Tag Archives: tails

Hodge Podge

Note: Sorry about not posting. Last week was production week for the play I was in, so I didn’t have time to update the website. : ( I will try to be more consistent now.


Recently, Olivia discovered something extraordinarily amazing and life changing: she is not the only cat in the world!

Up until that moment, Olivia had thought herself the last of her species. But that is apparently not so, as two very large grey tabby kittens walked into her life only yesterday.

At first, Olivia was confused. How can it be that I am not the only pointy-eared, pointy-toothed, furry-tailed, purring being in this world? she asked herself. Also, why are my look-a-likes printed in black and white and not in full colour?

But then the very large grey tabby kittens introduced themselves, and Olivia understood: she was not the only cat, she had just been stolen away from the other cats when she was a young kitten! Either that, or she had simply forgotten all the other cats she had once known. Probably the latter.

And now let us meet Olivia’s newest cat acquaintances…

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Hodge is half of the pair of very large grey tabby kittens that Olivia met yesterday. He likes to purr loudly twenty-three hours of the day and sits on his tail the other hour. During his free-time, he sings soprano for his local community cat singers group. His favorite toy is anything that dangles from the air, including his brother’s tail.

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Podge is the other half of the pair of very large grey tabby kittens. He likes sitting underneath beds and ambush unsuspecting passerby and using pieces of kitty litter as toys. Sometimes he even checks himself out in the mirror, that is how attractive he thinks he is!

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Hot New Trend: Headlessness

What’s the hottest new trend for animals and humans around the world? Headlessness, duh! Headlessness is the act of being headless or at least trying to be headless.

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Olivia had troubles trying to make her head disappear, so she finally gave up and pretended that she didn’t have one.

Headlessness is really hot now because being headless also means being faceless, and if you have an ugly face, then no one has to look at it! Also, no one has to comb their hair or put on make-up when they are headless, which is totally awesome because hair and make-up are very time-consuming activities. Also, if you are shy, you have an excuse to not make eye contact (because you don’t have any eyes)!

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Headlessness also makes your body more streamlined, as proven by Sinai the Great in this picture. It also makes you look really cute. Warning: Being headless for more than five minutes may cause neck pain.

Surprisingly, Sinai’s sister, Soigné, is actually on board with this trend (for once). She usually sulks in a corner and totally shuns everyone, but for once, instead of sulking, she sulks headlessly! Amazing, right? Here are some pictures of Soigné being headless. Shocking.

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Look at this big ball of white evilness. Just think of all the poor children rats she was probably eating that made her so fat.

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Sinai tried asking Soigné why she suddenly decided to try and be trendy to see if she could put an explanation on these pictures, but Soigné did not answer (which did not surprise Sinai, as Soigné hates to be social). Seeing as Soigné probably was trying to be a pain in the invisible head on purpose, Sinai decided to ignore her annoying sister and find other rats who were being headless. Here they are.

A rat with a "censored sign" in front of its face (which you can still see, by the way)

Mojave’s head is nowhere to be found. How strange. I know that it is certainly not behind that humongous theta!

If you wish to maintain a clean public image, you must make sure to groom all parts of you, even the parts no one should ever see. Like your pinky toe.

Can you see Dimples’ head? Because I sure can’t. Nope. Definitely not here.

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Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Well, guess what? This is not Sinai. This is Ianis, who happens to look very much like Sinai. Yes, this pictures looks an awful lot like the one of Sinai earlier in the post. However, it is of Ianis, and not Sinai, so it is not the same.

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It’s Olivia, again! Here head must have disappeared properly this time. I wonder where it went. Not under the cat cap, obviously.

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It’s Mojave… again. I wonder where his head keeps on going. Well, if there’s one place it can’t be, it’s inside that Yogies bag, eating dried yogurt!

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You can’t see Negev’s head in this picture. Yes, there is something that resembles his head… but “resembles” is the key word. It isn’t his head, however precious it might be. (Very precious!)

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A Very Easy Quiz Mostly About Your Favorite Rat (Answers Friday)

This quiz is a very easy quiz. You just have to get all of the questions right, which can’t be hard because there’s only eighty one of them, and they’re all multiple choice. If you don’t, you are sent into exile on a tiny, uninhabited island in the middle of the ocean to live out the rest of your life. If you do get them all right, you get an imaginary honorary mention certificate and a jar of air that was in the presence of Sinai the Great*. And who wouldn’t like an imaginary certificate and a jar of air*? Not me. I would love to have those things and would prize them for my entire life even above the picture of Sinai I have that I downloaded and printed from the computer. Now that you know the wonderful rewards one gets for completing this quiz (properly), are you excited to start? I know I am! So let’s go!


1. Who is your favorite rat?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

2. Who is the smartest rat to ever walk and breathe on this very earth?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

3. What is the best color ever? (Hint: It is the color of the fur of a certain wonderful rat who everyone admires and wants to be.)

a. black
b. white
c. black and white
d. white and black

4. What is your favorite rat’s full title?

a. Mojave the Annoying
b. Soigné the Blight on All Humanity
c. Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything
d. Olivia the Cat

5. Ianis Th’glib is neither of the following rats, but which is she most definitely NOT?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

6. Soigné spells her name S-O-I-G-N-É on purpose to confuse people, but how is it really spelled?

a. Swonye
b. Siognè
c. That Psycho
d. Swanyay

7. What is the only good trait Soigné has?

a. being of a color similar to black and white
b. having a confusing name
c. being related to Sinai
d. she has no good traits

8. Complete the sentence. Sinai is very _______.

a. much like her sister
b. stuck up
c. humble
d. Sinai

9. What is Sinai’s full name (not her title)?

a. Sinai The Best Blight
b. Sinai Wait-for-it Blight
c. Sinai Numbers (Numbers Don’t Lie) Blight
d. Sinai My Favorite Child Blight

10. Who is a dear friend of Sinai?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Ianis
d. Olivia

11. Who is another dear friend of Sinai?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Negev
d. Olivia

12. What is Sinai?

a. Rattus Norvegicus
b. Rattus Rattus
c. Sinainillius Thegreatus
d. Rattus norvegicus

13. What is Sinai’s lucky number?

a. 9
b. 9
c. 9
d. 9

14. What is your favorite rat’s favorite color?

a. green
b. grey (formerly clear)
c. pink
d. Olivia

15. Which does not belong on the list below?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

16. Sinai and Mojave are both siblings to wonderful and internationally beloved rats, and they also are both unworthy of being related to said internationally beloved rats. What is one difference between these two disgusting shames to their families?

a. One is a girl, the other a boy.
b. One is female, the other male.
c. There are no differences. Soigné is Mojave reincarnated
d. One is more feminine, the other more masculine.

17. Soigné has attempted to do all of the below to Sinai, except for…

a. strangle her
b. murder her
c. be nice to her
d. fatally wound her

18. Chub.

a. Flub.
b. Bub.
c. Chub.
d. Bear cub.

19. How easy is this quiz?

a. Very hard :'[
b. Challenging. :(
c. Super easy :D
d. In the middle :/

20. Well we are almost a fourth of the way through. Any words?

a. I love Sinai.
b. I really love Sinai.
c. I passionately love Sinai with all my heart! <3
d. I prefer Soigné.

21. If you answered D to the last question, please explain WHY you chose that particular answer.

a. D is my favorite letter
b. I guessed cuz I didn’t know what to put down
c. I did not choose D
d. I actually do prefer Soigné.

