Tag Archives: money

Sinai’s New Years Resolutions!

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Me know that me is already the most wonderful rat to ever live, but how can me become even better?

Sinai is 99% the perfect rat. She’s attractive, nice, witty, cute, generous, loving, lovable, funny, humorous, intelligent, smart, pretty, kind, likeable, friendly, jiggly, chumpy, chubalicious, splendid, delicious, scrumptious, beautiful, good, great, selfless, wonderful, trustworthy, respectful, fantastic, chubby, interesting, fascinating, sinailicious, choopy, fabulous, fantabulous, incredible, a genius, brave, remarkable, lovely, knowledgeable, well-organized, creative, responsible, internationally beloved, peaceful, hard-working, fat,  confident, honest, and humble. However, she is still not perfect! Sinai thinks that with her resolutions for 2014, she will become 100% perfect.

Sinai’s Resolutions

  1. Me need money. Me make a lot of money (as in a couple trillion dollars) next year! It no matter how the money comes into my possession.
  2. Me should be more rude to Soigné so that she become more obedient and responding to my commands.
  3. Me really no like going to gym. Me will call up a demolition team and get them to demolish the gym! Then me no have to go!
  4. Me will convince all of the doubters that me really is a very humble rat! Me no know why they no believe me!
  5. Me will spray my nasty sister, Soigné, with lots of perfume so that she stops smelling like nasty latex.*
  6. Me not a very happy rat. Me will secretly record videos of Soigné doing embarrassing things and watch these videos in my free time to make me laugh.
  7. Me has wasted a lot of my time this year, so me will wake up one minute earlier than my normal time next year. Then me have lower wasted time to productive time ratio!
  8. Me gained twenty pounds this year . . . that is not enough! Me will gain fifty pounds in 2014!
  9. Yup, otherwise, me pretty much flawless.

* this is a true fact, Soigné actually does smell like latex.

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Pre-Monthly Sï Half Day

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Have a happy Pre-Monthly Sï Half Day. Please enjoy it, but please don’t make any stupid choices (i.e. deciding that you actually like Soigné, choosing not to send Sinai a lovely gift of food and money). If you make stupid choices, you will be banished from the universe so that this lovely world can be kept clean of your disgusting type. Thank you, and have a sinailicious, good-choice-making day. (If you do not have a sinailicious day, we will regretably have to banish you as well.)

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Stuff You Never Knew You Could Eat (And That Would Taste Good)!

Hi! Me name is Sinai! Me gonna tell you all about all this tastilicious stuff you never knew what you could eat! Yup. From this article, which I made my sister, Swanyay, type (because me has much better things to do with my time than type stuff, you know #yoso #youonlysinaionce) you will learn so much about tasty stuff that you can eat. Now, me is unsure about what nutrition all this stuff has, and also, me not exactly sure if all of this stuff isn’t poisonous, you know. (I kinda made me sister eat much of what I write about here, so me is unsure about side effects, okay?) Anyhow, you want to read this article. Okay go on.


WOOD

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Oh ya, wood is soooo good. It taste just like paper, only kind of less pulpy, if you know what me is talking about. Okey dokey, if you don’t understand, me will now explain to you: wood is made from paper! Isn’t that such an interesting fact? See, what them wood-makers do is that they take a lot of paper, put it all in a giant cauldron full of V8 (that is why trees, which are also made of paper, have leaves), and chant magic spells every day at 6 pm for a week. After that, the paper magically changes into wood.

CLAW POLISH

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Yeah, so me didn’t really eat this. I kinda forced my ugly and otherwise useless sister to eat this kindly gave my dear sister the option to eat the claw polish, which she took. Anyhow, she say, “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… this has… an interesting taste,” which obviously means that it tastes so delishy! Also, as a bonus, it turned her tongue hot pink for a week!

MONEY

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This tasted very good and papery, but me wouldn’t recommend eating it unless you can eat someone else’s money.

CROTCH HAIR

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Just kidding! Don’t eat this, small subordinate citizens.

FLOWERS

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So one day me got a tiny bit hungry after my lazy sister, Swanyay, was late getting me my food. I naturally did not want to starve, because, you know, that is a horrible fate! What I did to not have to face this tragic fate which I would never wish upon meself was I went to the window box and picked a couple flowers. Me not sure exactly what flowers I ate, but they was very good (except for the red one with the nasty prickly things on its long green petal). Later, I even fed Swanyay this weird thing I found in the window box, and I am pretty sure she very much enjoyed it because right after she ate it, she rushed to the bathroom, where she naturally wanted to watch herself chew the funny looking flower. In case you wondering, it was this stubby thing with beige long petal and for the top, it was red with white polka dotties.

