9 May 2012 – 21 July 2014
Note: Sorry about not posting. Last week was production week for the play I was in, so I didn’t have time to update the website. : ( I will try to be more consistent now.
Recently, Olivia discovered something extraordinarily amazing and life changing: she is not the only cat in the world!
Up until that moment, Olivia had thought herself the last of her species. But that is apparently not so, as two very large grey tabby kittens walked into her life only yesterday.
At first, Olivia was confused. How can it be that I am not the only pointy-eared, pointy-toothed, furry-tailed, purring being in this world? she asked herself. Also, why are my look-a-likes printed in black and white and not in full colour?
But then the very large grey tabby kittens introduced themselves, and Olivia understood: she was not the only cat, she had just been stolen away from the other cats when she was a young kitten! Either that, or she had simply forgotten all the other cats she had once known. Probably the latter.
And now let us meet Olivia’s newest cat acquaintances…
Hodge is half of the pair of very large grey tabby kittens that Olivia met yesterday. He likes to purr loudly twenty-three hours of the day and sits on his tail the other hour. During his free-time, he sings soprano for his local community cat singers group. His favorite toy is anything that dangles from the air, including his brother’s tail.
Podge is the other half of the pair of very large grey tabby kittens. He likes sitting underneath beds and ambush unsuspecting passerby and using pieces of kitty litter as toys. Sometimes he even checks himself out in the mirror, that is how attractive he thinks he is!
Sometimes, Sinai reads magazines. And sometimes, when Sinai reads magazines, she sees pictures of obese model rats who are prime examples of gluttony. Whenever Sinai sees these pictures, she feels ashamed of herself for not being excessively and unhealthily fat like the model rats. Then she goes on a week of binge eating, only to the result of gaining one meagre pound after the seven days pass. After that, Sinai just doesn’t feel motivated to cookies made with pure trans fat into her mouth, so she ends up losing that pound she worked so hard to gain… a tragic loss.
Anyhow, Sinai always felt sad about how skinny she was compared to the delightfully chubby models and celebrities she always sees around. But then she discovered this very odd relation between the camera angle and how jiggly whoever is in the picture looks…
Look at this cat model shot from a low angle. It looks so fat and roly poly, which makes me jealous of it. And look at that cool expression it is making! AGH! WHY CAN’T I MAKE THAT EXPRESSION?! I HATE YOU MODEL.
Wow, that’s amazing! Here is a picture of the same cat from an above angle, and it looks so not fat and roly poly anymore! And instead of having a cool expression, it just looks grumpy. Okay model, I like you now.
Olivia has always thought that she was the only one of her kind. She has only met annoying rats and somewhat okay humans, but just recently she finally met a fellow cat. Curiously, the cat who she met happened to look just like her. It also was very good at staying still and not breathing.
Olivia wonders who this strange, shiny, oddly proportioned, chunky, and overly smiley small cat could possibly be.
Obviously not someone good.
It can be very lonely when one is the only one of a species in a ten mile radius. There are many ways with this sad feeling; Olivia has obviously chosen the not-so-good way.
Olivia : Meow meow meow
Olivia : Miya miya miya
Olivia : Miau miau miau
Olivia : Miaow miaow miaow
Olivia : Miaau miaau miaau
Olivia : Meu meu meu
Olivia : Miaou miaou miaou
Olivia : Miao miao miao
Olivia : Myuk myuk myuk
Olivia : Meaow meaow meaow
Olivia : Mao mao mao
Olivia : Miauw miauw miauw
Olivia : Ngeong ngeong ngeong
Olivia : Miav miav miav
Olivia : Myah myah myah
Olivia : Myau myau myau
Olivia : Mjau mjau mjau
Olivia : Meo meo meo
Olivia : Näu näu näu
Olivia : Miyauv miyauv miyauv
Olivia : Miaw miaw miaw
Olivia : Mew mew mew
Olivia : Mjá mjá mjá
Olivia : Naiou naiou naiou
Olivia : Mijau mijau mijau
Olivia : Miyau miyau miyau
Hello, large hairless beings! I, Olivia Mewerly, am here today to teach you how to photoshop your pictures properly– that is, how to make them look totally fake! This is a very important skill to have. With it, you can successfully produce before-and-after pictures of “dramatic transformations” without even having to use two models! You can make all of your online friends secretly laugh at you behind your back. You can even embarrass your parents when you show them the pictures and they realize that your future boss has probably already seen them on the internet. Really, making fake-looking photos is an essential skill in today’s day and age. Luckily, you will know how to do this by the time you finish reading my lovely article. So keep reading, you funny looking creatures!
This is a picture of me. It is very natural looking, which is not good at all! Follow along as I turn this horrible mess of a picture into one I can be “proud” of!
First, I got rid of the Target bag on the left. It distracted from my beautiful face. That was an easy fix. I simply selected my brush tool, and I picked a color that somewhat resembled the color of the surrounding areas. After that, I drew over the bag, and it magically disappeared!
Next, my eyes were not nearly green enough, which just cannot happen. It is disgraceful. Using the hue/saturation tool, I changed these dull greyish-green eyes of mine into a lovely, highly saturated (and fake-looking) green-blue color.
Okay, so I still had a couple problems with my eyes. My pupils were not nearly black enough, and as you may have noticed, my eyelashes were not noticeable, even though I spent hours working on my mascara so that they might have had a chance to show up for once. To fix these problems, I took my brush again and, using black, colored in my pupils and drew in my eyelashes. I also kind of added a little highlight on my eyes so that they looked more shiny, which I like.
The next problem is obvious: the wall color doesn’t complement my fur nicely enough! Using the hue/saturation tool again, I adjusted the walls so that they were blue, making my fur contrast and stick out (in a good way).
I didn’t really like how that looked because I looked too indoorsy. I wanted to look like a nature lover, which is a really good trait apparently, so I cut myself out of that background and pasted myself in front of some flowers. (By the way, I only moved my head because the rest of me looked odd.)
Next, I put a picture of some rat on my head so I could look like I had friends in that picture. (Actually, from what I heard, the rat who I put on my head is actually a crummy friend, but who cares? I only put her up there to look nice.) Also, I wanted this picture to look somewhat realistic, so I drew a fake shadow under the crummy rat friend by using the brush tool on a low opacity. And voila, the picture is finished.
I hope I helped you today by teaching you how to fake-ify your photos. None of my friends seem to appreciate my skills in this department, for some strange reason, but they’re totally missing out. Luckily, you won’t be. Now go fake-ify some pictures!