22. It feels like a perfect night…

a. to punish myself for picking D to the last two answers
b. to ask why did you have to bring Taylor Swift into this
c. to worship Sinai
d. to pick D as the answer again

23. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

a. Yadda yadda yadda
b. Uh huh uh huh
c. I love Sinai
d. I’m just going to keep on picking D

24. 24/6=?

a. 4
b. 4
c. 4
d. 183, 282, 190, 463

25. Just to clarify, who is your favorite rat again?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

26. Are you sure? Here is a second chance to change your answer.

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

27. This is your last chance. Pick who is your true favorite.

a. Sinai
b. Sinai
c. Sinai
d. Sinai

28. Who has the shortest, yet most dignified name of the listed below?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

29. If Train A leaves Sinaiville at 100 miles per hour, and Train B leaves Nainington at .01 miles per hour, which one has the sacred blessing of Sinai the Great bestowed upon it?

a. Train A
b. Train B
c. Sinai is too busy to bless trains
d. Sinai can bless trains?!

30. What is the most irrational fear listed below?

a. phobophobia
b. jimdandyphobia
c. sinaiphobia
d. paraskavedekatriaphobia

31. 2+2=?

a. 4
b. 5
c. Sinai
d. 22

32. Sinai is related to Soigné. Reaction?

a. :D
b. :)
c. OH GOOD GRACIOUS SINAI HOW CAN THIS BE?! Soigné is so unlike Sinai that I cannot believe it!
d. :'(

33. Soigné has two apples in one paw, three pears in another, fourteen watermelons in yet another, and eighty-six pineapples in her last paw. She also has nine cantaloupes in her mouth, five passion fruit balanced on her back, and a guava hovering above her head by evil witchcraft. Lastly, she has seventeen baby kiwis in her stomach and her tail wrapped around a durian. What does she have?

a. A lot of fruit.
b. 138 fruits, to be exact.
c. A day in court for robbing a fruit stand.
d. Really big paws.

34. What is Negev’s correct full title?

a. King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World and Master of the Universe
b. King Negev Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe
c. King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe
d. King Negev, Boss Of You, Ruler Of The World, And Master Of The Universe

35. What color is Negev’s fur?

a. tan
b. white
c. tan and white
d. white and tan

36. What is the general direction of weather in the United States?

a. downhill
b. up to down
c. west to east
d. North West to Kim Kardashian

37. x

a. y
b. z
c. Sinai
d. 0

38. Sinai is all of the following except…

a. Divine Ruler of Everything
b. very humble
c. Soigné
d. internationally beloved

39. Why did the chicken cross the road?

a. To get to the other side.
b. Because he wanted to.
c. He saw Sinai on the other side and wanted her pawtograph
d. Someone pushed him

40. For T to be acknowledged in the alphabet, what must happen?

a. it must pick a place among the letters
b. someone must put it in
c. it must ask for Sinai’s blessing to be included
d. it already is

41. Who is your favorite rat (please answer again)?

a. Sinai
b. Sinai
c. Sinai
d. Sinai

42. 7*6=?

a. 42
b. 42
c. Sinai
d. 42

43. You start coughing. What should you do?

a. See the doctor
b. Have a cough drop
c. Accuse Soigné of poisoning you
d. Cover your mouth

44. Continue the pattern: 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, ?

a. 4
b. 4
c. Sinai
d. 4

45. How much does Sinai weigh?

a. 1 lb.
b. 2 lbs.
c. 10 tons
d. 3 lbs.

46. What type of tail does your favorite rat have?

a. brown and crusty
b. monochromatic and pink
c. multicolored and beautiful
d. furry and catlike

47. You had it figured out since you were in school/Everybody loves ______, everybody loves ______.

a. pretty & cool
b. thread & a spool
c. Sinai & Sinai-ool
d. not Taylor Swift again!

48. What question would this be in base twelve?

a. 40
b. 4A
c. Sinai
d. Base twelve?

49. In what year was Rome founded?

a. 753 BCE
b. 357 BCE
c. When Sinai told it to
d. 537 BCE

50. Soigné’s name means

a. elegant
b. sleek
c. Sinai’s ugly sister that nobody likes
d. well groomed

51. What is a yepsen?

a. The two hands cupped together
b. A yep… sen
c. Not worth my time as it has nothing to do with Sinai
d. Nespey backwards

52. What does natiform mean, then?

a. shaped like a butt
b. shaped like a gnat
c. Still not worth my time, as Sinai does not have a natiform face
d. A nat… i… form

53. When was you favorite rat born?

a. August 4
b. April 12
c. May 9
d. April sometime

54. Why does February have only 28 days?

a. Augustus wanted 31 days in his month like how his dad had 31 in his (July), so he stole one from February.
b. It wants to be that way.
c. Sinai told it that since it did not worship her for long enough one day, it would only have 28 days.
d. Because it does.

55. Who has the worst sibling ever?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

56. Who is not Sinai?

a. Evajom
b. Éngios
c. Ianis
d. Aivilo

57. How old would Sinai be in rat years if she was 2 human years old?

a. 60
b. 2
c. Trick question, Sinai has been granted eternal youth
d. 14

58. Don’t say yes, run away now/I’ll meet you when you’re out of the church at the back door/Don’t wait, or say a single vow/You need to hear me out/And they said “____________.”

a. Speak now
b. Moo, I’m a cow
c. I love Sinai ouch Soigné bit me for saying that ow
d. Stop referencing Taylor Swift

59. Abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxy…?

a. z
b. Next time, won’t you sing with me?
c. Sinai
d. z

60. Xoaisudfoiadusfkmndklafjduoiusfoaiudiouafweoiutfo ajsdkl;fjai;odsfuioadsufpasoudhfiocjklzjvi;aodspufoidsufoiasudfoiw094t8u209458t2049cko

a. What is this nonsense?!
b. Gibberish….
c. Sinai
d. xiou2098dnoiu ?

61. What does Soigné waste her huge paycheck on that is completely useless?

a. She doesn’t get a huge paycheck
b. She is forced to spend her paycheck for her sister
c. Toilet paper, toothpaste, and electricity
d. She hasn’t actually been paid in years

62. Finish the sentence: The most delightful, charming, funny, witty, hilarious, smart, intelligent, cute, adorable, kind, extraordinary, remarkable, attractive, lovable, beautiful, wonderful, and humble rat ever is _______.

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

63. Of the listed rats below, who is the most powerful being?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

64. What is the square root of 64?

a. 8
b. 8
c. Sinai
d. 8

65. The Panama Canal connects…

a. The Pacific and the Atlantic Oceans
b. The Atlantic and the Pacific Oceans
c. Sinai and Sinai
d. The Pacific and the Atlantic

66. Hup hup chup chup

a. Chup
b. Hup
c. Sinai
d. Hup chup

67. Which rat said this? “I am not Sinai”

a. Evajom
b. Éngios
c. Ianis
d. Aivilo

68. Who is the most unworthy rodent to walk the earth, especially of her gracious and loving sister?

a. Olivia
b. Sinai
c. Soigné
d. Mojave

69. The names below have been spelled incorrectly. Can you still figure out which rat is the greatest and most internationally beloved?

a. Mohavy
b. Swanyay
c. SIGH NIGH z– PICK THIS ONE
d. Aliveeyah

70. Which pair of siblings below is correctly matched?

a. Mojave & Dimples
b. Soigné & Ianis
c. Sinai & Soigné
d. Olivia & No One

71. Only ten more questions to go! What is a word that rhymes with “ten”?

a. pen
b. men
c. Sinai-en
d. hen

72. What number would you add onto the end of 72 to get the number cubed?

a. 9
b. 10
c. Sinai
d. 8

73. Soigné has decided that she no longer wants all of her fruit and has decided to rob a candy store. She has sixteen lollipops, twenty-three hard candies, five boxes of chocolates, thirty-four gummy bears, a bag of marshmallows, one cash register, fifty-nine chocolate bars, one lamp, two square feet of tile, a former candy shop employee, twelve surveillance cameras, two sample counters, an open sign, and eight pounds of gummy worms all in one trash bag. If she puts her grubby paw into the bag, what will most likely happen?

a. She will take a chocolate bar out.
b. She will take a gummy worm out.
c. The former candy shop employee will bite her paw.
d. She will take a sample counter out.

74. What does time look like?

a. A wheel that never stops moving
b. A never stopping undulating line with possible wormholes between the curves
c. Sinai’s face
d. A river that flows in one direction

75. What is the purpose of life?

a. I have no idea.
b. I have often pondered this.
c. Sinai
d. Hmmmmm…

76. Who makes the best nail pawlisshe colors (hint: siPawlisshe)

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

77. If you do not pass this quiz, what will happen?

a. I will go on with life like it never happened.
b. I will feel sad, but I won’t mind. It’s only a quiz.
c. I will go into exile.
d. I will throw my computer on the ground and smash it into tiny pieces.

78. Who has the most soothing voicing ever heard?

a. Mojave
b. Soigné
c. Sinai
d. Olivia

79. Continue the pattern: ♥, ☺, ♥, •, ♥, ☺, ♥, •, ?

a. ♥
b. ☺
c. Sinai
d. •

80. What doesn’t lie?

a. Your quiz grade
b. Death
c. Sinai’s middle name
d. The truth

81. What is always the answer?

a. D
b. C
c. B
d. A

Bonus: (You have to get this right, too)

Will you pass this quiz?

a. Yes
b. No

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Stop being naked!

Do you ever sometimes feel like your tail is just a little… naked? Well I know for a fact that you have. Don’t even try denying it, because you know it’s the truth. Tails are so overlooked in fashion these days. I mean, you can get fake tail coverings, but those just make your naked tail look like another naked tail, which is kind of not okay, especially if you are trying to stop being so naked on your tail. Well, lucky for you, SinaiByootie INC. (run by your favorite rat, Sinai) has created an accessory that goes on your tail and makes your tail stop looking so naked. It’s called… The Tayill Reen™!

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What you look like before you get The Tayill Reen™: somewhat happy, but not nearly as happy as you could possibly be, as your tail is suffering the sad fate of being NAKED while the rest of you is obviously fully clothed. (Note: you are probably not this beautiful, nor will you ever be, as you are not Sinai the Great, and no one else in the world is nearly as beautiful as her.)

The Tayill Reen™ is a handy little ring that you slip onto your tail. (DUH!) All you have to do to prevent yourself from losing it is keep your tail sticking up in the air all day long and NEVER LET IT FALL TO THE GROUND, AS YOUR TAYILL REEN™ MIGHT JUST ROLL RIGHT OFF, AND YOU’D NEVER NOTICE UNTIL EVERYONE WAS LAUGHING AT YOU FOR HAVING A NAKED TAIL. That is very easy, though, and it is definitely worth tiring your tail muscles so that you do not have to walk around with a naked tail until you can find yours/buy a new one. (In case you are wondering, Sinai tried to make a no-slip Tayill Reen™, but the spikes that she inserted inside the ring ended up causing the test subject– who was not in any way related to Sinai, even distantly– some minor pain. Sinai did not want to cause her customers pain, no matter how minor, so therefore she pulled the ring. She did, however, let her test subject– who was still not even distantly related to Sinai– keep the ring if she wanted.)

The Tayill Reen™ also comes in a multitude of beautiful colors. For example, you can get it in the signature siPawlisshe color, Püpey™, or you can get it in a cool new color, which is called DharckPüpey™ (which is like Püpey™, only darker). The Tayill Reen™ even comes in some fun and peppy patterns– there’s stripes, dots, plaid, little Sinai heads, camo, gingham, paisley, check, scales, and more! (Patterns are available in both Püpey™ and DharckPüpey™ and in a unique color that is only available in patterns known as PhaydidPüpey™, which is like Püpey™, only faded.) Also, there are different finishes to the different colors (not included PhaydidPüpey™) if you don’t want a pattern, but you don’t want a plain color, either. You can get either of the two colors in sparkle, matte finish, textured, iridescent, or with Sinai’s fur in the ring (note: getting Sinai’s fur will cause the price to increase a little). But that’s not all! If you are the Divine Ruler of Everything, you can get The Tayill Reen™ in pink/purple/maroon/red/coral/orange/yellow/lime/green/turquoise/blue/indigo/24 karat gold/sterling silver (with or without patterns/special finish)! (If you are not, then you are not allowed to have fun somewhat more interesting and less barfy colors.)

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Yes, these look slightly barfy. However, that does not mean that they are not also trendy. Just think of how great they would go with that booger hanging out of your nostril.

When you get The Tayill Reen™, you will feel suddenly lighter, as if you are no longer held down by the burden that your naked tail has been to your life. You haven’t noticed how heavy it is, since you have never lived without this boulder on your shoulders, or rather, your butt, but when you are suddenly relieved of it, you will be amazed at how great you feel. And who wouldn’t like to healthier and younger? Exactly!

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This is you after you get your Tayill Reen™. Notice how much happier you are. Also, you are positively radiant and crying tears of joy. What a lovely sight. (Note: This is not really you. This is actually Sinai the Great, in case you suddenly thought that you were close to as beautiful as Sinai is. No illusions of grandeur for you.)

Are you convinced yet? Call (123) LUV SISI to order your inexpensive Tayill Reen™ today! You won’t regret your purchase, I guarantee it! (Costs: $999.99 plain, $1999.99 pattern, $2599.99 special finish, $5999.99 Sinai’s fur special finish, $0 if you are the Divine Ruler of Everything.)

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Has Olivia Joined Soigné’s Evil Cause?

As you may already know, Sinai’s evil sister, Soigné, has started to recruit a secret army to ruin a world where happy multi-colored tails can exist in peace. Before, Sinai had been pretty sure that of all her friends, the only one who was involved with this dangerous plot to destroy life as we know it was Soigné (who does not really count because the only reason why Sinai even talks to her is because they are related). But now Sinai is not so sure. She isn’t sure, but she thinks that her cat friend, Olivia, may also be involved with Soigné’s vicious ways.

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Pictured above: a cat who could quite possibly be thinking of all the multi-colored tails she wants to destroy. (Which is messed up, as she has a multi-colored tail herself.)

Sinai hasn’t seen any solid evidence for this, but the picture above does show Olivia looking pretty evil. I mean, just look at that brooding expression on the feline’s face. It definitely could be a sign of Olivia turning to the dark side. Or it could also be a sign of her feeling very constipated and needing to prepare for the bomb that is about to explode. (Or she could be thinking of the literal bomb that she is going to explode.)

A ginger tabby staring at the camera.

And I thought that she was a nice kitty!

The problem with this is that Olivia herself has a multicolored tail. It is light orange with darker orange stripes and a white tip. It seems strange that a cat blessed with such a lovely tail would ever want to turn against her own kind. Unless she’s a traitor. Which is possible. But why? Why would a cat who was so lucky to have a beautiful tail that would be even nicer if it wasn’t so furry (and probably full of cat dandruff) suddenly not want it? Why would that very same cat want to destroy all others who had her tail type? WHY?

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Who knew that she hated her tail so much? Personally, I can understand not liking the fur part of it, but why in the world would she not like the amazing array of colors that is presented on her butt appendage?

What do you think? Is Olivia a traitor? Or is she just an innocent cat who looks really suspicious (but isn’t)? Pray do tell. Help Sinai out by voting below.

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BREAKING NEWS: Soigné’s Evil Plot to Ruin the Tails OF THE WORLD Revealed (not yet confirmed)

Please Note: The following story includes pictures of rats without colorful tails. If you have a weak stomach, you may want to refrain from this very graphic story. If you are okay with reading about and viewing one color tails, you may continue.

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Soigné attempts to endear others by sleepily stating an ego-booster that might not be quite true for the axe murderer she just saw rob a bank and steal a child’s candy (who she did not stop). It still doesn’t distract from the lack of different colors on her butt appendage.

As you may know, Sinai has a sister. Sinai loves her sister very much. Sinai tries to think of Soigné, her beloved sister, as a good rat, but Soigné doesn’t try very hard to prove Sinai right. Sinai has repeatedly asked her darling sibling to not act so creepy and disturbing around Sinai’s equally beloved and darling subjects, but Soigné either can’t stop having a disturbing one color tail (which is what makes her so creepy and unappealing)… or she doesn’t want to stop. (We suspect the latter.) Because of this, no one in Sinai’s entire large and very vast kingdom wants anything to do with the Divine Ruler’s sister. Which is sad because Soigné really is a good rat once you get past her unusual tail.

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Just look at that disgusting tail. I can’t even look at it for more than ten seconds without puking. (Note: The tail I am talking about is the lighter, less colorful one. Not the very attractive multi-colored one.)

Unfortunately, Soigné also seems unable to acknowledge the fact that multi-colored tails are hot this season, and that the last time boring tails like her own were popular was in freaking 2012. (Which was very long ago, as you all know.) Because of this, she makes disturbing, controversial, scandalous, and questionable comments about tails. Often, she remarks about the “ridiculousness” of the multi-colored tail (which is actually the point of high fashion) and makes excuses for why she can’t dye her tail, wear a tail-covering over her own, or just get plastic surgery to have it changed to be more appealing. Sinai has even offered to give her a full 1% discount on some siPawlisshe™ so that Soigné can paint her tail pretty colors (like Pupey™). (Naturally, Soigné refused the very kind and generous offer.) Because of the fact that Soigné is so unwilling to change to be more fashionable, we can only conclude one thing: Soigné wants the world to change to be more unfashionable.

Now, I know this is very hard to understand, but there is logic involved. Sinai explains it to us in a quote.

“My sister does not want to change her tail to be more appealing to society. She is too lazy to do that. Instead, she wants society to change to be more appealing to her tail. Most likely, she has created a secret army of rats who all have tails of one color. She will probably attack soon. This is why I have increased the defense spending from .001% of the budget to .002%. I really hope this will help save us from my sister.”

Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything (in an interview for Lulu Imnotlyingson’s Accurate Reading, or L.I.A.R.)

We can only hope that Soigné secret army is very small and not at all powerful. (And that they are very bad about keeping secrets.) Sinai says that any rats found to be in it will be tried for treason and fashion crimes (if they turn themselves in, they will only be charged with fashion crimes, and if they have juicy information on Soigné’s little army of traitors, then they will only have to go to court for minor outfit infringements). However, there is no knowing what might happen, so cross your paws and be glad that you were born with a multi-colored tail.


Answer to A Very Brief Quiz: There is no answer. If you answered it, then you failed.

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A Sinai Tale #5: Why You Should Take Any Siblings to the Mental Asylum as Soon as You Spot the Signs of Mental Disease Setting In (by guest author, King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, & Master of the Universe)

Please note: THIS IS A TRUE STORY. Thanks, and have a negevly day.

Once upon a time, there was a cute, rather large, tan-and-white (not the same as white-and-tan), attractive, silky, chubby, regal, handsome, soigné, charming, likable, sweet, kindly, plump, jiggly, clean, intelligent, lovable, smart, and humble genius of rat who unfortunately lived with his annoying, white-and-tan, crusty, greasy, and stinky brother. The tan-and-white rat was a king named Negev. He ruled the kingdom of Negevland. His brother (the white-and-tan one) was named Mojave. He was a servant in Negev’s castle.
Negev was a good king with a cute pink tail. All the citizens in his kingdom (population 126) loved him and never wanted him to leave. He was very kind and made sure none of his beloved subjects ever had to see his brother’s face, as he knew from personal experience that it caused nightmares and permanent mental scarring.
Mojave was a very cruel rat. He had sharp, pointy, unflossed teeth and a really bad case of halitosis. He never groomed his fur, which was why it was so greasy and straw-like. Also, his tail, instead of a sweet and charming rosy-pink, was a gross crusty dark brown. It was really quite unattractive, and Mojave never made an effort to cover it up.
Perhaps it was this gross and unappealing tail that caused Mojave to do what he ended up doing to his brother, the good and beloved king. Most rats in his place would have gotten plastic surgery to adjust the pigments in his tail, but Mojave was too cheap for plastic surgery. Besides, he wasn’t unhappy enough with the way he looked to go under the knife. Instead, he just wanted to take out his anger on some innocent soul (id est, his brother). And he didn’t want to just yell and scream furiously at Negev… no, he wanted more.
It all happened one fine air-conditioned day. Negev was playing with Mojave, even though it was against the rules of society and all of Negev’s kingly instincts to frolick with a lowly servant (even if they were related). Luckily (or unluckily), no one was there to see him degrade himself to the level of a lowly and smelly servant. The two brothers had been leaping on the furniture across the royal chambers. Because he was very agile, Negev found it easy to fly across the silk pillows and custom-made pawstools. Mojave, however, was used to grovelling on the floors and cleaning the latrines, so he was nowhere near Negev’s easy gliding way when it came to leaping across furniture. Angered even more, the ungrateful and cruel white-and-tan rat started to feel a need to carry out his wicked and vicious plan.
“Negev will want to marry my ‘crusty brown’ tail by the time I finish my plan,” said the evil and rather menacing rat, thinking of his very violent and messed-up plan.
Fueled by his demonic desires, Mojave saw the perfect opportunity arise just as he turned aroound in time to see Negev leaping off from a particularily low-seated wicker chair imported from Peru. Mojave chuckled normally (which, for him, was an evil cackle) and rushed forth.
“Hey Gevvy!” shouted the two-faced rat. “Nice moves! Your tail gives you great balance. I wonder what would happen if you didn’t have one, though.”
“Ayo, Momo,” replied the soaring rat. “I honestly don’t know. Good thing no one’s chopping off my tail anytime soon.”
With an evil glint in his eye, Mojave simply responded, “Or are they?” before jumping as high as he was able into the air and chomping down on his brother’s tail. “I’m sorry,” he said while sinking his teeth into the base of the beloved king’s tail. “I think I mispoke. I meant to imply that I was going to bite your tail, not chop it off.”
Negev wanted to say a lot of things, like how Mojave was definitely not getting a pay raise ever again, or how if Mojave had wanted to bite someone’s tail off, why not his own crusty brown one? However, the only thing he was able to get out of his vocal chords was “OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! THAT HURT ME TAIL REAL BAD!” He was in excruciating pain, and he knew he would probably die of blood loss and traitoroussiblingitis if someone did not find and help him. Mojave had already slunk away after biting Negev’s royal tail a couple more times, and the king was pretty sure it wasn’t to get help or even a little bandage, so it was just Negev alone for now. He sat in the empty royal chambers, wondering if someone would ever find him.


Negev eventually was rescued by his grandnanny, who had been near the royal chambers when she heard his shrill shriek. She rushed him to the Very Excellent Treaters Hospital (or V. E. T. Hospital), where he recieved four stitches for his tail, which never really healed. All the rest of his life, he had to live with an awful scar on his otherwise perfect pink tail. It almost made him jealous of Mojave’s gross, smelly, crusty, greasy, chunky, poop-colored, yet unscarred tail, but he still prefered his.

As for Mojave, he got put in jail, and was never allowed to be in the same room as Negev again. (Which made cleaning Negev’s room hard, but it was worth Negev’s safety.)

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