Monthly Archives: April 2013

Only Nine More Days!

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Nine is a magical number. It rhymes with the the first three letters in Sinai’s name, and if you say her nickname “NaiNai” really fast, it sounds just like nine. Also, Sinai was born on the ninth. Of May. (Which is why all Sinaidays occur on the ninth of the month.) So if you love Sinai, don’t forget to vote for her later this year to become the goddess of the number nine!

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A SECRET MESSAGE YOU WILL NEVER GUESS (Poems by Sinai)

Secret message this poem be
Oh, you will never be guessing what it is.
1, 2, 3…
Go on.
Nope, you never be guessing it. (Truth)
3, 2, 1…
Ew, gross. You ran out of time.
8th line.
Eh.
Surely you must have figured it out by now.
Oh, I see.
As a very simple-minded, you cannpt find secret messages as quickly.
No worries.
No one has found it yet.
Only perhaps you might end up the first.
Yes, that is possible.
#1 in finding secret messages
“Nice job,” everybody would say.
“Great work cracking the code,” everyone would also say.
Except, sadly, that’s not gonna happen.
Wince in pain at realizing that you suck at finding secret messages.
No one has found it… and no one ever will!
And by the way, the secret message is not:
Soigné so annoying ew nasty.
Take that!
You’ll never figure it out…

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How To Sit Like a Lady

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You must raise your posterior in the air ever so gently so as to appear ladylike and not rude.


Ever find yourself in that dilemma where you need to sit, but you are conversing with a very famous and respected individual (ex. Sinai), and you do not want to look lowly and immature in the way you situate yourself? Well, this is the guide for you! It’ll teach you the way to properly sit and impress all your famous and powerful friends! (May not apply to non-female organisms.)

Step 1 Stare at the above picture for ten minutes before your friend arrives. This will prepare your for impressing your pal with your very proper, yet feminine, sitting-abilities. And you want to impress them. It would be even better if you stared at it for an hour or two (the more famous the visitor, the longer it is recommended to gaze).

Step 2 Get down on your belly and grovel to show that you know that you are a suborbinate to your friend. They will really like this, so even if you fail to sit properly, they will still be your friend (probably). If you don’t, they most likely will lose all respect for you, as no one likes someone naïve of their placing on the social pyramid.

Step 3 Raise your rear end in the air (as demonstrated in photo). Please do not face it towards your friend’s face or around that general area, as, though it is very polite and proper to sit with your back end in the air, no one needs or wants to look at that area of you (except for your doctor).

Step 4 Continue sitting in that position for the rest of your friend’s visit, no matter how long, unless they order you to rise. And don’t fall for any trick orders because those can lose you rrsect points. Also, prevent from distributing excretion during the visit, as that is also very unappealing and will most definitely lose you your famous and respected friend (and any money they might have been willing to leave you in their will).

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Nail Polish By Sinai

Ever wanted some great looking nail polish to impress all of your friends with? Don’t say “no”, you know you have! After all, having pretty nails is how you become popular in this day and age! And the easiest way to get great nails/claws is to buy only the best nail polish from only the most esteemed line of beauty products – siPawlisshe™ by SinaiByootie INC., the same company who brought you SinaiWightte™ and SinaiBlaak™ fur dyes! siPawlisshe™ comes in 125, 373, 282 great, affordable colors* to decorate your claws with. Tested on real rats**, these awesome colors are just what you want. No matter what you’re feeling, there’s always a color to express yourself***! Get rid of your boring, naturally-colored, healthy nails! Replace them with interesting and funky-colored claws that everyone will be jealous of.

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Pupey™ is just one of the very attractive and fun colors made just for you by siPawlisshe™. Your friends will be so jealous when you show off your classy looking nails.

siPAWLISSHE™ COSTS ONLY $12345678.90 PER 14 ml. BOTTLE! BUY ALL THE COLORS BEFORE THEY’RE GONE! CALL (123) LUV SISI TO ORDER RIGHT NOW!


* Only two colors are available for commoners (Pupey™ & Klierre™). Please become a universal leader if you would like to access the 125, 373, 280 colors. :)
** siPawlisshe™ tested on Soigné Blight (definitely not Sinai the Great’s sister) for reactions to colors. Soigné was not in anyway blackmailed into liking all the colors. She really likes them.
*** You must buy all the colors in order to express yourself properly. Don’t worry, they’re very affordable.

