Tag Archives: sister

Why I Hate Soigné – An Explanation by Sinai on Her Feelings For Her Sister (Quote$ #11)

007 (4)Sinai is very squished in the picture above. I wonder how that might have happened. Might her sister, Soigné, shoved her against the cage bars? It’s a possibility.

“Me don’t know why no one can understand why I hate my sister, Soigné. I mean, first of all, her name is impossible to spell. I only managed to spell it after checking her birth certificate nine times. I can never get whether the o is supposed to go before the i, or the i before the o. And then there’s that e. It is so annoying. I can never get which accent to put on it. I wish that she would just change her name to something more friend (like Iluvsinai), or even get a nickname so I don’t have to write that horrible name out whenever I refer to her without using pronouns or indirect references. Then she goes and shoves me against the cage bars when she wants to sit somewhere, which is very rude, because I am always there first. Me also don’t like her ugliness. She is, like, white and black. That is so ugly. Doesn’t she know that black and white have been the hot colors ever since May 9, 2012? (Coincidentally, that day is also my birthday.) Then she smells funny. She smells like my poop. (Just so you know, me don’t poop on her. I know it seems like I do, but I don’t. Really. I don’t lie.) Eww, right? And… yup, that’s all.”

Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything

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The Day of Our Great Ruler, SINAI — A Sinaiday!!! Hooray!

imageFlashback Friday: Even back when Soigné was bigger than Sinai and when both were very young and immature (well, Soigné was at least) rats, Sinai still had to fear for her life at the paws of her vicious and evil sister! It appears that time has not helped Soigné become a better rat.


Today is a most wonderful day. it is The Day of Our Great Ruler, SINAI. Before, on other Sinaidays, you were given a lot of fun options on how to spend your Sinaiday worshiping your favorite rat, Sinai, but today, I am feeling quite minimalistic. Therefore, there is only one fun option on how to spend your Sinaiday having a load of fun worshiping the greatest female rat ever to live! As it is the only option, be sure to do it or else it will look like you don’t care about the best thing since oxygen. AND YOU WOULDN’T LIKE TO LOOK LIKE THAT, NOW WOULD YOU?


Fun Thing To Do To Show Your Love For Sinai on This Sinaiday (The Day of Our Great Ruler, SINAI)!

  1. Send Sinai ten times your weight in bars of gold. PACKAGING (i.e. cardboard box, foam pellets, wooden crate) DOES NOT COUNT TOWARDS WEIGHING OF GOLD (UNLESS IT IS 24 KARAT GOLD AS WELL). Please include your weight (and the rest of your personal medical information) with the gold so that Sinai knows that you are not skimping out on her. Make sure that the rest of your family knows about this as well so that they can show their love for Sinai, too! (Family includes: infants, unborn babies, unfertilized future babies, dead relatives, animal cousins, etc.)

There! Now you know what to do with your Sinaiday! Have fun hunting for gold bars/selling all of your family heirlooms so you can afford this!

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Sinai Hates It When Soigné Is In Her Way!!!

Sometimes, Sinai wants to take a nice photograph of herself so that she can hang it up and stare at herself all day long. However, she almost never gets to do that due to one certain annoying and cumbersome rat: Soigné, also known as the worst sister to ever exist. Soigné is always causing Sinai to not get her perfect picture. It is so annoying!


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Sinai is forced to shove her head underneath Soigné’s dirty neck that hasn’t been washed in years just to get herself in the picture. It was not something she ever wants to do again.

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Sinai wants to get her own picture, but stupid Soigné rudely butts in and obstructs a quarter of Sinai’s body, including her ever precious multi-colored tail. Just because you’re jealous doesn’t give you the right to be like that, Soigné!

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Finally, it appears that Sinai might get her own picture. Oh, wait, nevermind. Look who arrived! Ugh, Soigné, why do you have to squeeze yourself in there? All you’re doing is polluting the photograph with your annoying presence.

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An Interview With She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed

Today, Sinai was feeling quite interview-ish. Following her urges, she decided to do an interview. However, there was no one fun to interview around. Negev was up somewhere disciplining his brother, and Ianis was busy telling rats that she was not Sinai. That left her only one option for who to interview, and that was She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed., who is a terrible rat for interviewing. When you finish reading this, you will completely understand why Sinai would have preferred to not have to interview She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed.


