Tag Archives: Siognè

Ask Sinai #11: Sinai’s Fan Mail!!!

As you may know, Sinai is an internationally beloved rat. Being so internationally beloved, Sinai naturally receives much fan mail. Reading so much fan mail can get quite tiring. (Sometimes, Sinai has to stay up until six to read her fan mail… and she wakes up at 6:30!)

However, there are some fan letters that wake Sinai up when she reads them. Of the millions of letters she has received, these are the ones she has remembered… and here they are!

P.S. These are genuine. The rats who wrote these letters are real, not, oh, you know, fake ones that Sinai has made up.


Dear Sinai

I love you very much! You are my most favorite rat! I love you so very much! I send to you lots of kisses and hugs and love in general. I love you very much! You are a wonderful rat. You are so great! I love you! Your ugly sister is not deserving of you! I love you!

Love,
Siney Sisi XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

P.S. I love you


Hi Sinai!

You are the best! I feel so lucky to have you as my divine ruler of everything. You are a wonderful rat. I named my children after you so that they can have a positive role model in life. I even got my husband to change his name to Sinaio because it is such a lovely name, especially compared to his old one (Swanyayo). I tried to change my name to Sinaia, but my mother won’t let me. Won’t you please write my mother and try to convince her to let me change my name?

Your #1 Fan,

Sinaiaa Dagreatus


Dearest Sinai,

I wrote a poem for you, that is how much I love you.

There once was a rat named Sinai
She was wonderful and perfect and great-ai
I love her
Everyone loves her
She is the bestest rat ever-ai!!!!!

Love from,

Lalalalalailovesinailalalalala Dadadadadadadireallyloveherdadadada


Hello Sinai,

It is I, your horrid and unworthy sister. Yes, I know you do not like me. Believe me, I understand you for feeling that way. I just want to say that I apologise for being such an awful sibling and a disappointment to the family name. I would really like to say I’m sorry for that time last week I breathed in your presence. It was disrespectful of me to do so. I have been practicing feeling emotions so that I will not do that again. I am not very good at feeling, though, so I hope that you will accept my efforts. Also, I have sent you one million gold bars, ten billion bags of yogies, three small continents, $5,000,000,000 in cash, and a giftcard to the local bakery to try and make up for all the times I have been a bad sister.

Yours,

Siognè, yoor sister

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Puntastic Orijinil Nok Nok Joax™ by Sinai

You may have heard similar jokes to the ones written below. However, the ones written here are the real McKoifish. The others that you have probably heard are called “knock knock jokes” (very similar sounding name, as you may have noted), and they are nothing more than cheap ripoffs. As none of them were approved by the owner of the Orijinil Nok Nok Joax™ patent (a certain Ms. Sinai Blight) before being told, they are technically illegal, and being caught telling, listening, or laughing at one can result in a minimum of ten years behind bars. However, you are allowed to listen to copyrighted and approved Orijinil Nok Nok Joax™ whenever you like.


Orijinil Nok Nok Joax™ ~ Approved by Ms. Sinai Blight

Sinai: Nok Nok
Siognè: Huze thare?
Sinai: Sinai
Siognè: [drops down to knees and worships Sinai]

Sinai: Nok Nok
Sinai: Huze thare?
Sinai: Me
Sinai: Me hu?
Sinai: Hahahaha!

Swanyuck: Nok Nok
Everyone: Go away, Swanyuck!

Swanyuck: Huze thare?
Everyone: SHUT UP SWANYUCK!
Swanyuck: boo hoo

Swanyuck: [cries]
Everyone: [goes on with their lives]

Sinai: Nok Nok
Everyone: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Sinai: [gets showered with love]

Negev: Nok Nok
Sinai: Nok Nok
Ianis: Nok Nok
Swanyawn: Nok Nok
Everyone: Stop being a bandwagoner, Swanyawn!

