Tag Archives: yogurt

A Sinai Tale #9: Why Science Is Evil

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Science is bad because it is interrupting my holy and sacred nap time. THANKS A LOT, EVOLUTION FOR CREATING THIS CREATURE THAT CAN’T EVEN RESPECT ME AND MY BEAUTY SLEEP.

Science is evil. People make it seem all great and stuff, but really, it is terrible. Science is the reason why Sinai cannot just wish for more servant rats and see them magically appear. Science is the reason why Sinai is related to her awful sister, Soigné. Science is the reason why Sinai is related to her terrible sister, Soigné. And science is the reason Sinai is related to her disgusting sister, Soigné.

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Curse you, science. Oh wait, I can’t do that. Science doesn’t let me curse people.

But the worst of all the things that science is responsible is this thing that is so horrifying that even Soigné looks like a cute bunny in comparison.

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Oh science, how could you be so cruel? I can’t believe that you let this atrocity to happen!

Yes, science is the reason that the evil Mojoigné exists. If not for science, this vicious beast may have never been created… but alas, it has.

Mojoigné– a combination of the two worst siblings ever (Soigné and Mojave), is all thanks to a science experiment gone horribly wrong.

You see, one day, the ever so charming Sinai the Great, was feeling a bit peckish. However, her tiny pantry building (a meager 2000 square feet!), did not have the taste she was looking for. As Sinai really was craving a certain taste, she decided to combine what she did have. The very cute Sinai took some doughnuts, fried twinkies, french fries, waffle mix, sugar, whole milk, chocolate syrup, yogurt, and whipped cream, and headed for the kitchen. Halfway there, she remembered that it was being renovated (again, ugh), so she headed towards her sister’s laboratory, which had a hot plate.

When she reached the lab, her ugly sister came out to greet her. Soigné’s greedy eyes immediately saw the doughnuts, which she grabbed in a nanosecond. After grubbing around with her dirty and very unsanitary paws for a minute, she finally stole a glazed doughnut and one with sprinkles on it and handed the box to her annoying and equally gross friend, Mojave (who also happened to be the ungrateful brother of the wonderful King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe).

“Hey! Quit infecting my doughnuts, you filthy parasite!” screeched Sinai, seeing Mojave stick his greasy, dirty paws all over her doughnuts.

Mojave did not reply. He just stuffed a jelly doughnut in his fat, slobbery and needy mouth.

After wrestling with the disgustingly grimy duo, Sinai finally got the doughnuts back. She then went into the laboratory, took all the keys to it, and locked herself inside. She did not want or need the pair to suddenly burst in, grab her chocolate syrup and squirt it all over their already oily and dirty faces.

Sinai took all of her ingredients except for the donuts and shoved them into a test tube. After pondering for a while, Sinai finally decided on a powdered donut and shoved it in the test tube with her delicate and attractive paws. She did not really know how to use a hot plate, so she put the tube on it and waited for her donut to get even more golden brown.

The beautiful Sinai had been hearing scratching noises with her sensitive and acute hearing all this time, so she finally got up to check them out. After looking out a couple windows, the intelligent Sinai found the source: Soigné and Mojave had noticed that they had been locked out of the lab, and they wanted to come back in. Sinai could hear them wailing about how they never meant to take her doughnuts and were really sorry (likely story) even from inside.

Sinai was about to make a really rude gesture quite unlike her normal polite self at the two useless rats, but then she heard a loud explosion from the area that the hot plate was located in.

The lovely rat quickly rushed back to her test tube… only to discover a monster that came to be known as Mojoigné.

Mojoigné was like a nightmare come to life. It had Soigné’s ugly face, greasy black fur, and beady eyes for its head, but for its body, it had Mojave’s disgustingly flabby body with his straw-like and ungroomed fur sticking out in every direction. What was even worse, the Soigné part was completely unsaturated and GREY, while the Mojave part was a disgusting GREEN– the two rats’ favorite colors.

Sinai, despite being quite brave, was scared to her bones. “Aye yai yai,” she squeaked to herself. “Not only do I have to look at this terrifying thing, but I also did not get my food! I wonder how this thing evenhappened. I guess both Soigné and Mojave got their DNA all over my doughnut while they were rifling around the box, and the combination of different settings allowed this to happen. Well remind me to never combine those foods together ever again.”

The evil and angry Mojoigné turned to Sinai and growled, “Do you got any DOUGHNUTS?”

The trembling but courageous Sinai replied, “Try the box right next to the hot plate.”

“Me already eat them all. Now, where more?” Mojoigné angrily inquired.

“Um, there’s a doughnut shop down the road,” said Sinai (even though the doughnut shop was slightly further than that).

Luckily, Mojoigné was very dumb, like both his front and back parts. “Okay,” he grunted before crashing through a laboratory wall and effectively destroying the entire building. On the way to the doughnut shop, he stepped on both Mojave and Soigné (who were both shocked to see him).

To this day, Mojoigné roams across the country searching for doughnut shops that he can raid. So if you ever go to a donut shop and get stepped on by a giany, doughnut lusting monster, you will know whose fault it is for the creation of this terror: SCIENCE.

the end

P.S. In case anyone says anything… I never failed no test in skool! I didint fale no math, no history, no foreign lanuage, no science, no engliSh exam! So don’t believe nobody who say I do (if they say I do). **** $1N@! ****


Mojoigné isn’t real. He is just Sinai’s way of making herself feel better about failing her third grade science class years ago and also her way of making herself feel better than me. Don’t believe a word she said. ~ Soigné

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“Thee Goormay Fude Sawn/The Gourmet Food Song” by Sinai

This song was left with the original spelling by Sinai unchanged. If you find it difficult to read, just remember that government doesn’t put nearly enough money into teaching rats how to spell. Oh, and that a translated version of the song can be found towards the bottom of this post. It is to be sung in a loud, screeching, and very unmelodious voice. It does not matter what rhythms you put to the words; anything will sound very “soothing and melodious”, at least according to Sinai. When sung, this tune should somewhat resemble the yowls of a cat being run over by a train.

This cat is licking her paw like there is no tomorrow.

If you are unsure as to what a cat being run over by a train sounds like, please do not actually run over one just to find out


Thee Goormay Fude Sawn/The Gourmet Food Song (Original)

I liek goormay fude
Ya I liek goormay fude
It be soh taystie yum yum taystie it be
Goormay fude uh huh
I liek goormay fude

Wut iz be bettr then goormay FUDE? nuth een thatts wut. I luv goormay fude mm mm taystilishus
Goormay fude, yoo be mai luv
Goormay fude, i luv yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Yoo ar wut i dreem uv wen I fawl uhsleap

O goormay fude
Hau I Endgoy Yoo Soh Mustch!!!!!!!
i wan moar goormay fude , yett
No wun baize yoo phore meeeeeeeeeeeeee
aw BOO HOO HOO
I sae, alas, phore i luv yoo oh soH mustch

Deerissed goormay fude, yoo kumm in men-E phoarmz, liek: yogert, yogert, frozin yogert, yogert, dride yogert, yogert, fr00t-awn-thee-bottIm yogert, yogert, fr00tie yogert, vejjy tib ul yogert, darey produks, yogert, yogert, yogert frum Greasy, yogert, yogert, yogert, yogert, yogert-awn-the-bottIm yogert, chunkee yogert, likwidy yogert, yogert, yogert, yogert-cuvred razenz, yogert-cuvred seeri-ill, yogert, yogert, yogert, yogert, yogert, yogert, also yogert, and yogert.
i reely liek yogert
alsoh candee
yum canddee
i liek to eet yogert, an yogert. alsoH yogert!!!!
yo be delishus goormay fude , yes , yo be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 yogert

o goormay fude
i luv yoo but it seemz i nevir c yoo
sutsch be hau it iz
i still luv yoo
pee ess i am a grate seen er an sawn riter

Thee Goormay Fude Sawn/The Gourmet Food Song (Translated)

Yeah, I like gourmet food.
It be so tasty, yum, yum, tasty it be.
Gourmet food, uh huh
I like gourmet food.

