Tag Archives: May 9

Why I Hate Soigné – An Explanation by Sinai on Her Feelings For Her Sister (Quote$ #11)

007 (4)Sinai is very squished in the picture above. I wonder how that might have happened. Might her sister, Soigné, shoved her against the cage bars? It’s a possibility.

“Me don’t know why no one can understand why I hate my sister, Soigné. I mean, first of all, her name is impossible to spell. I only managed to spell it after checking her birth certificate nine times. I can never get whether the o is supposed to go before the i, or the i before the o. And then there’s that e. It is so annoying. I can never get which accent to put on it. I wish that she would just change her name to something more friend (like Iluvsinai), or even get a nickname so I don’t have to write that horrible name out whenever I refer to her without using pronouns or indirect references. Then she goes and shoves me against the cage bars when she wants to sit somewhere, which is very rude, because I am always there first. Me also don’t like her ugliness. She is, like, white and black. That is so ugly. Doesn’t she know that black and white have been the hot colors ever since May 9, 2012? (Coincidentally, that day is also my birthday.) Then she smells funny. She smells like my poop. (Just so you know, me don’t poop on her. I know it seems like I do, but I don’t. Really. I don’t lie.) Eww, right? And… yup, that’s all.”

Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything

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Happy Birthday, Sinai!

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It’s the big day! Sinai, everyone’s favorite rat, is now one (in human years) or thirty (in rat years). You should congratulate her for reaching this milestone in her life by sending her a gift. As in a very large and expensive gift. Twenty-four karat gold is preferred, but cash, checks, sterling-silver, jewelry, collectables, antiques, food, candy, coupons, gift certificates, businesses, towns, imported goods, cars, airplanes, treats, yachts, coins, and small children who would like to be her servants when they grow up are also accepted. (Mail to 5912 Seinhe Eye Rd.)

After sending your present to the world’s funniest, cutest, most lovable, sweetest, most charming, softest, furriest, and most soigné ball of happiness (aka Sinai), why don’t you head on down to one of the new Sinai $hops that recently opened. Every cent made from purchases goes to a charity that helps rats who are very nice but who are also burdened by their rotten sister(s). And don’t just buy because of charity; buy because you want everything that a Sinai $hop has– and there’s a lot of stuff in a Sinai $hop. From old sisters to feather dusters, you’ll want it all! Buy from a Sinai $hop today! (Locations not yet able to be disclosed.)

Finally, end your day by painting your claws using siPawlisshe™. It comes in 125, 373, 282 great colors.

MARK YOUR GIFT TO SINAI WITH THE CODE “51N@1R0X5912” TO GET PREMIUM ONE-DAY SHIPPING ON YOUR PACKAGE*. CALL (123) LUV SISI IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS

* you will still be required to pay the $99 fee for premium shipping


Answer Key to A Quick Quiz By Sinai
b, c, c, e, d, c, b, f, a

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