9 May 2012 – 21 July 2014
“Hello small subordinate citizens; it be me, Sinai Blight! Me is destined to be better than all of you puny funny looking things combined, so you better kneel down and bow to me!”
– Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything
Cat caps are quite fashionable and stylish. They come in multiple sizes. The one above is XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL, in case you were wondering. (In Fuzzie Bawttim Orinjish Pinkish Orinj™)
Watch out, hip hop shirts, there’s a new fashion trend in town.
What is this new, amazing, trendy item? It’s a cap… for your cat!
Cat caps are very comfortable and good for
both warm and cool very cold weather. They are knit hats that you just plop onto your cat’s head. Cat caps are kind of hard to keep on the feline’s head, but who cares when your cat can look so cute?
Cat caps are part of Sinai Blight’s SinaiByootie INC. fashion line. You can also buy siPawlisshe™, Tayill Reens™, SinaiSüts™, and fur dye with your cat caps! Cat caps come in many, many colors. Buy all of them in case you find out that your cat hates a certain color!
THE MANY COLORS YOU CAN BUY CAT CAPS IN! Modeled by Oliveeyah Wutevirhernaimiz
Stil Lait Butt Nawt Soh Lait Bloo™
Aren’t they cute? If you want to buy a cat cap, please call (123) LUV SISI and tell the operator the details: what color, what size (all of the caps above are XS, but you can also get XL, and XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL). Depending on what type of cat you order, the price will range from $99 to $999,999. Cash only.
Thanks to Sinai, Soigné now knows how to eat, which is quite helpful, as she would not want to starve to death, now would she?!
Step 1: Acquire food, preferably candy or something that actually tastes good.
Step 2: Hold said food
Step 2b: (Optional) Throw away food if it looks too healthy. Then get another piece of food that is nutritionally dry.
Step 3: (This is a very challenging step!) Take control of your mouth and open it.
Step 4: (This is harder than the previous step!) Insert your food into your mouth cavity. You can use your paws, or you can levitate it in.
Step 5: (This is the hardest step yet!) Bite down– that is, close your mouth– on your food.
Step 6: (Don’t feel too bad if you cannot do this at first. This is quite the challenging task.) Repeat STEP 5 with the food still in your mouth.
Step 7: While doing the extremely challenging STEP 6, swallow the food that you bite into. You have to move your muscles that the food will go down your throat. You will also swallow this slimy stuff. It is called “SAH LIGH VUH”, or something along that spelling. I have heard people also call it “SPITTE.” Don’t worry, this is completely natural.
Step 8: Lick your lips to emphasize the fact that you just ate some food.
Sinai Blight, also known as the world’s most beloved rat ever, has always insisted that she absolutely detests her sister, Soigné. However, photos that Soigné accidentally uploaded online recently (and later deleted, but not before the damage to Sinai was done) tell a different story.
Sinai snuggles up to her sister in an almost loving manner. It makes you wonder.
These photos show Soigné resting her head upon Sinai in a loving gesture and Sinai not resisting at all. If Sinai really loathed her sister as much as she says she does, wouldn’t she have shoved her off? And wouldn’t she have not let anyone take a picture of her in a position that showed her sisterly love? Well obviously, Sinai did neither of those things.
So why is Sinai letting her sister rest her “grimy head” (as Sinai once said) on a body that belongs to the most powerful universal ruler around? We asked Sinai this very question, and here is how she answered.
“I don’t really feel any affection for my sister, even if it looks like that. I mean, yes, I am allowing her to place her lowly, germy, and quite hollow head on my divine and ever precious body, and yes, I am not resisting, and yes, I did let someone take a picture of me in that degrading and embarrassing position, but: a.) I was asleep, therefore I was not aware of the photographer, b.) Soigné, despite being very ugly, weighs a ton (still only 20% of my body weight, by the way), and it was like a sack of bricks had been placed upon my lovely and very valuable body, which immobilized me, and c.) my cage is very small and cramped, which leaves no other places to sleep.”
– Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything
Sinai’s very cramped cage that has absolutely no space for her to sleep without her hefty sister leaning on her.
So what do you think? Do you believe Sinai when she says that she had no options other than sleeping with her awful sister next to her, or do you think she might actually feel love for her sister?
