I just got home from a photoshoot, and I feel horrible! Apparently my sister, Soigné, sneaked into the pictures, so now those are ruined. (She is the big white blob in the background. I didn’t notice her until it was too late to get a redo.) I can’t show them to all my many friends (like Ianis, Negev, and myself) without them asking why I, the esteemed and distinguished Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, let my shameful, immature, and disrespectful sister get in on the action. Then, when I say that she just snook right in without me noticing and made herself at home, they’ll think of me as weak and pathetic because I let my annoying and irritating (yet usually lovable) sibling get away with the equivalent of bloody murder (a.k.a. dropping in on my photoshoot), and they will no longer desire being my friends. (They are good friends. But everyone knows you can’t be friends with someone who let their sister be part of her photoshoot. It’s just… I can’t even express how distasteful it is to allow your sister to be in a photoshoot. I think I’d rather run around public with my fur shaven off that have to live through this entire experience again.) I can’t be a powerful and beloved leader without having friends. (Which I won’t have after this.) If you don’t have friends, then you look antisocial, and being a world universal leader means you have to interact with other universal leaders (actually, to be honest, I am the only universal leader that I have met, and, I suspect, also the only one in existence), which means you have to be social. And if I don’t look social because my friends abandoned me for a totally acceptable reason, no one’s going to want me to be a universal leader anymore (which is my passion and my calling) because it will appear that I am incapable of socially interacting. If I’m not a universal leader, then the best I will be able to do with everyone knowing that I failed to be the Divine Ruler of Everything because I let my sister intefere will be a homeless rat that can’t even afford a piece of carboard to make a sign with. I don’t even know if I could manage that. I most definitely won’t be able to go into a soup kitchen without some rat shouting out that I am the shamed former Divine Ruler of Everything and causing me extreme humiliation. It will be an awful and pathetic life, all because my sister decided one day to sneak into my photoshoot! Even Soigné, the very reason why I will be demoted to such a lowly position in the social ladder, will be higher up than me, and that is just unthinkable! I tremble thinking about it! In fact, if I do become homeless, then even my astounding beauty will be diluted. I won’t be able to afford getting my fur done even once a year, so even my attractive and stylish fur will look straggly! Just think of that– my sister probably intruded into my photoshoot because she is so jealous of my beauty. You know, that’s probably it. She knows she’ll never be nearly as beautiful as me, but she knows that she can get pretty close if I end up on the streets with unevenly cut fur and dandruff. (And that’s why you should never trust your siblings.) I wouldn’t put it past her. She is pretty cunning and can think of some plans that even I would consider clever. And I am, like, a genius (to be modest). So thanks, a lot, Soigné. You ruined my entire future just because you thought it would be funny to intrude upon my photoshoot.
~ Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything ~