Today is Sinai’s second birthday! To celebrate, why don’t you admire these attractive pictures of her?
Have a happy Pre-Monthly Sï Half Day. Please enjoy it, but please don’t make any stupid choices (i.e. deciding that you actually like Soigné, choosing not to send Sinai a lovely gift of food and money). If you make stupid choices, you will be banished from the universe so that this lovely world can be kept clean of your disgusting type. Thank you, and have a sinailicious, good-choice-making day. (If you do not have a sinailicious day, we will regretably have to banish you as well.)
Flashback Friday: Even back when Soigné was bigger than Sinai and when both were very young and immature (well, Soigné was at least) rats, Sinai still had to fear for her life at the paws of her vicious and evil sister! It appears that time has not helped Soigné become a better rat.
Today is a most wonderful day. it is The Day of Our Great Ruler, SINAI. Before, on other Sinaidays, you were given a lot of fun options on how to spend your Sinaiday worshiping your favorite rat, Sinai, but today, I am feeling quite minimalistic. Therefore, there is only one fun option on how to spend your Sinaiday having a load of fun worshiping the greatest female rat ever to live! As it is the only option, be sure to do it or else it will look like you don’t care about the best thing since oxygen. AND YOU WOULDN’T LIKE TO LOOK LIKE THAT, NOW WOULD YOU?
Fun Thing To Do To Show Your Love For Sinai on This Sinaiday (The Day of Our Great Ruler, SINAI)!
Ever wonder what to do on the best holiday in June to honor the rat for which it was created? If you have, a really good idea would be to paint your nails/claws a beautiful color like, say… PÜPEY!! It is an amazing color, and believe me, all of your will love it. At first, you mighg not be immediately attracted to this timeless color, but as you wear it, you will realize why this shade is such a classic. Call (123) LUV SISI now to buy up to 100 bottles of Püpey (sadly, we cannot ship more than a hundred bottles of siPawlisshe at once). Believe me, the dearest NaiNai would definitely support your decision to purchase this amazing polish.
Well it’s that time of month again. And when I say that, I mean that it’s the time of month when it’s time to get out your SinaiSüts™ and start partying because it’s time for yet another Sinaiday! Woo hoo! It seems like the last one (Sinai’s birthday) was only a month ago… which it actually was! Ha ha ha!
“But what?” you say. “What is the approaching Sinaiday that I will gladly celebrate? And when does it occur? I have not marked it down in my portable SinaiKalinder™ (preorder a twelve month 2012 one for $999.99 by calling (123) LUV SISI), so do tell. I anticipate your answer.”
“Don’t worry, stressed out readers. I, Soigné the Very Helpful and Not At All Annoying and Pesky Rodent*, will make sure you know all of the details before the end of this post. (NO THANKS TO YOU, SINAI.)”
Well just in case you were wondering (even though I am pretty sure you, without a doubt, were), the upcoming Sinaiday is Dearest NaiNai Day, and it is on June 9th, which is in five days. This means you have a solid five days to prepare for a huge party and buy a ton of new SinaiSüts™ and other products by Sinai so that your guests can feel like they are loved when you shower them with Sinai brand gifts. (Sinai recommends a lovely bottle of Pupey™ siPawlisshe™. It is a very nice color that goes with everything. If you don’t know what it looks like, click this link.) Not only that, but your support for Sinai’s many beautiful and lovely items will help her financial situation out a lot. And you know you can’t resist helping other rats out with their financial situations.
But anyways, make sure to save the date. How awful would it be if you completely missed one of the best days of the year just because you were too lazy to write down three words in your SinaiKalinder™? Really awful, right? And you don’t want to feel really awful on a day like that.
*this is a lie
It’s the big day! Sinai, everyone’s favorite rat, is now one (in human years) or thirty (in rat years). You should congratulate her for reaching this milestone in her life by sending her a gift. As in a very large and expensive gift. Twenty-four karat gold is preferred, but cash, checks, sterling-silver, jewelry, collectables, antiques, food, candy, coupons, gift certificates, businesses, towns, imported goods, cars, airplanes, treats, yachts, coins, and small children who would like to be her servants when they grow up are also accepted. (Mail to 5912 Seinhe Eye Rd.)
After sending your present to the world’s funniest, cutest, most lovable, sweetest, most charming, softest, furriest, and most soigné ball of happiness (aka Sinai), why don’t you head on down to one of the new Sinai $hops that recently opened. Every cent made from purchases goes to a charity that helps rats who are very nice but who are also burdened by their rotten sister(s). And don’t just buy because of charity; buy because you want everything that a Sinai $hop has– and there’s a lot of stuff in a Sinai $hop. From old sisters to feather dusters, you’ll want it all! Buy from a Sinai $hop today! (Locations not yet able to be disclosed.)
Finally, end your day by painting your claws using siPawlisshe™. It comes in 125, 373, 282 great colors.
MARK YOUR GIFT TO SINAI WITH THE CODE “51N@1R0X5912” TO GET PREMIUM ONE-DAY SHIPPING ON YOUR PACKAGE*. CALL (123) LUV SISI IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS
* you will still be required to pay the $99 fee for premium shipping
Answer Key to A Quick Quiz By Sinai
b, c, c, e, d, c, b, f, a
Nine is a magical number. It rhymes with the the first three letters in Sinai’s name, and if you say her nickname “NaiNai” really fast, it sounds just like nine. Also, Sinai was born on the ninth. Of May. (Which is why all Sinaidays occur on the ninth of the month.) So if you love Sinai, don’t forget to vote for her later this year to become the goddess of the number nine!
To celebrate the best holiday in April, Sinai decided to release her new invention that will revolutionize society- the StokkerKam™!
The StokkerKam™ (short for “StalkerCamera) helps you keep track of everyone you know from your friends to your psycho of a sister! All you have to do is install the StokkerKam™ CaijeBarz™ onto your cage, and suddenly, you will be hidden from all eyes (except for your own)! You can watch your enemies do stupid things and remind them of all the stupid things they did in a conversation later! Watch your “friends” talk about you behind your back, then ditch them! No one will know that you are spying on them. No one will be able to see you zooming in on them with your StokkerKam™ SooperZüm™ lenses (available for $399.99 as an add-on) to see all the gritty details that you weren’t supposed to know (haha). No one will see you taping them doing embarrassing things (like looking just like a certain rat named Soigné), and when you later show everyone the video, they’re going to wonder how in the world you got it. But obviously you didn’t tape them because they didn’t see you! It’s absolutely foolproof! Buy your StokkerKam™ today!
Or else Sinai will murder you in your sleep….
BUY YOUR STOKKERKAM™ PRODUCTS TODAY!
Call (123) STOKKER to purchase your items
Shipping and handling not included
may will definitely apply
StokkerKam™ Prhimitiv $499.99
StokkerKam™ Bésik $999.99
StokkerKam™ Advanst $1499.99
CaijeBarz™ 0.5 $199.99
CaijeBarz™ 1.0 $299.99
Signed Case $499.99
SooperZüm™ lenses $399.99
You know you love Zwvasv (more commonly known as “Sinai”)