Tag Archives: stinky

A Sinai Tale #13: The Rat Who Thought She Was More Important Than Her Sister (Even Though She Wasn’t) and What Happened to This Horribly Stuck-up Rodent

Soigné was a very ugly rodent child. She was white and black (ugh!) with normal-sized ears (ew!), buckteeth (nasty!), and a booger problem (disgusting!). She also smelled like the town dump.

Everyone acknowledged that Soigné was ugly. Well, not everyone really. Soigné didn’t think she was that ugly. In fact, she thought she was quite nice looking, even though she was obviously not.

Soigné had a rat sister whose name was Sinai. Sinai was the exact opposite of her sister. While Soigné could only speak in grunts, Sinai eloquently strung words together into beautiful examples of perfect English. Soigné’s belly was very small; Sinai’s was quite large and jiggly. And last of all, Sinai was internationally beloved by the masses, while Soigné couldn’t walk to the grocery store without getting tomatoes thrown at her head.

The horrible Soigné also had some behavioral problems. For example, she sometimes bit the paper-rat when he was too late delivering the paper (thus causing the paper-rat to not ever want to deliver it). She also occasionally stole clothing out of department stores and then blamed Sinai for her crimes. Sometimes, she even attempted to be in the same area of her more dignified sister, Sinai!

After a while, Sinai got sick of her sister acting like a crazy psycho, so she sat on her face, and all her Soigné-related troubles ended right there and then.

The end.

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Smelly Ground (Parody of Holy Ground by Taylor Swift)

farting soigne

Soigné has some very bad gas, as observed by Sinai in the following song.

I was being awesome just the other day
While having coffee not alone
But with this thing named Soigné
Whose nasty fart smelled like Beijing air
(And having a nose I obviously care)
It took off faster than a green light, go
Yeah, you get a clothespin once you already know
I ran away quickly and left my coffee behind
And that was the first time

And dear Me, it was bad
Never breathing again
And right there, where she sat
Was stinky ground.

Sputtering ’cause of all this awful gas, I had this big wide city all to escape
I block the smell of “Gross, P.U.!”
And for the first time, my nose I wanted to lose
And I guess it (finally) ended in the usual way
And the story’s got fart in every page
But sometimes I think I can still smell it now
And I smell that stench in every crowd

‘Cause dear Me, it was bad
Never breathing again
And right there, where she sat
Was smelly ground

Tonight I’m gonna breathe
For all the smells I’ve been through
But I don’t want to breathe
If Soigné’s fart comes with you
Tonight I’m gonna breathe
Like there’s no stench in the room
But I don’t want to breathe
If Soigné’s fart comes with you

It was bad
Never breathing again
And right there, where she sat
Was polluted ground

Tonight I’m gonna breathe
For all the smells I’ve been through
But I don’t want to breathe
If Soigné’s fart comes with you
Tonight I’m gonna breathe
Like there’s no stench in the room
But I don’t want to breathe
If Soigné’s fart comes with you

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