things that bff’s do that she wasn’t able to do with Negev (because he is dead). She is also very surprised at herself for not noticing the wonderful rodent until just an hour ago.

So who is this new best friend of Sinai’s? Is it some fan or hers, or a friend who she just never hung out with? She’s neither. Hold onto your socks (if you have any on), because you’ll never believe who Sinai’s new best friend is. Below is a picture of she who is now Sinai’s best friend.

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Yes, that is right. SOIGNÉ is Sinai’s new best friend. Who would have thought?! As I cannot personally explain Sinai’s change of mind (I still can’t believe it), I will leave it to Sinai’s diary to explain it. (Click to view full size.)

soignebestfriend

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$ Me Be Rollin’ in ‘Da Dough $ (A Poem Written By the World Famou$ Poet Negev)

ME BE ROLLIN’ IN ‘DA DOUGH
by Negev Cheeziki

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Hey people, me be so rich, ya
Yo it’s the truth ya, I’m really rich
I can afford lots of fancy schmancy stuff ’cause of my richness
Like I have eleven boxes of deluxe pre-packed stuff you make cookies with in my pantry
Yup, me pretty well off

Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough
Ya all that dough has me being rollingish in it
Dough dough dough
Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough

Me make all me $$$ from writing great poems
Poems make me very rich ya
I got an income o’ $100 a year!
How wundy-full my life is be, you agree?

Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough
I like to roll all mai fur in ‘dat dough yup
Dough dough dough
Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough

Me have lots of cookie stuff
I got chocolate, lemon, and mostly Negev cookie flavors
When I bake my cookies, all the fur in the dough burns up and makes a nasty smell
However, it do be leaving nice patterns behind
Dough dough
Me like to roll in mai dough
My dough, it be so rollable and I know ’cause I personally roll in it every time I want to make cookies
It be so soft and doughy, yup doughy it be.

Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough
It be so doughy and deep ’cause it rolled in by me
Dough doughy dough
Deep dooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Dough, you be mai rolly buddy
Yup, me be rollin’ in ‘da deep doughy dough

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The Second Best Day of the Year! (Written by Negev)

Well hello there all my loyal fans, obedient subjects, loving citizens, and horrid excuses for brothers *coughcoughMojavecoughcough* !! Today is a most wonderful day. It is the second best day of the year! It is my Early-By-One-Month Birthday Celebration! How exciting, am I right? It’s not every day that your favorite democratic monarch (as I am both the President of All Ratdom and the self-appointed King of the World) has his birthday in one month! (My awful brother also has his birthday in exactly one month, but he doesn’t count.)

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Mojave is not only a disgrace to the family name; he is also a horrible mattress. He is way too small and bony for me to be comfortable when I sit on him.

As it is not my official birthday, you should not go all out on celebrating, as you must save the best gifts and the largest sums of money for my actual birthday (which, if you have not already guessed, is on August 4th). However, I do very much appreciate getting presents from my loving subjects and donations of money (cash or check, $9999.99 minimum donation), and it makes me quite happy.

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Please do not send any gifts or money to my brother. He is too small (as you can clearly see above) to be worthy of all your love. By all means, send me what you were going to send to Mojave. I will appreciate it much more than he ever would.*

I have even noticed that the United States has chosen to acknowlege my greatness and have a day of celebration, complete with parades, races, and fireworks! How exciting. I am told (by none other than Mojave) that they are celebrating their “independence”, but obviously they can celebrate that (whatever “independence is. I’ve never heard of it. Perhaps it is a type of food? If so, I am quite interested. I love food.) and celebrate me and my Early-By-One-Month Birthday at the same time.

So far, I have not seen many other countries celebrating me, but I am quite certain everybody has planned a nice surprise party for me and they are going to throw it any time now. (Last year, it was cancelled for some strange reason, but I forget why.)


*If you do choose to disobey me and send gifts to Mojave, I am afraid that I will have no choice but to take all presents and execute you for disobeying the Laws of Negevland #482718009b: Thou shalt not send gifts or presents of any sort to the King’s disgraceful brother, Mojave Annoying Cheeziki, even when a gift appears to be appropiate, or thou shall face a minimum sentence of execution and maximum sentence of execution while being forced to watch home movies of Young Mojave Annoying Cheeziki doing obnoxious and offensive acts.

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A Sinai Tale #8: The Most Delightful and Positively Radiant Tale You Will Ever Read That is Sure to Leave a Good Impression on You (By Guest Author, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe)

“Negev negev negev negev. Negev. Negev… negev, negev negev. Negev negev; negev negev negev negev. Negev negv, negev negev. Negev. Negev– negev. Negev, negev negev.”

Negev Negev Negev, Negev

Negev negev negev. Negev! Negev negev negev negev, negev negev, negev. Negev? Negev negev. Negev (negev negev negev) negev negev, negev. Negev. Negev negev, negev. Negev negev negev, negev! “Negev negev, negev. Negev. Negev. Negev negev negev negev, negev. Negev negev; negev negev negev negev. Negev,” negev negev negev. Negev, negev negev? Negev. Negev negev negev negev negev, negev negev negev! Negev, negev negev $negev.negev. Negev, negev… negev.

Negev! Negev negev negev negev negev negev, negev negev negev… negev negev negev. Negev. Negev? Negev negev. Negev, negev.

I. Negev
II. Negev– negev negev
III. Negev negev
IV. Negev, negev
V. Negev; negev negev negev.

Negev negev negev. Negev. Negev; negev negev.

Negev negev negev negev. Negev negev; negev! Negev. Negev. Negev.

NEGEV! Negev negev negev negev negev, negev. Negev negev negev negev negev negev– negev negev. Negev negev.* Negev? Negev negev negev? Negev… negev negev negev, negev negev negev. “Negev negev negev– negev! Negev negev¢ negev negev negev. Negev, negev. Negev. Negev?” negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev% negev negev, negev negev negev negev negev negev negev. Negev negev negev, negev… negev negev negev.

Negev negev. Negev… Negev negev negev, negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev… negev, negev. Negev. Negev negev; negev negev, negev? Negev negev negev negev negev. Negev. Negev, negev negev negev negev, negev Negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev, negev, negev negev negev negev, negev, negev, negev, negev negev negev negev.

Negev negev.

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