Tag Archives: Sinai Tales

A Sinai Tale #13: The Rat Who Thought She Was More Important Than Her Sister (Even Though She Wasn’t) and What Happened to This Horribly Stuck-up Rodent

Soigné was a very ugly rodent child. She was white and black (ugh!) with normal-sized ears (ew!), buckteeth (nasty!), and a booger problem (disgusting!). She also smelled like the town dump.

Everyone acknowledged that Soigné was ugly. Well, not everyone really. Soigné didn’t think she was that ugly. In fact, she thought she was quite nice looking, even though she was obviously not.

Soigné had a rat sister whose name was Sinai. Sinai was the exact opposite of her sister. While Soigné could only speak in grunts, Sinai eloquently strung words together into beautiful examples of perfect English. Soigné’s belly was very small; Sinai’s was quite large and jiggly. And last of all, Sinai was internationally beloved by the masses, while Soigné couldn’t walk to the grocery store without getting tomatoes thrown at her head.

The horrible Soigné also had some behavioral problems. For example, she sometimes bit the paper-rat when he was too late delivering the paper (thus causing the paper-rat to not ever want to deliver it). She also occasionally stole clothing out of department stores and then blamed Sinai for her crimes. Sometimes, she even attempted to be in the same area of her more dignified sister, Sinai!

After a while, Sinai got sick of her sister acting like a crazy psycho, so she sat on her face, and all her Soigné-related troubles ended right there and then.

The end.

003 (3)

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A Sinai Tale #8: The Most Delightful and Positively Radiant Tale You Will Ever Read That is Sure to Leave a Good Impression on You (By Guest Author, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe)

“Negev negev negev negev. Negev. Negev… negev, negev negev. Negev negev; negev negev negev negev. Negev negv, negev negev. Negev. Negev– negev. Negev, negev negev.”

Negev Negev Negev, Negev

Negev negev negev. Negev! Negev negev negev negev, negev negev, negev. Negev? Negev negev. Negev (negev negev negev) negev negev, negev. Negev. Negev negev, negev. Negev negev negev, negev! “Negev negev, negev. Negev. Negev. Negev negev negev negev, negev. Negev negev; negev negev negev negev. Negev,” negev negev negev. Negev, negev negev? Negev. Negev negev negev negev negev, negev negev negev! Negev, negev negev $negev.negev. Negev, negev… negev.

Negev! Negev negev negev negev negev negev, negev negev negev… negev negev negev. Negev. Negev? Negev negev. Negev, negev.

I. Negev
II. Negev– negev negev
III. Negev negev
IV. Negev, negev
V. Negev; negev negev negev.

Negev negev negev. Negev. Negev; negev negev.

Negev negev negev negev. Negev negev; negev! Negev. Negev. Negev.

NEGEV! Negev negev negev negev negev, negev. Negev negev negev negev negev negev– negev negev. Negev negev.* Negev? Negev negev negev? Negev… negev negev negev, negev negev negev. “Negev negev negev– negev! Negev negev¢ negev negev negev. Negev, negev. Negev. Negev?” negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev% negev negev, negev negev negev negev negev negev negev. Negev negev negev, negev… negev negev negev.

Negev negev. Negev… Negev negev negev, negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev… negev, negev. Negev. Negev negev; negev negev, negev? Negev negev negev negev negev. Negev. Negev, negev negev negev negev, negev Negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev negev, negev, negev negev negev negev, negev, negev, negev, negev negev negev negev.

Negev negev.