Sinai the Great: Hello… Siognè, I think? Isn’t that how you spell your name?

She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed: No.

STG: Yeah, whatever. Tell me all of your deepest secrets.

SWDNDTBI: Why would I do that?

STG: Because I am only the greatest and most wonderful rat to ever grace this universe! Also, I believe I am remotely related to you, and therefore, we are family. Because we are family, you tell me all of your deepest secrets.

SWDNDTBI: Fine. But first you tell me all of your deepest secrets, sister.

STG: Eww! No way! Just because I’m related to your disgusting filthiness doesn’t mean I have to tell you all of my secrets. However, you do, Siognè.

SWDNDTBI: …Why would that rule apply to me and not you?

STG: Because I say so. Now, tell me your secrets.

SWDNDTBI: No.

STG: Alright, if you’re not going to tell me all of your deepest secrets, you have two options. One, be exiled to a deserted island in the middle of the ocean where you will never be able to contact your friends and family (except for me) again, or, two, be put under the guardianship of my atrocious sister, Soigné, who will make you wish that you were on a deserted island. Which do you choose?

SWDNDTBI: You do realize that I am your “atrocious sister” Soigné?

STG: No you’re not. You’re Siognè, also known as She Who Does Not Deserve To Be Interviewed. Although, you do act and look remarkably like that rat whose name I would prefer not to mention.

SWDNDTBI: No, I’m your sister.

STG: How many times do I have to say this? You’re only remotely related to me. That means that you can’t be my sister. You’re either my first cousin, twice removed, or you’re my granduncle.

SWDNDTBI: How could I be your granduncle? I’m a lady, and I’m not even that old!

STG: You are not female, and most certainly not a lady. You are unisex. Also, you are actually quite old. You just used a lot of Botox to cover up your saggy wrinkles. You don’t remember because you are suffering from mild Alzheimer’s.

SWDNDTBI: No I am not. I know my body more than you do.

STG: I am all knowing. You are not.

SWDNDTBI: But you are not me.

STG: Why would I want to be you?

SWDNDTBI: I never said that you would want to be me.

STG: Yes you did, O Terrible Liar Named Siognè.

SWDNDTBI: That is not my name! Stop calling me that!

STG: Please stop throwing a hissy fit, or I will be forced to call the police on you.

SWDNDTBI: I am not throwing a hissy fit! I am simply telling the truth!

STG: Alas, it appears that you will not relent. I am calling the police right now. Please do not break any of my furniture. It is quite expensive, and brand-new.

SWDNDTBI: No it isn’t! You got this stuff from Ikea years ago!

STG: La la la, I can’t hear you. Oh, hello officer!

Police Officer (on the phone): Hello, what is your problem, sir?

STG: Um, excuse me! I am a lady! Not a sir!

PO (OTP): Sorry, sir… I mean, ma’am. Can you please tell me what your problem is, sir… ma’am.

STG: Yes, officer. You see, this horrid rodent named Siognè has been throwing a terrible hissy fit for the last hour–

SWDNDTBI: I am not throwing a hissy fit!

STG: Yes you are. Anyhow, officer, this disgusting rat has been causing me to become agitated and is very distracting. I have asked her to stop, but she just insists that she isn’t throwing a hissy fit and continues being distracting. If you could kindly take her to jail, where she can’t distract me, that would greatly please me.

PO (OTP): I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t arrest a rat just for throwing a hissy fit. It’s not in the law books.

STG: Yes you can.

PO (OTP): I can’t just disobey the law… I’m part of the law enforcement force, do you realize that, sir?

STG: Ma’am. Believe me, officer, it is not against the law to arrest a rat for throwing a hissy fit, especially when its name is Siognè.

PO (OTP): …Since when?

STG: Two minutes ago.

PO (OTP): Hold on a second. How do you know what laws are passed within a couple minutes.

STG: I know everything.

SWDNDTBI: No you don’t! I’m not throwing a hissy fit!

PO (OTP): Um, who is that in the background? And you can’t really know everything. That is impossible.

STG: No one. And it is not. I am the smartest rat to ever walk this universe.