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

An Interview With She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed

Today, Sinai was feeling quite interview-ish. Following her urges, she decided to do an interview. However, there was no one fun to interview around. Negev was up somewhere disciplining his brother, and Ianis was busy telling rats that she was not Sinai. That left her only one option for who to interview, and that was She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed., who is a terrible rat for interviewing. When you finish reading this, you will completely understand why Sinai would have preferred to not have to interview She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed.


Sinai the Great: Hello… Siognè, I think? Isn’t that how you spell your name?

She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed: No.

STG: Yeah, whatever. Tell me all of your deepest secrets.

SWDNDTBI: Why would I do that?

STG: Because I am only the greatest and most wonderful rat to ever grace this universe! Also, I believe I am remotely related to you, and therefore, we are family. Because we are family, you tell me all of your deepest secrets.

SWDNDTBI: Fine. But first you tell me all of your deepest secrets, sister.

STG: Eww! No way! Just because I’m related to your disgusting filthiness doesn’t mean I have to tell you all of my secrets. However, you do, Siognè.

SWDNDTBI: …Why would that rule apply to me and not you?

STG: Because I say so. Now, tell me your secrets.

SWDNDTBI: No.

STG: Alright, if you’re not going to tell me all of your deepest secrets, you have two options. One, be exiled to a deserted island in the middle of the ocean where you will never be able to contact your friends and family (except for me) again, or, two, be put under the guardianship of my atrocious sister, Soigné, who will make you wish that you were on a deserted island. Which do you choose?

SWDNDTBI: You do realize that I am your “atrocious sister” Soigné?

STG: No you’re not. You’re Siognè, also known as She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed. Although, you do act and look remarkably like that rat whose name I would prefer not to mention.

SWDNDTBI: No, I’m your sister.

STG: How many times do I have to say this? You’re only remotely related to me. That means that you can’t be my sister. You’re either my first cousin, twice removed, or you’re my granduncle.

SWDNDTBI: How could I be your granduncle? I’m a lady, and I’m not even that old!

STG: You are not female, and most certainly not a lady. You are unisex. Also, you are actually quite old. You just used a lot of Botox to cover up your saggy wrinkles. You don’t remember because you are suffering from mild Alzheimer’s.

SWDNDTBI: No I am not. I know my body more than you do.

STG: I am all knowing. You are not.

SWDNDTBI: But you are not me.

STG: Why would I want to be you?

SWDNDTBI: I never said that you would want to be me.

STG: Yes you did, O Terrible Liar Named Siognè.

SWDNDTBI: That is not my name! Stop calling me that!

STG: Please stop throwing a hissy fit, or I will be forced to call the police on you.

SWDNDTBI: I am not throwing a hissy fit! I am simply telling the truth!

STG: Alas, it appears that you will not relent. I am calling the police right now. Please do not break any of my furniture. It is quite expensive, and brand-new.

SWDNDTBI: No it isn’t! You got this stuff from Ikea years ago!

STG: La la la, I can’t hear you. Oh, hello officer!

Police Officer (on the phone): Hello, what is your problem, sir?

STG: Um, excuse me! I am a lady! Not a sir!

PO (OTP): Sorry, sir… I mean, ma’am. Can you please tell me what your problem is, sir… ma’am.

STG: Yes, officer. You see, this horrid rodent named Siognè has been throwing a terrible hissy fit for the last hour–

SWDNDTBI: I am not throwing a hissy fit!

STG: Yes you are. Anyhow, officer, this disgusting rat has been causing me to become agitated and is very distracting. I have asked her to stop, but she just insists that she isn’t throwing a hissy fit and continues being distracting. If you could kindly take her to jail, where she can’t distract me, that would greatly please me.

PO (OTP): I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t arrest a rat just for throwing a hissy fit. It’s not in the law books.

STG: Yes you can.

PO (OTP): I can’t just disobey the law… I’m part of the law enforcement force, do you realize that, sir?

STG: Ma’am. Believe me, officer, it is not against the law to arrest a rat for throwing a hissy fit, especially when its name is Siognè.

PO (OTP): …Since when?

STG: Two minutes ago.

PO (OTP): Hold on a second. How do you know what laws are passed within a couple minutes.

STG: I know everything.

SWDNDTBI: No you don’t! I’m not throwing a hissy fit!

PO (OTP): Um, who is that in the background? And you can’t really know everything. That is impossible.

STG: No one. And it is not. I am the smartest rat to ever walk this universe.

PO (OTP): Who do you think you are? Sinai the Great? She’s so conceited and stuck-up; why would you want to be her?!

STG: What is your name, officer?

PO (OTP): …Signe Naivings… why do you ask?

STG: Okay, first of all, your first name is not on The List: Names Citizens of the Sinai Empire May Name Their Children. Neither is your last name. And Sinai is not conceited or stuck-up. She is a very humble and modest rat.

PO (OTP): Who actually obeys those lists? And the only rat who believes that she is humble is Sinai herself.

STG: What is your address, cell phone, home phone, email, Pawbook, Squeaker, Instarat, credit card number, date of birth, and social security?

PO (OTP): Why do you need to know this?

STG: Just tell me it all.

SWDNDTBI: Don’t do it, officer!

PO (OTP): Who are you, anyways.

STG: A very humble rat. Now tell me all of your personal information. Also, fax me your driver’s license.

PO (OTP): Okay, this is just really creepy. I am not arresting whoever that rat who was throwing a hissy fit was, and I am most certainly not telling you all of my sensitive information. [hangs up]

STG: Oh, well, I can still get her arrested. I’ll just arrest all of the Signe Naivings that are living under the Empire!

SWDNDTBI: You don’t have that authority. The real government only lets you get away with thinking that you run the place because they think that you are mentally insane and do not want you to go mad and burn down all of the federal buildings.

STG: Shut up, Siognè.

The next day, eleven rats named Signe Naivings were given life sentences for “disrespecting the boss.” Sadly, the police officer lied about her name on the phone, which meant that she got away, while eleven innocent rats were left to spend the rest of their lives in jail cells. Also, a completely unrelated rat whose true name was kept hidden (but was called Siog publicly) was dragged to a local mental asylum where she was given her own private room padded with pillows that had Sinai the Great’s divine face embroidered on them.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Sinai Tale #6: The Water Battle

image

Once upon a time, there was a very thirsty rat. Her name was Ratalise, and she looked just like Sinai the Great. (She looked like the esteemed ruler because she had dyed her fur and gotten plastic surgery to look like her.) She had not drunk any water for twenty-three minutes, and she knew if she went any longer without being hydrated, she would die and never be heard from again. As Ratalise did not see any glasses of water near to her, she assumed that she would not be living to see another day. Sadly, she accepted her tragic fate and decided to say her last words.

“I love Sinai the Great. She is the world’s best leader ever, and she is very attractive. Also, she is intelligent, cute, soft, kindly, smart, charming, funny, pretty, witty, humorous, and humble,” said the sad and resigned rat. “I just wish I could have met her before I die of dehydration, that’s all.”

Suddenly, a loud and very soothing voice boomed out from the sky. “I am Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! You may not have known this, but I have the ability to grant wishes to other less fortunate beings, and me being the kindly and generous rat I am, I will grant you one wish,” said the pleasing voice of the best universal leader ever. “What do you desire, small and lowly subordinate who I have chosen to have a wish granted by me, only the most kind, lovely, generous, selfless, and nice rat ever to be alive? Please make it quick, as I have a spa appointment in fifteen minutes that is very urgent and must be attended.”

