Tag Archives: Sinai the Great

Ask Sinai #12

Dear Sinai,

I am having trouble wondering why I should ask you for advice. Everyone I know says you are a huge phony who thinks she is the queen of an imaginary kingdom. Could you please give me reassurance for your advice-giving abilities?

– Doubtful Reader

 

Dear Doubtful,

All of these snobs are lying! My kingdom isn’t imaginary (just ask Soigne, my all purpose servant rat). Also, I’m not the queen. I’m the Divine Ruler of Everything, which means I am all powerful and would like to know the names of these liars so I may execute them. If you’re wondering why you haven’t ever heard of my title, it’s because it’s only awarded to the most humble rats who won’t brag about it. I am a very modest rat, as you very well know, so of course I was the first choice.

– SINAI THE GREAT

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HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY SINAI!!!

Today is Sinai’s second birthday! To celebrate, why don’t you admire these attractive pictures of her?

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A Sinai Tale #14: Sinai Shops for Chocolate

Sinai was very excited. She had finally convinced (if you count blackmailing to be “convincing”) her horrid and awful and ugly and stinky sister, Soigné, to give her money, and it was time to shop for chocolates! YAY. Sinai hadn’t eaten chocolate in, like, three days. I know right, how depressing! No one, especially the Divine Ruler of Everything, should have to go three days without eating chocolate.

Sinai would have bought chocolate earlier, but the problem was that all of the chocolate shops had been sold out the day she tried to buy some. She didn’t know why; after all, it’s not like anything special happens on February 14th! Why did rats all need to buy chocolate on that specific day? Couldn’t they respect the fact that the amazing and divine and all-around wonderful Sinai the Great wanted to buy chocolate too, and that she wouldn’t be able too if they bought it all? Some rats are just so rude!

Anyhow, Sinai finally found a store that still had chocolate left. It was called “Amazon Dot Com,” and it literally sold tons of chocolate. There was just one problem: Sinai couldn’t taste or smell any of the chocolate she wanted to buy. Oh well, she would just have to buy all of the chocolate! If Sinai didn’t like some, she could just fatten Soigné up with it and save on the heating bill. Thankfully, for some odd reason, all of the chocolate was priced very cheaply. Sinai did not know why, but she didn’t question anything.

The beautiful and all powerful rat sat down at her desk and turned on her computer. Soigné had told Sinai that she would be able to find Amazon Dot Com by opening “Internet X Floorer,” whatever that is, and then typing “Amazon Dot Com” in the URL bar (??????). Sinai tried to find Internet X Floorer, but she could only find a giant “e” that said “Internet Explorer” underneath it.

“Help me, Soigné!” screeched Sinai. “HELP!!!! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

Soigné, who thought Sinai was going into cardiac arrest, ran into the office. She saw Sinai flailing around the computer and realized what was really going on. “Sinai, click the giant ‘e.’ You can get into Internet Explorer that way.”

“HUh?” asked Sinai. She scratched her lovely black-furred head. “What you talking about?!”

“Um, click the giant ‘e.'” stated Soigné again.

“What, this?” inquired Sinai, with her cursor hovering over the Internet Explorer shortcut. “You told me to open Internet X Floorer, not Internet Explorer.”

“Yes that! Click it,” replied Soigné. “And I said ‘Internet Explorer.'”

“Why? You wrong, too, you very wrong.” squeaked Sinai.

Soigné sighed and explained, “Because I said so, and I’m not wrong. You just have bad hearing.”

“But why? And me no have bad hearing! Me perfect. Me behead you for disrespecting me.”

“Because… and that’s not legal.” (Soigné sometimes wondered if her sister completely posessed sanity.)

“OKAY WOMAN I ASKING WHY, AND WHO CARES IF IT LEGAL, I AM THE GOVERNMENT.”

“Because!! And you know what, if you don’t know how to access the Internet, I don’t think I will help you buy chocolates.”

“Okay,” said Sinai before opening Google Chrome. “Go away, then. I don’t really like you, anyways.”

Sinai shooed Soigné out of the room, and went to Amazon Dot Com. She looked up “chocolates” and found a lot of nice candies which she proceeded to add to her cart. The end.

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H0w tu, like, SP3kk liek Sinai the Grate!!!!!11!!!!!!1!!11!1!!!!!!!!!!!111!!

I hear you want to talk like your dear idol, Sinai the Great. At first, it may seem hard to sound like this dear rodent child, but it is actually not that hard. All you have to do is read this helpful guide and follow along like the obedient brain-washed minion loving wannabe Sinai  you are.

1. You gots have bad grammar!
Grammar is horrible. It has absolutely no use in this world. In fact, it might even be worse than Soigné… and that’s not a comparison made lightly. Say no to grammar and yes to Sinai by disrespecting common grammar rules in your speech!

“Grammar be horriblest! No use has it in world of this! Fact, might it is worse then Soigné which not be light made comparison. To grammar say no yes to Sinai and disrespecting common grammar rules on speech!”

Example Rat

2. Spel bhad o-ckay?
This part is really not noticeable in speech, but when you write stuff down, it really improves your writing. Since you probably are not able to spell many words of more than three syllables (possibly less, depending on your education), this won’t be too hard. Just make sure to turn off spell-check; that thing is the progeny of Soigné.

“Thiss partt iz reley naut notisabull in speach, bhut wen yu rite stuph daun, itt reley impruves yore riting. Sinss yu prabublee r naut abull tu spel menny werdz uv moar then 3 sillabullz (posiblie less, dependeen on yore edyukashun), thiss woent bea tu hard. Jussed mayk shor tu tern off spel-chek; thatt theen iz the projiny ov Swanyay.”