What is better than gourmet FOOD? Nothing, that’s what. I love gourmet food, mm, mm, tastilicious.
Gourmet food, you be my love.
Gourmet food, I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.
You are what I dream of when I fall asleep.
Oh gourmet food,
How I enjoy you so much!!!!!!
I want more gourmet food, yet
No one buys you for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Aw BOO HOO HOO
I say, alas, for I love you oh so much

Dearest gourmet food, you come in many forms, like: yogurt, yogurt, frozen yogurt, yogurt, dried yogurt, yogurt, fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt, yogurt, fruity yogurt, vegetable yogurt, dairy products, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt from Greece, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt-on-the-bottom yogurt, chunky yogurt, liquidy yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt-covered raisins, yogurt-covered cereal, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, yogurt, also yogurt, and yogurt.
I really like yogurt.
Also candy.
Yum, candy.
I like to eat yogurt, and yogurt. Also yogurt!!!!
You be delicious, gourmet food, yes, you be!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yogurt

Oh gourmet food,
I love you, but it seems I never see you
Such be how it is.
I still love you.
P.S. I am a great singer and songwriter.

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King Negev’s Guide to Properly Raising Your Beloved Pet Rat (Especially If Its Name Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev)

Hello lowly subjects who read this blog of my best friend, Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything! I am King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, but you can just call me “Your Majesty” , “King Negev”, “O Sacred God-like Royal Rodent” for short. I am the guest writer for today, as Sinai has been trapped in her house by Soigné’s rather large rear end (that refuses to move due to the fact that Soigné’s rather dense brain refuses to allow it) and therefore cannot write for this blog. Boo hoo hoo. How sad. It brings tears to my attractive and god-like rodent eyes. Obviously, she made a very wise choice for who her backup would be (how awful it would be if she had chosen her rotten sister!), as I have won quite a few awards for my writing skills (I have won the very prestigious Negev-Loves-Your-Writing Medal for the last four years). Not only are my works very pleasing to read, but they are also about great subjects that everyone wants to read about. Today, I am writing about how to properly raise your beloved pet rat (especially if its name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev), which I know all of you readers will be ecstatic to read about! Not only is this a very educational post, but it also teaches you a lot of smart stuff that will make your beloved pet rat whose name probably starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev very happy. And I know you really want to make your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev very happy (I can’t honestly speak for rats whose names do not start with an N and rhyme with Quegev).

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(P.S. This is a bona fide signature that you should probably save because I am pretty sure that it will be worth a ton of money in a couple years after more humans are alerted of my existence. I don’t know why, but a lot of the humans I have spoken to have said that they have never heard of the lovable and delightful King Negev, Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe, and also, they do not understand how a cute little rat like me can even speak English. I don’t know why they’re so confused. It’s not like they’ve never been spoken to by a cute little rat before. Actually, you know what, they probably haven’t, as I am the cutest little rat that ever existed. All of the other ones, except for Sinai, were pretty unattractive, at least compared to my glorious face.)


King Negev’s Amazing Successful Guide to Properly Raising Your Beloved Pet Rat (Especially If Its Name Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev) That You Will Not Regret At All Reading As It Will Very Much Please Your Beloved Pet Rat Whose Name Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev and Therefore Will Cause It To Love You Even More Than It Already Does For Giving It A Lovely and Wonderful Name That Starts With an N and Rhymes With Quegev That All of Its Rat Friends Are Jealous Of

So you want to properly raise your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev? I totally understand why you want to do that. Fancy rats are just so cute and fun to be around (especially me) that naturally, you want to make sure your own has a very happy life and does not regret a single second of it. However, to make your pet rat 100% happy, you will have to work very hard. It’s not easy pleasing rats, as some can be very finicky. Here are King Negev’s best tips to making your rat’s life the best it can be.

Tip 1: First of all, you should make sure that your rat has a very nice name that is pleasing to the ear. It can be very tough to choose such a name for a rat, as there are several out there that certain owners may like, but then it turns out that their rat hates it. If you are looking for the perfect name, I suggest anything that starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev. A name like that will make your rat feel very special and good inside. (Examples include but are not limited to: Negev, Nnnnnegev, Nnegev, Nhegev, Negev, Nnegev, NegEv, Negevve, Negevh, Nnnnnnnnegev, Neghev, Negefv, Nnnneggev, Negevphv, Negevv. Gnegev and Knegev are also acceptable.)

PSYCHEDELIC

I love my name, and it starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev. Who knew?!

