9 May 2012 – 21 July 2014
Hello, large hairless beings! I, Olivia Mewerly, am here today to teach you how to photoshop your pictures properly– that is, how to make them look totally fake! This is a very important skill to have. With it, you can successfully produce before-and-after pictures of “dramatic transformations” without even having to use two models! You can make all of your online friends secretly laugh at you behind your back. You can even embarrass your parents when you show them the pictures and they realize that your future boss has probably already seen them on the internet. Really, making fake-looking photos is an essential skill in today’s day and age. Luckily, you will know how to do this by the time you finish reading my lovely article. So keep reading, you funny looking creatures!
This is a picture of me. It is very natural looking, which is not good at all! Follow along as I turn this horrible mess of a picture into one I can be “proud” of!
First, I got rid of the Target bag on the left. It distracted from my beautiful face. That was an easy fix. I simply selected my brush tool, and I picked a color that somewhat resembled the color of the surrounding areas. After that, I drew over the bag, and it magically disappeared!
Next, my eyes were not nearly green enough, which just cannot happen. It is disgraceful. Using the hue/saturation tool, I changed these dull greyish-green eyes of mine into a lovely, highly saturated (and fake-looking) green-blue color.
Okay, so I still had a couple problems with my eyes. My pupils were not nearly black enough, and as you may have noticed, my eyelashes were not noticeable, even though I spent hours working on my mascara so that they might have had a chance to show up for once. To fix these problems, I took my brush again and, using black, colored in my pupils and drew in my eyelashes. I also kind of added a little highlight on my eyes so that they looked more shiny, which I like.
The next problem is obvious: the wall color doesn’t complement my fur nicely enough! Using the hue/saturation tool again, I adjusted the walls so that they were blue, making my fur contrast and stick out (in a good way).
I didn’t really like how that looked because I looked too indoorsy. I wanted to look like a nature lover, which is a really good trait apparently, so I cut myself out of that background and pasted myself in front of some flowers. (By the way, I only moved my head because the rest of me looked odd.)
Next, I put a picture of some rat on my head so I could look like I had friends in that picture. (Actually, from what I heard, the rat who I put on my head is actually a crummy friend, but who cares? I only put her up there to look nice.) Also, I wanted this picture to look somewhat realistic, so I drew a fake shadow under the crummy rat friend by using the brush tool on a low opacity. And voila, the picture is finished.
I hope I helped you today by teaching you how to fake-ify your photos. None of my friends seem to appreciate my skills in this department, for some strange reason, but they’re totally missing out. Luckily, you won’t be. Now go fake-ify some pictures!
Sinai and her friend Ianis hanging out. As you can see, they are both in this picture, and therefore they both exist. P.S. This picture was not photoshopped or edited or anything like that, okay?
Rats seem to have a problem with accepting that Sinai is not Ianis, and that Ianis is a real rat. They all think that Ianis is just Sinai pretending to be another rat so that it looks like rats actually care about her, but that is untrue. Yes, Sinai and Ianis are both black and white with little black dots on their bellies. Yes, their names are made of the same letters, and I know that their heights and weights are exactly the same. Not only that, but Ianis’ full title, Ianis the Amazing, Supreme Monarch of All Things, sounds like a cheap rip-off of Sinai’s, which is Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, but,
okay, maybe it is it isn’t. Even though you probably are on the bandwagon and believing that Sinai=Ianis and Ianis=Sinai, that doesn’t mean that they are the same rats. They are just… really similar. Okay, yes, Ianis’ birthday is 9/5, while Sinai’s is 5/9. But that is just a coincidence! They are both unique rats, and these photos will prove that to you. None of them are edited, so you know you can trust them.
Ianis and Sinai, obviously. They’re not so similar that you can’t tell them apart, obviously. (Hint: Ianis is the one who was not pasted into the original picture with only one cute and fuzzy rat in it. Oh wait, that’s both of them. Nevermind.) #nofilter
Here are the two hanging out on the windowsill. I know that Ianis’ shadow looks like a cheap photoshop job, but that was just the light acting funny. And, okay, her edges look sharp, but she grooms her fur a lot.
