Something about this…
Looks just like this…
I’m not sure why, though.
In celebration of this being the 100th post tagged “Sinai,” Sinai has written a short 299 word autobiography so that you can know more about her. #sinai
Me was born on top of cloud which floated down to earth. Me was an adorable baby. Me was black and white with little black spot. However sadly, when me floated down to earth, me ugly sister known as Swanyay suddenly appeared on me cloud. She say, “Sinai, because you be such a darling angle* of a child, you must have me as you sister! It is the only way.” I try to push her off of cloud so she don’t bug me no more, but suddenly me mommy appear and tell me, with tears in her eyes, that it was decreed at me birth that me should have pain-in-the-tail sister to bring me down to earth. Ya, like I need that– me has giant floaty cloud! Anyhow, me accept that ugly Swanyay be my sister and no way to get rid of her. : ( Ya so after that, me reach earth with me ugly sister. Me arrived at huge golden palace, which was obviously meant to be owned by me. Me move in and me was even kind enough to give Swanyay her own room, which was in the room with the horses. Anyhow, week after me arrive, old cranky man come to palace and start yelling me for “trespassing”, wutever that is. Well, me arrested him, and he is still serving his time for insulting the divine ruler of the world. After me got over that incident, me continued to grow and blossom in my shiny castle. The only problems I had was when Swanyay didn’t clean my room, which happened very often actually. But then I threatened to arrest her, and now she always be cleaning me room on time. I continue to be good and kind, and now me is Divine ruler of Everything.
*Note: Me really was an angle when me was a baby. Me was an acute angle.
Hi! Me name is Sinai! Me gonna tell you all about all this tastilicious stuff you never knew what you could eat! Yup. From this article, which I made my sister, Swanyay, type (because me has much better things to do with my time than type stuff, you know #yoso #youonlysinaionce) you will learn so much about tasty stuff that you can eat. Now, me is unsure about what nutrition all this stuff has, and also, me not exactly sure if all of this stuff isn’t poisonous, you know. (I kinda made me sister eat much of what I write about here, so me is unsure about side effects, okay?) Anyhow, you want to read this article. Okay go on.
Oh ya, wood is soooo good. It taste just like paper, only kind of less pulpy, if you know what me is talking about. Okey dokey, if you don’t understand, me will now explain to you: wood is made from paper! Isn’t that such an interesting fact? See, what them wood-makers do is that they take a lot of paper, put it all in a giant cauldron full of V8 (that is why trees, which are also made of paper, have leaves), and chant magic spells every day at 6 pm for a week. After that, the paper magically changes into wood.
Yeah, so me didn’t really eat this. I kinda
forced my ugly and otherwise useless sister to eat this kindly gave my dear sister the option to eat the claw polish, which she took. Anyhow, she say, “Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… this has… an interesting taste,” which obviously means that it tastes so delishy! Also, as a bonus, it turned her tongue hot pink for a week!
This tasted very good and papery, but me wouldn’t recommend eating it unless you can eat someone else’s money.
Just kidding! Don’t eat this, small subordinate citizens.
So one day me got a tiny bit hungry after my lazy sister, Swanyay, was late getting me my food. I naturally did not want to starve, because, you know, that is a horrible fate! What I did to not have to face this tragic fate which I would never wish upon meself was I went to the window box and picked a couple flowers. Me not sure exactly what flowers I ate, but they was very good (except for the red one with the nasty prickly things on its long green petal). Later, I even fed Swanyay this weird thing I found in the window box, and I am pretty sure she very much enjoyed it because right after she ate it, she rushed to the bathroom, where she naturally wanted to watch herself chew the funny looking flower. In case you wondering, it was this stubby thing with beige long petal and for the top, it was red with white polka dotties.
AKA: SOME MAGAZINE WITH A YELLOW BORDER THINGY
Mojave is pictured here eating his din-din, which is some weird magazine called “Natio Geo.” Actually, I am sure there are more letters in the name, but me can’t tell because stupid Mojave is covering them up. THANKS A LOT, MOJAVE.
FRUITS AND VEGETABLES
Yeah, can you believe this? You can actually eat those weird things. Or at least my ugly sister, Soigné can. She says they taste good (me not sure if you can trust her, though). Also, they apparently are very healthy for you and can cause you to not be very robust like me, which, if me is thinking correctly, IS TERRIBLE! So actually, don’t eat fruits and vegetables. They make you skinny.
Right now, standing on a 3″ wide ledge half a foot off the ground might sound kind of scary to most sensible rats. Luckily, you do not have to be very scared at all! All you have to do is learn how to be a great ledge-balancer, and there will be nothing to fear ever again. (Note: “Nothing” does not include any of the following: Soigné, rats with white and black fur, Sinai’s sister, white and blackness, ugly rats, greasy white and black fur, Swanyay.)
Soigné can balance on a ledge… why can’t you?! Come on, don’t let a loser like Soigné look better than you at something as simple as balancing on a ledge. LEARN TO BE A GREAT LEDGE-BALANCER TODAY.
1. First, you must find a ledge to practice on. You can’t balance on a ledge without a ledge, duh! That’s like being alive without adoring and loving and worshiping and wanting to be Sinai! (Note: It may be a problem to get this ledge if your human does not understand rat language and therefore can’t carry it for you to your cage.)
2. Now that you have found a ledge, get someone to install it. You should probably get your human to do it because all humans, as you know, possess a special magic known as “THUMZ.” This allows them to use their paws in ways that you, sadly… can not.
3. Okay, now you are ready to begin! Just kidding, you are not. If you want to be safe and not kill yourself while practicing, you should buy a SINAI Mattress with SINAIFOME, a unique new material that will make sure that if you fall on it, you only suffer minor injuries (i.e. breaking your tail-bone) rather than the major ones (i.e. bruising your tail). You should get king size just in case you have a wide fall.
4. Now you really are ready to begin. Get someone to help you up onto the ledge/hold the camcorder so they record you falling and post it online, causing you embarrassment for the rest of your life.
5. If you are on the ledge, you have to act fast. Stick your tail out to steady yourself, and make sure to dig your claws in so you don’t fall off. (Note: Sinai will not pay for damages if you get stuck on the ledge because you stuck your claws in way too far.)
6. Continue to practice every day, and see how long you can last on the ledge. If you improve, congratulations, you will soon become a great ledge-balancer! Maybe you will even be able to sleep on your ledge, like certain adorable, lovable, worship-able, and want-to-be-able rats can.
I’m not suggesting any adorable, lovable, worship-able, and want-to-be-able rat in particular. Just saying.
Once upon a time, this rat did not exist… but now, she does. Alas.
There once was a very furry cat who had fur the color of her fur. This cat was known as Olivia, and she lived a very easy life. She lived with two humans, another cat, and also two rats. Olivia never spent time with anyone except for her humans, so she did not even know she was living with other animals until she realized that all of her food disappearing wasn’t due to magic.
Olivia wasn’t too fazed by the discovery of another cat, but that was before she discovered the other two animals she was living with– a fat black and white chumpy rat named Sigh Nigh and her “dingaling sister,” Swanyay.
The cat discovered the two rodents on one average day (comfortable temperature with not a chance of rain) when she was exploring her house. She had suddenly discovered an orange room where she had thought there was only a decorative door, and it was in this room that she found the fat rat and her sister.
Now, Olivia was very shocked to find the rats. She had always thought that rats were like tiny cats, but the ones that she saw (which said that they really were rats) looked nothing at all like tiny cats! First of all, they had extremely pointy noses, and someome had cur their ears into a disturbing round shape. Also, the rats had, instead of fur, peach fuzz on their feet. Both of the rats looked like they didn’t have necks (?!), and the fat one, Sigh Nigh, was extremely pear shaped. Olivia was very frightened by the messed-up creatures, but when she saw their tails, she almost fainted.
They had stringy naked tails that looked scaly, which was nothing like Olivia’s fluffy and furry tail.
The scared cat thought that she might be able to get away from the demented rats without them seeing her, but alas, that was not to happen. As soon as Olivia put one paw down to try and retreat, the fat Sigh Nigh whipped around and instantly noticed Olivia.
“Yo kitty, why you be looking so weird?” asked Sigh Nigh. “What’s with the flat nose, the nasty elf ears, and the furry tail? Them make you look really odd looking, you know. Here, in case you don’t know, this is me tail. It is very trendy to have a hairless tail, you know. Also, they be easy to clean.” Sigh Nigh reached out to Olivia with her tail, but sadly Olivia was so scared of the rats that she did not register what Sigh Nigh was saying. All she heard was “Squeak squeak I’m really scary roar,” and all she saw was a frightening naked tail coming straight to her face.
That was the breaking point. The terrified cat immediately curled up and turned her face away from Sigh Nigh’s menacing tail. She promised to herself that she would not leave the pillow she was sitting on until the rat grew hair on her tail.
To this day, Olivia sits on her pillow in denial of reality.
Moral: Sinai is a cute rat!
See? Even Scrabble loves Sinai. (Sinai is on the left, in case you cannot see her due to her amazing camouflage abilities.) It’s too bad that certain rats *coughcoughSWANYAYcoughcough* don’t love Sinai nearly as much as this electronic version of a board game does. Boo hoo hoo.
Note: Apparently Sinai is not a word according to Scrabble… even though “soigne” is!!! Excuse me! Sinai is not sending you any thank you cards/gifts now!