Sinai Blight: Hi there! I’m Sinai Blight, here tonight with an interview with none other than the internationally beloved rat who everyone loves and admires, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! We are very privileged, blessed, grateful, and lucky to have this awesome rat here tonight. So, Sinai, how goes it?
Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything: I’m feeling very sinailicious today, Sinai! I am so pleased to be here. I really like your fur color. What is it?
SB: It’s a classic, black and white. I absolutely love it. It is so much more stylish and attractive than that gruesome white and black that so many rats accidentally wear when they’re really going for black and white.
STGDROE: I agree. My sister, Soigné, has white and black fur. It is atrocious and makes my eyes bleed each time I look at it for more than nine seconds. I can understand why rats mistake it for black and white, though. They think that the order of words doesn’t matter when it comes to color names when, really, it is of the utmost importance.
SB: Quite true. For example, everyone knows that red-orange and orange-red get different crayons, so why shouldn’t black and white and white and black be different?
STGDROE: Exactly! I’ve always thought the same!
SB: it’s almost like we had the same brain! [does a chuck-o] However, we can’t share the same face! Yours is stunning. I wish I had it.
STGDROE: Why, thank you, Sinai! I do enjoy my face. [does a chuck-o as well] Yours is pretty nice for a rat who isn’t me. It looks a lot like that of my dear friend, Ianis Th’glib.
SB: Thank you! Ianis has a lovely face. It kind of looks like yours, only it’s not yours, so it just isn’t the same. You know, some rats think that is Ianis is just you pretending to be another rat to look more popular! What do you think of that, O Noble One?
STGDROE: It’s poppycock, I say. Why would I ever do that? So what if her name backwards happens to be mine? So what if we haven’t ever been seen publicly in the same room? So what if she looks a lot like me? So what if her voice is as soothing as mine is? So what if her birthday is 9/5 and mine is 5/9? She and I are completely different individuals. I really wish rats would stop spreading that rumor around. I love Ianis, but I am not her. As Paula Deen would say, “I is what I is”… and she be what she be.
SB: I completely believe you. The only reason I asked you that is because my cruel indentured servant rodent, Soigné, threatened to stop working for me if I did not mention it. Luckily, she did not force me to fake-believe it.
STGDROE: Yes. If there is anyone out there who has never had a cruel indentured servant rodent blackmail them, why don’t you just pick up that large pebble and throw it so hard so that it causes my evil indentured servant rodent (coincidentally also named Soigné, it must be a common name) to become an amnesiac and forget all about wanting to be a vicious indentured servant rodent? [breaks down in practiced fake tears]
SB: I would, but I am not sure my aim is very good, and besides, I have had a cruel indentured servant rodent blackmail me. Although, I do wish you luck. And, it is strange that both of our indentured servant rodents are named Soigné. We certainly aren’t the same rat, so they couldn’t be the same Soigné… unless she had a second job?
STGDROE: That’s ridiculous. Mine can hardly do her first. I think that Soigné has just become the default name for malicious indentured servant rodents due to the fact that I am very popular, and therefore, rats know about my wicked indentured servant rodent and want to acknowledge their love for me by naming their own rotten indentured servant rodents after me. My name, however, is too precious to waste on a vile indentured servant rodent, so obviously, everyone has chosen to use my lowly sister’s name. I do not blame them.
SB: How interesting. Say, how is your sister doing? Is she warming up to working for you?
STGDROE: Sadly, no. Which is unfortunate, as her twenty-year anniversary of being my indentured servant rodent is approaching. In fact, she has taken to, instead of tidying, ruining my rooms. I appointed some rat off the street to watch her and make sure she doesn’t steal anything while I’m here, but he only would watch her for a little time. Oh! Looks like I’m going to leave now. I don’t want her to start trashing the entertainment wing.
SB: I understand. Well, goodbye for then.
STGDROE: Goodbye. You really are a nice rat. You could almost be me.
SB: Yes, but I’m obviously not! [does a litt-o chuck-o] Goodbye, Sinai Blight.
Just Sinai (left) hanging out with her best female friend, Ianis, who is a real rat and was not at all edited into this picture.