Sure, this photo doesn’t have Sinai in it, but that doesn’t mean that it can’t be Ianis. I mean, seriously. Ianis looks just like Sinai! I don’t know why that is, but, anyways, this is Ianis. I have never lied, so you can totally trust me.
Science is bad because it is interrupting my holy and sacred nap time. THANKS A LOT, EVOLUTION FOR CREATING THIS CREATURE THAT CAN’T EVEN RESPECT ME AND MY BEAUTY SLEEP.
Science is evil. People make it seem all great and stuff, but really, it is terrible. Science is the reason why Sinai cannot just wish for more servant rats and see them magically appear. Science is the reason why Sinai is related to her awful sister, Soigné. Science is the reason why Sinai is related to her terrible sister, Soigné. And science is the reason Sinai is related to her disgusting sister, Soigné.
Curse you, science. Oh wait, I can’t do that. Science doesn’t let me curse people.
But the worst of all the things that science is responsible is this thing that is so horrifying that even Soigné looks like a cute bunny in comparison.
Oh science, how could you be so cruel? I can’t believe that you let this atrocity to happen!
Yes, science is the reason that the evil Mojoigné exists. If not for science, this vicious beast may have never been created… but alas, it has.
Mojoigné– a combination of the two worst siblings ever (Soigné and Mojave), is all thanks to a science experiment gone horribly wrong.
You see, one day, the ever so charming Sinai the Great, was feeling a bit peckish. However, her tiny pantry building (a meager 2000 square feet!), did not have the taste she was looking for. As Sinai really was craving a certain taste, she decided to combine what she did have. The very cute Sinai took some doughnuts, fried twinkies, french fries, waffle mix, sugar, whole milk, chocolate syrup, yogurt, and whipped cream, and headed for the kitchen. Halfway there, she remembered that it was being renovated (again, ugh), so she headed towards her sister’s laboratory, which had a hot plate.
When she reached the lab, her ugly sister came out to greet her. Soigné’s greedy eyes immediately saw the doughnuts, which she grabbed in a nanosecond. After grubbing around with her dirty and very unsanitary paws for a minute, she finally stole a glazed doughnut and one with sprinkles on it and handed the box to her annoying and equally gross friend, Mojave (who also happened to be the ungrateful brother of the wonderful King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe).
“Hey! Quit infecting my doughnuts, you filthy parasite!” screeched Sinai, seeing Mojave stick his greasy, dirty paws all over her doughnuts.
Mojave did not reply. He just stuffed a jelly doughnut in his fat, slobbery and needy mouth.
After wrestling with the disgustingly grimy duo, Sinai finally got the doughnuts back. She then went into the laboratory, took all the keys to it, and locked herself inside. She did not want or need the pair to suddenly burst in, grab her chocolate syrup and squirt it all over their already oily and dirty faces.
Sinai took all of her ingredients except for the donuts and shoved them into a test tube. After pondering for a while, Sinai finally decided on a powdered donut and shoved it in the test tube with her delicate and attractive paws. She did not really know how to use a hot plate, so she put the tube on it and waited for her donut to get even more golden brown.
The beautiful Sinai had been hearing scratching noises with her sensitive and acute hearing all this time, so she finally got up to check them out. After looking out a couple windows, the intelligent Sinai found the source: Soigné and Mojave had noticed that they had been locked out of the lab, and they wanted to come back in. Sinai could hear them wailing about how they never meant to take her doughnuts and were really sorry (likely story) even from inside.
Sinai was about to make a really rude gesture quite unlike her normal polite self at the two useless rats, but then she heard a loud explosion from the area that the hot plate was located in.
The lovely rat quickly rushed back to her test tube… only to discover a monster that came to be known as Mojoigné.