Eggzampill Rhat

3. R@nd0mly r3pl@ce letter$ w1th num83rs/$ymbo!s
By randomly replacing letters with numbers and symbols, you are effectively making your text harder to read, which is good. We couldn’t make anything too easy for you subordinate pawns, after all.

“8y r@nd0mly r3pl@c1ng l3tter$ w1th num83r$ & $ymbo!s, y0u @re 3ffect1vely ma&1ng y0ur t3xt h@rder t0 read, wh1ch !$ 90od. N0th!ng h3re.”

Ex@mpl3 Ra+

4. Insert, like, lots of, um, annoying, uh…, filler words.
You want to cause great anger and frustration to anyone who is listening to you talking, right? So slip a couple (read: several) filler words into your speech, and you will make their eardrums bleed! Words to consider using: like, um, uh, eh, hm, you know, ah, er, literally, actually

“You, like, want to, uh, cause, um, great anger and, er, frustration to anyone who actually is, like, listening to you, uh, talking, right. So, like, slip a couple (read:several) filler words in, like, your speech, and you, uh, will make their, um, eardrums bleed! Literally! Words to consider, um, using: like, um, uh, eh, hm, you know, ah, er, literally, actually (aka: MY FAVORITE WORDS!)”

Like, Example Rat

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Pre-Monthly Sï Half Day in TWO DAYS!

Pre-Monthly Sï Half Day

As you may or may not know, there  is a Sinaiday in two days! (You actually better know this, because if you don’t, you will be executed by the state for not respecting Sinai.) It is the all-amazing Pre-Monthly Sï Half Day. In preparation for this lovely day, Sinai has created a fun poll for you to answer. You better answer good because if you don’t, you will be executed by the state hugged…by Soigné, which is not good! (In fact, it is worse than being execute by the state. And by the way, that is still legal in Sinailand. So it actually could happen. But luckily, it won’t, since you are a Sinai-loving obedient citizen, am I right?)

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Hot New Trend: Headlessness

What’s the hottest new trend for animals and humans around the world? Headlessness, duh! Headlessness is the act of being headless or at least trying to be headless.

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Olivia had troubles trying to make her head disappear, so she finally gave up and pretended that she didn’t have one.

Headlessness is really hot now because being headless also means being faceless, and if you have an ugly face, then no one has to look at it! Also, no one has to comb their hair or put on make-up when they are headless, which is totally awesome because hair and make-up are very time-consuming activities. Also, if you are shy, you have an excuse to not make eye contact (because you don’t have any eyes)!

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Headlessness also makes your body more streamlined, as proven by Sinai the Great in this picture. It also makes you look really cute. Warning: Being headless for more than five minutes may cause neck pain.

Surprisingly, Sinai’s sister, Soigné, is actually on board with this trend (for once). She usually sulks in a corner and totally shuns everyone, but for once, instead of sulking, she sulks headlessly! Amazing, right? Here are some pictures of Soigné being headless. Shocking.

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Look at this big ball of white evilness. Just think of all the poor children rats she was probably eating that made her so fat.

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Sinai tried asking Soigné why she suddenly decided to try and be trendy to see if she could put an explanation on these pictures, but Soigné did not answer (which did not surprise Sinai, as Soigné hates to be social). Seeing as Soigné probably was trying to be a pain in the invisible head on purpose, Sinai decided to ignore her annoying sister and find other rats who were being headless. Here they are.

A rat with a "censored sign" in front of its face (which you can still see, by the way)

Mojave’s head is nowhere to be found. How strange. I know that it is certainly not behind that humongous theta!

If you wish to maintain a clean public image, you must make sure to groom all parts of you, even the parts no one should ever see. Like your pinky toe.

Can you see Dimples’ head? Because I sure can’t. Nope. Definitely not here.

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Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Well, guess what? This is not Sinai. This is Ianis, who happens to look very much like Sinai. Yes, this pictures looks an awful lot like the one of Sinai earlier in the post. However, it is of Ianis, and not Sinai, so it is not the same.

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It’s Olivia, again! Here head must have disappeared properly this time. I wonder where it went. Not under the cat cap, obviously.

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It’s Mojave… again. I wonder where his head keeps on going. Well, if there’s one place it can’t be, it’s inside that Yogies bag, eating dried yogurt!

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You can’t see Negev’s head in this picture. Yes, there is something that resembles his head… but “resembles” is the key word. It isn’t his head, however precious it might be. (Very precious!)

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Why I Hate Soigné – An Explanation by Sinai on Her Feelings For Her Sister (Quote$ #11)

007 (4)Sinai is very squished in the picture above. I wonder how that might have happened. Might her sister, Soigné, shoved her against the cage bars? It’s a possibility.

“Me don’t know why no one can understand why I hate my sister, Soigné. I mean, first of all, her name is impossible to spell. I only managed to spell it after checking her birth certificate nine times. I can never get whether the o is supposed to go before the i, or the i before the o. And then there’s that e. It is so annoying. I can never get which accent to put on it. I wish that she would just change her name to something more friend (like Iluvsinai), or even get a nickname so I don’t have to write that horrible name out whenever I refer to her without using pronouns or indirect references. Then she goes and shoves me against the cage bars when she wants to sit somewhere, which is very rude, because I am always there first. Me also don’t like her ugliness. She is, like, white and black. That is so ugly. Doesn’t she know that black and white have been the hot colors ever since May 9, 2012? (Coincidentally, that day is also my birthday.) Then she smells funny. She smells like my poop. (Just so you know, me don’t poop on her. I know it seems like I do, but I don’t. Really. I don’t lie.) Eww, right? And… yup, that’s all.”

Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything

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