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A Sinai Tale #7: The Adventures of Ianis (Who Is Totally Not Sinai Pretending to Be Another Rat So That She Looks More Popular With Others and Is 100% Real)

Once upon a time, there was a cute and friendly rat named Ianis Th’glib. Ianis was a very unique rat with a very happy personality, and yet, no one actually believed her when she said that she was her own individual self (which she prided herself on being). When she said that she was not the equally cute and friendly Divine Ruler of Everything, Sinai, pretending to be another rat just so she could look more popular, everyone rolled their eyes. “Yeah right,” they said, “You’re not Sinai if we aren’t rolling our beady accusing eyes that can’t process the fact that you might actually be your own individual self.” Ianis tried to tell them the truth, but they just brought up fake evidence that proved that she was Sinai. “Your name backwards is Sinai,” said the dimwitted and unbelieving rats after raiding her house for all proof that Ianis was a fake rat. “And your birthday is 9/5/2012, while Sinai’s is 5/9/2012. That is a really big coincidence.” Then they went on to make up a ton of untrue things that just made even more rats fall under the belief that Ianis was not real.

Ianis was very sad because of this. She could no longer go to the grocery store and buy yummy rat treats without some rat telling her to just give it up and go back to ruling the country. “But I’ve never even been in Sinai’s amazingly luxurious palace!” she would exclaim only to have even more beady and unbelieving eyes rolled at her.

After a while, it was just too much for the poor rat to take. She did not blame Sinai because it was not Sinai’s fault that everyone thought that Ianis was her. She also did not blame herself because she knew that she was born the way she was, and she didn’t want to pretend to be another rat to escape the scrutiny of the public eye (especially since everyone already thought that she was pretending to be herself). So, naturally, the last choice was to go on an epic quest to prove her individuality. Ianis decided that if she went to the very large and far away Mountains of Truth (anyone who went there was stripped of all the lies that surrounded them) and made a video diary of her journey (which she would post online), then everyone would believe her when she said that she wasn’t Sinai.

Immediately, Ianis prepared for her long and arduous journey to the very distant Mountains of Truth. “I must pack some food, some clothing, and most importantly, my camcorder so that I can record my video diary,” muttered the rat as she stuffed a backpack with all that she would need for her voyage. After she finished, she discovered that it was way too heavy for her to carry all the way to the mystical Mountains of Truth (which were a full miles away from her house), so she took out most of the food. (She kept all of her candy, though.) It was still too weighty (it didn’t help that her camcorder weighed ten pounds), so she dumped her changes of underwear and extra shirts. After she took out everything from her backpack except for her camcorder, candy, and bathing suit, it was finally light enough to carry all the way to the mountains. Wanting to get moving right away, Ianis locked the door of her house (she had also taken her house key) and embarked on the long and tiring trek to her destination.

After munching candy bars for ten minutes, Ianis noticed that she was dangerously low on food. “Hm, I wonder how that happened,” she wondered. Since she didn’t want to starve, she surveyed her surroundings and discovered that she was right by a bucket of free fruit. Happy to find this amazing discovery, Ianis loaded up her entire backpack with oranges, apples, and a couple pears as well. She did not really like fruit, but she couldn’t turn down this offer. It almost seemed as Fate herself wanted Ianis to survive her journey of truth.

Ianis marched on for another mile when she discovered that she was near a kind farmer’s fields. She was very tired from walking an entire mile that day, so she knocked on the farmer’s door.

It took the farmer a little while to reach the door, but he finally opened it. “Hello?” he said as he opened it. “Who are you?”

Ianis took a deep breath and introduced herself. She knew that if she said something wrong, she might have to sleep outside in the somewhat uncomfortable grass. “I am a poor traveler,” she said. “I have traveled a full one mile from hom home. Will you let me stay the night?”

The farmer stared at the weary rat with disbelief. “Are you kidding me? One ***** mile?! When I was your age, I walked a full ten miles to school each day and ten miles back! What a wimp! I also don’t know your name. The only circumstance in which I would let a rat like you stay under my roof would be if you paid me $500.”

Ianis pondered this. She knew she did not have $500 on her, but she did have her checkbook. Also, she was pretty sure the farmer would accept credit. However, she was unsure if she really wanted to dish up that much money for one night of comfort. It didn’t seem very explorer-like, and when she published her video diary, she wanted rats to focus on the truth of individuality, and not the fact that she paid $500 for a room on the first night of her journey. It did seem to make her seem kind of wimpy. Even if she did show the world that she was Ianis and only Ianis, she knew there was a chance that she would be called weak and picked on if she chose to stay at the not-so-kind farmer’s place. After thinking for a while, she decided to decline the farmer’s offer. It was too late, however. The farmer had already shut the door on Ianis hours ago.

With a sigh, Ianis continued into the night, seeking a place to sleep. She didn’t want to sleep anywhere muddy, but she also didn’t want to sleep on any dry and crinkly grass. She finally found the perfect patch of grass, but by that point, it was noon the next day. It seemed kind of ridiculous to stop for a rest now when she was already halfway through the second day, so she marched onward. She was kind of tired, and her eyelids kept on drooping over, but she didn’t stop until the sun set that evening. With a yawn, the tired rodent fell over and was asleep before she hit the lush grass that she had stopped on. (Before she went to bed, she did record Day 2 of her video diary.)

The next morning, Ianis woke up refreshed and started off. She had already traveled two and a half miles, so she knew that she only had half of her journey to the Mountains of Truth left. Even though she had eaten all of her food except for two pears, she felt that she would be well off to reach the mountains in two to three days. Then she would only have to make the return journey and post her video diary online so everyone could see how much of an individual she was and apologize to her for accusing her of being Sinai (not like Ianis didn’t like Sinai).

With the thought of all the cruel and unbelieving rats finally apologizing to her, Ianis confidently marched forward to the distant mountains. She finally reached the entrance to the mountains on Day 4 (ahead of time by one day). Ianis knew that walking forward would be a very big move that could show the world the truth. Taking a deep breath, she started up her camcorder and pressed “record”. Situating it on a tripod, Ianis waved at the camera and let all of her future viewers know what she was about to do. “I’m about to walk the Mountains of Truth,” she declared. “Now you will all see that I am truly my own rat and not another pretending to be me. The Mountains of Truth do not lie, as you know. I am going to stop talking now so you can watch it all unfold. By the end of this video, I know that you will have seen the truth of who I am– which is my own rat.” She then turned around and unlocked the gate that stopped rats who wanted to keep their lies floating around them from entering. Ianis slowly put one paw forward… then the other. She advanced slowly, knowing that the magical stripping of lies would occur within the next 250 feet.

After walking 500 feet, Ianis still felt nothing. She had passed the point of truth with nothing happening. This meant that she was wearing the truth now, and that she had always been. After standing where she was for a couple seconds, she returned to her camcorder and turned it off (but not without saying goodbye).  Packing it into her bag, Ianis started the return journey home, knowing that now everyone would believe her when she said that she was not Sinai.

Five days later, Ianis posted her video diary online. It got a million and two likes, and everyone apologized to her for saying that she was another rat. Finally, she was able to be just Ianis and not the rat that everyone thought was Sinai.

The End.

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A Sinai Tale #6: The Water Battle


Once upon a time, there was a very thirsty rat. Her name was Ratalise, and she looked just like Sinai the Great. (She looked like the esteemed ruler because she had dyed her fur and gotten plastic surgery to look like her.) She had not drunk any water for twenty-three minutes, and she knew if she went any longer without being hydrated, she would die and never be heard from again. As Ratalise did not see any glasses of water near to her, she assumed that she would not be living to see another day. Sadly, she accepted her tragic fate and decided to say her last words.

“I love Sinai the Great. She is the world’s best leader ever, and she is very attractive. Also, she is intelligent, cute, soft, kindly, smart, charming, funny, pretty, witty, humorous, and humble,” said the sad and resigned rat. “I just wish I could have met her before I die of dehydration, that’s all.”

Suddenly, a loud and very soothing voice boomed out from the sky. “I am Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! You may not have known this, but I have the ability to grant wishes to other less fortunate beings, and me being the kindly and generous rat I am, I will grant you one wish,” said the pleasing voice of the best universal leader ever. “What do you desire, small and lowly subordinate who I have chosen to have a wish granted by me, only the most kind, lovely, generous, selfless, and nice rat ever to be alive? Please make it quick, as I have a spa appointment in fifteen minutes that is very urgent and must be attended.”

Ratalise was so surprised she almost fainted. It had been her life dream to meet Sinai the Great in rat, but she had not expected her heroine to grant one of her wishes. As her greatest wish, to meet Sinai the Great, had been granted, Ratalise was unsure as to what she wanted. She did not want to turn down the very generous offer Sinai the Great had offered her, as Ratalise was very grateful to Sinai for offering a wish, and she wanted to show it. After pondering what she wanted for a few minutes, the small and thirsty rat finally announced what she desired to be granted. “O greatest Sinai the Great, you are a very generous and kindly rat. Thank you very much for offering to grant a wish of mine. I will be eternally grateful, and because of this, I will name my first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth ratlings after you. I spent a very large time asking myself what I desire most, as I do not want to waste your precious and valuable time on frivulous items, and I have finally come to a conclusion. The thing I would like most in the world is a well right here and right now so that I will not die from dehydration. If you could be so kind as to grant my single wish, I would be very happy and build you a temple of the ages to be worshipped in.”

“Hmmm…” said the great voice of the awe-inspiring Divine Ruler of Everything. “I don’t know if I can do a well, but I can give you a water bottle.”

“Oh, thank you!” cried the eternally grateful Ratalise as a bottle of water fell from the sky. “You have saved my life! I will never forget what you have done for me!”

Excited, Ratalise began to open her bottle of spring water. It was warm, but it was water. She wouldn’t be dying all alone of dehydration after all! She had just cracked open her bottle of water when another rat appeared.

Ratalise quickly analyzed the new rodent. She was definitely not anyone Ratalise knew, but she looked vaguely familiar. The rat was a dirty white with a black head and the dingiest looking tail ever. (It didn’t help that the tail was just one color and not multicolored like most great rodents’ are.) “Um…hello? Who are you?” asked Ratalise, wanting to know who the mystery rat was.

Flashing pristine white teeth (another sign that the rat was probably not very nice), the rodent introduced herself. “I am Siognè, an equally-evil clone. Now give me your water bottle. I desire a drink of warm water.”

“Well first of all, you are not getting my bottle of water. It is a gift from a very distinguished rat, and I do not wish to part with it. And secondly, who are you an equally-evil clone of?” inquired Ratalise while tightly clutching her water bottle. She did not Siognè, whoever she was the equally-evil clone of, to take her gift from Sinai the Great. If that did happen, Ratalise would die not only because of dehydration, but of depression as well.

“You’ll never guess!” cackled the evil rodent as she snatched Ratalise’s bottle of water and darted off.

“Noooooooooo!” cried Ratalise. Not wanting to die, she darted off in pursuit of the evil Siognè. “Give it back, you ! Give it back!”

Siognè had a head start, and she ran faster than Ratalise could, so she was quickly escaping along with the present Ratalise had received from her heroine. It was positively heartbreaking to see, and Ratalise might never have seen her water bottle again if someone had not been watching.

A rat from had a distance had watched the chase go one as she got ready for a relaxing day at the spa. She would not have done anything if the rats had not gotten so close to her living room window. When they had neared it, she realized she knew the rat who was chasing the one holding the bottle of water.

She also recognized the one with the water bottle.

With a sigh, she resigned herself to being late to her appointment, and she stepped outside.

“Stop, equally-evil clone of Soigné! I do not recall which one you are, as my sister has many, but you must drop the water bottle immediately and return it to the inferior subordinate rat chasing you, or you shall face the wrath of SINAI!” shouted Sinai the Great.

“I will never return this bottle of wa–” replied the equally-evil clone, Siognè, only to be zapped by Sinai’s EverydaySoigné™ Gun and disintegrate into miscroscopic particles immediately.

At first, Ratalise was exhausted from sprinting for such a long time. Then she was shocked at seeing Siognè immediately disintegrate. Finally, she was very grateful to Sinai the Great for saving her from the evil villain who had stolen her water bottle. “Oh, I don’t know what to say, Sinai the Great! I don’t think I will ever be able to repay you for all that you have done for me. You are truly a great rat,” squeaked Ratalise.