Mojoigné was like a nightmare come to life. It had Soigné’s ugly face, greasy black fur, and beady eyes for its head, but for its body, it had Mojave’s disgustingly flabby body with his straw-like and ungroomed fur sticking out in every direction. What was even worse, the Soigné part was completely unsaturated and GREY, while the Mojave part was a disgusting GREEN– the two rats’ favorite colors.
Sinai, despite being quite brave, was scared to her bones. “Aye yai yai,” she squeaked to herself. “Not only do I have to look at this terrifying thing, but I also did not get my food! I wonder how this thing evenhappened. I guess both Soigné and Mojave got their DNA all over my doughnut while they were rifling around the box, and the combination of different settings allowed this to happen. Well remind me to never combine those foods together ever again.”
The evil and angry Mojoigné turned to Sinai and growled, “Do you got any DOUGHNUTS?”
The trembling but courageous Sinai replied, “Try the box right next to the hot plate.”
“Me already eat them all. Now, where more?” Mojoigné angrily inquired.
“Um, there’s a doughnut shop down the road,” said Sinai (even though the doughnut shop was slightly further than that).
Luckily, Mojoigné was very dumb, like both his front and back parts. “Okay,” he grunted before crashing through a laboratory wall and effectively destroying the entire building. On the way to the doughnut shop, he stepped on both Mojave and Soigné (who were both shocked to see him).
To this day, Mojoigné roams across the country searching for doughnut shops that he can raid. So if you ever go to a donut shop and get stepped on by a giany, doughnut lusting monster, you will know whose fault it is for the creation of this terror: SCIENCE.
P.S. In case anyone says anything… I never failed no test in skool! I didint fale no math, no history, no foreign lanuage, no science, no engliSh exam! So don’t believe nobody who say I do (if they say I do). **** $1N@! ****
Mojoigné isn’t real. He is just Sinai’s way of making herself feel better about failing her third grade science class years ago and also her way of making herself feel better than me. Don’t believe a word she said. ~ Soigné
All of the pictures in this post were not edited in any way. You have Sinai’s word for it, none of them were tweaked even slightly. Although some look like they have filters on them, they don’t– the lighting was just really off. Really. Sinai does not lie. All of these pictures are unedited. You may doubt it, but it is the truth.
[Links to original articles with images in them are provided]
UNEDITED PHOTOS OF SINAI!!!!
This is Sinai (in the front) with her good friend, Ianis. Ianis is not Sinai pretending to be another rat, in case you were thinking that. So what if Ianis’ name backwards just so happens to spell “SINAI?” Sinai and Ianis are their own rats, and that is proven by this completely unedited picture of them hanging out. [link]
Just Ianis and Sinai hanging out again. Ianis is the one in the front. You may have noticed that she looks an awful lot like Sinai, but that is just the way things are. Also, I would like to confirm that Ianis and Sinai were in a completely purple world, and their names were hovering above their heads. [link]
What a cute rat! I wonder why that red blob is there… well, I know it’s definitely not because the picture was EDITED, right? As for the radiating lines, the light was funny. Don’t blame Sinai. She didn’t alter this picture at all. [link] (Please ignore the name of the article which this link links to.)
