Tag Archives: Soigné

RIP Sinai

9 May 2012 – 21 July 2014

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HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY SINAI!!!

Today is Sinai’s second birthday! To celebrate, why don’t you admire these attractive pictures of her?

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Dirty Paws by Of Monsters and Men Parody

Jumping up and down on the floorsi
I am (of course) an animal
Sinai is also an animal
She had a sister, who rolled around
The sister’s name was Soigné,
And she often acted like an ape
One day, Soigné ran away
And she never came back (hooray!)

Her grimy paws and greasy coat,
She ran down the driveway slope.
The forest of carefully landscaped trees,
They used to look like a minor catastrophe
Soigné had declared a war
The giant $60 million palace wasn’t big enough for them all
Sinai, she got help from below
From unworthy peasants and a teletubby named Po

And for a while, Soigné grew mold (on her cheese)
Her friends were scared and ran into their holes
The forest that once was green
Was coloured pink by Sinai’s spray painting machines.
Sinai took down Soigné and her friends
And that’s how the story goes
The story of the runaway with those four germy paws

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A Sinai Limerick

There once was a rat named Sinai
Everyone who saw her said “my oh my”
Cuz she was pretty
And smart and real witty
Plus many more adjectives I cannot fit into the limerick rhythm

She was adorable, white and black
Sometimes she gave her sister (Soigné) a light smack
Soigné deserved it
She was a little twit
Sinai, meanwhile, had a pet yak

Everyone loved this lovable rat
She was not skinny, but fat
Fat is good
Soigné was a hood
P.S. Once Sinai ate a cat (jk)

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A Sinai Tale #14: Sinai Shops for Chocolate

Sinai was very excited. She had finally convinced (if you count blackmailing to be “convincing”) her horrid and awful and ugly and stinky sister, Soigné, to give her money, and it was time to shop for chocolates! YAY. Sinai hadn’t eaten chocolate in, like, three days. I know right, how depressing! No one, especially the Divine Ruler of Everything, should have to go three days without eating chocolate.

Sinai would have bought chocolate earlier, but the problem was that all of the chocolate shops had been sold out the day she tried to buy some. She didn’t know why; after all, it’s not like anything special happens on February 14th! Why did rats all need to buy chocolate on that specific day? Couldn’t they respect the fact that the amazing and divine and all-around wonderful Sinai the Great wanted to buy chocolate too, and that she wouldn’t be able too if they bought it all? Some rats are just so rude!

Anyhow, Sinai finally found a store that still had chocolate left. It was called “Amazon Dot Com,” and it literally sold tons of chocolate. There was just one problem: Sinai couldn’t taste or smell any of the chocolate she wanted to buy. Oh well, she would just have to buy all of the chocolate! If Sinai didn’t like some, she could just fatten Soigné up with it and save on the heating bill. Thankfully, for some odd reason, all of the chocolate was priced very cheaply. Sinai did not know why, but she didn’t question anything.

The beautiful and all powerful rat sat down at her desk and turned on her computer. Soigné had told Sinai that she would be able to find Amazon Dot Com by opening “Internet X Floorer,” whatever that is, and then typing “Amazon Dot Com” in the URL bar (??????). Sinai tried to find Internet X Floorer, but she could only find a giant “e” that said “Internet Explorer” underneath it.

“Help me, Soigné!” screeched Sinai. “HELP!!!! AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

Soigné, who thought Sinai was going into cardiac arrest, ran into the office. She saw Sinai flailing around the computer and realized what was really going on. “Sinai, click the giant ‘e.’ You can get into Internet Explorer that way.”

“HUh?” asked Sinai. She scratched her lovely black-furred head. “What you talking about?!”

“Um, click the giant ‘e.'” stated Soigné again.

“What, this?” inquired Sinai, with her cursor hovering over the Internet Explorer shortcut. “You told me to open Internet X Floorer, not Internet Explorer.”

“Yes that! Click it,” replied Soigné. “And I said ‘Internet Explorer.'”

“Why? You wrong, too, you very wrong.” squeaked Sinai.

Soigné sighed and explained, “Because I said so, and I’m not wrong. You just have bad hearing.”

“But why? And me no have bad hearing! Me perfect. Me behead you for disrespecting me.”

“Because… and that’s not legal.” (Soigné sometimes wondered if her sister completely posessed sanity.)

“OKAY WOMAN I ASKING WHY, AND WHO CARES IF IT LEGAL, I AM THE GOVERNMENT.”

“Because!! And you know what, if you don’t know how to access the Internet, I don’t think I will help you buy chocolates.”

“Okay,” said Sinai before opening Google Chrome. “Go away, then. I don’t really like you, anyways.”

Sinai shooed Soigné out of the room, and went to Amazon Dot Com. She looked up “chocolates” and found a lot of nice candies which she proceeded to add to her cart. The end.

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Sinai’s New Years Resolutions!

059

Me know that me is already the most wonderful rat to ever live, but how can me become even better?

Sinai is 99% the perfect rat. She’s attractive, nice, witty, cute, generous, loving, lovable, funny, humorous, intelligent, smart, pretty, kind, likeable, friendly, jiggly, chumpy, chubalicious, splendid, delicious, scrumptious, beautiful, good, great, selfless, wonderful, trustworthy, respectful, fantastic, chubby, interesting, fascinating, sinailicious, choopy, fabulous, fantabulous, incredible, a genius, brave, remarkable, lovely, knowledgeable, well-organized, creative, responsible, internationally beloved, peaceful, hard-working, fat,  confident, honest, and humble. However, she is still not perfect! Sinai thinks that with her resolutions for 2014, she will become 100% perfect.

Sinai’s Resolutions

  1. Me need money. Me make a lot of money (as in a couple trillion dollars) next year! It no matter how the money comes into my possession.
  2. Me should be more rude to Soigné so that she become more obedient and responding to my commands.
  3. Me really no like going to gym. Me will call up a demolition team and get them to demolish the gym! Then me no have to go!
  4. Me will convince all of the doubters that me really is a very humble rat! Me no know why they no believe me!
  5. Me will spray my nasty sister, Soigné, with lots of perfume so that she stops smelling like nasty latex.*
  6. Me not a very happy rat. Me will secretly record videos of Soigné doing embarrassing things and watch these videos in my free time to make me laugh.
  7. Me has wasted a lot of my time this year, so me will wake up one minute earlier than my normal time next year. Then me have lower wasted time to productive time ratio!
  8. Me gained twenty pounds this year . . . that is not enough! Me will gain fifty pounds in 2014!
  9. Yup, otherwise, me pretty much flawless.

* this is a true fact, Soigné actually does smell like latex.

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