PO (OTP): Who do you think you are? Sinai the Great? She’s so conceited and stuck-up; why would you want to be her?!

STG: What is your name, officer?

PO (OTP): …Signe Naivings… why do you ask?

STG: Okay, first of all, your first name is not on The List: Names Citizens of the Sinai Empire May Name Their Children. Neither is your last name. And Sinai is not conceited or stuck-up. She is a very humble and modest rat.

PO (OTP): Who actually obeys those lists? And the only rat who believes that she is humble is Sinai herself.

STG: What is your address, cell phone, home phone, email, Pawbook, Squeaker, Instarat, credit card number, date of birth, and social security?

PO (OTP): Why do you need to know this?

STG: Just tell me it all.

SWDNDTBI: Don’t do it, officer!

PO (OTP): Who are you, anyways.

STG: A very humble rat. Now tell me all of your personal information. Also, fax me your driver’s license.

PO (OTP): Okay, this is just really creepy. I am not arresting whoever that rat who was throwing a hissy fit was, and I am most certainly not telling you all of my sensitive information. [hangs up]

STG: Oh, well, I can still get her arrested. I’ll just arrest all of the Signe Naivings that are living under the Empire!

SWDNDTBI: You don’t have that authority. The real government only lets you get away with thinking that you run the place because they think that you are mentally insane and do not want you to go mad and burn down all of the federal buildings.

STG: Shut up, Siognè.

The next day, eleven rats named Signe Naivings were given life sentences for “disrespecting the boss.” Sadly, the police officer lied about her name on the phone, which meant that she got away, while eleven innocent rats were left to spend the rest of their lives in jail cells. Also, a completely unrelated rat whose true name was kept hidden (but was called Siog publicly) was dragged to a local mental asylum where she was given her own private room padded with pillows that had Sinai the Great’s divine face embroidered on them.

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Ask Sinai #8: An Interview With an Internationally Beloved Rat Who Everyone Loves and Admires

Sinai Blight: Hi there! I’m Sinai Blight, here tonight with an interview with none other than the internationally beloved rat who everyone loves and admires, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! We are very privileged, blessed, grateful, and lucky to have this awesome rat here tonight. So, Sinai, how goes it?

Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything: I’m feeling very sinailicious today, Sinai! I am so pleased to be here. I really like your fur color. What is it?

SB: It’s a classic, black and white. I absolutely love it. It is so much more stylish and attractive than that gruesome white and black that so many rats accidentally wear when they’re really going for black and white.

STGDROE: I agree. My sister, Soigné, has white and black fur. It is atrocious and makes my eyes bleed each time I look at it for more than nine seconds. I can understand why rats mistake it for black and white, though. They think that the order of words doesn’t matter when it comes to color names when, really, it is of the utmost importance.

SB: Quite true. For example, everyone knows that red-orange and orange-red get different crayons, so why shouldn’t black and white and white and black be different?

STGDROE: Exactly! I’ve always thought the same!

SB: it’s almost like we had the same brain! [does a chuck-o] However, we can’t share the same face! Yours is stunning. I wish I had it.

STGDROE: Why, thank you, Sinai! I do enjoy my face. [does a chuck-o as well] Yours is pretty nice for a rat who isn’t me. It looks a lot like that of my dear friend, Ianis Th’glib.

SB: Thank you! Ianis has a lovely face. It kind of looks like yours, only it’s not yours, so it just isn’t the same. You know, some rats think that is Ianis is just you pretending to be another rat to look more popular! What do you think of that, O Noble One?

STGDROE: It’s poppycock, I say. Why would I ever do that? So what if her name backwards happens to be mine? So what if we haven’t ever been seen publicly in the same room? So what if she looks a lot like me? So what if her voice is as soothing as mine is? So what if her birthday is 9/5 and mine is 5/9? She and I are completely different individuals. I really wish rats would stop spreading that rumor around. I love Ianis, but I am not her. As Paula Deen would say, “I is what I is”… and she be what she be.

SB: I completely believe you. The only reason I asked you that is because my cruel indentured servant rodent, Soigné, threatened to stop working for me if I did not mention it. Luckily, she did not force me to fake-believe it.