Sinai, being five minutes late to her spa appointment, quickly dismissed Ratalise. “Don’t bother, small subordinate rodent whose life and water bottle I have saved and who is eternally grateful to me for the good and irrepayable deeds I have done. Helping you was your payment,” boomed the great and honorable rodent. Then she snapped her fingers for a taxi to go to the spa.

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A Sinai Tale #5: Why You Should Take Any Siblings to the Mental Asylum as Soon as You Spot the Signs of Mental Disease Setting In (by guest author, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, & Master of the Universe)

Please note: THIS IS A TRUE STORY. Thanks, and have a negevly day.

Once upon a time, there was a cute, rather large, tan-and-white (not the same as white-and-tan), attractive, silky, chubby, regal, handsome, soigné, charming, likable, sweet, kindly, plump, jiggly, clean, intelligent, lovable, smart, and humble genius of rat who unfortunately lived with his annoying, white-and-tan, crusty, greasy, and stinky brother. The tan-and-white rat was a king named Negev. He ruled the kingdom of Negevland. His brother (the white-and-tan one) was named Mojave. He was a servant in Negev’s castle.
Negev was a good king with a cute pink tail. All the citizens in his kingdom (population 126) loved him and never wanted him to leave. He was very kind and made sure none of his beloved subjects ever had to see his brother’s face, as he knew from personal experience that it caused nightmares and permanent mental scarring.
Mojave was a very cruel rat. He had sharp, pointy, unflossed teeth and a really bad case of halitosis. He never groomed his fur, which was why it was so greasy and straw-like. Also, his tail, instead of a sweet and charming rosy-pink, was a gross crusty dark brown. It was really quite unattractive, and Mojave never made an effort to cover it up.
Perhaps it was this gross and unappealing tail that caused Mojave to do what he ended up doing to his brother, the good and beloved king. Most rats in his place would have gotten plastic surgery to adjust the pigments in his tail, but Mojave was too cheap for plastic surgery. Besides, he wasn’t unhappy enough with the way he looked to go under the knife. Instead, he just wanted to take out his anger on some innocent soul (id est, his brother). And he didn’t want to just yell and scream furiously at Negev… no, he wanted more.
It all happened one fine air-conditioned day. Negev was playing with Mojave, even though it was against the rules of society and all of Negev’s kingly instincts to frolick with a lowly servant (even if they were related). Luckily (or unluckily), no one was there to see him degrade himself to the level of a lowly and smelly servant. The two brothers had been leaping on the furniture across the royal chambers. Because he was very agile, Negev found it easy to fly across the silk pillows and custom-made pawstools. Mojave, however, was used to grovelling on the floors and cleaning the latrines, so he was nowhere near Negev’s easy gliding way when it came to leaping across furniture. Angered even more, the ungrateful and cruel white-and-tan rat started to feel a need to carry out his wicked and vicious plan.
“Negev will want to marry my ‘crusty brown’ tail by the time I finish my plan,” said the evil and rather menacing rat, thinking of his very violent and messed-up plan.
Fueled by his demonic desires, Mojave saw the perfect opportunity arise just as he turned aroound in time to see Negev leaping off from a particularily low-seated wicker chair imported from Peru. Mojave chuckled normally (which, for him, was an evil cackle) and rushed forth.
“Hey Gevvy!” shouted the two-faced rat. “Nice moves! Your tail gives you great balance. I wonder what would happen if you didn’t have one, though.”
“Ayo, Momo,” replied the soaring rat. “I honestly don’t know. Good thing no one’s chopping off my tail anytime soon.”
With an evil glint in his eye, Mojave simply responded, “Or are they?” before jumping as high as he was able into the air and chomping down on his brother’s tail. “I’m sorry,” he said while sinking his teeth into the base of the beloved king’s tail. “I think I mispoke. I meant to imply that I was going to bite your tail, not chop it off.”
Negev wanted to say a lot of things, like how Mojave was definitely not getting a pay raise ever again, or how if Mojave had wanted to bite someone’s tail off, why not his own crusty brown one? However, the only thing he was able to get out of his vocal chords was “OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! THAT HURT ME TAIL REAL BAD!” He was in excruciating pain, and he knew he would probably die of blood loss and traitoroussiblingitis if someone did not find and help him. Mojave had already slunk away after biting Negev’s royal tail a couple more times, and the king was pretty sure it wasn’t to get help or even a little bandage, so it was just Negev alone for now. He sat in the empty royal chambers, wondering if someone would ever find him.

