The Negevly Horrors

Hi. So this is Negev. Your boss and master of the world. I know you people came here to learn stuff about your favorite Divine Ruler of Everything (and not stuff like my personal information) and that sort of stuff. But you should also know about stuff I am scared of since otherwise you could just look Sinai up online on some weird website that can’t be trusted and live a boring life! But don’t use this against me, okay, because I never want to look at a sheet of plastic wrap again. OKAY? So no sending me packages that say “delicious food” on the outside, but really have a dandelion on the inside! That is called bullying!! And bullying is mean and cruel! You do not want to be known as a rat who bullied the King of the World!

How you use this dictionary to learn about what I am scared of is you look through it and read it. Easy, huh? Yes it is. And I took a really long time alphabetizing this, too! Anyways, I am going to guess you will all find it very interesting to read about my fears of haystacks, dandelions, et cetera. But still do not send me evil gifts of toasters or anything like that. Because that is bullying! And you do not want to be known nationwide as a cruel bully!! You really don’t! *Unless your name is Mojave or Soigné, which means that you already are.*

The Negevly Horrors Dictionary

August 5th: The day after August 4th. It is scary because it means that I have to wait 364 more days for my birthday to occur again!!! (my birthday is August 4th, and I hate waiting!) It’s even worse on years before leap years, because that means I have to wait a full 365 days, which is one more than usual!

brown: A horrible color. It is the color of this text. It is scary because it is the color of Mojave’s crusty tail. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! I HATE BROWN!

California: A place in the United States of America (in North America). It is scary because that is where the desert that cruel Mojave was named after (although I cannot understand why anyone would want to keep the name “Mojave” for that desert after seeing how awful my brother is!! It is absolutely degrading for the poor desert! It should be renamed “Negev2”!!!)

camels: These weird things with a hump/humps on their back. They are scary because they smell bad and spit in your face. And I hate spit!!! It is grosser than Mojave’s butt, in fact! In fact, it might even be grosser than Mojave’s nasty brown tail!

cats: Strange creatures with pointy ears and short snouts. They are scary because they look really ugly and want to eat my kind. Except for Olivia. She is somewhat okay. Except for the fact that she does not have luxurious tan and white fur like me.

dandelion: A fuzzy yellow thing that grows in grassy fields that smells weird. It is scary because it is yellow. And I HATE YELLOW BECAUSE IT IS THE OPPOSITE OF MY FAVORITE COLOR! (Plus, dark yellow looks like brown.)

democracy: A type of government where the rats rule themselves. It is scary because there is no king! Well, actually, in the new Ratdom Democracy, there is a king- the King of the World, that is. So that is okay.

dust bunny: A bunny made out of dust (or according to Mojave, it’s a large wad of dust, which is a total lie as we all know, but he made me put that definition here). They are scary because bunnies are vicious creatures. Especially brown ones.

Evajom: The word “mojave” backwards. It is scary because it is like Mojave is hiding so he can kill me or something. I hate it when he tries to be deceptive and stuff!!! It totally freaks me out and causes me to not do my prestigious job as Boss of You, Ruler of the World, and Master of the Universe properly.

green: A color, also known as the color of this text. It is scary because it is Mojave’s favorite color, and no one wants to support Mojave by wearing his favorite color. Yech!!!

haystack: A large pile of hay. It is very lumpy and scratchy. It is scary because it just is, okay?

Leap Year: A year with 366 days in it (since it has February the 29th). It is scary because it causes me to wait an extra day for my birthday (which is really annoying since I love getting presents on my birthday, and an extra day is quite cumbersome)!

Mojave: An ugly, cruel white and tan rat who is a professional liar. He is scary because it is frightening and white and tan!! Also, he has a brown tail!

oxygen: Something that is in the air we breath. It is scary because it is hard for me (Negev) to spell. (I had to use spell-check thirty-three times before I managed to spell okseejinn right!)

plastic wrap: Shiny, clear, filmy stuff. It is scary because you can see through it, which means it is the work of the Devil.

salted sunflower seed: A seed thingy from a sunflower with salt on it. They are scary because it has lots of dangerous chemicals in it (such as sodium, which is an highly reactive metal, and chlorine, which is that gross thing they put in swimming pools).

skinny rats: Rats who weigh less than Negev does. They are scary because they look weird and need to eat a lot more so they can look just like Negev does.

St. Patrick’s Day: A day towards the end of the month of March. It is scary because for some strange reason, people wear a lot of green on that day. I do not know why, but they clearly have been influenced by my evil brother, Mojave, who happens to love that demonic color.

toaster: A shiny metal thing that burns bread. It is scary because it isn’t named after a dessert.

white and tan: The awful coloring of some very unfortunate rats (including my brother, Mojave, who I think deserves to be such an ugly color). You do not want to be this awful color! You want to be tan and white!!! It is scary because it is the color of Mojave!!

yellow: A color, also known as the color of this text. It is scary because it is ugly!! Also, it is Mojave’s second favorite color!! YUCK!!!!!!!!!!

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Sometimes, I like to dream about talking to Sinai the Great, and I think that I'll never be able to do that. But then I remember that I can just comment on one of her many fantastic blog posts, and I immediately cheer up.

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