STGDROE: Yes. If there is anyone out there who has never had a cruel indentured servant rodent blackmail them, why don’t you just pick up that large pebble and throw it so hard so that it causes my evil indentured servant rodent (coincidentally also named Soigné, it must be a common name) to become an amnesiac and forget all about wanting to be a vicious indentured servant rodent? [breaks down in practiced fake tears]

SB: I would, but I am not sure my aim is very good, and besides, I have had a cruel indentured servant rodent blackmail me. Although, I do wish you luck. And, it is strange that both of our indentured servant rodents are named Soigné. We certainly aren’t the same rat, so they couldn’t be the same Soigné… unless she had a second job?

STGDROE: That’s ridiculous. Mine can hardly do her first. I think that Soigné has just become the default name for malicious indentured servant rodents due to the fact that I am very popular, and therefore, rats know about my wicked indentured servant rodent and want to acknowledge their love for me by naming their own rotten indentured servant rodents after me. My name, however, is too precious to waste on a vile indentured servant rodent, so obviously, everyone has chosen to use my lowly sister’s name. I do not blame them.

SB: How interesting. Say, how is your sister doing? Is she warming up to working for you?

STGDROE: Sadly, no. Which is unfortunate, as her twenty-year anniversary of being my indentured servant rodent is approaching. In fact, she has taken to, instead of tidying, ruining my rooms. I appointed some rat off the street to watch her and make sure she doesn’t steal anything while I’m here, but he only would watch her for a little time. Oh! Looks like I’m going to leave now. I don’t want her to start trashing the entertainment wing.

SB: I understand. Well, goodbye for then.

STGDROE: Goodbye. You really are a nice rat. You could almost be me.

SB: Yes, but I’m obviously not! [does a litt-o chuck-o] Goodbye, Sinai Blight.

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A Couple Haikus by Sinai

Sinai

I do love Sinai

Sinai Sinai Sinainai

She is amazing

 

Sinai the Sequel

Did I already

Say how much I love Sinai?

I don’t think I have.

 

Sinai No. 3

She is quite stunning

I love her with all my heart

Ah, Sinai… how great!

 

Swanyay

I do not like her

Ew she is so disgusting

Nasty little rat

 

The Smartest Rat

She is a genius

“Who might she be?” you wonder

None other than me

 

Black and White or White and Black?

Black and white is best

My sister is white and black.

I hate white and black.

 

Sounds I Make When I Eat

Chomp chomp gulp lick slurp

Yum chomp chompity chomp chomp

Lick lick lick chomp slurp

 

Sinai #4

Did you forget yet?

Sinai is so attractive

I really love her

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BREAKING NEWS: Soigné’s Evil Plot to Ruin the Tails OF THE WORLD Revealed (not yet confirmed)

Please Note: The following story includes pictures of rats without colorful tails. If you have a weak stomach, you may want to refrain from this very graphic story. If you are okay with reading about and viewing one color tails, you may continue.

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Soigné attempts to endear others by sleepily stating an ego-booster that might not be quite true for the axe murderer she just saw rob a bank and steal a child’s candy (who she did not stop). It still doesn’t distract from the lack of different colors on her butt appendage.

As you may know, Sinai has a sister. Sinai loves her sister very much. Sinai tries to think of Soigné, her beloved sister, as a good rat, but Soigné doesn’t try very hard to prove Sinai right. Sinai has repeatedly asked her darling sibling to not act so creepy and disturbing around Sinai’s equally beloved and darling subjects, but Soigné either can’t stop having a disturbing one color tail (which is what makes her so creepy and unappealing)… or she doesn’t want to stop. (We suspect the latter.) Because of this, no one in Sinai’s entire large and very vast kingdom wants anything to do with the Divine Ruler’s sister. Which is sad because Soigné really is a good rat once you get past her unusual tail.

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Just look at that disgusting tail. I can’t even look at it for more than ten seconds without puking. (Note: The tail I am talking about is the lighter, less colorful one. Not the very attractive multi-colored one.)