Negev eventually was rescued by his grandnanny, who had been near the royal chambers when she heard his shrill shriek. She rushed him to the Very Excellent Treaters Hospital (or V. E. T. Hospital), where he recieved four stitches for his tail, which never really healed. All the rest of his life, he had to live with an awful scar on his otherwise perfect pink tail. It almost made him jealous of Mojave’s gross, smelly, crusty, greasy, chunky, poop-colored, yet unscarred tail, but he still prefered his.

As for Mojave, he got put in jail, and was never allowed to be in the same room as Negev again. (Which made cleaning Negev’s room hard, but it was worth Negev’s safety.)

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A Sinai Tale #4: Sinai Goes to the Gym

werking out

Once upon a time, there was a lovely rat named Sinai. She was extraordinarily beautiful, but alas, her evil sister, Soigné, would have none of it. Indeed, Soigné even wanted Sinai to change her perfect ways.

“Oh my divine Sinai, Sinai! You are so chubby and not at all in shape! I think you should go to the gym and shed a few pounds,” said the cruel and plotting Soigné.

Sinai did not feel the need to go to the gym. She was pleasantly plump, after all, and she had always found skinny rats rather unattractive. Especially those grey, ungroomed ones that lived in the streets and always hissed at her for not “helping the poor”, whatdver that meant. Plus, she didn’t like Soigné, so even if she did want to go to the gym, the fact that her sister had suggested it would have turned her away.

“I am not going to the gym,” said Sinai forcefully.

“Uh, yes you are,” replied the violent and forceful Soigné. “I don’t care if I die trying; you are going to the gym. You can protest all you want, but it will be good for your health if you go, and I want you to live a long, healthy life. Despite what you may think, I actually care about you.”

“No you don’t! You just want to get rid of me so that you can assume my position as the Divine Ruler of Everything!” shouted Sinai, who really did not want to go to the gym now. “I knew I should have sent you to that nunnery! You could have learned some important lessons from that!”

Soigné glared at her uncooperative sister and, without warning, grabbed Sinai and stuffed her into a dirty potato sack.

“Ahh! HELP ME!” screamed Sinai, who could only see the rough and earthy inside of the sack. “Where are you taking me?! HELP! I’m too young to die, and I haven’t even named a successor yet!”

“I’m taking you to the gym,” said the vicious and evil Soigné. “You are going to do some hardcore working out, whether you want to or not. And you are going to live a long life so that you will not need to name a successor for a long time.”

And so, despite her immediate dislike for working out, Sinai ended up spending a full four hours at the gym (which she was locked into) having absolutely no fun at all, thanks to her cruel sister

Screw this, Sinai would never go to the gym, whether out of her own free will or dragged in a potato sack. She would have just ordered Soigné to be taken to the nunnery.


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A Sinai Tale #1: The Most Beautiful Rat Ever

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful black and white rat with lustrous and soigné fur. She had glossy, dark eyes that everybody was jealous of, and her tail was beautifully multicolored. It was also very long and went great with her extremely large and super cute ears. Her face was so amazingly attractive that no one was able to see it without fainting. The name of this beautiful and adorable rodent was equally lovely and pleasing to one’s senses. (In case you are wondering, the rat was named “Sinai”.) Everyone was so astounded by the pulchritude of the black and white rat that they all got plastic surgery so they could look just like her. The end.

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