NATIO??? GEO??????????

AKA: SOME MAGAZINE WITH A YELLOW BORDER THINGY

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Mojave is pictured here eating his din-din, which is some weird magazine called “Natio Geo.” Actually, I am sure there are more letters in the name, but me can’t tell because stupid Mojave is covering them up. THANKS A LOT, MOJAVE.

FRUITS AND VEGETABLES

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Yeah, can you believe this? You can actually eat those weird things. Or at least my ugly sister, Soigné can. She says they taste good (me not sure if you can trust her, though). Also, they apparently are very healthy for you and can cause you to not be very robust like me, which, if me is thinking correctly, IS TERRIBLE! So actually, don’t eat fruits and vegetables. They make you skinny.

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A Fabulous Story Written By Negev That You Will Most Definitely Love!

Negev has yet to name this story, but he has decided to exclusively release it to the readers of his dear friend, Sinai’s blog! This is the final draft, so if anyone has any good ideas about what to name the story, it would be lovely if he or she could comment them. Negev is really stumped about that and would appreciate any help. By the way, Negev has already got an agent and a private publishing house, so, sadly, he does not need all of you loving fans to help him on getting it published.


Chapter I: The Cute and Funny Rat

Once upon a time, there be a cute and funny rat named Negev. He be cute and very funny, also cute!

Chapter II: How Cute The Cute and Funny Rat Was

He be very cute and quite funny as well. He be bursting at seams from all his cuteness and funniness!

Chapter III: Were Other Rats Jealous of This Extraordinarily Cute and Funny Rat

VERY MUCH.

Chapter IV: What The Jealous Rats Did

They wicked ones sent cute and very funny rat evil letters about how he need his earwax removed and what good a laser hair removal would do for him. Also things about his “bad credit scores.”

Chapter V: What the Cute and Funny Rat Did To Those Evil Jealous Rats.

Them heads got chopped off.

~ THE END ~


Some grass and a tan and white rat sitting on it.

About The Author

Negev is a charming tan and white rat currently living in his magic cloud castle with his brother/servant, Mojave. He does not like his brother, but he finds him quite useful in doing household chores. Negev has a major in English from The Negev School of Grammar. If you liked his story, send lots of money, presents, money, food, bars of gold, money, and money to 1 Desert Rd., Rattus, Cage. (Please no clothing or healthy stuff.)

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$ Me Be Rollin’ in ‘Da Dough $ (A Poem Written By the World Famou$ Poet Negev)

ME BE ROLLIN’ IN ‘DA DOUGH
by Negev Cheeziki

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Hey people, me be so rich, ya
Yo it’s the truth ya, I’m really rich
I can afford lots of fancy schmancy stuff ’cause of my richness
Like I have eleven boxes of deluxe pre-packed stuff you make cookies with in my pantry
Yup, me pretty well off

Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough
Ya all that dough has me being rollingish in it
Dough dough dough
Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough

Me make all me $$$ from writing great poems
Poems make me very rich ya
I got an income o’ $100 a year!
How wundy-full my life is be, you agree?

Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough
I like to roll all mai fur in ‘dat dough yup
Dough dough dough
Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough

Me have lots of cookie stuff
I got chocolate, lemon, and mostly Negev cookie flavors
When I bake my cookies, all the fur in the dough burns up and makes a nasty smell
However, it do be leaving nice patterns behind
Dough dough
Me like to roll in mai dough
My dough, it be so rollable and I know ’cause I personally roll in it every time I want to make cookies
It be so soft and doughy, yup doughy it be.

Me be rollin’ in ‘da dough
It be so doughy and deep ’cause it rolled in by me
Dough doughy dough
Deep dooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Dough, you be mai rolly buddy
Yup, me be rollin’ in ‘da deep doughy dough

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The Rudeness of Soigné

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Some might call this photo a cute little picture of two rats having”fun” outside, but I call that poppycock. This is obviously a picture of Soigné (the ugly white and black rat that is cursing the ground with her evil touch) being very rude to her lovely and abused sister, Sinai (the cute black and white rat that is on the left). Not only is the evil Soigné cursing the ground (which is why it is rock and not fertile soil with grass), she is also shoving her ugly white butt in poor Sinai’s face! No one should ever have to look at a sibling’s rear end. It is just… unacceptable. Just look at the beleaguered Sinai’s expression, and you will know how traumatic this experience is. Sinai is clearly in shock. She knew that her sibling was rude, but she did not know just how rude Soigné is. ‘Tis a very tragic scene. Now go shun Soigné until she apologizes to Sinai/gives Sinai a ton of money.

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