Unfortunately, Soigné also seems unable to acknowledge the fact that multi-colored tails are hot this season, and that the last time boring tails like her own were popular was in freaking 2012. (Which was very long ago, as you all know.) Because of this, she makes disturbing, controversial, scandalous, and questionable comments about tails. Often, she remarks about the “ridiculousness” of the multi-colored tail (which is actually the point of high fashion) and makes excuses for why she can’t dye her tail, wear a tail-covering over her own, or just get plastic surgery to have it changed to be more appealing. Sinai has even offered to give her a full 1% discount on some siPawlisshe™ so that Soigné can paint her tail pretty colors (like Pupey™). (Naturally, Soigné refused the very kind and generous offer.) Because of the fact that Soigné is so unwilling to change to be more fashionable, we can only conclude one thing: Soigné wants the world to change to be more unfashionable.

Now, I know this is very hard to understand, but there is logic involved. Sinai explains it to us in a quote.

“My sister does not want to change her tail to be more appealing to society. She is too lazy to do that. Instead, she wants society to change to be more appealing to her tail. Most likely, she has created a secret army of rats who all have tails of one color. She will probably attack soon. This is why I have increased the defense spending from .001% of the budget to .002%. I really hope this will help save us from my sister.”

Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything (in an interview for Lulu Imnotlyingson’s Accurate Reading, or L.I.A.R.)

We can only hope that Soigné secret army is very small and not at all powerful. (And that they are very bad about keeping secrets.) Sinai says that any rats found to be in it will be tried for treason and fashion crimes (if they turn themselves in, they will only be charged with fashion crimes, and if they have juicy information on Soigné’s little army of traitors, then they will only have to go to court for minor outfit infringements). However, there is no knowing what might happen, so cross your paws and be glad that you were born with a multi-colored tail.


Answer to A Very Brief Quiz: There is no answer. If you answered it, then you failed.

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A Story in Limericks

There once was a rat named Soigné
She was born the month before May
She was Sinai’s sister,
But nobody missed her
When she got lost in the forest astray.

One day someone noticed (Sinai)
When she didn’t see her, she said, “My!
“My sister’s not here–
“She was always a bit queer…
“…I think I’ll just leave her behind.”

Soigné was sitting in the forest
Suddenly she saw a huge sparkly horse
It had one horn
(It was a unicorn)
She lost her voice, so she said in Morse:

“Oh Please, great equine
“Would you be so kind
“As to carry me away
“I promise I’ll pay–
“Here, take some fur of mine*”

The unicorn looked at her and said,
“I’d really rather be dead
“Than touch this fur
“That makes me think ‘brrr’
“Also why are you tapping with that lead?”

Soigné tried to explain,
But the unicorn had made it plain
When he galloped into the sky
Screaming “I LOVE SINAI!”
That he didn’t care where she remained.

* pretend it’s in Morse Code

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The Book of Sinai Entry #2

Dear Book of Me,

Sometimes I feel like my sister does not want to bond with me. I do not understand why, as I am the most attractive, smart, funny, lovable, soft, hilarious, amicable, likable, intelligent, kindly, cute, adorable, friendly, silky, charming, elegant, distinguished, brainy, great, divine, athletic, easy-going and humble rat to ever live. I mean, who wouldn’t want to bond with me? It’s the opportunity of a lifetime, you know. A lot of young rodents want nothing more than to be my friend, and here she is, refusing my kind offer!

But anyhow, I have been trying to be more friendly towards my sister, Soigné, after getting a couple complaints from some lady rat named “5w@nY_ay2881927463” on http://www.reviewsinai5starsordie.com about how I “mistreat my sister.” (Complete lies, obviously, but I don’t need some little kid spreading false rumors about the relationship I have with my sister.)

Some of the ways I have tried to be more kind than I already have been to Soigné include reducing her work day from sixteen hours to fifteen hours and fifty-nine minutes, helping her try on SinaiSüts (see Ask Sinai #2 for details), and forcing her to eat one square meal a day (instead of her old diet of choice, bread and water). I think I have been a very generous and loving sister, and yet she tells me that she wants to move out and no longer work for me. What a thankless snob! I’ve spent minutes thinking up ways to improve her already-privileged life. Believe me, not all rats can sleep in the cellars of the Divine Ruler of Everything! She should consider herself lucky. Shame on her for being so ungrateful.

Your favorite and very underappreciated rat,
Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything

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