Tag Archives: Olivia the Cat

Olivia

Olivia likes to pose for pictures, and Olivia likes to be angry at the world for making her deal with two annoying giant kittens. Naturally, most of her pictures therefore are of her being angry.  Here are a small fraction of the many pictures of Olivia striking her favorite pose.

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Hodge Podge

Note: Sorry about not posting. Last week was production week for the play I was in, so I didn’t have time to update the website. : ( I will try to be more consistent now.


Recently, Olivia discovered something extraordinarily amazing and life changing: she is not the only cat in the world!

Up until that moment, Olivia had thought herself the last of her species. But that is apparently not so, as two very large grey tabby kittens walked into her life only yesterday.

At first, Olivia was confused. How can it be that I am not the only pointy-eared, pointy-toothed, furry-tailed, purring being in this world? she asked herself. Also, why are my look-a-likes printed in black and white and not in full colour?

But then the very large grey tabby kittens introduced themselves, and Olivia understood: she was not the only cat, she had just been stolen away from the other cats when she was a young kitten! Either that, or she had simply forgotten all the other cats she had once known. Probably the latter.

And now let us meet Olivia’s newest cat acquaintances…

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Hodge is half of the pair of very large grey tabby kittens that Olivia met yesterday. He likes to purr loudly twenty-three hours of the day and sits on his tail the other hour. During his free-time, he sings soprano for his local community cat singers group. His favorite toy is anything that dangles from the air, including his brother’s tail.

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Podge is the other half of the pair of very large grey tabby kittens. He likes sitting underneath beds and ambush unsuspecting passerby and using pieces of kitty litter as toys. Sometimes he even checks himself out in the mirror, that is how attractive he thinks he is!

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Olivia Meets Miniature Ceramic Olivia!

Olivia has always thought that she was the only one of her kind. She has only met annoying rats and somewhat okay humans, but just recently she finally met a fellow cat. Curiously, the cat who she met happened to look just like her. It also was very good at staying still and not breathing.

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Olivia wonders who this strange, shiny, oddly proportioned, chunky, and overly smiley small cat could possibly be.

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Obviously not someone good.

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How To Sit: As Written By Expert Sitter, Olivia Mewerly

I know it can be tough to sit. Sitting is so very, very hard. It is… quite challenging. I mean, you have to place your butt in a chair! That is so hard. Luckily, there are cats like me who are willing to teach less unfortunate cats/rats/people how to sit! I will even teach you how to sit in many different styles! Aren’t you lucky?! Don’t’ forget to thank me after you finish reading this informative article by sending me some delicious cat treats.

Method One: Sitting Like a Lady

Technically, I did not write this article. Some rat did. I forget what her name is. I think it is something like Sinner or something ’cause she is a very sinful rat. (She sneezes in my face all the time.) Anyways, here is a picture of me sitting like a lady.

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I look so good when I sit in this extremely proper way. Oh yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh….

Method Two: Looking Like You Are About To Mark Your Territory

Simply lie on your stomach and lift up your tail so it sticks up in the air. This works best when your but is right next to something that you might want to mark as your own.

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Yes, I know that is a painting of me in the background. It might seem weird that I want to mark that, but it’s a painting of me, you know.

Method Three: The Criss-Cross

Curl up like you are going to go to sleep. (You can go to sleep when you sit like this, but make sure you do that after you cross your legs.) Take your front legs and cross them over your back ones to form a plus sign. Ta da!

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Look at me! I’m asleep, and I’m still doing the Criss Cross! I’m such a clever cat. : 3

Method Four: Keep Your Tail From Flying Away

Tails are very important parts of our bodies. Sometimes, they fly away in the wind, but you don’t want that to happen to your tail. Therefore, you must keep a careful paw on your tail at all times so that it does not detach itself from your spine.

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I know that I am inside in this picture, but you know, houses have drafts. I don’t want to lose my tail.

Method Five: The Fashionista

You will look like you really care about fashion if you fall asleep with your furbrush sitting on top of you. Basically, you place your furbrush on you when you are awake, and then you fall asleep. While you are asleep, make sure to not move, or else you might kick it off of you, and then that would be so sad, wouldn’t it?

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My furbrush matches my beach towel with fish on it. Did I mention that I am a clever cat?

Method Six: I’m Being An Armadillo

This is a simple one. You curl up like you are going to fall asleep and then tuck your head into your body so that the silhouette of your body is pretty much an oval/circle.

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I am so circular in this picture. The only problem is that my ear is sticking out. Maybe I should get it folded so it doesn’t do that. Or maybe not. I don’t want to look like one of those ridiculous Scottish Folds.

Method Seven: The Paw Crimp

You must place your paws in front of your body to do this sit. It is actually quite easy. You can sit as awkwardly as it goes as long as you crimp your paws. Look at the picture of me below for ideas on how to crimp them.

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Make sure it looks physically impossible. Also, I am a clever cat. Did I already say that?

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Olivia Loves Her Brand New 100% Egyptian Cotton Very Loose Hip Hop Shirt That Only Cost $120!

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Olivia poses with her genuine hip hop shirt by Kanye West. As you can see, the word “Kanye” is silk-screened (not written in permanent marker) in the inside of the collar. In case you are wondering, the stuff that is written underneath Kanye’s name is not a Hanes label. It is… decoration.