Ratalise was so surprised she almost fainted. It had been her life dream to meet Sinai the Great in rat, but she had not expected her heroine to grant one of her wishes. As her greatest wish, to meet Sinai the Great, had been granted, Ratalise was unsure as to what she wanted. She did not want to turn down the very generous offer Sinai the Great had offered her, as Ratalise was very grateful to Sinai for offering a wish, and she wanted to show it. After pondering what she wanted for a few minutes, the small and thirsty rat finally announced what she desired to be granted. “O greatest Sinai the Great, you are a very generous and kindly rat. Thank you very much for offering to grant a wish of mine. I will be eternally grateful, and because of this, I will name my first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, and ninth ratlings after you. I spent a very large time asking myself what I desire most, as I do not want to waste your precious and valuable time on frivulous items, and I have finally come to a conclusion. The thing I would like most in the world is a well right here and right now so that I will not die from dehydration. If you could be so kind as to grant my single wish, I would be very happy and build you a temple of the ages to be worshipped in.”

“Hmmm…” said the great voice of the awe-inspiring Divine Ruler of Everything. “I don’t know if I can do a well, but I can give you a water bottle.”

“Oh, thank you!” cried the eternally grateful Ratalise as a bottle of water fell from the sky. “You have saved my life! I will never forget what you have done for me!”

Excited, Ratalise began to open her bottle of spring water. It was warm, but it was water. She wouldn’t be dying all alone of dehydration after all! She had just cracked open her bottle of water when another rat appeared.

Ratalise quickly analyzed the new rodent. She was definitely not anyone Ratalise knew, but she looked vaguely familiar. The rat was a dirty white with a black head and the dingiest looking tail ever. (It didn’t help that the tail was just one color and not multicolored like most great rodents’ are.) “Um…hello? Who are you?” asked Ratalise, wanting to know who the mystery rat was.

Flashing pristine white teeth (another sign that the rat was probably not very nice), the rodent introduced herself. “I am Siognè, an equally-evil clone. Now give me your water bottle. I desire a drink of warm water.”

“Well first of all, you are not getting my bottle of water. It is a gift from a very distinguished rat, and I do not wish to part with it. And secondly, who are you an equally-evil clone of?” inquired Ratalise while tightly clutching her water bottle. She did not Siognè, whoever she was the equally-evil clone of, to take her gift from Sinai the Great. If that did happen, Ratalise would die not only because of dehydration, but of depression as well.

“You’ll never guess!” cackled the evil rodent as she snatched Ratalise’s bottle of water and darted off.

“Noooooooooo!” cried Ratalise. Not wanting to die, she darted off in pursuit of the evil Siognè. “Give it back, you ! Give it back!”

Siognè had a head start, and she ran faster than Ratalise could, so she was quickly escaping along with the present Ratalise had received from her heroine. It was positively heartbreaking to see, and Ratalise might never have seen her water bottle again if someone had not been watching.

A rat from had a distance had watched the chase go one as she got ready for a relaxing day at the spa. She would not have done anything if the rats had not gotten so close to her living room window. When they had neared it, she realized she knew the rat who was chasing the one holding the bottle of water.

She also recognized the one with the water bottle.

With a sigh, she resigned herself to being late to her appointment, and she stepped outside.

“Stop, equally-evil clone of Soigné! I do not recall which one you are, as my sister has many, but you must drop the water bottle immediately and return it to the inferior subordinate rat chasing you, or you shall face the wrath of SINAI!” shouted Sinai the Great.

“I will never return this bottle of wa–” replied the equally-evil clone, Siognè, only to be zapped by Sinai’s EverydaySoigné™ Gun and disintegrate into miscroscopic particles immediately.

At first, Ratalise was exhausted from sprinting for such a long time. Then she was shocked at seeing Siognè immediately disintegrate. Finally, she was very grateful to Sinai the Great for saving her from the evil villain who had stolen her water bottle. “Oh, I don’t know what to say, Sinai the Great! I don’t think I will ever be able to repay you for all that you have done for me. You are truly a great rat,” squeaked Ratalise.

Sinai, being five minutes late to her spa appointment, quickly dismissed Ratalise. “Don’t bother, small subordinate rodent whose life and water bottle I have saved and who is eternally grateful to me for the good and irrepayable deeds I have done. Helping you was your payment,” boomed the great and honorable rodent. Then she snapped her fingers for a taxi to go to the spa.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
%d bloggers like this: