Sinai Blight: Hi there! I’m Sinai Blight, here tonight with an interview with none other than the internationally beloved rat who everyone loves and admires, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! We are very privileged, blessed, grateful, and lucky to have this awesome rat here tonight. So, Sinai, how goes it?
Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything: I’m feeling very sinailicious today, Sinai! I am so pleased to be here. I really like your fur color. What is it?
SB: It’s a classic, black and white. I absolutely love it. It is so much more stylish and attractive than that gruesome white and black that so many rats accidentally wear when they’re really going for black and white.
STGDROE: I agree. My sister, Soigné, has white and black fur. It is atrocious and makes my eyes bleed each time I look at it for more than nine seconds. I can understand why rats mistake it for black and white, though. They think that the order of words doesn’t matter when it comes to color names when, really, it is of the utmost importance.
SB: Quite true. For example, everyone knows that red-orange and orange-red get different crayons, so why shouldn’t black and white and white and black be different?
STGDROE: Exactly! I’ve always thought the same!
SB: it’s almost like we had the same brain! [does a chuck-o] However, we can’t share the same face! Yours is stunning. I wish I had it.
STGDROE: Why, thank you, Sinai! I do enjoy my face. [does a chuck-o as well] Yours is pretty nice for a rat who isn’t me. It looks a lot like that of my dear friend, Ianis Th’glib.
SB: Thank you! Ianis has a lovely face. It kind of looks like yours, only it’s not yours, so it just isn’t the same. You know, some rats think that is Ianis is just you pretending to be another rat to look more popular! What do you think of that, O Noble One?
STGDROE: It’s poppycock, I say. Why would I ever do that? So what if her name backwards happens to be mine? So what if we haven’t ever been seen publicly in the same room? So what if she looks a lot like me? So what if her voice is as soothing as mine is? So what if her birthday is 9/5 and mine is 5/9? She and I are completely different individuals. I really wish rats would stop spreading that rumor around. I love Ianis, but I am not her. As Paula Deen would say, “I is what I is”… and she be what she be.
SB: I completely believe you. The only reason I asked you that is because my cruel indentured servant rodent, Soigné, threatened to stop working for me if I did not mention it. Luckily, she did not force me to fake-believe it.
STGDROE: Yes. If there is anyone out there who has never had a cruel indentured servant rodent blackmail them, why don’t you just pick up that large pebble and throw it so hard so that it causes my evil indentured servant rodent (coincidentally also named Soigné, it must be a common name) to become an amnesiac and forget all about wanting to be a vicious indentured servant rodent? [breaks down in practiced fake tears]
SB: I would, but I am not sure my aim is very good, and besides, I have had a cruel indentured servant rodent blackmail me. Although, I do wish you luck. And, it is strange that both of our indentured servant rodents are named Soigné. We certainly aren’t the same rat, so they couldn’t be the same Soigné… unless she had a second job?
STGDROE: That’s ridiculous. Mine can hardly do her first. I think that Soigné has just become the default name for malicious indentured servant rodents due to the fact that I am very popular, and therefore, rats know about my wicked indentured servant rodent and want to acknowledge their love for me by naming their own rotten indentured servant rodents after me. My name, however, is too precious to waste on a vile indentured servant rodent, so obviously, everyone has chosen to use my lowly sister’s name. I do not blame them.
SB: How interesting. Say, how is your sister doing? Is she warming up to working for you?
STGDROE: Sadly, no. Which is unfortunate, as her twenty-year anniversary of being my indentured servant rodent is approaching. In fact, she has taken to, instead of tidying, ruining my rooms. I appointed some rat off the street to watch her and make sure she doesn’t steal anything while I’m here, but he only would watch her for a little time. Oh! Looks like I’m going to leave now. I don’t want her to start trashing the entertainment wing.
SB: I understand. Well, goodbye for then.
STGDROE: Goodbye. You really are a nice rat. You could almost be me.
SB: Yes, but I’m obviously not! [does a litt-o chuck-o] Goodbye, Sinai Blight.