Recently, Olivia ordered an amazing and quite inexpensive shirt online. It is called the hip hop shirt, and it just arrived today. Even though she has only worn it for a couple minutes, Olivia already knows that she is going to really love her hip hop shirt.

The hip hop shirt is a beautiful and very high quality t-shirt that is totally worth the meagerly amount of $120 that you have to pay to get it. The hip hop shirt is so beautiful because it is white, and white is a very simple color. It also does not have anything on it (except for the word ‘Kanye’ written inside of it), which makes it even cooler because minimalism is trendy. Some people might say that paying $120 for a plain white t-shirt is ridiculous, but this is no ordinary plain white t-shirt. It has ribbing on the neckline. It is 100% Egyptian cotton, which is way better than regular cotton. Regular cotton is for losers! It is also very loose (it is larger than Olivia’s entire body), but that just makes you look more hip-hoppy, if you get what I’m saying. The shirt also has Kanye’s name silk-screened on the inside of its collar, which distinguishes it from wannabes. Olivia has already seen a few people who are wearing look-a-likes (which confuses her, because why would anyone not want to buy the genuine hip hop shirt?), but if she asks to see the inside of the collar, she knows that she will be able to tell if they are wearing the real thing or not.

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Here is Olivia wearing her hip hop shirt while facing North West. Even though her very loose shirt lets in tons of drafts, she still loves it because… well, because.

Olivia finds it strange to see how many people are wearing rip-offs of Kanye’s shirt. Everywhere she goes, all she sees are white t-shirts that look like Kanye’s from the outside, yet do not have his name on the inside. She finds it very aggravating. It’s not like the shirt costs that much money. Why can’t people just buy the real thing?

I bet the person in this stock photo isn’t wearing a real Kanye West shirt. Ugh, cheap people. They disgust me.

Olivia likes to wear her hip hop shirt with no pants (as it is very large and pretty much covers that half of her), and it makes her feel like a hip hop cat. Sometimes, she puts her chains on, and it makes her feel even more hip hop-ish.

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Thanks, Kanye! You really make me feel like a rapper cat. I don’t know how I’d go around if I wore another white shirt.

Overall, Olivia has been quite satisfied with her purchase. She would definitely purchase another shirt (perhaps in dark navy this time), but unfortunately every item in Kanye’s clothing line (which includes Kanye Jeans, only $265, and a couple sweatshirts that sell for $280) is sold out. Which is just too bad because Olivia really needs a sweatshirt to warm her up (again, she gets drafts in her very loose hip hop shirt), and she doesn’t know how she could get along with a sweatshirt that isn’t designed by Kanye West. She certainly wouldn’t feel like a hip hop cat then.

At some indefinite point in the future – Should these people change their band’s name to ‘Hip Hop Shirts’?

That actually has a pretty nice ring to it. 

Also, Is Taylor Swift planning on selling a $1200 white/dark navy “Country Pop Dress” to steal Kanye’s profits? Has she even started designing it yet?

Yo Kanye, I’m really happy for your bank account, and Imma let you finish, but BEYONCÉ WOULD RATHER WEAR MY COUNTRY POP DRESS THAN YOUR STUPID HIP HOP SHIRT.

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Has Olivia Joined Soigné’s Evil Cause?

As you may already know, Sinai’s evil sister, Soigné, has started to recruit a secret army to ruin a world where happy multi-colored tails can exist in peace. Before, Sinai had been pretty sure that of all her friends, the only one who was involved with this dangerous plot to destroy life as we know it was Soigné (who does not really count because the only reason why Sinai even talks to her is because they are related). But now Sinai is not so sure. She isn’t sure, but she thinks that her cat friend, Olivia, may also be involved with Soigné’s vicious ways.

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Pictured above: a cat who could quite possibly be thinking of all the multi-colored tails she wants to destroy. (Which is messed up, as she has a multi-colored tail herself.)

Sinai hasn’t seen any solid evidence for this, but the picture above does show Olivia looking pretty evil. I mean, just look at that brooding expression on the feline’s face. It definitely could be a sign of Olivia turning to the dark side. Or it could also be a sign of her feeling very constipated and needing to prepare for the bomb that is about to explode. (Or she could be thinking of the literal bomb that she is going to explode.)

A ginger tabby staring at the camera.

And I thought that she was a nice kitty!

The problem with this is that Olivia herself has a multicolored tail. It is light orange with darker orange stripes and a white tip. It seems strange that a cat blessed with such a lovely tail would ever want to turn against her own kind. Unless she’s a traitor. Which is possible. But why? Why would a cat who was so lucky to have a beautiful tail that would be even nicer if it wasn’t so furry (and probably full of cat dandruff) suddenly not want it? Why would that very same cat want to destroy all others who had her tail type? WHY?

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Who knew that she hated her tail so much? Personally, I can understand not liking the fur part of it, but why in the world would she not like the amazing array of colors that is presented on her butt appendage?

What do you think? Is Olivia a traitor? Or is she just an innocent cat who looks really suspicious (but isn’t)? Pray do tell. Help Sinai out by voting below.

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