Tip 2: Embrace the fact that your rat probably does not want a companion if it will just be a bum and bite your favorite rat’s tail. Not like that’s happened to me ever /sarcasm. If your rat ever shows discomfort around a companion who you bought mainly just to provide company for your original (and also preferred) rat, you should probably take the second rat away to a mental asylum because it is probably mentally harming the other rat (don’t forget to get a replacement rat so that your rat at home is not having to live alone). It could also be physically harming it, but I’m pretty sure that would be more obvious to the human eye. You should, however, try to provide a companion because you do not want your beloved pet fancy rat to be all lonely. If you cannot afford another rat, just tote your rodent around wherever you go, and that should make up for the lack of friendship.

A DRAWING of a rat who does kinda look evil...

When you go looking for a friend for your rat, make sure to carefully analyze any options. If you see a rat that kind of looks like this and has a name that starts with M and is also the name of a desert, you should MOST DEFINITELY NOT GET IT AS IT IS DEFINITELY THE DEVIL TRYING TO RUIN YOUR RAT’S LIFE AND MAKE IT COMPLETELY MISERABLE. I do not care if the rat is supposedly “related” to your rat. You should still not get it. Don’t risk losing your rat’s beautiful tail.

Tip 3: Make your rat’s habitat a nice looking place. Would you like to live in a box with ugly metal bars on every single wall? No? I didn’t think so. If you cannot avoid buying a habitat like the one I previously described, try to at least make it look nice. Like maybe paint the bars your rat’s favorite color.

Negev 002

My owner never did get around to painting my cage bars purple (which is my favorite color, as everyone knows), but she did buy me this beautiful cheetah print hammock. I also had a zebra print one, but I accidentally ate that one. (IT’S NOT MY FAULT. I have a naturally gnawing instinct, and it was the first thing I could find. Besides, it tasted really good. Can’t judge me until you’ve eaten hammock yourself.)

Tip 4: Allow your rat to frolic outside of its normal environment. No rat likes to be confined to one space, no matter how pretty it is, so you should take it out for a walk a couple times an hour. Also provide ample space for it to run around like the wild rodents it was descended from. (I do not recommend letting it play near any landfills because then that could cause your rat to become dirty and who knows how awful an experience that would be for your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev.)

Negev 040

Just think of how much fun it is for your rat when he or she goes out to sniff the ground. Have you ever smelled grass? It is so much fun. I could do it all day long and never get bored. Well, technically, I would still have to rule my very vast and thriving kingdom, but otherwise, I could do nothing else and be entertained.

Tip 5: Make sure you always feed your rat the most delicious (which may or may not also be the most nutritious) rat food you can find. It does not matter how much it costs, as no rat wants to eat some dry and nasty lab pellets. Not only do they add absolutely no color to your rat’s plate (which everyone knows is awful for its health), but they are also very dusty and could cause your rat to become *gasp* dirty! What a horrible experience! I would hate to ever be dirty. If I ever ended up dirty, I would probably have nightmares for weeks, and I most certainly would NOT BE HAPPY. I would not have any fun, and I would really regret being dirty. As you know, these are things that you do not want to happen to your rat. So avoid the chance of your rat becoming dirty completely by not giving it dusty lab pellets. Instead, I suggest, giving it lots of tasty yogurt, fruit, candy, cake, cookies, ice cream, pie, milkshakes, soda, and other tastilicious treats. Your rat will never get dirty from eating these crumb/dust-free options.

yogurt

Yogurt is very good. I suggest topping it off with cookie crumbles, sprinkles, peanut-butter cups, maple syrup, whipped cream, chocolate-covered cherries, and a couple gummy bears. Now that is a healthy and mess-free meal!

Alright, that’s it! I really hope this delightful and very educational guide really helps you to be an amazing owner that constantly pampers your beloved pet rat whose name starts with an N and rhymes with Quegev. If it doesn’t, obviously you did not read it thoroughly. Make sure you can recite this entirely from memory at any moment when you need to be a better owner so that your pet does not run away to come be a servant in my royal palace (which is a very strong temptation in pet rats nowadays, as I have heard). If you have properly read it all, while thoroughly analyzing it, then you will be able to have a great relationship with your beloved pet for years to come. Don’t forget to credit me when everyone asks how in the world you got your rat to like you.

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