Tag Archives: Olivia Mewerly

How To Photoshop Your Images of You So That You Think They Look Amazing and Really Make You Look Quite Nice, When In Reality, They Look Totally Fake and Are Embarrassing Your Parents – BY OLIVIA

Hello, large hairless beings! I, Olivia Mewerly, am here today to teach you how to photoshop your pictures properly– that is, how to make them look totally fake! This is a very important skill to have. With it, you can successfully produce before-and-after pictures of “dramatic transformations” without even having to use two models! You can make all of your online friends secretly laugh at you behind your back. You can even embarrass your parents when you show them the pictures and they realize that your future boss has probably already seen them on the internet. Really, making fake-looking photos is an essential skill in today’s day and age. Luckily, you will know how to do this by the time you finish reading my lovely article. So keep reading, you funny looking creatures!

This is a picture of me. It is very natural looking, which is not good at all! Follow along as I turn this horrible mess of a picture into one I can be “proud” of!

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First, I got rid of the Target bag on the left. It distracted from my beautiful face. That was an easy fix. I simply selected my brush tool, and I picked a color that somewhat resembled the color of the surrounding areas. After that, I drew over the bag, and it magically disappeared!1

Next, my eyes were not nearly green enough, which just cannot happen. It is disgraceful. Using the hue/saturation tool, I changed these dull greyish-green eyes of mine into a lovely, highly saturated (and fake-looking) green-blue color.2

Okay, so I still had a couple problems with my eyes. My pupils were not nearly black enough, and as you may have noticed, my eyelashes were not noticeable, even though I spent hours working on my mascara so that they might have had a chance to show up for once. To fix these problems, I took my brush again and, using black, colored in my pupils and drew in my eyelashes. I also kind of added a little highlight on my eyes so that they looked more shiny, which I like.3

The next problem is obvious: the wall color doesn’t complement my fur nicely enough! Using the hue/saturation tool again, I adjusted the walls so that they were blue, making my fur contrast and stick out (in a good way).4

I didn’t really like how that looked because I looked too indoorsy. I wanted to look like a nature lover, which is a really good trait apparently, so I cut myself out of that background and pasted myself in front of some flowers. (By the way, I only moved my head because the rest of me looked odd.)5

Next, I put a picture of some rat on my head so I could look like I had friends in that picture. (Actually, from what I heard, the rat who I put on my head is actually a crummy friend, but who cares? I only put her up there to look nice.) Also, I wanted this picture to look somewhat realistic, so I drew a fake shadow under the crummy rat friend by using the brush tool on a low opacity. And voila, the picture is finished. 6

I hope I helped you today by teaching you how to fake-ify your photos. None of my friends seem to appreciate my skills in this department, for some strange reason, but they’re totally missing out. Luckily, you won’t be. Now go fake-ify some pictures!

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Olivia Defines the Meaning of Life

What is the meaning of life? No one knows. Or at least, no one used to. Olivia Mewerly, who just so happens to be a cat, now says that she knows the answer to this tough question, and she is willing to share it.

So what is it? According to Olivia, the meaning of life is… catnip. When asked to elaborate, Olivia states, “I’m a cat, which means that I’ve lived way more lives than any of the humans out ther have. I’m on my seventh life now, and so far, the only thing in common between all my lives is catnip. Also that I have always been a cat. But everyone already knows that cats are the most important animals. However, the fact is that every time I have changed lives, I have kept onto my love of catnip. The other things come and go, but catnip is consistent. Also, the letters in ‘CATNIP’, or 3+1+20+14+9+16, add up to 63. 63 backwards is 36, and the square root of 36 is 6, which is the number of letters in ‘CATNIP’, which is PINTAC backwards, and pins and tacks hold everything together. Therefore, catnip is the meaning of life.”

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Pictured above: The historical moment that everybody has been waiting for since first life has come: the meaning of life has been discovered by none other than a cute cat reflecting on her past lives.

Some people (i.e. Dr. S. I. Naithegreat) have questioned Olivia’s thoughts on this question. (Dr. S. I. Naithegreat wonders if Olivia being a cat has put any bias into this answer. She personally thinks that the meaning of life has something more to do with worshipping cute, furry rats whose names start with ‘S’ and rhyme with ‘Tie Buy Fee Trait’, but that’s just her personal opinion.) However, most who have heard this sudden realization (which was not many up to now) have generally accepted it. Dr. S. Waunyay Iztoatilee-Ronnandnotsainuy, for example, has been quoted saying: “I believe Olivia. There’s absolutely no chance that she could be wrong. Not a single chance, nope.”

Olivia says that she is now spending her time figuring out the image of time and if there is really an afterlife/afterlives (for cats). Perhaps she will find an answer to yet anoth Iztoer one of life’s biggest questions in the future.

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