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The International Day of Sinai


What’s coming up in less than a week? Obviously a Sinaiday. (And a celebratory day for Negev, but you’ll hear that when it occurs.) And what Sinaiday is this? None other than the International Day of Sinai, which, as we all know, will be celebrated world wide by everyone because Sinai is an internationally beloved rat.

The International Day of Sinai (on July 9th) is a great day to show Sinai just how internationally beloved she is. I mean, she already has an idea of just how much everyone loves her by the the fact that whenever she steps out in public, huge crowds of fans gather around her to get her pawtograph, but she doesn’t know just how much she is internationally beloved. There’s no number to put on it. If you want to give her that number (1000%, naturally), then it’s quite easy. All you must do is:

What You Must Do to Show Your Love of Sinai
1.) Promise to name your first child after her. (If you already have children, get your eldest to change his or her name to Sinai.)
2.) Send her many gifts. (Good ones, mind you!)
3.) Pray to her for nine hours straight.
4.) Build a huge temple with a gigantic marble statue of her.
5.) Sacrifice at least nine fruits to her at said temple. Note: Please do not sacrifice anything that could ruin the temple by staining or anything that smells particularily horrid.
6.) Rewrite your will so that she gets at least 59% of the inheiritance.
7.) Leave an anonymous gift of nine bars of gold at her front door (in the Anonymous Gifts of Gold box, please).
8.) Sign up to be one of her privileged servants (getting this position is not guaranteed).
9.) Pray to her for another nine hours.
10.) Write and publish a delightful book about how much you passionately love your Divine Ruler of Everything.
11.) Boo or jeer at Soigné when you spot her.
12.) Dye your fur so that you look like Sinai.
13.) Adjust your weight so that you weigh the same amount that Sinai weighs (ten tons).
14.) Pray to Sinai for another session of nine hours.
15.) Send her some money. ($999 minimum donation)
16.) Purchase every product for sale by Sinai and make sure to thank her profoundly for allowing you to buy them.
17.) Draw her a beautiful picture (of her) and gift it to her with a present of some precious gems.
18.) Repeat list.

See?! How easy is that? The only rule to following the list is that it must all be done on the International Day of Sinai. Also that you must do the list (every part). And that you must do it all according to how it is written here, or you are disqualified and must start over. It is a very easy list, though, and it probably won’t take more than 28 hours of your day (not counting construction of the temple, waiting in line, et cetera.)

So what are you waiting for? Show Sinai your deep love today on July 9th!

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