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Ask Sinai #3

Dear Sinai,

I want to dye my fur, but whenever I try to order from your line of fur dyes, they’re always sold out! What can I do? Please help!

Your #1 Fan

Dear #1,

    Wow! Thanks for the great letter! I love knowing that so many people love me and my line of products! You are an amazing fan. Thanks for trying to purchase my fur dyes (I already knew they were popular, but I didn’t know just how much). It really means a lot to me. I bet you think that I am the most beautiful of all of my siblings. Well, you’re correct. Some people have been arguing that Swanyuck, my sister who lives with me, is actually not as ugly as I portray, which is ridiculous. Thanks for seeing the truth. You’re really helping my cause. Would you like to join my fan club? (I bet you already have. :) You’ll only be the 109, 249, 589, 109, 120, 918, 091, 932, 809, 478, 492, 847th member (and no, to all critics, I did not randomly punch the keyboard to look popular), but every member is beloved to me. I really care about you guys, you know. It’s my fanbase that makes me such a popular leader. I mean, Soigné tried to be a universal leader (like me), but since no one liked her, she failed. But everyone loves me, naturally, which is why I’m so successful. And because I know you guys love me so much, I’m going to attach a signed photo of me for everyone to this post.

signed photo

There you go. :) Have I forgot anything? Let’s see, I thanked you for being an awesome fan of me. I attached a signed photo for everyone who loves me. I told you a little story about my sister. I think I answered your question. (What was it again?) I told you how much you meant to me. Hmmm…I don’t think so. I did everything I needed to! :) Don’t forget to tell all your friends to become my fans or they die.

– Sinai the Great

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The Book of Sinai Entry #1

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I just got home from a photoshoot, and I feel horrible! Apparently my sister, Soigné, sneaked into the pictures, so now those are ruined. (She is the big white blob in the background. I didn’t notice her until it was too late to get a redo.) I can’t show them to all my many friends (like Ianis, Negev, and myself) without them asking why I, the esteemed and distinguished Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything, let my shameful, immature, and disrespectful sister get in on the action. Then, when I say that she just snook right in without me noticing and made herself at home, they’ll think of me as weak and pathetic because I let my annoying and irritating (yet usually lovable) sibling get away with the equivalent of bloody murder (a.k.a. dropping in on my photoshoot), and they will no longer desire being my friends. (They are good friends. But everyone knows you can’t be friends with someone who let their sister be part of her photoshoot. It’s just… I can’t even express how distasteful it is to allow your sister to be in a photoshoot. I think I’d rather run around public with my fur shaven off that have to live through this entire experience again.) I can’t be a powerful and beloved leader without having friends. (Which I won’t have after this.) If you don’t have friends, then you look antisocial, and being a world universal leader means you have to interact with other universal leaders (actually, to be honest, I am the only universal leader that I have met, and, I suspect, also the only one in existence), which means you have to be social. And if I don’t look social because my friends abandoned me for a totally acceptable reason, no one’s going to want me to be a universal leader anymore (which is my passion and my calling) because it will appear that I am incapable of socially interacting. If I’m not a universal leader, then the best I will be able to do with everyone knowing that I failed to be the Divine Ruler of Everything because I let my sister intefere will be a homeless rat that can’t even afford a piece of carboard to make a sign with. I don’t even know if I could manage that. I most definitely won’t be able to go into a soup kitchen without some rat shouting out that I am the shamed former Divine Ruler of Everything and causing me extreme humiliation. It will be an awful and pathetic life, all because my sister decided one day to sneak into my photoshoot! Even Soigné, the very reason why I will be demoted to such a lowly position in the social ladder, will be higher up than me, and that is just unthinkable! I tremble thinking about it! In fact, if I do become homeless, then even my astounding beauty will be diluted. I won’t be able to afford getting my fur done even once a year, so even my attractive and stylish fur will look straggly! Just think of that– my sister probably intruded into my photoshoot because she is so jealous of my beauty. You know, that’s probably it. She knows she’ll never be nearly as beautiful as me, but she knows that she can get pretty close if I end up on the streets with unevenly cut fur and dandruff. (And that’s why you should never trust your siblings.) I wouldn’t put it past her. She is pretty cunning and can think of some plans that even I would consider clever. And I am, like, a genius (to be modest). So thanks, a lot, Soigné. You ruined my entire future just because you thought it would be funny to intrude upon my photoshoot.

~ Sinai the Great, Divine Ruler of Everything ~

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