Hahaha! It’s Sinai and her friends wearing their Barney suits! Sinai is the one the purple one (whatever its name is), while Ianis is wearing the green one (whatever her name is). Lastly, Sinai’s sister (whatever her name is) is in the yellow guy’s suit (I forget what his name is). Yes, Sinai’s sister doesn’t have a white blaze on it like whatever her name is normally does, but she had her fur dyed that day. [link]
Sinai working out at the gym. Nothing phony here. [link]
As you probably all know, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, has a very nice sized stomach. It is pleasantly plump, but not so big that it distracts from Sinai’s equally beautiful face that everyone loves to look at (all day, every day). Not only that, but it is a different color than the rest of her body. Also, there is a little black spot on it, and that is extremely cute. (Soigné, Sinai’s demented sister, also has a little black spot on her tummy. It is actually slightly bigger than Sinai’s, but it doesn’t count because Soigné is not a real rat. She is a blood-sucking demon from the underworld dressed in a rat costume.) The sad thing is, not many people have seen this lovely belly of Sinai. It is hard for Sinai to show off her tummy, as it is rather inconveniently placed so that whenever she does pretty much any normal action, her chubby abdomen is hidden. This is very tragic because Sinai really does have a very attractive belly. Luckily, we were able to find some nice pictures of Sinai’s delightful tummy so that you are able to fully appreciate the Divine Ruler of Everything and all her great features.
Please ignore the killer demon lurking in the background. Instead, focus on the cute black and white rat in the foreground, who is not only more attractive, but also a happier and less depressing subject.
Sinai is very good at dancing, as you can obviously see. Thankfully, there is no evil demon rodent in this picture. Thank Sinai the Great! I hate seeing beautiful photos of Sinai being ruined by some rude and very impolite
rat demon who doesn’t even have enough respect to move out.
Sinai has such an amazing paw. But she has an even more amazing belly, no?
What did you say? This is not Sinai’s belly? What are you talking about? This is a close up of it. It’s totally not, like… the sky, or something. Definitely. What would ever make you think that?
Now this is definitely not Sinai’s tummy. No, it is the evil Soigné showing off her miserable excuse for a belly. Ugh. She can’t even drink water the right way. Doesn’t she know you’re supposed to tilt your head upside down?
What is the meaning of life? No one knows. Or at least, no one used to. Olivia Mewerly, who just so happens to be a cat, now says that she knows the answer to this tough question, and she is willing to share it.
So what is it? According to Olivia, the meaning of life is… catnip. When asked to elaborate, Olivia states, “I’m a cat, which means that I’ve lived way more lives than any of the humans out ther have. I’m on my seventh life now, and so far, the only thing in common between all my lives is catnip. Also that I have always been a cat. But everyone already knows that cats are the most important animals. However, the fact is that every time I have changed lives, I have kept onto my love of catnip. The other things come and go, but catnip is consistent. Also, the letters in ‘CATNIP’, or 3+1+20+14+9+16, add up to 63. 63 backwards is 36, and the square root of 36 is 6, which is the number of letters in ‘CATNIP’, which is PINTAC backwards, and pins and tacks hold everything together. Therefore, catnip is the meaning of life.”
Pictured above: The historical moment that everybody has been waiting for since first life has come: the meaning of life has been discovered by none other than a cute cat reflecting on her past lives.
Some people (i.e. Dr. S. I. Naithegreat) have questioned Olivia’s thoughts on this question. (Dr. S. I. Naithegreat wonders if Olivia being a cat has put any bias into this answer. She personally thinks that the meaning of life has something more to do with worshipping cute, furry rats whose names start with ‘S’ and rhyme with ‘Tie Buy Fee Trait’, but that’s just her personal opinion.) However, most who have heard this sudden realization (which was not many up to now) have generally accepted it. Dr. S. Waunyay Iztoatilee-Ronnandnotsainuy, for example, has been quoted saying: “I believe Olivia. There’s absolutely no chance that she could be wrong. Not a single chance, nope.”
Olivia says that she is now spending her time figuring out the image of time and if there is really an afterlife/afterlives (for cats). Perhaps she will find an answer to yet anoth Iztoer one of life’s biggest questions in the future.
It’s another day in the year of 2013, but this is no ordinary day. No, it is The International Day of Sinai, which is a fabulous day everybody celebrates because they love Sinai so very, very much. Sinai is not internationally beloved for no reason. So, what should you do for the remainder of this extraordinary day? Did you click that link above? Obviously not if you’re still reading this. Well, what are you doing?! There are temples to build and anonymous gifts of gold bars to deliver!